by Ryk Brown
Connor wanted to turn around and march back up the ramp to his ship, fire up its engines, and jump away from this place…perhaps from this entire region of space, never to be seen again. But he could not. Although he still hadn’t made up his mind, whatever he decided, he owed the face-to-face delivery to Jessica and General Telles.
He made his way across the ramp, pausing as vehicles drove across his path. There were hundreds of people, both Ghatazhak and Burgean civilians alike, working at a near-frantic pace to get the Ghatazhak, their equipment, and their families, to another world, one further removed.
But would it be far enough?
The advent of the jump drive had been an undeniable boon to the worlds of the Pentaurus sector, and beyond. Before the jump drive, the interaction between worlds as far as Burgess was an annual event, at best. Even within the Pentaurus sector, such interaction was only a few times per year. But with the jump drive, such interaction occurred on a daily basis. Some of the more popular worlds saw arrivals and departures of jump-enabled transports several times per day. It was rumored that, within the Pentaurus cluster, one could visit every world within the cluster in a single day, assuming they had the means to pay for such passage. In the short, eight and a half years since the fall of the Ta’Akar Empire, the economic structure of the cluster had completely transformed. Economies were no longer tied only to a single world, or system. Now, the economies of multiple systems were not only bound together, but also dependent upon one another to survive. The agricultural world of Ancot in the Savoy system was a prime example. Its production had quadrupled, and it was now the primary source of consumable matter for more than a dozen systems within the Pentaurus sector. It was a delicate balance that was now under threat of destabilization from the Dusahn invasion.
Connor entered the Ghatazhak flight operations office, and immediately found Jessica, General Telles, and Commander Jahal waiting for him.
“Captain,” General Telles greeted.
“General,” Connor replied. He nodded at Jessica and the commander as well.
“Were you able to get some sleep?” the general inquired.
Connor chuckled. “Not enough to matter.”
“Understandable. I imagine it is a difficult decision.”
“You don’t know the half of it,” Connor replied.
“I take it you heard about Ybara?” Jessica wondered.
“Yeah, I did,” Connor replied. “Are you sure about that? I mean, the entire population?”
“It was not just Ybara’s population that was destroyed,” General Telles insisted. “All life, including plants. All buildings, infrastructure…all traces of the Ybaran civilization…gone. Even half the atmosphere has been blown into space. It is now a barren, uninhabitable rock, scorched beyond all recognition. It will take centuries to restore, if ever.”
Connor felt a cold chill go down his spine, as if he had witnessed something terrifying. “Any word on why?”
“The Dusahn released this,” Commander Jahal said, activating his data pad and handing it to the captain.
Connor watched the video of the Ybaran representatives refusing to stand, followed by aerial footage taken by robotic drones in the atmosphere of Ybara, as it was being ravaged by Dusahn energy weapons from orbit. “All this, because two old men refused to show respect for a man they had just met?”
“Precisely,” the general replied.
“It’s unbelievable,” Connor muttered to himself. He looked at Jessica. “Who does such things?”
“The Dusahn do such things,” she replied. “The Jung do such things.”
Connor felt the pit in his stomach growing in size with each passing moment. “And you really believe you can stop them? With a few hundred men, some boxcars, and a couple of modified old interceptors?”
General Telles took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. Then he looked Connor in the eyes as he spoke. “It is true that we may fight and not win. But it is more certain that we will not win, if we do not fight.”
“And you really think that me becoming Nathan Scott will make the difference?”
General Telles recognized that Captain Tuplo’s question was just as much a challenge of that belief. “I only know that it will give us a better chance at victory.”
“I am not a leader,” Connor argued. “I am not Nathan Scott.”
“But you can be,” Jessica insisted. “Don’t you see, Connor? You are the only one who can do it. These people…the people of the Pentaurus sector; they have all heard of Na-Tan. He delivered them from oppression. He gave them the jump drive. He gave them freedom. We think they will believe in him again, and choose to follow him into battle once again.”
“To their deaths, no doubt,” Connor added. “You are asking too much of me,” he said, shaking his head. “You’re asking me to give up everything I know. My ship, my crew, my relatively safe life. All so I can take on the responsibility for hundreds, if not thousands, of lives?”
“We are not proposing an army, Captain,” General Telles pointed out.
“But, if what you say about the Dusahn is true, it will be more than just the lives of those serving under me that I will be responsible for,” Connor argued. “It may very well be the lives of entire populations, just like the Ybarans.”
“I realize it is an incredible responsibility, Captain,” the general assured him.
“No, I don’t think you do, General,” Connor insisted, cutting the general off. “No disrespect intended, but you’re trained to look at things more analytically, and without emotion, are you not?”
“You are correct,” the general admitted. “But I am also trained in human psychology…”
“I’m sorry, but it’s not the same thing.”
“Connor,” Jessica interrupted, “I know the anguish you are feeling over this. Nathan felt the same way. He never wanted to be in command. He just wanted to be one of the guys, doing his job, and enjoying life as best he could. He loathed the responsibilities of command. He absolutely hated it, and he never felt qualified or deserving of such responsibility. But he took it on, nonetheless.”
“Why?” Connor asked.
“Because it was his job,” Jessica replied. “It was what he had sworn to do.”
“That’s it,” Connor declared. “That’s the difference. It’s not my job. I never took such an oath. Maybe Nathan did, but I, Connor Tuplo, did not.”
“She is mistaken,” General Telles said.
“What?” Connor replied.
“I am?” Jessica added.
“It was not his oath that bound him to step up and take command,” General Telles explained. “There were others who could just as easily have taken command, had he declined. But he did not. Nathan Scott did it because it was the right thing to do. It is as simple as that.”
Connor had no response.
“So now, you must ask yourself the same question, Captain,” General Telles continued. “Are you the kind of man who can step up and do the right thing?”
Connor looked at the general, then at Jessica. After a long moment, he sighed. “I’m sorry, I’m not that man. I’m not Nathan Scott, and I’m certainly not Na-Tan.” He could see the disappointment in both their eyes, especially Jessica’s. It pained him greatly to let them both down, since he knew that there had been a special bond between Nathan Scott and both of them. “I’m sorry,” he repeated, as he turned to leave.
Jessica watched in disbelief, as Connor Tuplo, who in her mind was Nathan Scott, disappeared through the doorway, quite possibly leaving her life forever. She turned to look at the general, her eyes welling up with tears. “What do we do now?” she asked in a hoarse whisper.
“Same as we had planned,” the general replied, “only without Nathan.”
CHAPTER THREE
Conn
or walked back across the Ghatazhak ramp, this time paying little attention to the activity around him. Every sight, every sound, every minute spent on this world amongst these people, only reminded him of the guilt he felt from saying no.
Josh, Dalen, Marcus, and Neli all stood in the middle of the Seiiki’s cargo bay, watching Connor as he ascended the ramp.
“How long until we can lift off?” Connor inquired as he reached the top of the ramp.
“Uh, an hour, maybe,” Dalen replied, confused.
Connor stopped to look at his engineer. “Why so long?”
“Uh, cuz I’m calibrating the starboard shield emitters,” Dalen answered. “I didn’t think we’d be going anywhere soon. I can cancel the calibration, if you’d like, Cap’n.”
Connor thought for a moment. “An hour will be fine,” he decided.
“Where we goin’?” Josh asked.
“Rakuen,” Connor replied, as he continued forward.
“That’s in the Rogen sector,” Josh reminded his captain. “That’s two sectors away, Cap’n.”
“I know where it is, Josh,” Connor growled.
“Beg your pardon, Cap’n, but why are we goin’ to Rakuen?” Marcus asked.
“We should be able to pick up some work there, before we head further out,” Connor explained, as he headed up the short ladder to the main deck.
“How far out are we goin’?” Marcus wondered.
“As far away from all of this as we can,” Connor declared, as he topped the ladder.
“Then you’re not gonna…”
Connor turned and cast a menacing glance at Josh, cutting him off mid-sentence. “Become Na-Tan? Of course not. What kind of fool would take on such a suicide mission?” Connor put both hands on the rail, facing aft toward his crew gathered below. “I’m taking the Seiiki as far away from the Dusahn as we can go. There are plenty of inhabited worlds out there, most of which have never even heard of a jump drive. We’ll work them as we work our way across the galaxy.”
“And when do we stop?” Neli wondered.
“When we find a world we truly love,” Connor replied. “One we’re sure we want to settle down on. Then we’ll sell the Seiiki to them, clean up, and we can all retire…in style. Hell, we’ll be heroes without ever even getting shot at.”
“But, Cap’n,” Josh began, only to be interrupted again.
“I know, they’ll still come. The Dusahn, the Jung, the Ta’Akar. It doesn’t matter,” Connor insisted. “Don’t you see, Josh? There will always be someone who wants to rule us all. And there’s nothing we can do to change that. With any luck, if we go far enough out, we can live out our lives in peace, before the Dusahn, or the Jung, or whoever, find us.”
Connor paused, looking at the faces of his crew. They appeared surprised. He knew that they all expected him to stay and help the Ghatazhak fight the Dusahn, although, for the life of him, he couldn’t understand why. “None of you have to come with me,” he sighed. “You can stay here. The Ghatazhak promised they’d provide you safe passage home. Although you may have to wait awhile, considering that they’re in the process of relocation at the moment. I’ll even give you a cut of the credits in the ship’s account. It ain’t much, but it should at least buy anyone who wants to leave a few weeks lodging while you find work.” Connor again scanned their faces, noting their disappointment. “Look, it’s the best I can do. I’m not him. I’m not Nathan Scott.”
“You are, Cap’n,” Marcus disagreed. “We were there when they woke you up. You may not remember that you’re him, but you are.”
“No, I’m not,” Connor insisted angrily. “I’m a fucking copy, and a broken one at that.”
“But they can fix you, Cap’n,” Josh urged.
“So that I can die again?” Connor argued. “For what? So that everyone else can live? What about me? When do I get to live?” Connor threw his arms up in frustration. “We lift off in one hour. Anyone who doesn’t want to go should pack their stuff and be off this ship before then.” Connor shook his head, as he turned to go through the hatch. “That’s the best I can do.”
Josh looked at Marcus in disbelief.
“You all heard the captain,” Marcus said. “If you want off, start packing.”
“What are you going to do?” Neli asked.
“This is my home,” Marcus replied. “And that’s my captain,” he added, pointing toward the hatch that Connor had disappeared through a moment earlier. “The name he goes by makes no difference to me.”
* * *
A tap sounded on Connor’s cabin door.
“Cap’n?” Dalen called from outside.
“Don’t tell me you broke something else, Voss,” Connor chided as he rose from his bunk and made his way to the door.
“No, sir,” Dalen said. “Someone…”
Connor swung the door open.
“…wants to… Uh…” Dalen stepped aside, revealing Jessica standing behind him. “She wanted to see you, Cap’n.”
Connor looked at Jessica, then back at Dalen. “We on schedule for liftoff?”
“Yes, sir,” Dalen assured him.
Connor continued to look at Dalen. “Shouldn’t you go and make sure we stay on schedule?”
“Yes, sir,” Dalen replied, backing away.
Connor returned to his bunk, leaving the door open. “If you’ve come to try and change my mind…”
“Not at all,” Jessica assured him, stepping inside his cabin and closing the door behind her.
“Then why are you here?” Connor asked, not looking at her.
“I just wanted to say goodbye,” Jessica said.
Connor finally looked over at her, if only for a moment.
“Look,” Jessica began, taking a seat at the desk next to his bunk. “I understand why you don’t want to become Nathan again.”
“It’s not again,” Connor reminded her.
“Right.” Jessica took a breath, starting over. “I understand why you don’t want to become Nathan Scott.” A small chuckle escaped her lips. “Hell, Nathan didn’t want to be Nathan Scott. And he certainly never wanted the kind of responsibility he ended up getting. No sane person would. I get that. I really do.”
Connor looked at her again, longer this time. “It’s not that I’m afraid,” Connor insisted. “It’s just that I don’t see it making any real difference in the grand scheme of things.”
Jessica looked puzzled. “How do you mean?”
Connor sat up at the edge of his bed, facing her. “Say I did become Na-Tan, and say we did defeat the Dusahn, or drive them out of the sector, or whatever. In a galaxy with hundreds, if not thousands, of inhabited worlds, there have got to be dozens more just like them. Defeat one, and another will simply take their place, right? I’ve read some history. A lot of what was lost to us out here has made it back into circulation because of the Data Ark, you know. Human history is filled with such stories. Empires rising and falling. Hundreds, thousands, millions, dying because of one man’s twisted vision. Time and time again.” Connor swung his feet back up onto his bunk and leaned back against the headboard. “Seems the smarter play is to stay out of the way of it all.”
Jessica looked down for a moment. “Someone once told me that there were two kinds of people. The ones who help themselves, and the ones who help others.” She looked up at Connor. “Neither is better than the other. They just are who they are. The key to happiness is knowing which kind of person you are, and being able to accept that.”
Connor sighed. “I thought you said you weren’t here to try and change my mind.”
“I’m not, Connor. Really,” Jessica insisted. She reached out and took his hand. “Look, I know you don’t see yourself as Nathan. I get that. But to me, you are Nathan, and you always will be. It’s the only way I can cope
with his death. By believing that he is still alive, in you. And as much as I want him back, the idea that you, Connor Tuplo, will be somewhere out there, living a full and happy life… Well, that works for me, too.”
Jessica reached out with her free hand and touched his cheek. “Goodbye, Connor Tuplo.”
Connor watched as Jessica rose, walked to the door, and without looking back, opened it and disappeared from his life forever.
* * *
Connor stared at the shipboard time display on the wall of his cabin. Fifty-seven……fifty-eight……fifty-nine… He closed his eyes for several seconds, taking slow, measured breaths, as he ran every possible scenario through his head. Staying and becoming Na-Tan. Staying and becoming Nathan Scott, but not playing the role of Na-Tan. Playing the role without becoming Nathan. Becoming Nathan Scott, but still leaving. Despite how wrong it felt, the only smart move seemed to be to leave. The question was, would he be going alone?
He was relatively certain that Marcus would stay aboard, which meant that Neli would likely stay as well. He doubted that Neli felt any loyalty to himself, the Seiiki, or the rest of the crew, and she certainly didn’t care much for Josh. But she seemed to care a great deal for Marcus, and Marcus for her.
Josh, on the other hand, was still a question mark in Connor’s mind. On the one hand, he and Josh had become good friends over the last five years, and Josh had promised to stay on board. But Loki and Josh had known each other a long time, and had been much closer. In addition, Josh always seemed to crave excitement, which was something that life as a cargo ship pilot did not normally provide.
Dalen was a complete mystery. Although somewhat scatterbrained, the young man had proven to be loyal in the past. On more than one occasion, he had stepped up when needed, and was always ready to bring an extra gun into play on those rare occasions where it was needed. But like Josh, Dalen also enjoyed excitement. And young men such as Josh and Dalen often believed themselves invincible. The romantic notion of joining a rebellion might be more than Dalen could resist.