Laughing, he ripped the gift-wrap and held out the package for Jerica to finish the job. Inside the box, nestled in white tissue paper, was a set of wind chimes fashioned with a pinecone motif. He held them up, and Jerica batted at them gently. They sounded a lovely and haunting melody.
“I hope your neighbors won’t mind,” Melanie said, “But I remember you said you’d always liked wind chimes.”
He didn’t recall when he had told her that, but it was true, and he was touched that she remembered. “Thank you, Melanie.”
Jerica gave him a special birthday card she’d made herself. Joel hid a smile as he opened the envelope. The card must have contained half a pound of glitter and nearly that much Elmer’s glue.
Melanie sent all but two small slices of the birthday cake home with him. He drove back to his apartment with a car full of goodies and a heart overflowing with love.
For the first time, the tenth of May seemed like a day he could truly celebrate.
The July sun beat down on the dusty baseball diamond, and the sweaty little girls in the outfield shaded their eyes against its glare.
“Go, Comets!” Melanie yelled from the bleachers. “Get ready, Jerica! Batter’s up.”
From her spot in left field, Jerica brushed off her mother’s words with a wave of her glove.
Sitting beside Melanie in the stands, Joel shouted, “Back up a little, Jer. This one’s a slugger, remember?”
Jerica flashed him an ear-to-ear grin and promptly took three steps backward.
“Oh, brother!” Melanie rolled her eyes in Joel’s direction. In truth, she was thrilled that Jerica was so obviously proud to have Joel there watching her play.
A ponytailed batter stepped up to the tee and wound up the miniature bat as though this were the majors. She took one mighty swing, and the ball sailed over the third baseman’s head straight toward Jerica.
Joel leapt from the stands and started yelling. “Catch it, Jerica! You got it, babe. Get under it! Get under it!”
The ball dropped in front of the droopy glove and bounced out of reach. By the time Jerica chased the ball down and got it back to the pitcher, the home-run batter was exchanging high-fives with the rest of her team in the dugout.
The game went downhill from there, and it was a dejected five-year-old who climbed into the backseat of Joel’s car at the end of the afternoon.
Joel helped Jerica with her seat belt, then knelt by the open door. “Hey, sport, tough luck, huh?”
“I stink,” she pouted, arms folded tightly in front of her.
“Hey, I don’t want to hear you talk like that,” he told her firmly. He tipped her chin, forcing her to look at him. “You did your best. You weren’t the only one who made mistakes out there. Tonight just wasn’t the Comets’ night. Besides, that team you played was really good. I’d be willing to bet they haven’t lost a game all season.”
From her perch in the front passenger seat, Melanie watched the exchange with a full heart. Joel was so tender and wise with Jerica. When she’d been dating Jeff Franzen, she had sometimes resented Jeff’s attempts to have a hand in Jerica’s nurturing or discipline. But Joel’s interest in Jerica seemed natural, seemed to spring from true love and affection, not from a sense of obligation or an effort to impress Melanie with what a good father he would be.
Now he tousled the little girl’s sweat-damp hair. “You okay?”
Jerica nodded, tears threatening.
“Come on, babe. Let me see a smile.” He blew a kiss her way and waited for the halfhearted giggle that followed.
Joel chucked her under the chin, carefully shut the door, and walked around to the driver’s side. “Anybody feel like ice cream?”
Those magic words brought Jerica out of her doldrums in an instant. “Yeah! Chocolate chip!”
“Mmm, orange sherbet here,” Melanie chimed, giving Joel a grateful smile. “A double dip.”
As they headed for Baskin-Robbins, Jerica leaned forward in her seat. “Mommy, I need a rubber band. My ponytail holder broke, and my hair is hot on my neck.”
Melanie searched her purse without success. “Sorry, honey. I don’t have anything with me. Where’s your hair ribbon? Maybe we can get your hair up off your neck with that.”
“I lost it … at the game.”
Melanie turned in her seat to look at her daughter. “Sorry. We’ll be home soon …”
“Hey, Joel?” Jerica pointed to the braided cord that swung from the rearview mirror. “Can I use your ribbon?”
Melanie hadn’t asked Joel about the cord since the first night he’d sidestepped her questions, and neither had he volunteered any information. She was curious and waited with interest to see what his response would be.
He fingered the cord, keeping his eyes on the road ahead. “Sorry, Jerica, but this is kind of special to me. Maybe they’ll loan us a rubber band at the ice cream store.”
“Just what is so special about this mysterious red ribbon?” Melanie ventured after Jerica was occupied again, singing to herself in the backseat. “You said it reminds you of a Bible verse?”
He nodded, avoiding her gaze. “It … It’s just a Scripture passage that has been a comfort to me.”
“Oh?”
His silence was deafening.
“Any chance you’re going to let me in on this secret verse?” she pressed, attempting a light tone.
He reached over and patted her knee. “I’ll tell you someday, I promise.” He met her gaze, but his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes, and somewhere in the back of her mind a tiny alarm went off.
After Jerica had been tucked into bed, Melanie and Joel sat on the deck in her backyard, sipping iced tea and watching a hundred fireflies flicker in the branches of the mimosa trees. Two citronella candles gave off a pungent scent that kept the mosquitoes at bay.
Melanie kicked off her sandals, leaned back in her chair, and propped her suntanned legs on the umbrella table. “Thanks for cheering Jerica up, Joel,” she ventured. “I never dreamed preschool sports could be so cutthroat.”
“She’ll get thicker skin after a while. It’s a good lesson, though: You can’t always be a winner.”
“I’m afraid she hasn’t been allowed to lose very often. Between Erika and Jerry and me, she’s always gotten just about everything she ever wanted.”
“She’s a great kid, Melanie. And you’re a good mom. I don’t think she’s spoiled rotten. Just … loved an awful lot.”
“None of us really mean to spoil her, but … well, I guess we’re all trying to make up for the fact that she doesn’t have a daddy. Jerry’s great with her, but he dotes on her a little too much. I wish my dad and my brother lived closer. Matt is such a great dad to his two little guys. And Jerica adores him. I wish you could meet him, Joel.”
“I’m sure I will someday.”
“You know, I was thinking … maybe sometime … when I have business in New York, you could fly out with me. You could meet Matt and Karly and maybe even drive up to Connecticut to see Tim—” She stopped short, afraid her suggestion might seem too forward.
“Maybe …”
The silence that followed was not the comfortable quietude they’d come to enjoy with each other. Joel shifted in his seat and fidgeted with the edge of the table. Melanie mentally kicked herself for bringing up the idea of a trip to New York. But Joel’s next words surprised her.
“My memories of … of back home aren’t the greatest, Melanie.”
“You mean because of your parents?”
“Not just that …”
“Oh? What else?” She’d learned not to push him, but hope bounded in her heart because he finally seemed on the verge of opening up to her.
“I just … I don’t like to dwell on the past. I’m happy now. I’d rather concentrate on that.”
“But Tim’s there. Don’t you ever go visit him?”
“I have,” he hedged. “But usually he comes to see me. He travels quite a bit anyway.”
“I�
�m so anxious for you to meet Matt and Karly. And their kids.” She put a hand on his arm. “You know, they say the best way to erase bad memories of a place is to create new memories there. Maybe—”
“Maybe sometime, Mel …” Joel shook his head. “Just not … not right now.” A hard edge had come to his voice. “Do you … want to talk about it?”
“Maybe sometime,” he said again.
He seemed glum, and she was ready to apologize for pushing him when Joel reached for her hand across the table. “Tell me about Rick, Melanie.”
Relief washed over her. Maybe this was why he’d seemed so quiet and evasive. Thinking about the husband. She could imagine how that must feel. If Joel had been married before, she would have worried that he was making comparisons. Most dead spouses had been nominated for sainthood. She tried to read Joel’s expression in the semidarkness. “Dead husbands aren’t exactly the topic of choice when you’re trying to fall in love with someone else.”
“Are you?” he asked, raising an eyebrow, his gaze piercing her. “Trying to fall in love with me?” His tone held a trace of—was it hope?
Until now, she’d been afraid to let him know just how deep her feelings for him ran. But seeing him with Jerica today, something had given way inside her, and she could no longer think of a reason to hold back.
“I didn’t have to try too hard, Joel. You make it pretty easy …”
He scooted his chair closer to hers so their shoulders were touching. His hand found hers again, and he brought it to his lips and kissed the soft skin on her knuckles. The air had cooled a bit, and all around them cicadas chirred a happy melody.
“So what exactly are you trying to say, Ms. LaSalle?” She heard the amusement in his voice, but he brushed his thumb roughly over her fingers.
“I’m not trying to say anything. I am saying it.” Her voice quavered. “I … I think I’m in love with you, Joel. There, it’s out. Are you happy now?”
He leaned forward in his chair and squeezed her hand, planting a kiss in her hair. “You have no idea, lady,” he whispered. “No idea at all.” He took a ragged breath and untangled his fingers from hers. Brushing her hair off her face, he kissed her tenderly, then drew back to gaze into her eyes. “I love you too, Melanie. More than you can possibly know.”
Her heart soared. She hadn’t realized until now how she had longed for them to exchange these words, how she longed to be the reason for his happiness.
Joel stayed late, and they talked for hours.
“Do you ever wonder why God allowed things to happen the way they did … in your life?” Joel asked, looking up toward the cream-colored moon that had risen over the trees.
“All the time. Sometimes none of it makes sense … Rick dying when I—when we needed him so much. I used to wonder why God allowed me to get pregnant when he knew I wouldn’t have Rick to help me raise Jerica. We weren’t even trying to have a baby. But I look at Jerica and think how much it helped me to have her then. And how precious she is to Jerry and Erika—the only connection they have to their only child—and I realize all over again that God knows what he’s doing.”
“I had the same thoughts when Mom and Dad died. I don’t suppose I’ll ever know what God’s purpose in that was, but I do know that some good came from that horrible time in my life.”
She tilted her head and looked up at him. “Like what?”
“Well, for one thing, I can empathize with people who are going through similar tragedies … because I’ve been there. There was a kid in one of my classes at Langston who lost his dad his freshman year. It was hard to watch, because it brought back everything that had happened to me, but I was looking at it with a few years’ perspective behind me, and I really think I had something to say to Seth that nobody else could. Very few others could honestly tell him, ‘I know exactly what you’re feeling.’ ”
“That’s so true,” Melanie said. “I’m sure he’ll never forget that either. Do you still keep in touch with him?”
Joel shook his head and looked away. “No. That happened the first year I was at Langston. But … there were other kids like Seth through the years.”
“Sounds like you were as much counselor as you were teacher.”
“Sometimes. My department head always told me that would get me in trouble one day. But Barbara didn’t practice what she preached.” He laughed softly. “She always had a string of kids in her own office pouring out their hearts to her too.”
“I wish I’d had a confidante like that when I went away to college.”
“Yeah. Me, too.”
Melanie wanted the evening to last forever. She felt honored that he had chosen to tell her the stories of his past that he’d shared tonight. And yet there was still so much she didn’t know, so many missing pieces of the life he’d led before she met him. She wanted to spend a lifetime getting to know him.
Later, when Joel took her face in his warm hands and caressed her cheek with such exquisite tenderness, when his kiss eagerly claimed her lips, the promise of all that lay in store for them filled her to overflowing. She realized that she hadn’t known such happiness since she had loved Rick—and been loved by him.
After Joel left, Melanie shut the door behind him and stood with her back against the door frame. She closed her eyes and pressed her fingers to her lips as though she could somehow preserve his kiss. A warm flush of happiness washed over her, and she smiled to herself. Finally, with a little sigh, she went down the hall to check on her daughter.
Jerica had thrown off her covers and was sprawled on her back, arms over her head, her breath coming so gently it was almost undetectable. Oh, to know such peace and security, Melanie thought, brushing her hand over the cherubic cheek. She swallowed the lump of joy in her throat and pulled a light blanket up over the slight form.
She closed Jerica’s door and walked through the house, turning off lights and checking the locks. Then she went to the bathroom off the master bedroom to take a quick shower. She slipped into a nightshirt and robe, ran a brush through her hair, and flipped off the bathroom light. Going to her closet, she hung her robe on a hook. But as she turned to close the door, the faint scent of Rick LaSalle seemed to waft from the shirts that hung at the far end of the closet. A veil of bittersweet longing fell over her.
She sighed. It was time.
Before she could change her mind, she gathered Rick’s shirts into an unwieldy bundle and pulled them off the rod. Flopping them across the foot of the bed, she took them from their hangers one by one, fingering each sleeve and carefully folding each shirt into a neat rectangle, the way Rick had folded them when he was packing for a business trip. The act seemed almost sacred, and her tears came easily.
“I loved you, Rick,” she whispered, stopping to bring a shirt to her face one last time. “Oh, how I loved you, darling. But I have to move on. It’s time for me to let you go.” For a moment the pain was as raw as the night he had died. But she knew she was only doing what she should have done long ago. She allowed herself a good cry then. It hurt to say such a final good-bye. But she slept under a blanket of peace that night and awoke to the sound of a mourning dove’s familiar, plaintive cooing in the tree outside her window.
Ten
Joel leaned back in his chair, propped his feet on top of his desk, and leafed through the notes he’d scratched out on a yellow legal pad. Pastor Steele was surprising his wife with a weekend getaway, and he’d asked Joel to preach the sermon Sunday in his place. Don had begun a series on the psalms, and Joel accepted the assignment with enthusiasm. But that was before he’d read the Scripture passage Don Steele wanted him to highlight: Psalm 101. Now, two pages into his first draft, Joel was stumped. He wasn’t sure he could look his congregation in the eye and preach on these verses. He reached for his Bible and read the words again: I will behave myself wisely in a perfect way.… I will walk within my house with a perfect heart. His eyes traveled down the page, each verse piercing deeper. He that worketh deceit shall not dwell wi
thin my house: he that telleth lies shall not tarry in my sight. Joel rubbed his eyes with his fists, suddenly feeling as though the metaphorical log were blurring his vision.
Putting his head in his hands, he whispered, “Lord, how can I deliver a message like this when I am a deceiver above all things … when I am living a lie? It doesn’t seem right—”
A rap on the door interrupted him. In one smooth motion, he sat upright and put his feet on the floor. “Come in.”
The door opened a crack, and Darlene Anthony stuck her head in. “Sorry to bother you, Joel. Bill Randolph is here to see you … something about the building fund. Do you have a minute?”
“Sure.” He stood and came from behind his desk.
Darlene put up a hand. “I can send him down.”
“That’s okay. I need a change of scenery anyway. I’ve been sitting here too long.”
He followed Darlene down the hallway to the front office. Somehow Bill Randolph always seemed to be the bearer of bad news where the building project was concerned. Joel hoped that wasn’t the case today. A new wing for the youth had been on the church’s wish list for years now, and they’d finally gone through the process of hiring an architect, but one thing after another had conspired to thwart the actual construction of the addition. Last week it had been major problems with the architect’s drawings, and the week before that, a scare about the zoning of the land the addition would occupy.
Joel spotted Bill at the end of the hall. “Thanks, Darlene.” Joel nodded at her as he hurried by to greet the man.
“Morning, Joel.” Bill shook his hand. “I hope I’m not catching you at a bad time.”
“Not at all. What’s up, Bill?”
“Not bad news this time, I promise. I just need your signature on a couple of checks.”
“That, I can probably handle.” He indicated the front office. “We can use the desk in here …”
Joel bent over the desktop to sign the two checks Bill presented.
“I didn’t count on a simple addition being so much trouble,” Bill said. “Did you ever work on anything like this in your last position?”
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