by Dee J. Stone
I glance at Gran. She’s got her hands clutched together in her lap. Eyes hold a hint of sadness. She was supportive of Gramps’ career since his first deployment. Because she loves him.
Gramps swallows as he looks at Gran with nothing but love, awe, and appreciation. I think I see his eyes tear up a bit. “You know the sacrifices we each had to make, honey,” he says to Mom. “Don’t make this about yourself.”
Mom shakes her head and storms out of the room.
The room gets dead silent. Rey blinks at me.
Dad clears his throat. “How about we go out for breakfast?”
***
A knock on my door. I pull out my earbuds and pause my game. “Come in.”
Gramps peeks his head inside. The rest of his body follows. I see the uniforms in his arms. My gut drops a little.
He lays them on my bed and sits down on the edge. “How are you holding up?”
Mom didn’t want to join us for breakfast. We didn’t enjoy it much, anyway. When we got back, she was gone. Left to do some shopping. Gramps and Gran have been resting for a few hours. Dad’s watching TV. Rey went out. Not sure with who, but I hope to hell it’s not Nate and his damn friends.
“I’m good,” I tell him.
“Good. Because I want you to understand that you shouldn’t let anyone sway your decision. I don’t feel right telling you to go against your mom’s wishes, but she doesn’t know the fire that burns in your eyes. You’ll make a hell of a sailor.”
I don’t know how right he is. I’m not one to follow rules easily or let people tell me what to do. I imagine it would be different in the Navy, though. Because it’d be something I want to do.
“Doesn’t matter. I’m not joining.”
“Cruiser.”
“It’s not ‘cuz of Mom.”
He nods slowly. “I’d say your decision has a lot to do with a lovely young lady named Lex Woods.”
I don’t say anything. Don’t want to make it seem like she’s holding me back. Because she’s not.
“Military wives struggle with this all the time. They understand the commitment and dedication we have to our country. They are our support, our backbones. Without them, we would be lost.”
“I just don’t…” I shake my head.
“You can talk to me. I’m probably the only one who understands what you’re going through. Remember, I was young and in love, too.”
“Yeah.” I puff out some air. “I can’t imagine doing that to her.”
“A good wife stands by her husband’s side.”
“Whoa, wife.”
He chuckles. “Sorry. A good girlfriend stands by her man’s side.”
“Lex is a good girlfriend. She’s great.”
“I don’t doubt she is.”
“Lex isn’t talking me out of this. I think she still thinks I’m joining.”
Gramps nods slowly again.
“I can’t get this image out of my head. Of me running off to sea and leaving her there in tears. All alone. I see her watching other couples sitting together in a café, catching a movie.” I puff out some more air. “I was so determined to join a few months ago because I wanted to run. But now that I have Lex…”
Gramps pats my knee. “Is she the only thing holding you back? What about your parents? Rey?”
I swallow. “I assumed Rey would be off at some music academy a million miles away.” But he dropped out. Ran home because he missed everything. Missed me. I never considered how my joining the Navy would affect him. Guess I figured we wouldn’t be as tight when I get to that point.
Gramps taps my thigh again. “You have a lot to think about, but you have some time. Talk to Lex and see how she feels. It would be a shame to throw away a dream.”
“Mom would say you shouldn’t throw away anything for a girl. And that a girl shouldn’t throw anything away for a guy.”
Gramps leans forward. “Your mom was never much of a romantic.” He runs his hand down the uniforms. “Keep them.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah. I hoped I would have a grandchild I could dump them on.”
Makes me smile. “Thanks for the talk, Gramps. Kinda miss your boring lectures.”
He laughs. “And I miss your annoying questions that kept me up all night.”
That makes me smile more.
“You’ve changed for the better since you first dropped in New York. I’m proud of you, Cruiser.”
“Thanks.”
Chapter Fourteen
Lex
My head is on Cruiser’s lap while my legs rest against the wall of his room. We’re on his bed, trying to get some studying done. But somehow, the conversation took a turn toward Rey.
“I spoke to a girl in my psych class today,” I tell him. “Melody Hewitt. She might be Rey’s type. She’s part of a million clubs, so that shows she’s ambitious, and she loves classical music.”
Cruiser runs his fingers through my hair.
“Cruise?”
“What? Sorry, darlin’.”
I sit up. “You okay?”
He sighs before rolling off the bed and heading to the closet. When he opens it, my eyes immediately catch sight of what looks like a Navy captain’s uniform.
“From your grandfather?” I ask.
He nods.
I bounce on the bed. “Can you try one on? You’ll look so sexy.”
He smiles sadly and sits back down on the bed.
“What’s wrong?” I raise my hand to his face and stroke his cheek.
“Not sure I want to join.”
“What? You mean, the Navy? Why? It’s been your dream since—”
“My tenth birthday. I know.”
His eyes look pained. I wish I could chase away whatever hurt he’s feeling now. “So what’s wrong?” I ask softly.
He drops his eyes to his bed before slowly lifting them to my face. “Lex?”
“Yeah?”
“You think we’ll be together forever?”
A lump forms in my throat and tears prick my eyes. Why’s he asking me that? Does he want to break up?
His face suddenly changes and he envelops me in his arms. “Damn, I didn’t mean for it to come out like that. What I meant to say is that I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
Relief washes over me. The tears drip down my cheeks, but they’re tears of relief and joy. “You scared me,” I say with a laugh.
He kisses my temple. “Sorry, T. Rex. Guess I’ve been wondering…thinking about the future.”
“Okay.”
He looks at the closet, at the uniforms hanging in there. “I can’t do that to you.”
“Do what?”
“I love you too much. I wouldn’t want you to live that kind of life.”
“Cruiser.” I cup my hand on his cheek and turn his face so our eyes meet. “I don’t understand what you’re trying to say.”
He tugs me closer to his chest and backs up, until he hits the wall. With his lips on the side of my face, he murmurs, “I can’t join the Navy.”
I pull out of the hug so I can look him full in the face. “Cruise, of course you can join. I don’t understand—”
“I can’t just leave you like that. See the tears in your eyes when I say goodbye. See you only months at a time.”
“Cruiser.” I take his hands in mine. “Listen to me. I love you. I’ll love you for the rest of my life. You’re my soul mate. I want you to be happy. I’m ready and willing to sacrifice everything for you.”
He shakes his head. “I can’t.”
“Please listen to me. I mean what I say. I want you to join the Navy. I’m willing to live that kind of lifestyle.”
He turns away from me.
I crawl closer and wrap my arms around him from behind, burying my face in the side of his neck. “We’ll figure it out. We have our whole lives ahead of us. We’ll have ups and downs, obstacles we’ll have to overcome. But as long as we have each other’s love and support, we’ll be okay.”
/>
He raises his hand to my head and caresses my hair.
I shift on the bed until I’m in front of him. “Don’t give up on your dream because of me. You didn’t let me quit on dance. I won’t let you quit on the Navy.”
Tears enter his eyes. He takes me in his arms and falls down on the bed with me on top of him. His lips close over mine, and I can feel his desperation and indecision in his kisses. When our mouths come apart, he says, “This is what I want every day, T. Rex. To be able to hold you.”
My fingers comb through his hair. I tug on a few strands as he lowers his lips to my collarbone and plants tiny kisses on my skin. “We don’t have to figure it out now,” I say. “We have time.”
He brings his lips back to mine and whispers between kisses, “I want…to come with you to New York. You’ll be in Juilliard and on Broadway. I don’t care what I’ll do. Wait tables, drive the subway. I’ll follow you to the moon. I can’t do that if I’m in the Navy, stationed who knows where. I’ll be away most of the year.” He rakes his hands through his hair. “I don’t know if I can do it.”
“We’ll figure it out, baby. Don’t worry.”
He rests his forehead against mine. “You’re my dream now. You’re the only one I want.”
There’s finality to his tone, like he made up his mind and nothing anyone says could change it.
“You can’t give up on your dream because of me,” I say, fresh tears pricking my eyes. “I won’t let you.”
“Lex—”
“Please, Cruiser. I know how much you love the Navy. If you throw your dream away because of me, I’ll break up with you.”
His hands loosen from around me. He gently pushes me back and looks at me. “What?”
I rub my forehead. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just don’t—”
“W…why would you say that?”
I cover my face. “I’m sorry. That didn’t come out right. I just meant that it’ll devastate me if you don’t join the Navy.”
When I lower my hands from my face, I find him gazing at me. His face is creased with pain and betrayal. It makes my stomach spin around. I reach for his hand. “Cruiser.”
He slowly gets up and walks to the window, looking out. “Everything I do, every choice I make, is because of you. I push your needs before mine.”
I swallow as my heart spins around more violently. “I know.”
He faces me. “The dreams I had as a kid don’t mean that much to me anymore. Not when I have something so much more important in my life.”
“You don’t have to give up any of your dreams,” I say in a pleading tone. “How do you think it’ll make me feel once we graduate and you follow me as I live my dream? You want to put my needs before yours, but you know something, Cruiser? I want to push yours before mine, too.”
He shakes his head.
“You’ll regret it for the rest of your life,” I say. “You’ll beat yourself up over it, resent yourself, and maybe even me. I don’t want you to have any regrets.”
He presses his face into his arm. “You don’t get it, Lex—”
“Of course I do. We’ll make it work. We’ll figure it out. Don’t make any final decisions. Please.”
He goes back to the window and peers out. We don’t say anything for the next few minutes. He keeps his eyes on whatever’s going on outside and I watch him.
Finally, I head over to him. “We don’t have to worry about any of that now. We have a year.”
Even as I say those words, my throat gets dry. A year is not a lot of time. If I get the dance scholarship and get into Juilliard, I’m going to spend the next four years in New York. If I land a job on Broadway, my career will start. If Cruiser were to come with me, I don’t think I’d be able to live with myself, knowing he sacrificed his dream for mine. But if he were to enlist in the Navy, I know I’d be in for a hard life. And deep down, I’m not so sure I’m cut out for it. I’ve always pushed it aside when the thought entered my head, but I can’t push it away anymore.
Chapter Fifteen
Cruiser
I walk into the kitchen the next morning. Mom’s working on something at the stove. Smells like pancakes, but it doesn’t look like it. When she sees me eyeing the frying pan, she laughs. “I’m trying to recreate your Gran’s famous pancakes.” She nods at the recipe scribbled on a piece of paper. “I’ve made some killer pancakes in the past, but the ingredients she puts in here…” She rubs her forehead.
I smile. When I was living with Gran and Gramps, they were up at the crack of dawn. Yeah, minor exaggeration, but they were up pretty early. Gran made those crazy-as-hell-amazing pancakes every morning. I can almost taste them.
“There’s no beating Gran,” I say. “Are she and Gramps up yet?”
Mom’s focus is on the recipe. “Not yet. They probably won’t be up for a while.”
I guess they don’t need to set an example for a troubled youth anymore, so they can sleep in. Too bad—I would have liked to see them before I head off to school.
“I’ll grab some toast,” I tell Mom.
“Okay. But I swear I’ll get this recipe down before your Gran wakes up.”
I make myself toast and wish Mom a good day. Dad must have left already. I don’t see Rey anywhere. He never came late to school in the past. I look at the stairs. Strain my ears to hear movement. I’m about to get up there and wake his ass up, but I see him head for the bathroom. It feels like the whole world let out a breath with me.
I wait for Lex outside. We haven’t talked much since she left after our Navy conversation. We’re not pissed at each other, but we didn’t part on the greatest terms. I wish I didn’t bring it up. Don’t know why I did. I knew she’d try to get me to change my mind and join. Because she knows it’s what I want. What I wanted.
I don’t want to think about things like that. My future, school, life. I want to live in the moment. Share my time with the girl I love. Especially now that a special day is coming up.
The door to the Woods’ house opens. Lex steps out. As soon as she sees me, she rushes over and flings her arms around me. I squeeze her close, burying my face in her hair.
“I’m sorry—”
“No.” I pull back and put my finger on her lips. “Forget about yesterday. We never had that conversation.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah. Maybe we can have it a different time. When I’m ready to talk about it.”
She nods.
“Besides,” I say, throwing my arm around her. “We can’t be upset with each other when we got a special day coming up.”
She looks up at me. Surprised. Pleased. “You remembered?”
“Why are you so shocked?”
“No, I’m not. I just…okay, maybe a little. I didn’t think you’d remember or celebrate it.”
“You kidding? Our one-month anniversary? If I was able to, I’d celebrate us every day.”
She smiles. “That means a lot to me, Cruiser.” She stands on her tippy toes to plant a kiss on my lips.
“I got something special planned,” I say, leading her to my bike. I hand her the spare helmet. “Think you can come over to my house tomorrow night at eight?”
“Of course.”
“Wear something nice.”
Her eyebrows shoot up. “Oh?”
I run an imaginary zipper across my lips.
She laughs and hugs me. “I’m so excited.”
***
Rey’s in his room when I get home from work. Playing a video game. I pull a chair next to him and drop a piece of paper on his desk.
He glances at it for a second before focusing on his game. “What’s that?”
“The number to a hot girl who’s in Lex’s psych class. Melody Hewitt.”
“You trying to set me up?”
“Didn’t you say you wanted a girl?”
He snorts. “I can get my own date.”
“Hear me out. She’s into classical music. Loves to hear the violin.”
His ears perk up.
“She’s part of a shit-ton of extracurricular activities. Just like you.”
“Not part of any clubs.”
“What?”
He shrugs. “Haven’t joined any since I got back.”
“Why not? I bet the debate team and orchestra and law club miss your ass.”
I get a small smile.
“I gotta join some clubs, too. Mom’s orders.”
He snorts again. “Who’d want a screw-up like you?”
I hit the back of his head. “Lex told Melody about you. She seems interested.”
Rey pauses the game and gives me his full attention. “She is?”
“Yeah. Quit wearing those clothes and you might get yourself a girlfriend.”
He’s staring at the screen, wheels turning.
I get up and slap his back. “Gotta do my homework.” I point to his books stacked on his desk. “I suggest you do the same.”
“Whatever, Dad.”
“Rey, I mean it.”
“Okay. Geez.”
Rey’s never had to be told to do his homework. His behavior has improved the past couple of days, and I haven’t seen him hanging out with Nate and those losers. But a little voice in my head tells me not to breathe a sigh in relief just yet. I got to keep my eye sharp and look out for him. Make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid.
Chapter Sixteen
Lex
I have the perfect dress to wear tonight. I open my closet and there it is, shining like it’s in the spotlight. It’s the sunlight reflecting off the sequins, making it look like small crystals. The color is light blue. The dress dips a little at the neckline and reaches just above my thighs.
After dressing, I stand in front of the mirror and twirl around. I hope this one meets tonight’s requirement. My heart beats with anticipation and thrill. Cruiser and my one-month-anniversary.
I feel a little nervous to wear it in front of him. He’s seen me in these kinds of dresses before, when I wore them to Rey’s recitals, but it’s different. Now that we’re a couple, there are things that make me feel uneasy. Like how I wear my makeup or do my hair, how I talk and laugh, what I say and how I eat. What I wear. I know Cruiser doesn’t care about that stuff. I know he loves me for me. But I also know guys, and guys care about how their girlfriends look. And I can’t ignore the little voice in my head that constantly reminds me that Cruiser’s been with other girls. Other hot girls. He’s told me many times that I shouldn’t feel like I need to measure up to them because they didn’t mean anything to him, but I can’t help it.