by Candice Dow
“You earn that kind of money walking dogs?”
“Yes.”
“Well, maybe it’s not a bad deal, it just sounds so degrading. A dog walker,” she said as she cringed.
I sat quietly as she tried to make small talk. I gave curt responses to everything, thinking I should have just gone to sleep. Obliviously she asked, “Did I offend you?”
“No, I’m not offended. I’m just irritated.”
“Well, let me rephrase. Did I irritate you?”
“Yes, you did.”
“Why does any- and everything I say to you irritate you?”
“Because you’re a nag. Did anyone ever tell you that you nag?”
It was as those words exited my mouth that I understood why men would rather pay for sex than listen to a nagging woman. It was easier to just get it in and keep it moving than to be bothered with this.
She covered her chest like she was offended. “Yes, Mother. You nag and it’s irritating. We haven’t spent much time together in six years and the first thing you want to talk to me about is what I do for a living. Let me give you a tip: That’s superficial conversation and I refuse to participate in it.”
Her eyes watered. I’d seen her cry before, but never over something that I’d said. She said, “London, can I ask you something?”
At this point I was still fired up, so I snapped, “What?”
“Do you love me?”
“Do you love me?”
“I asked you first.”
“You verbalized it first, but I’ve questioned it my whole life. So, technically, I asked first. Do you love me?”
She hung her head. “You were six months old when I adopted you. It was through an agency and I was told that you were in foster care for those months. I don’t know what happened to you, but we never bonded. I tried. I tried so hard to love you and I had committed to doing so. When you were a little girl, you wouldn’t let me hug you. You’d turn your face when I tried to kiss you. I finally got to the point where you were just a little girl in my house that I had to provide for.”
“Did you ever love me?”
“I tried.”
She pretended like she wanted to cry but no tears fell. I smirked. She hadn’t tried hard enough as far as I was concerned. I stood up and my eyes seared at her, wondering if she had the nerve to ask me again if I loved her. My response wouldn’t be as complicated as hers. I loved her. I loved her for trying her best. I loved her for giving me her all in spite of herself.
I walked into the bedroom and sat on the bed. Something inside me said that I owed her an apology. I felt like she wanted to do better but just didn’t know how, especially considering she hadn’t carried me for nine months. As I stood to walk back into the kitchen, I bumped into her heading into my room.
“London, there are a lot of things that I would redo if I could, but…”
I put my arms around her. “Look, I’m sure I was hard to deal with. I’m sure I was cold. I don’t know why, but I’m sorry and I just wanted to say thank you.”
“You don’t have to thank me. I did what I was supposed to do.”
“I know, but I want to thank you anyway.”
She came into the room and sat on the bed. “I always thought that it was smart for me to tell you that you were adopted at an early age, but now I don’t know.”
“Why would you say that?”
“I always felt like you knew that you didn’t have to bond with me because I wasn’t your real mother.”
“I didn’t understand any of that at the time. It was as I got older that I realized the difference.”
“Can we start over?”
“We can try.”
I didn’t want to give her any false hope. We definitely had our share of differences and I wasn’t sure I needed her meddling in my life. She could be overbearing when she wanted to be and I didn’t really need that, especially not with my profession.
“Have you ever considered looking for your birth mother?”
“Nope. Never.”
“I thought for sure you would have. I was always afraid of that.”
“Honestly, I always felt like if she could give me up, then she doesn’t deserve to know me.”
“But everyone wants to know where they came from.”
“Okay, so here’s the question, does knowing your birth mother give you any more insight into who you are? I don’t think so.”
“I do. Because you had some strong ways as a little girl that I never understood and I always felt like some of those things were just in your DNA.”
“I guess.”
We talked awhile longer and she ended up falling asleep in my bed. It felt like this was the closest we’d ever been. I woke up early the next morning and she was in her room doing an exercise DVD. I inquired about her social circle here. Did she have a boyfriend? Friends? I discovered she didn’t have either. She was reaching out to me because she didn’t have any real relationships. She’d given her entire world to being the vice president of her company, and as she approached retirement she probably began to realize that the job couldn’t love her back. When it dawned on me what she was feeling, I began to question how long my job would love me back. Though I’d convinced myself that I had time to spare, did I really? If so, how much longer would I be a hot commodity in this profession? My job might divorce me a lot sooner than I was prepared for. I didn’t want to grow old lonely. A piece of me knew it was really time to start searching for real relationships. I didn’t even know where to begin.
26
When I came back from Australia, Thorne called, almost sounding like he was in a panic. He asked if he could come over to talk. Of course, my hero is always welcome to come over for personal time.
He used his key to get in and I was in the shower waiting for him. He called out for me and I yelled back that I was in the shower. He came in and wasn’t his regular clean-shaven self. He looked like he’d been through a war. I quickly stepped out of the shower. Spot-drying myself, I asked if he was okay.
He hung his head. “My wife has cancer.”
I touched his face and pulled him to my chest. There was nothing I could really say. He was distraught and it was frightening to see someone who always had it all together look so scared. He controlled everything and this was one thing he had no control over.
“What happened?”
“She found a lump. She has stage four cancer.”
I didn’t know much about the stages, but I knew that stage four was pretty advanced. I wondered if she had just found the lump or if she had known for some time. It scared me to think that a woman could find a lump one day and be faced with dying the next. I had so many questions, but I decided to do my own research. Now was not the time to ask Thorne a million questions. I simply held him tightly and hoped there was some way I could make it better.
I grabbed a robe and invited him to sit on the side of the bed with me. I said, “Thorne, I’m so sorry.”
“I mean, it’s hard to hear that the person you love has something hurting them and you can’t make it better.”
Thorne had never once denied his wife or denied his love for her, but I hadn’t known how much he loved her until that very moment. He was in as much pain as she was in. And it hurt me to see him like that. I rubbed his back and he just shook his head.
“We saw the oncologist yesterday and it has spread to her bones. She was in a lot of pain, but she kept making excuses and never went to the doctor’s.”
His voice trembled and my eyes watered. He looked at me like there was something I could do. “London, I have three boys.”
“She’s going to be okay.”
He took a deep breath. “Chances are that she won’t and I have to accept it.”
“I hope you’re wrong.”
“I wish I was wrong. I just don’t know. I’m going to cut back on everything that I’m doing. I’m going to be there for her.”
“You should. She deserves that.”
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nbsp; “London, she takes care of everything. If it wasn’t for her, there is no way I could do what I do.”
“I understand.”
“I’m just trying to pay everyone a visit to let them know that business is going to slow down until I can take care of this.”
“That’s fine, Thorne. Don’t worry about business. That should not even be your concern right now.”
He looked me in the eye. “Trust me, it’s not. I just wanted to be a man and come tell you face-to-face that I don’t plan on making any arrangements until I know my wife is okay. That’s going to put a financial strain on a lot of people, but I’m sorry.”
“Thorne, go home and take care of your wife. Okay?”
I walked him to the door. I thought it was honorable of him to come tell me. After I closed the door, the effects of his announcement finally sank in. While Unleashed had begun to turn a profit, it still was trickling in and I was in way too much debt. I’d become too dependent on escorting. As I sat there sympathizing with him, I hadn’t even thought to ask if I could assist him in any way. I didn’t want to call him back. I was in a good enough position not to work for some months, but I was certain my savings would be gone quickly if I stopped escorting cold turkey. Something had to be done.
I let some days pass before I called him. Initially I asked about his wife. She’d had surgery and had already begun chemotherapy. Along with her mother, he’d pretty much been doing all the things she usually did, like picking up and dropping off the kids. I suggested he hire a driver. He humbly said, “My boys need me right now. I’m not going to send them off with some stranger at a time like this.”
“You’re right. I completely understand and it makes sense. Is there anything I can do to help you?”
He sighed. “I’ll talk to you a little later, but probably, yes.”
When Thorne came to my house I was prepared to tell him that I would perform the coordinating activities for him until things settled down. I just wasn’t sure how I planned to say it. I asked if he wanted some wine and he declined. I asked if he wanted a cigar and surprisingly he didn’t want that either.
So I took the direct approach. I said, “I really hate to see what you’re going through. It’s very unfair.”
“It’s life, I guess.”
“Thorne, I hate what’s going on with your wife and I really pray that everything gets better.” I paused for a long time. “Have any of your girls called you yet?”
“Everyone is trying to be understanding, but I know it’s killing a lot of people. Hell, it’s killing me. I just don’t have the time, though.”
“I have a lot of your clients on that spreadsheet you gave me. You can forward your calls through me like you were doing before and I can do the booking until you’re free again.”
“I’m afraid I don’t know when that will be.”
“I mean, just to avoid destroying everyone’s livelihood. You know?”
“London, I know I’ve taught you the whole booking-and-travel component, but more goes into this business and at the end of the day, it’s a man’s job. I’m not sure you’re ready to deal with that.”
“Look, you have a strong network of regulars and I’ll just deal with them and their referrals. I won’t accept new clients.”
“Here’s the thing about this business; you never know when one of your faithful regulars’ wives will find out she has breast cancer and he’s no longer a client. You have to always recruit new clientele. And not only that, you have to always recruit new girls. They fall off regularly too. Some of them fall in love with clients. Some of them can’t handle it emotionally. I’ve gotten good at profiling women who will and those who won’t.”
“So you could teach me.”
“I’ll say this, maybe you can manage what I’ve already got going on and then if you choose to keep it going, you can.”
“I can do that.”
“It’s not as easy as it looks.”
“How do you want to work the financials?”
“London, right now I’m taking it day by day. I won’t be able to help you in any way. So for now you can keep one hundred percent.”
After merely two weeks of being the coordinator, I had to admit it was not an easy job at all. I’d thought I was making money as a call girl, but in two weeks I made about thirty hookups and close to twenty thousand dollars. That solved a bunch of money issues. It enabled me to hire additional help at Unleashed, and I was convinced that as long as I managed booking right I wouldn’t have to go out myself.
I decided to only entertain my favorites; everyone else would have to be turned down. Most of Thorne’s girls willingly followed me. Others questioned his passing the business down to me. When I asked him why, he told me that it was simply because I had asked. He also said he trusted me as a businesswoman, and I partially believe it had to do with the fact that he had taught me everything I knew about the business and figured I’d run it the way he would have. And he was right… only I planned to run it better.
27
Some of Thorne’s girls branched off into managing their own careers with the contacts they had, but others had no choice but to follow me because I had the master list. Still, the ones who branched off left major holes in the business unit. The profiling part of my job came sooner than expected. How could I identify a chick who would be down just by looking at her? Thorne’s approach was easy. He presented it to you by offering it straight, but being a woman, I didn’t know exactly how to ask another woman if she wanted to work for me.
Suddenly I found myself sharing small talk with attractive women in the grocery store or at the gym or in the bookstore. Still, I didn’t know where to take the conversation next. How could I propose it and how would I know what to say without being offensive? Then I decided to post an ad on Craigslist: “Looking for attractive female dog walker. Must love dogs, be friendly and in need of extra money.”
I interviewed like crazy and finally hired a few girls to work at Unleashed, and I hoped that once I got close enough to them I could expose the real job. Thorne told me to pay attention to their backgrounds. Women who love to purchase purses and shoes that are beyond their means are usually good candidates. And the one that shocked me: housewives on a tight budget.
My first subject was a new girl I’d hired. She was pretty and friendly and she carried herself well. She was in graduate school, studying chemistry. I thought she’d be a good candidate. So I had to figure out my approach. I started out suggesting we go out for drinks on the days she worked, pretending I wanted to take her under my wing.
About a month passed and finally I asked her what kind of money she wanted to make. She explained that she wanted to make as much money as she could. She understood that dog walking wouldn’t pay any bills but she liked dogs and it helped a little.
“What if I offered you a job that paid about five hundred to a thousand an hour? You could work when you feel like it and there are no standard work hours. How would you feel about that?”
“I would ask you where do I sign.”
“You don’t want to know what it is?”
“I don’t care what it is, I’m down.”
I smiled because she had no clue what she was signing up for. The money was enough of an attraction. “Don’t jump too quickly.”
“Listen, if I can make that kind of money, I’m jumping.”
“How do you feel about being an escort?”
She paused and all her excitement ceased. “What kind of escort are you talking about?”
“An escort. It could be a date or quality time. Really whatever the gentleman wanted.”
“If that’s all I have to do, I’m with it.”
“I have to tell you, sex is involved.”
She seemed to be a little disappointed but I could tell she was calculating how much she could make, the same way I had when it was brought to me. Finally she asked, “So how do you know these men? I mean, does any random guy come searching for an escort?”
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br /> “No, honey. No average Joe could afford to pay you that kind of money.”
“I guess you got a point.”
“Please don’t tell anyone that I offered this to you, but I’m putting it on the table. I’ll wait for you to let me know if you’re interested.”
It was about two days later that she came to me and said she was willing to try. I gave her the specifics of the business and she was on her first date about a week later.
My strategy seemed to work and I decided to continue running that ad in Craigslist. And that’s how I got my girls. I built a team of dog walkers who were open and free-spirited. Once I had my team, I had to hire a glam squad to prepare them for my portfolio.
Keeping the girls was another matter. Every day I had to manage a different emotion. I didn’t have the patience to deal with these emotions. Certainly there were times when I first started working that I had acted bratty or selfish, but damn. Women seemed so petty and unstable. Thorne swore this became addictive. I couldn’t understand why. If the money hadn’t been so good, there was no way I would have done it. There was nothing addictive about it. I couldn’t understand how he was able to run a business, manage these girls, have a family, and never look stressed out.
I felt like between running Unleashed and coordinating these hookups, I was going to lose my mind. I didn’t see where on Earth I could fit in a man. I had sworn when I stopped escorting that I would try to find a real relationship. But here I was in something a lot more challenging than merely hooking up with someone. At least as a call girl you can just quit. As the leader of the pack you have a bunch of people’s livelihoods and happiness in your hands.
28
When Thorne’s wife passed, I thought he would be eager to jump back into business. Instead he came to me to negotiate his percentage. He felt that he deserved it since he had handed the business over to me in a state of stress. I was open to him having a percentage, but he wanted a fifty-fifty split. Those numbers sounded ludicrous to me. It had been almost eighteen months since he had called it quits and I had recruited more clientele. It just wasn’t fair. I was a seven-year veteran, and I was busting my ass to keep things afloat. I wasn’t giving him half for doing nothing. He claimed that, with the responsibility of being Mr. Mom, he hadn’t had time.