Deep down I knew, if I truly desired it, David and Marcus and I could be lovers. David had let me know long ago he was open to that prospect. I just needed to walk us through that door. But it was Gee we were taking home tonight. And from the look I’d glimpsed in Marcus’s eyes, I knew I wasn’t being a nice guy at all.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Life is a Carnival
Late in August, David and I took a streetcar to the Ex where we met up with Pat and his date Nadia in the early evening. Thrusting out a bag of Tiny Tom’s donuts, Pat asked if I remembered Nadia; we’d all met years ago at Sneaky Dee’s. Beneath the kaleidoscopic Zipper, Nadia and I regarded one another. Why yes, Pat, I replied, taking a donut, we did remember each other. Nadia and I shook hands, and I introduced her to David. Nadia was wearing a ball cap, torn jeans, and a black T-shirt emblazoned with Ashley MacIsaac’s fiery golden face. It wasn’t quite so dramatic as Olivia Newton John’s transformation in Grease, but it was still remarkable to me.
We roamed the colourful chaos of the midway, amidst the bells, screaming and whistles, the whirling lights, the smells of caramel corn, waffles and cotton candy. We rode the Polar Express (David crushed into me), the Sizzler, and Crazy Mouse Roller Coaster (which left my shoulder bruised). It was only after being rear-ended repeatedly by kids driving bumper cars that Nadia and I opted out of the rides. As David and Pat ran off to line-up for the Mach 3, I heard someone shouting my name. It was Megan and Charles in matching Blue Jays jerseys on the Sky Ride passing overhead. Nadia and I both waved back.
“Do you think,” Nadia said as we settled on a bench to wait for David and Pat, “Pat and Blonde Dawn might get back together again?”
“I have no idea,” I said. “She’s agreed to stay on as manager of Three Dog Run until they find a replacement. Pat’s writing a lot of new music and the band’s really starting to get popular. But no, I don’t think they’re getting back together. He’s on a date with you, isn’t he? How’d you manage that, anyway?”
“I went to his workplace.”
“His workplace?”
“I waited until one of his classes ended,” Nadia said, “and we ‘bumped’ into each other. I told him I was looking into doing some teaching myself.”
“One of his classes?”
“At the Hansa Language Centre. He teaches English as a second language. Daniel, you knew that.”
“Um, yeah. For sure.” I vaguely recalled Pat had been certified years ago as an ESL instructor. He’d mention teaching off and on, along with some private tutoring. But Pat seemed perpetually broke so I’d never thought it amounted to much. Conversations with Pat always turned to what was happening with Three Dog Run. “How did you know he worked there?”
“It’s on his band’s website,” Nadia said. “He writes about it in his biography.”
I handed her my whiskey flask. “Right.”
“Pat’s been a teacher at Hansa for years. He’s quite popular. His students love him.”
“He told you that?”
“He didn’t have to.” Discreetly, Nadia took a sip and returned my flask. “I saw the way they interact with him. I think half the girls are in love with him, and half the secretarial staff.”
“Okay. That sounds like Pat.”
“He wears a shirt and tie.”
“What?”
“Pat, when he teaches, he wears a shirt and tie.”
“Is that the dress code?”
“No, not at all. I saw some of the other instructors, and they were all dressed more casually. I asked Pat about it and he said he just likes wearing a tie and carrying a briefcase.”
I was at a loss for words. I tried to picture Pat in a tie with a briefcase. This was the same guy who’d wear nothing but a sock performing with his high school band Krypton back in the day. This was the same guy who got picked up wandering barefoot through the Chihuahuan Desert after Burning Man.
Pat and David appeared, dishevelled and laughing. “That,” David exclaimed, clutching my arm, “was awesome! You guys are totally missing out.”
Pat still had a long string of tickets left over, and Nadia suggested we meet up in an hour at the Food Building in front of the 99-cent spaghetti stand.
“You sure about that?” Pat asked. “You don’t mind?”
“I don’t mind,” Nadia said, hooking her arm around mine. “Do any of you boys mind?”
“Ooh,” David said, “can we all get BeaverTails later?”
“Yes, David,” Nadia said, “we can all get BeaverTails.”
Pat and David stared at each other. “You know what this means?” The two high-fived and fist bumped. “It’s Mega Drop time!” The two ran off again through the crowd.
“Did you know,” I said, “one of the most popular events at Burning Man is The Great Canadian Beaver Eating Contest?”
“Is that,” Nadia said, “what I’m imagining it is?”
“Only couples are allowed to participate.”
“Did Pat tell you about this?”
“You know he did.”
“Did he take part?”
“He never went into much detail and I never asked. That and something called The Orgy Dome.” I looked at Nadia. “You sure you want to be dating my brother?”
“Your brother,” Nadia said, “has many sides to him. Doesn’t David?”
We strolled arm-in-arm toward the Food Building around a line-up of people buying corn dogs and candy apples. A girl in a wheelchair passed by with a gigantic yellow Pikachu twice her size in her lap.
“David’s not that complicated,” I said. “I think that’s why we get along so well.”
“Daniel, people are always complicated. Some are just more open about it than others. Pat’s open. He’ll answer any question I ask, as honestly as he can. That’s worth something to me.”
It was true Pat was unfiltered. If he said or did things that seemed outrageous, it was only because others were afraid to say or do the same. Once in high school, he’d told Mr. Van Dyck right in front of the entire chemistry class to stop staring at Janet Leibowitz’s boobs.
“David and I are honest with each other,” I said.
“I never said you weren’t. I apologize if it came across that way. All I’m saying is, I can trust Pat.”
“My brother Pat?”
“That’s right. I can trust Pat to be himself.”
“Hey buddy,” a voice barked. “Hey, buddy!” A greasy-haired carny was waving me over to his game booth. “Win your girlfriend a prize! Five-bucks-three-throws. Hey little lady, y’think your boyfriend here can win ya a prize? C’mon, buddy, five-bucks-three-throws.”
I kept walking, but Nadia opened her purse.
“Whoa, Nadia,” I said, “I play hockey, I don’t shoot hoops.”
“Daniel.” Nadia made a face. She passed a bill over to the carny and positioned herself in front of the basketball nets.
“The trick is,” she said, “a high arc with a lot of back spin.” Her first throw rattled off the rim, but her second was a perfect swish. Coolly, she handed me her third ball. “Don’t try rebounding; the backboard’s made of plywood and extra springy.”
Taking aim, I tossed the ball high as instructed. To my own shock, it dropped in neatly.
“And we have a winner,” the carny announced. “Two out of three, we have a winner!” He winked at me and handed Nadia a large orange monkey. “Who’s gonna be getting some tonight?”
“Um, we’re not together,” I said. “We’re just friends.” But the carny had already begun roping in other passers-by. After that, Nadia asked if we could take a detour and I followed her through the crowds. When I asked how she knew so much about the midway games, she took out some tickets. “I’ll tell you if you come on one last ride with me.” I looked up, following her luminous gaze. We were standing in front of the Ferris wheel.
We joined the line and eventually took our seats. With a lurch, the earth fell away. All around us, the CNE grounds pulsated and sparkled, a thou
sand points of light. As we lifted skyward, the tumult of humanity took on a distant, ethereal quality.
Nadia pointed. “See the new BMO Field? That’s where the CNE Grandstand used to be. Back in ‘93, Pearl Jam opened for Neil Young there. I’d have loved to have seen that concert.”
“No kidding.”
“The story goes, after the show Mr. Vedder and Mr. Young rode the Ferris wheel together. I always wondered what they spoke about while they were up here, taking in the sights.”
“Nadia, how do you know all this?”
“I follow rock bands.” Nadia held the monkey’s hand and gazed across the midway. “It’s something of a hobby of mine.” The stars and faraway carnival lights illuminated her face. “Also, I used to date a carny who worked for Conklin Shows. I met him here at the CNE. He was the most beautiful boy you could imagine, like a young Hayden Christensen or Taylor Kitsch. The first time I saw him, he was wearing a crop top and a ball cap, with a cigarette tucked behind one ear. He just smiled at me and asked if I wanted to shoot a gun. It was only an air gun, but I was sixteen and I’d never held one, so he hopped the counter and showed me how. It was that game where you shoot out the star on the paper. I didn’t come close, but he gave me the biggest prize anyway. I was there with my girlfriends and they teased me about it the rest of the night.
“The next day, I went back on my own. When he finished his shift, he invited me to his trailer where he had cold beer in a cooler. I gave my virginity to that boy. After that, we saw each other every night for a week. It was the single great romance of my life. Then the Ex packed up and he left town. For a while, I’d receive postcards every few months, but then they stopped coming. I went back the next year and asked about him. Eventually, someone took me aside and told me he’d died in a bar fight out west, at the Calgary Stampede.”
“Oh shit, Nadia. I’m so sorry to hear that.”
“A few years later, I spotted him operating the Duck Pond Game.”
“What?”
“When I went up and spoke to him, he pretended he didn’t know me. He said he’d hit his head a while back and didn’t remember a lot of things. That may well have been the truth. But I knew he remembered me. What I couldn’t understand right away was why he kept insisting he didn’t. It was humiliating.”
“That was an asshole thing for him to do.”
“You misunderstand. He didn’t mean to be cruel. He was ashamed. He was humiliated to be seen by me. He knew he wasn’t beautiful anymore. He was missing teeth and he’d gained a lot of weight. His nose looked like it’d been broken more than once, and he had a limp. But in that moment, if he’d asked me to go back with him to his trailer, I would have. He couldn’t understand what I still saw in him, because he could no longer see it in himself.”
“So, what happened?”
“I asked when his shift was done, but he wouldn’t tell me. He told me to leave him alone. I only left after he threatened to have security escort me out.”
“Whoa.”
Nadia bowed her head. “I never saw him again.”
“But you still come back to the CNE.”
“Of course I do.” She smiled. “I’ve been coming to the midway since I was a little girl. It’s magical here. One day I’ll bring my own daughter or son. It’s always held a special place in my heart. It always will. I even fell in love with a carny once.”
After a few more turns, the ride ended and we disembarked. When we reached the Food Building, we sat outside the entrance on the wide steps with the big orange monkey between us.
“I can’t say whether I’ll be with your brother the rest of my life,” Nadia said. “But for now, it’s what I desire, and I’m happy to be here. I’m walking into this with eyes wide open. You don’t have to worry about me.”
A vendor passed by pushing a cart piled high with gaudy plastic toys blinking and flashing in the dark.
“You should come up,” I said, “for Christmas in Sudbury. It’s not that far. David will be there. You can meet Grandpa and Liam. I can introduce you to Karen.”
“Well, if Pat invites me, that would be something to consider.”
“I’m counting on it.”
“That’s not for many months, Daniel. Let’s just see where this fall takes us.”
I stood up and held out my hand. “My turn. You’re coming with me.”
“Where are we going?”
“Inside. We’ll have BeaverTails with the guys later. But right now, Nadia, we are paying a visit to the Cake Shack.”
And so we did.
Late one evening, I sat down to study at the kitchen table. I was working my rotation in emergency medicine, and it’d been a gruelling thirteen-hour day on my feet. One patient shouting “nigger” and “faggot” at the top of his lungs assaulted a nurse (and spat in my face), security had called 911, and I’d needed to file an incident report. I’d drunk way too much coffee and I could feel a headache coming on, like a crack forming in an ice sheet. I heard the rattle of keys and David walked through the door. He’d been out for dinner with Luke, just back from Italy.
David kicked off his shoes, said hi, sank into the couch and started perusing a magazine. He knew not to interrupt me when I was studying, but this time I set down my highlighter and pushed away my textbook.
“So how’s Luke?” I asked.
“What?”
“How was Luke’s time in Italy?”
“He had a good time.” David picked up another magazine.
“And how’s your mom settling in?”
“Great. Ma and Nicoli just opened her new art gallery. It’s a big success. Luke says everyone’s doing great. Antonio says hi.”
“Your mom was going to exhibit some of his work, wasn’t she?”
“Yeah, she did. She also got him to take a photography course. Now, everyone’s getting ready for the olive harvest. Antonio’s good.”
Something wasn’t right. I closed my textbook. “And how was Ai Chang’s visit?” Luke’s girlfriend had gone to visit him in August. Over the course of their relationship, it seemed those two spent more time apart than together, but somehow they made it work.
“Ai Chang’s been to Italy before. Luke says the whole family made her feel really welcome. Apparently, her Italian’s better than mine.”
“What? Really?”
“She’s been taking classes for years. She can speak four languages: Mandarin, Cantonese, English and Italian.”
“I’m impressed.”
“Daniel.” David put down the magazine. “There’s something I need to tell you.”
Then I knew something was wrong. “What is it? What happened? What’s going on?”
“It’s complicated.”
“Okay.” I sat back in my chair. “Tell me.”
David’s eyes were puffy. “I’m not sure where to start.”
“Just tell me.”
“Remember Silvia Sabatini?”
“The girl you made out with in Balestrate?”
“You remember that.”
“The neighbour’s granddaughter. Of course, I do. A bunch of you visited that nude beach last summer. It was supposed to be a day trip, but you ended up renting motel rooms. Antonio had a crush on her.”
“Yeah, he did.”
“Did something happen to her?”
“No. I mean, she’s fine. She’s okay.”
“Alright.”
“When Ai Chang visited this summer, those two really hit it off. They became like best girlfriends.”
“Okay.”
David pulled his knees up under his chin. “Ai Chang’s leaving the ballet school. She’s signed a contract with Club Monaco. It’s only an entry level position for now. But she’s set to be making a lot of money.”
“No kidding. Good for her.”
“Once her career gets going, she and Luke are hoping to raise a family.”
“Wow. They’re really that serious?”
“Yeah, they are. So, at some point Ai Chang and Silv
ia get to talking about kids. Then Silvia takes her to this church and shows her a gravesite. It’s tiny. It’s just a small plaque in the ground.”
“Okay.”
“She tells her she had a miscarriage, back in January.”
“Oh. I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Luke says miscarriages are common.” David picked at a tear in his jeans. “Is that true?”
“I guess you could say that.” I didn’t quite entirely grasp yet where this was going. But my hands were starting to feel numb.
“People,” David said, “don’t talk about these things.”
“No, they don’t.”
“She really wanted to have this baby. That was her plan.”
“David.”
“She was already nineteen weeks in when it happened. She wanted a proper burial. It was important to her.” His cheeks were flushed, his eyes wet. “Cemeteries have areas set aside for these kinds of things.”
“David. What are you saying?”
“She was ready to be a single mom. She wasn’t ever going to tell me. That’s what she told Ai Chang.”
“And Ai Chang told Luke.”
David nodded.
“David. Last year, when I asked if anything had happened in Italy, you told me you’d kissed a girl.”
“I did kiss a girl.”
Tales from the Bottom of My Sole Page 26