Yuletide Redemption

by Jill Kemerer

  “Car accident,” Claire said.

  Sam took a drink of his water as his blood pressure rose. The way they were discussing Celeste irritated him on all levels. “Why is the fact she was in an accident so important? It shouldn’t define her.” Or me.

  The table went quiet until Dad spoke up. “Tell us more about her.”

  He wanted to switch topics, but he’d gotten himself into this. “Celeste ran cross-country in college. She has a degree in history, but since she’s raising her nephew, Parker, she prefers to work from home. Her brother died overseas. She’s doing a good job as a mom.” He stabbed a yam. “Now can we talk about something else?”

  She sees more than my injuries. She’s nice. She joked the other day that she loved me, and all I could think was I wish it could be true. I wish I could date again and have a future with a woman like Celeste.

  “Done.” Reed, Claire’s husband, stood. “Should we tell them?”

  Claire blushed, nodding.

  “Sam, you made this easy on me.” Reed grinned. “We didn’t know how to announce this, so here goes. We’re having a baby.”

  Aunt Sally squealed. Libby’s mouth dropped open. Macy started clapping, which caused Emily to start clapping, too. Everyone talked at once.

  “Congratulations...”

  “When are you due?”

  “Boy or girl?”

  “How long have you known? Do you have morning sickness?”

  Sam wiped his mouth with his napkin. While he was happy for Claire and Reed—they’d been trying for a long time to have a baby—his ribs seemed to be closing in on him. He took a moment to study his huge family around the table, and he couldn’t help wondering when it would be his turn. When would something great happen to him?

  They all had the ingredients for the life he wanted.

  Closing his eyes, he could picture Celeste sitting here and Parker on his lap.

  Reality crashed down.

  He hadn’t worked in over a year. Could barely walk. He’d watched Parker for twenty-four minutes and almost dropped him. He couldn’t protect Celeste from insensitive questions. Couldn’t protect her from anything. Until he got his life together—if he got his life together—his fantasies would remain unreachable.

  Could he get his life together?

  The doctors had never wanted him back in the wheelchair after the last surgery, but...

  He’d blamed it on the constant pain. Refusing to use the crutches hadn’t just been due to pain, though.

  He’d given up. On walking, on healing, on working, on living.

  Maybe it was time.

  Time to take another step.

  Thinking about dating again was futile at this point. What was left?

  Work. Work he could do. His dealership had been everything to him, and he’d let it slip between his fingers.

  Sam caught Bryan’s eye and motioned for him to come over.

  “What’s up?” Bryan knelt next to him.

  “After dinner, can we talk about Sheffield Auto?”

  “Of course, man.”

  “I’m going back to work in January.” Sam had no idea how, but he had to try. “I’ll be at the meeting next Friday.”

  “That’s great.” Bryan grinned, clapping him on the back.

  The old Sam wouldn’t have let anything keep him from making the dealership a success. And he would have asked Celeste out—he’d enjoyed a healthy dating life even if he’d never fallen in love. He might not be ready to date, but he could spend time with Celeste without feeling like an invalid.

  Before he lost his courage, he sent Celeste a quick text.

  If you’re not busy Saturday morning, will you stop by?

  * * *

  “Where did Dad go?” Celeste cleared the final plate from the table. “He’s usually first in line for pumpkin pie.”

  “He’s picking up Grandma Pearl. We invited her for dinner, too, but her nephew is eating with her. She sounded excited to come here for dessert, though.”

  Celeste’s emotions played tug-of-war. She wanted to spend time with Grandma Pearl, and in the past, they’d avoided discussing Brandy, but what if the conversation took a bad turn? What if Grandma Pearl asked questions about the accident, questions Celeste didn’t know how to answer?

  “You didn’t tell me how the shopping trip with Sam went. Your first time out together, right?” Mom snapped a lid on the plastic container full of gravy and stacked it on top of the leftover stuffing.

  “Yes, it was our first attempt.” She tossed the old coffee filter in the trash and filled the pot with fresh water. “It was interesting.” She filled her mother in on the stares, the inappropriate questions, the little girl whose face was seared into her brain.

  The only thing she wasn’t revealing? Sam’s words after. The ones she’d memorized and kept coming back to. You’re the most beautiful woman here. They can’t help but notice you. But his reaction to her stupid comment about loving him kept her feet on the ground, where they belonged. She’d spent two days trying to decipher the look on his face.

  Horror?

  Too dramatic.

  Fear?

  Maybe.

  He might be worried that she was falling for him.

  He probably had a right to be worried.

  “I’m sorry.” Mom hugged her, then stepped back, looking her in the eye. “What did you say to the little girl?”

  “Nothing. I froze. I...just don’t know how to handle those situations.”

  “Hmm...”

  The coffeemaker made gurgling noises as the pot began to fill.

  “Would you feel better if you had a reply ready when someone asks about your face?”

  “Oh, I have a reply ready, all right.” Celeste crossed her arms over her chest and jutted her chin out.

  Mom laughed. “I’m sure you do, but I was thinking more along the lines of something nice.”

  “You got me there.” She grinned. “I have no idea how to respond. It’s so embarrassing.”

  They went back to the living room.

  “Kids say the first thing in their heads. They don’t realize they’re hurting your feelings.”

  “I know.” Celeste sat on the couch and hugged a throw pillow to her chest. “The mom’s face said it all—she was probably more mortified than I was.”

  “Exactly. And you’re most likely going to have to deal with this again.”

  “Undoubtedly.”

  “How would you feel if you said something simple like, ‘I was in a bad car accident’?”

  The familiar sensation of floundering churned her insides. “Would I have to give details?” Because the details were there, and they haunted her. One minute happy. The next minute waking up after surgery, unable to see because both eyes had puffed shut. She couldn’t talk. Her tongue had swollen, she’d lost a tooth, and her nose had been broken.

  Blind, mute and confused.

  She hadn’t known where she was or what had happened. When the nurses told her she’d been in an accident, all she could think was she had to see Brandy.

  Mom had broken the news to her.

  And if she could have wept, she would have. But she’d lain there, immobile, hooked to a million tubes, afraid she’d never see again. She’d wanted to die. She’d already lost Josh that year. Life without Brandy hadn’t seemed possible. Still didn’t seem possible.

  “Honey, are you okay?” Mom asked.

  “Yeah.” She shook her head free of the memories. “Why?”

  “You didn’t answer my question.”

  “Sorry, got lost in my own little world.” She propped her elbow on the arm of the couch and let her cheek rest against her palm. “What did you ask?”

  “I asked what you would fe
el comfortable telling a stranger.”

  “The truth. Like you said, I was in a bad car accident.” It seemed easy...if it worked. “What if they ask more questions?”

  “Just because they ask doesn’t mean you have to answer. You could say you’re thankful to be alive and leave it at that.”

  The front door opened and Dad hollered, “Hope you have the pie cut because we’re ready for dessert.”

  Celeste’s nerve endings prickled. She hadn’t seen Grandma Pearl in a long time. She stood to greet her as she emerged from the hall. Grandma Pearl still had silver hair and the kindest eyes in the world, but she walked with a stoop, and her thin face looked sallow.

  “Celeste!”

  Celeste gave her a big hug. “Happy Thanksgiving. We’re so glad you came.”

  “Got my hair done yesterday.” Grandma Pearl pretended to fluff the back. “It’s not every day I have dessert with my great-grandbaby.”

  “Want me to wake him? He’s taking a nap. The excitement wore him out.”

  “Let him sleep a bit more.” Grandma Pearl sat at the dining table, and Celeste helped her mom get out plates and mugs. After pouring coffee, they all dug into pumpkin pie.

  “How have you been feeling?” Celeste asked.

  “Tired and creaky, but I’m doing well.” Grandma Pearl’s coffee cup trembled as she lifted it to her mouth. “Tell me about your new home. Your dad said you’re living over in Lake Endwell now.”

  “Yes. Parker and I have a beautiful view of the lake. He’s almost walking on his own. We keep waiting for him to take more than one step.”

  “We?”

  Celeste’s cheeks flamed. “My neighbor Sam and me. He’s the one I’m helping out in exchange for the cabin. He was in a bad accident, too.”

  Grandma Pearl cut a bite of pie with her fork. “I’m sorry to hear that. It broke my heart the day I got the call about you and Brandy. She shouldn’t have died so young.” She pulled a handkerchief from her pocket and dabbed under her eyes. “Tragic. But I hope you know I’m thankful every day you survived, dear.”

  Celeste bowed her head. It should have been me. Brandy should be here eating pie with her grandma.

  “What would we have done without both you girls? And what would have happened to sweet Parker.” She smiled at Mom and Dad. “I know you two would have raised him, but it’s better for him to have a young mom like our Celeste.”

  Celeste clutched her hands together tightly. Brandy had a son who needed her—still needs her. I need her. And I’m single. Why her? Why not me? The world could have gone on fine without me.

  Parker yelled “Mama” from the bedroom. Another thing Celeste was torn about.

  “I’ll be right back.” She hurried down the hall. Parker stood in his portable crib and lifted his arms. “Mama!”

  She picked him up, pressing him close to her. He smelled so baby fresh. She took a minute to savor his warm, cuddly arms around her neck. Was it wrong to love this child so much? “Guess what? Grandma Pearl is here. She can’t wait to see you.”

  He scrunched his nose and patted her cheeks.

  “I love you, Parker Monroe.”

  “La!”

  She kissed him and carried him back to the table.

  “There he is!” Grandma Pearl clapped her hands and held her arms wide. Parker wiggled to get out of Celeste’s grasp. She set him on his feet. He grinned and laughed. Took one step. Two steps. Three...and he was in Grandma Pearl’s arms.

  “He did it! He walked!” Mom jumped out of her chair and clapped. “Good job, Parker.”

  Celeste ran to the kitchen to get her phone, but by the time she got back, Grandma Pearl had already set him on her lap and was feeding him a bite of pie.

  “We didn’t get it on video.” Dad sounded disappointed.

  “We’ll get the next one.” Celeste winked. She noticed a text from Sam.

  He wanted her to stop by on Saturday? A warm feeling radiated all the way up from her toes to her head. She quickly texted back that she’d stop by around nine Saturday morning.

  “This is the best Thanksgiving I could have asked for.” Grandma Pearl beamed.

  It seemed fitting Parker would take his first steps into Grandma Pearl’s arms. A gift to her when she’d lost so much. God was good. Even in the hardest parts of life, God was good.

  Grandma Pearl deserved some good in her life.

  Celeste would have to keep reminding herself how much Parker meant to the woman. Because the Christmas program practices started in exactly one week. And she was not ready to drive past the accident site.

  She wasn’t ready to discuss the accident with Brandy’s church friends, either. Mom made a good point about having an answer ready for curious strangers. But for the people who knew Brandy? The ones who might have questioned Celeste’s driving that night?

  She had no answers for them. None at all.

  Mom and Dad had assured her over and over it was an accident and how thankful they were she’d made it out alive. But it didn’t change the fact that Celeste was here eating pie with Brandy’s grandma and raising Brandy’s son when Brandy should be the one doing both.

  I’m sorry, God. I’m sorry I love Parker so much and I’m happy he’s mine. I shouldn’t be happy about it, should I? How can I let him call me Mama? It’s selfish. I’m selfish.

  The emotional turmoil swirled inside her. Only one person came to mind who might understand.

  Sam.

  The startled look on his face when she jokingly said she loved him crashed back.

  Her current strategy of staying silent on the subject of Brandy’s death seemed wise, but her heart ached to spill everything to Sam.

  * * *

  Sam zipped his winter jacket Saturday morning and hoped this outing would help him feel less like an invalid and more like a man. He was glad Celeste had agreed to join him. The weather was cooperating. Clear sky and sunshine.

  “You’re bundled up.” Celeste entered by the kitchen door, followed by a chilly breeze.

  She and Parker wore winter coats and matching green-and-white knit hats. She looked young and free, less somber than she often did. Sam stared a moment too long. Had the craziest urge to take her hand in his. Yeah, that would go great. Instead, he shoved a black hat on his head.

  “Hey, buddy.” Keeping hold of his crutches, he gave Parker a little wave. “Ready for a walk?”

  Celeste’s mouth dropped open.

  Sam quickly added, “Outside. The three of us.”

  “Are you sure?” The look she gave him screamed, You’re crazy, right?

  “Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve spent any time outside? I’m just talking about a short walk by the lake.” He waited, ready to argue whatever problem she dished out. It had taken him thirty minutes to layer jeans over his knee brace and don the rest of his outdoor gear along with running shoes. He was not backing out now.

  “I’ll go get the stroller.”

  He nodded. “I’ll meet you in the driveway.”

  Holding Parker, she left with a soft click of the door behind her.

  That went better than he’d expected. His sisters would have lectured him about not taking chances, and he would have argued with them until his face turned as blue as the sky above.

  He positioned himself in the wheelchair and wedged his crutches upright between his legs as he wheeled out to the patio, down the ramp to the driveway. The air smelled crisp, the way only a forty-degree day on the lake could smell. It hadn’t frozen yet, and the water looked turquoise. Sam sucked in a deep breath, lifting his face at the pleasure of it.

  He’d just gotten to his feet when Celeste returned. The jogging stroller crushed the gravel as Parker pounded his hands on the bar.

  “I’ll put the wheelchair under th
e deck to protect it.” She jammed her foot on the stroller brake, moved the wheelchair and was back in a flash. “Where are we going?”

  “This way.” He jerked his head to the lake. “Let’s take the path.”

  They fell in beside each other as geese honked overhead. Trees rustled in the breeze, and a quiet peace spread over the lake. Sam soaked it all in. He’d missed this aspect of life—the simple pleasure of a stroll outdoors on a winter day. “I forgot how quiet this time of year is when you’re outside.”

  “I never thought about it, but you’re right. No bugs buzzing about, I guess.”

  “And the trees lost most of their leaves, so they’re quieter, too.”

  They continued past her cottage.

  “How was your Thanksgiving?” they asked simultaneously. Sam grinned, and Celeste laughed.

  “You first,” he said.

  “Really good. Dad deep-fried the turkey. It was delicious. Brandy’s grandma came over for dessert—Oh! I forgot to tell you! Parker finally walked—right into her arms. It was amazing.”

  “He did? And here I’d been hoping I’d get to see it. Well, good for you, buddy.” He stretched his neck to make a funny face at Parker. He had been hoping to see his first steps. Could he be getting too emotionally invested in his neighbors?

  He looked around at the grass starting to yellow, at the evergreens and the glints of light sparking from the water. Maybe it was okay to be emotionally invested. He wouldn’t be out here today enjoying this beauty if it wasn’t for Celeste moving in next door.

  “What about your Thanksgiving? Your aunt’s house, right?”

  “It was good. Really good. My family treated me like a normal human being for the first time in a long time. Oh, and Claire and Reed are having a baby, so I’ll be an uncle again.” He grinned, but his heart fell. He loved being an uncle, but would he ever be a father?

  “That’s wonderful!” Celeste beamed.

  “Ga! Ga!” Parker pulled himself forward and pointed. Sam stared in the direction he was pointing.

  “Look, he found a cat.”

  A fat orange cat sat facing the lake. Its fur was fluffed up, making it look like a puffball.