by Dena Christy
Rickman swallowed quickly and took a few steps back. “Call her. Talk to her. Maybe if she talks to you, she will change her mind.”
“Go.” Gregor held himself rigid and his minion must have seen the wisdom of beating a hasty retreat. He fled the room, making a wide berth around Gregor as he walked toward the door. As soon as his minion was out of the room, Gregor staggered over to one of the chairs at the kitchen table and sagged down into it. The weight pressing him down was now so heavy that he could no longer hold himself up.
He leaned forward with his head buried in his hands. How could he have not foreseen this as a possible outcome? It had happened before, the last time he’d loved her. What had made him think that her inability to accept what he was in the past would prevent the same outcome from happening in the present?
He sat like that for a long time. A tiny kernel of hope still lived inside him, one that told him that maybe he was wrong. Perhaps her leaving was only temporary and maybe she needed time to come to terms with what he was before she would come back.
His cell phone was in his pocket, he could feel it pressing against his hip. He pulled it out and set it on the table, staring at it for a long time as if it held all the answers. He didn’t hold out much hope that she would change her mind if he called her as Rickman had advised. But he needed to know that this was the end. He needed to know if he would have to live out the blessedly short remainder of his life before he went mad without her.
The feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach refused to go away as he put her number in his cell phone and listen to the ringing. Each tone felt like a death knell until her voice came over the phone.
“Gregor.”
That was it, all she said was his name, and he knew it was over. There was something in her tone that communicated deep sadness and regret and he knew without a doubt that he’d lost her. He didn’t need to ask her why; it was evident to him that she could not be with him because of what he was.
“Are you safe?”
There was a long pause, as if she had not expected him to ask that. Perhaps she thought he was going to demand answers, to push himself on her, to beg her to come back. But he wouldn’t do any of those things. She’d made a decision, albeit one that caused him great pain, but it was her right to choose to be with him or not. Finally, after centuries, he’d learned that he could not take what he wanted, that it had to be freely given to him.
“Yes. Gregor I…”
“You don’t need to say anything. I understand. I want you to be safe and happy. And if you need anything, you call me.”
Gregor squeezed his eyes shut when he heard a muffled sob on the other end of the phone. Agony lance through him, more painful than the hunter’s arrow that had pierced him last night. The line on the other end went dead, and he slowly drew his phone away from his ear and set it aside.
How long he sat there, he didn’t know. After that sharp blast of pain when he knew without a doubt that she would never love him, what came next was numbness.
There was the sound of footsteps behind him, and he knew that Rickman and his brothers stood behind him.
“Gregor.” Iszak’s voice was full of sadness and understanding. Gregor was certain that Rickman must have told him what had happened.
Gregor stood up and walked past them. He could not look at Rickman, because if he did, anger would replace the numbness and there was no telling what he would do to the minion now that Elle was lost to him forever.
“Did you call her at least?” Rickman did not have any sense of when to keep his mouth shut, and when Gregor leveled his gaze on him, he swallowed hard and took a step back so that Iszak was in front of him.
“She is not coming back.” And with that Gregor left them, walked up the stairs and into his bedroom. The numbness he had felt downstairs ebbed away, and it was replaced with a pain so profound that it took his breath away. How could he have lost her when he’d only just found her again?
The only comfort that he would offer himself was that soon his curse would fully take him and his brothers would kill him. At least he would not have to repeat this painful pattern a third time.
Elle ended the call as another sob escaped her. When Rickman had dropped her off here at this motel last night, she’d been so sure that she’d been doing the right thing. Hearing Gregor’s voice again had sent waves of pain through her. What had she done?
It would have been better if he had tried to convince her to come back, at least then she could have summoned an argument to convince both of them that they would be no good together. But he hadn’t done that. He’d only asked if she was safe, as if that was all he cared about.
A tear burned at the edge of her eyelid and she swallowed hard and blew out a slow breath. She’d decided, and she had to stick to it. She couldn’t lose him to a violent end.
But isn’t pushing him away doing the same thing?
She ignored the tiny voice that had wanted to speak inside her head from the moment she’d walked out the door of Gregor’s house. Wallowing in misery in a strange motel room would not get her life back on track, and she gathered up her purse and headed for the door. She needed to know what sort of shape her shop was in. She’d already been on the phone with her insurance company, but she needed to see for herself what sort of work she was going to be looking at.
She reached for the doorknob and a feeling struck her, one that told her not to leave the confines of this room. She ignored it as she opened the door. She needed to keep busy and staying in her room would not accomplish that. One thing that dealing with her husband’s death had taught her was that if she kept busy enough, she could keep her sadness at bay.
Fortunately, where she was staying was only a twenty-minute walk away from her shop. It felt like a lifetime with thoughts of Gregor swirling around in her head. The steady rhythm of her feet on the pavement only seemed to amplify the thoughts going on in her mind. In the cold light of day, the need to get away from him didn’t seem so urgent. And if she was honest with herself, she missed him. She wanted to feel his strong arms around her when she went to her shop to see just how much devastation the fire had done last night.
She straightened her spine. She was on her own this time. Love was something she could not afford because eventually it led to loss and pain. There was no room to let herself weaken, not if she was going to be able to move on.
When she got to her shop her heart sank down deep into her stomach. The books that she’d stocked insured that the place would go up like a bonfire. Although the firefighters had kept the fire from spreading to the neighboring buildings, there had been nothing they could do to save her store. When she’d been told by the insurance adjuster that the place had been completely gutted, a small part of her had hoped that they were wrong. She could see now that they were not. The entire shop was a burnt out husk, and the apartment above nearly that.
She turned away and shuddered. What would have happened it the alarm had not gone off? She and Gregor would surely have perished inside.
Elle swallowed hard as a lump pricked in her throat. She would not cry, not here in the middle of the sidewalk. She tried to tell herself that it was just a shop, that it could be rebuilt or she could purchase another shop front once everything was settled with the insurance. None of it helped. That place had been more than just a shop, it had been her home, her sanctuary when she most needed one. Focusing on building up her business had been what she’d needed to move forward, one day at a time, one step at a time when she’d lost Ian. Now that was gone, and she felt alone and adrift.
You don’t have to be alone.
She shoved that voice aside. Getting back together with Gregor because she felt lost was not fair to either of them.
It wouldn’t be because you felt lost, it would be because you love him.
If she had not been walking down the sidewalk in broad daylight, she would have screamed shut up out loud. Yes, she cared about Gregor, otherwise she would not have been so scared
that he would be hurt, but calling it love was a stretch.
Her footsteps slowed. She knew she was lying to herself. She was deeply in love with him but that only made the situation that much worse. She’d only barely survived Ian dying, if something happened to Gregor, it would finish her.
She stood in the middle of the sidewalk, staring straight ahead. She didn’t know what to do. Her heart told her to go back to him, to tell him that she was sorry. That she loved him. Maybe now that the hunters were dead, he would be safe. She didn’t imagine that there were that many professional dragon hunters in the world.
Someone jostled her on the sidewalk, snapping her out of her thoughts. How long had she been standing there staring off into space with her thoughts swirling around in her head? It didn’t matter. It wasn’t like she had anywhere to be, except a lonely motel room. She started down the street in the direction of the motel. The hair stood up on the back of her neck and she rubbed it. A sudden sick feeling rose up inside her, and every instinct she had told her to run and hide.
A quick look behind her showed that there was no one there, but she couldn’t ignore the feeling. Was it the fire from last night, was it the knowledge of what Gregor was or was it a combination of everything that she’d been through in the last twenty-four hours that was making her feel this way. She didn’t know what it was, but she would not ignore the feeling in her gut that she was in danger.
With hasty steps she quickly walked down the sidewalk away from the destruction of her past and toward a new and uncertain future. She still had no idea what she was going to do with her life, if she was going to rebuild or move on, but there would be time enough to think about that once she was off the streets and safe. That feeling of being stalked hadn’t gone away, in fact the intensity had increased.
A quick glance behind her again showed no one there, but that didn’t reassure her. Just because she saw no one meant nothing. This feeling didn’t mean that someone was literally after her. She could be on the cusp of a premonition that would reveal more. Or it could mean that the danger was coming, and she needed to beware. Her gift was not reliable or predictable when she was the subject but she’d learned that the feeling and intuition that sprang up inside her were never wrong.
The motel she was staying in came into sight and far from feeling relief the sight of it only caused her steps to quicken. She would relax her guard once she was in her room and not a second more. She dug her room key out of her purse, cursing the motel’s unwillingness to embrace the technology of key cards. Her fingers curled around the keys and with a trembling hand she tried to put the key into the lock. After several wasted seconds the key slid home, and she twisted it to unlock the door. She shoved her way into the room, pulling the key out before she slammed the door shut. She sagged against it for a moment. She was safe.
A slow breath escaped her as she turned to twist the deadbolt. The pounding of her heart subsided and the feeling of fear left her as if it was a puff of smoke being blown away by a strong breeze. She moved to the bed and sagged down on it. What was she going to do now that she was alone?
Now that the silence of the room was all she had for company, regret set in. Should she have stayed at the house to talk to him about how scared she was that something would happen to him? Would he have said something that would ease that fear?
She now had nothing save the clothes on her back and the contents of her purse. No shop, no livelihood, nothing. But that didn’t hurt as much as not having him. The feeling that she’d made a mistake fought with the fear still inside her.
She closed her eyes and tried to conjure up the feeling she’d had last night, that bone deep fear that had plagued her from the time he’d left the house until he’d return unharmed. But the feeling refused to come. Instead of getting images of last night, she was getting flashes of the weeks leading up to last night. All she could see in her mind’s eye was the time she’d spend with Gregor, loving him. Did she really want to go back to the barren existence her life had been before he’d come into it?
For years she’d told herself that she was happy, and she had been. She had her work, her clients and a few friends, but there had been a hole in her heart that no amount of work could fill. That hole now gaped inside her and she knew that she would carry it for the rest of her life if she didn’t at least try to make things work with Gregor. She could admit to herself that the reason she was so scared that something was going to happen to him was because she loved him.
Admitting that to herself was like a weight lifting off her shoulders and she felt lighter, more buoyant.
She looked at her phone and thought about calling him, asking him to send Rickman for her immediately, but she hesitated. This awareness of her feelings was too new, and she wasn’t sure she trusted it. Fear had sent her fleeing from Gregor’s home. Was it the fear of being alone that was urging her to go back?
She didn’t think so, but she wanted to take the time to let this new revelation settle inside her. A few more hours to be sure would hurt no one, and if she was certain that a life with Gregor was what she wanted, she would go to him and beg him to forgive her for leaving him like a coward in the night.
She rummaged through her purse for some change so she could get a drink from the machine just down from her door. When she was sure she had enough, she went to the door and unlocked it. As she pulled it open, the feeling of danger came to her but too late.
Gabriel Nash stood on the other side of the door with a shark like smile on his lips. “Hello Elle.”
The menace of his voice was matched only by the threat of the gun that he had pointed at her.
15
The numbness that had overtaken Gregor earlier when Elle had gone was slowly melting away as the full extent of life without her hit him. Centuries ago when she had died, and he’d been cursed he’d thought that it was the worst thing that could happen to him. He was wrong. Finding her, falling in love with her and losing her again was the worst thing that could happen to him. The only light at the end of this tunnel was the knowledge that he would not have to go through this again. His brothers would not let him survive when his curse rose up to claim him.
“Are you going to sit there moping in front of the window?”
He didn’t bother to turn from his place seated at the window when Iszak spoke behind him. He didn’t know how much time had passed since he’d called Elle, but his brother had wisely left him alone in his room. It would appear that that wisdom had disappeared.
“Go away.” His voice came out in a monotone as he continued to stare unseeing of what was in front of him. If he didn’t look at his brother, he would go away and leave him to his misery.
“No. I will not go away. You can’t give up this easily. Your life depends on fighting to get her back.” Iszak approached him and put his hand down on his shoulder. Gregor shrugged him away. He didn’t want to talk about this, he didn’t want to relive the pain of her leaving. Why the hell couldn’t his brother leave him in peace until it was time to put him down.
“Would you fuck off.” He still wouldn’t look at him. Underneath all the pain was an anger inside him, and if he brother pushed him too much, it was going to spill out.
“No, I won’t fuck off. You can’t just curl up in a corner and wait to die.”
Something inside Gregor snapped, and he turned on his brother with a snarl.
“Don’t you get it? There is nothing left to fight for. She’s gone. She left me. She saw what I was and couldn’t handle it. Elle doesn’t want me and why would I be stupid enough to keep pushing when the answer will never change.”
Iszak winced for a second, but then he straightened as if firming up his resolve.
“And do you know what the woman I loved did when she found out I was a dragon? She shot me. I thought there was no way that I was going to come back from that, and I decided that the best thing to do was to curl up and die. But I couldn’t do that because we loved and needed each other. I’m sure Elle l
oves you.”
Gregor gave his head a shake. “If she loved me, she would not have left me. I’m not such a glutton for punishment that I’m going to open myself up to rejection a third time. Now please, leave me alone.”
“So you know she left because you’re a dragon? She told you that?”
Why couldn’t his brother just go away and let him wallow in his misery? All he wanted now was to be left alone until the madness took hold of him and it was time for him to die. So he ignored his brother but he should have known that it was pointless because Iszak was intent on his mission to make him have this pointless discussion.
“Well, did she tell you that she didn’t want to be with you because you are a dragon?”
“No, she didn’t say that it was because I’m a dragon, but I know that’s the reason.” The muscle danced in Gregor’s jaw. His brother must be dense not to know why that was why she left. What else could it possibly be?
“Did it ever occur to you that she may have left last night because she was overwhelmed by fear?” Iszak came around to sit in the seat across from him. Gregor truly saw him for the first time since he’d walked in the room. There was a look of understanding on his brother’s face and in his eyes Gregor could see steely determination. His brother would not leave him alone until he had his say, so Gregor blew out a sigh.
“What are you talking about? What does she have to be afraid of? She knows I would never hurt her. I turned into a dragon in front of her and she was safe.”
“She’s not afraid of you, she’s afraid for you.”