Masset: (A pudgy little French expert) I am thinking.
Van Hooten: (Snort) Masset is thinking! Do not breathe.
Kenyon: We really need you in this little syndicate we’re forming, Masset. As a lapidary you’ve no equal. You’re better qualified than any of us to detect a possible fraud.
Masset: Monsieur Kenyon, that is a bouquet I cannot resist smelling! Gentlemen, Masset enters the syndicate! Mynheer Van Hooten, Mr. Bryce—congratulate yourselves! (They all laugh a little.)
Van Hooten: But to double the size of diamonds! This professor is a fraud. He must be.
Bryce: I know it sounds like a fantastic idea. . . .
Masset: (Thoughtfully) Quisait? In the eighteenth century le comte Saint-Germain proved to King Louis the Fifteenth that not only could he remove flaws from diamonds but increase the size of pearls!
Van Hooten: (Scoffing) A legend, Masset! Folklore!
Bryce: Well, we’ll soon see. Personally, I think the man’s a quack, Kenyon.
Kenyon: Judge for yourselves. Now we’re all agreed on our conditions, gentlemen? (As they agree a door opens off accompanied by a warning bell, which keeps ringing.) Yes, Wolfe? He’s here?
Man: (Entering) Yes, Mr. Kenyon. It’s Professor Lazarus.
Kenyon: Send him in. And remember, Wolfe—no interruptions!
Man: Yes, Mr. Kenyon, this way, Professor Lazarus.
Lazarus: Thank you, thank you! (The door closes and the bell stops.)
Kenyon: Come in, Professor! I want you to meet some business friends of mine. We’ve decided to form a little syndicate . . . just in case. Mynheer Van Hooten, the Amsterdam diamond merchant—Mr. Bryce, the London diamond-dealer—Monsieur Masset, the famous lapidary.
Lazarus: A syndicate, eh? Excellent, excellent. Delighted!
Van Hooten: Don’t be too delighted. Professor Lazarus. We are a court of examination—no more!
Bryce: Frankly, Professor, we don’t know whether you’re the genius you claim to be, or a lunatic.
Masset: You will find us hard. Professor Lazarus. We do not believe you. But on the million-to-one chance that you have really stumbled on a new scientific principle . . .
Kenyon: In a word, we’re willing to be shown. (They all murmur assent.)
Van Hooten: Providing, of course, that the conditions under which the experiment is conducted protect the syndicate against any possibility of loss. Mynheer!
Lazarus: Naturally, naturally, Mr. Van Hooten. You would be fools not to protect yourselves!
Kenyon: All right, then. Professor, do you see the steel safe-door in that wall of my office?
Lazarus: Yes, Mr. Kenyon?
Bryce: That safe-door leads into Mr. Kenyon’s strongroom. The strongroom is completely lined with steel and has only one means of entrance and exit—the burglar-proof safe-door you see there.
Masset: In that strongroom, mon professeur, you will try to double the size of diamonds!
Lazarus: I understand. But air—I’ll need air to breathe—
Kenyon: My strongroom is air-conditioned. (“Ah!”) Incidentally I’m having the door-combination changed. And only Van Hooten, Bryce, Masset and I will know the new combination!
Van Hooten: You comprehend. Professor? Not you! You will be admitted by one of us into the strongroom each morning, and released each night! (Lazarus indicates that he grasps the idea.)
Bryce: You may install your apparatus in the strongroom and go to work on our diamonds, Lazarus!
Lazarus: Very fair, very fair, gentlemen. But may I make one condition? No one must disturb my work. I refuse to allow anyone to enter that strongroom the entire week of my experiment—either while I’m working there during the day, or while its locked up for the night!
Van Hooten: (Suspiciously) Ah! And why is that. Professor?
Lazarus: Obviously I must protect myself. I can’t afford to let anyone learn the secret of my process! (Remarks of: “that’s fair,”
“Of course,” etc.)
Masset: Agreed, then. But we warn you, monsieur le professeur! That room will be guarded as if it were the Bank of France!
Bryce: We should have experienced searchers to see that—(Coughs)—the Professor doesn’t carry off our diamonds some night after his day’s work.
Kenyon: How about four detectives from Police Headquarters? Two to stand guard outside the strongroom all day, two all night.
Van Hooten: And each night when you leave the strong room, Lazarus, you will be searched from head to foot!
Masset: Mais certainement! That I insist on!
Bryce: (Smoothly) And to leave utterly nothing to chance, gentlemen—I suggest we have a trustworthy physician in attendance to—ah—complete the nightly search. (Enthusiastic agreement from the others.)
Kenyon: (Dryly) You see, Professor, we’re taking no chances. Since we’re each lending you a valuable diamond to experiment on, take my word for it—you won’t get the slightest opportunity to steal them!
Lazarus: Steal! I’m a scientist, not a thief! Very well, we start tomorrow when I bring my apparatus in. But remember: Absolute secrecy! If the world learned of what we can do, the value of diamonds would be ruined forever! (They agree) Tomorrow each of you have a perfect diamond for me, in Mr. Kenyon’s office, and I promise you—in one week your four diamonds will have grown to twice their present size! (He laughs) Like the Count of Monte Cristo—in one week you’ll be able to cry: The world is mine!
Scene 3: The Queen Apartment, a Week Later
(Kenyon is ending his story.)
Kenyon: . . . and then, Mr. Queen, Professor Lazarus went to work in my strongroom at the office.
Ellery Queen: (Thoughtfully) Amazing. Amazing story, Mr. Kenyon.
Inspector Queen: So that’s why you asked for the services of four of my detectives a week ago, Mr. Kenyon! (Chuckles) Weren’t you gentlemen a little plastered when Lazarus turned on his highfalutin gas?
Nikki Porter: Why, it’s fantastic! An Arabian Nights’ story!
Ellery: Why did you bring your friend Dr. Cook with you, Mr. Kenyon? No offense, Doctor; just curiosity.
Kenyon: Dr. Cook is the physician who’s been examining Lazarus every night when he quits the strongroom.
Dr. Cook: (He is a scientific robot) Would have refused anyone but Kenyon, Mr. Queen. Old friends. But of all the nonsense! Wait till you hear the end of this!
Kenyon: In the week that’s passed since the Professor began his mysterious work in my strongroom, we’ve taken every precaution against fraud, Mr. Queen. Well, this afternoon at five we let the professor out, as usual, Seventh day—his time was up. “Well?” we demanded. “Show us our diamonds, twice as large!” The Professor was nervous . . .
Inspector: (Chuckling) Doubling the size of diamonds!
Nikki: Of course he failed, Mr. Kenyon?
Ellery: And asked for more time? That would be the natural development.
Kenyon: Exactly what happened! Well, the detectives and we five men—we searched him—Dr. Cook here examined him with special care—and then, satisfied the diamonds weren’t on him, we let him go for the night.
Dr. Cook: And the syndicate went into a huddle. (Chuckles.)
Kenyon: After an argument, we decided to extend the Professor’s time a few days. The others left, I went out for dinner. . . and started to worry. Suppose something was wrong! I’d got the other three into this; they’d contributed valuable diamonds as well as I. . . . Well, I ran back to my office. The two detectives on night-duty let me in—I unlocked the safe-door of the strongroom and went in. . . .
Inspector: (Sharply) Don’t tell me. . . .
Nikki: The four diamonds you gave Lazarus to work on—
Ellery: They were gone from the strongroom, Mr. Kenyon?
Kenyon: (Despairing) Vanished! Not a sign of them! I turned that strongroom upside down! Tore his apparatus to pieces! Then I called the detectives in. They thought I was crazy, till they saw for themselves.
Ellery: Seems simple enough,
Mr. Kenyon. Professor Lazarus managed to smuggle the diamonds out with him during the past week, perhaps taking one diamond at a time, and your nightly searches just didn’t turn up his hiding-place.
Kenyon: Impossible, Mr. Queen! We didn’t overlook even the most farfetched hiding-place! That’s why I stopped to pick up Dr. Cook on my way to see you tonight, after I left messages for Van Hooten, Bryce, and Masset that the diamonds were gone.
Dr. Cook: I give you my word, Mr. Queen—I can’t imagine where the fellow could have been hiding those diamonds when he took them out.
Ellery: How about his clothing?
Kenyon: We examined every stitch on his body every night—not only we four, but the detectives, too!
Inspector: The men I put on this job, Ellery, wouldn’t slip up on a body-search. They’re perfectly reliable.
Nikki: I know! Lazarus must have a hump on his back—a false hump! Or else he’s got a hollow wooden leg, or something!
Dr. Cook: No hump, false limb, finger . . . nothing like that.
Ellery: How about his hair, Doctor? Has he a beard?
Dr. Cook: No beard, and the man’s as bald as an eagle.
Ellery: His mouth, Doctor. Did you examine him there?
Dr. Cook: Lazarus has no teeth of his own. He uses dental plates, which I examined carefully every night. No cavities of any kind. Nor could he have taken the diamonds out in his ears or nasal openings.
Nikki: A glass eye! I’ll bet that’s it.
Dr. Cook: No, Miss Porter. He has two very sound eyes.
Ellery: Possibly he carried some object out of the strong room in which a diamond might have been concealed. A watch—(“No!”)—cigarette case—(“No . . .”)
Inspector: Wallet? (“It was examined.”) Tobacco pouch? (“No, Inspector.”) A finger-ring? (“No!”)
Nikki: A cane! A walking-stick that’s hollow!
Kenyon: (Sighing) The Professor has no stick. I tell you we examined everything. Even his pen and pencil.
Ellery: Mr. Kenyon, is there a drain or water-tap in the strongroom?
Kenyon: No opening of any kind except the air-conditioning vent and intake—and they were thoroughly searched.
Nikki: Then couldn’t he have hidden the diamonds inside of him, Dr. Cook?
Ellery: (Chuckling) Excellent question, Nikki! Could he?
Dr. Cook: I performed every conceivable test that would be conclusive, Mr. Queen—gastroscope, otoscope, nasal speculum, and so on. If X-Ray or fluoroscope would have helped, I’d have used those, too, because Mr. Kenyon and his associates told me to leave absolutely nothing to chance. I give you my word as a medical man, Mr. Queen—Professor Lazarus did not hide those four diamonds anywhere in his body! (The phone rings.)
Nikki: I’ll answer it, Inspector.
Inspector: No, I’ll take it, Nikki. Probably Headquarters, with my men’s report of the theft. . . .
Ellery: Fascinating problem, gentlemen! (The inspector answers the phone.) It appears we’re dealing with the most ingenious thief of modern times. We’ll have to see your Professor Lazarus . . .
Inspector: Ellery, stop a minute. I can’t hear . . . Hello! Who?
Sergeant Velie: (On the other end) This is Velie, Inspector!
Inspector: Oh! Yes, Velie? Why aren’t you home with your wife?
Velie: I’m married to my job, ain’t I? Inspector, you’ll have to buzz downtown. A murder.
Inspector: Why do they always pick out a man’s bedtime! Well, well, Velie. Where is it?
Velie: Some crummy hotel—the Jolly, or Jelly, or somepin’, on East Twenty-fourth. Guy was found dead in his room by a chambermaid. Somebody’s played chopsticks on his naked skull.
Inspector: I’ll be right down. Identify the corpse yet, Velie?
Velie: Oh, sure. Some nut inventor, from the papers in his room . . .
Inspector: Nut invent—! (Hoarsely) Velie! What was his name?
Velie: Aw, you wouldn’t know him. Inspector. A phony professor. Let’s see, now. Yeah . . . Lazarus—Professor Lazarus!
Scene 4: A Room in a New York Hotel, Later
(A mean little hotel room filled with chattering detectives, police, etc.)
Velie: (Over the hubbub) Say, Whitey! Inspector’s yellin’ for that fingerprint report! (Whitey shouts) What? That’s nice! The old man’ll love that! . . . Joe! Ain’t you through muggin’ the stiff? Get pictures of the struggle—bloody lamp, overturned chairs, torn clo’es . . . man, what a brawl this musta been!
Inspector: (Calling) Velie! Where’s Prouty? . . . Quiet, men!
Velie: (Bellowing) Qui-et, you hyenas! (The hubbub quiets) Doc Prouty’s gone already, Inspector. Nothin’ sensational, he says. Guy just died from those blows on the head while he was fightin’ with his killer. Happened tonight.
Inspector: That’s very helpful! Ellery, did you see this?
Ellery: (Absently) What, dad? Oh, sorry.
Nikki: Ellery Queen! You don’t seem the least bit interested! What is it, Inspector? . . . Oh, what a beautiful diamond.
Velie: My old woman’d give her right eye for a sparkler like that. Where’d you find it, Inspector?
Inspector: In Lazarus’s right hand, Mr. Kenyon!
Velie: Kenyon! Over here, Mr. Kenyon! Watch it! Don’t step on his hand!
Kenyon: (He is very upset) Oh! Did I? I mean . . . For heaven’s sake, this is awful! Awful!
Ellery: (Low) Let’s see the diamond, dad . . . Hmm . . .
Inspector: Kenyon, do you recognize this diamond? (Kenyon examines it.)
Kenyon: It’s Bryce’s! The diamond Bryce contributed to the syndicate for the Professor’s experiment!
Inspector: That settles it. Only Van Hooten, Bryce, Masset, and Kenyon knew about Lazarus’s experiment—even the detectives on day and night duty didn’t know what was going on!
Velie: So it musta been one of the syndicate that bumped off the dead con man.
Kenyon: One of us? Don’t be—! (Thoughtfully) One of us?
Inspector: One of you four men came to the professor’s hotel room tonight, caught him with the stolen diamonds, and tried to take them away. Lazarus fought back and was beaten to death with this heavy metal table lamp. Murderer grabbed the diamonds and beat it.
Nikki: But in the excitement he overlooked one of the diamonds—the one in the dead man’s hand—
Velie: Or maybe he thought he’d taken all four and didn’t find out it was only three till he got away—then he was scared to come back.
Nikki: But the big question is: Which of the four members of the syndicate killed Professor Lazarus?
Inspector: What d’ye think, Ellery?
Ellery: (Thoughtfully) Three secrets may have died with Lazarus. First, the secret of his diamond-doubling process—whose authenticity I doubt. Second, the secret of his murderer’s identity—in this well-lighted room, after a considerable struggle, Lazarus must certainly have recognized his assailant. And third, the secret of how Lazarus managed to spirit those diamonds out of Kenyon’s strongroom—past the suspicious eyes and searching hands of the four owners of the diamonds, two experienced detectives, and a medical doctor!
Nikki: It’s enough to make you dizzy. I can’t imagine!
Ellery: At the moment, neither can I, Nikki. I confess—I’d rather know how Lazarus accomplished the thefts than who murdered him!
Velie: You would.
Inspector: Velie!
Velie: (Hastily) Yeah, Inspector?
Inspector: Round up Van Hooten, Bryce, and that French lap—lap—whatever he is!—Masset. Get ‘em down here on the double and we’ll go over ‘em—lightly!
Velie: (Fading) Lemme slap on the hot towel . . .!
Inspector: Ellery, you can play around with the mystery of how Professor Lazarus stole those diamonds—I want to know who beat him to death!
Scene 5: The Same, Later
(Inspector Queen is grilling the suspects. Bryce is saying: “Yes, that is my diamond, Inspector” The others demand the return o
f their property.)
Inspector: Murderer’s got ‘em! I want to know where you men were tonight. Bryce?
Bryce: (Nervously) I was out strolling . . . returned to my hotel, found Kenyon’s message that the diamonds had been stolen . . . thought it was a—a joke . . .
Inspector: Mynheer Van Hooten? You were in the Park writing poetry, I suppose?
Van Hooten: (yelling) I go back to my New York office! Later I go back to my hotel—find Kenyon’s message—
Inspector: (Softly) So you’ve no alibi, either. How about you, Monsieur Masset?
Masset: I, too, Monsieur l’inspecteur—I return to my office on Maiden Lane. And I, too—I later find Monsieur Kenyon’s message about the theft of the dimaonds . . .
Velie: For a bunch of business men, these guys were sure pushovers for that con-man Lazarus!
Nikki: Yes, Sergeant, and the Professor would have got away with it, too, if one of them hadn’t gone to his hotel, killed him—and stolen the diamonds himself!
Ellery: Hush, Nikki. Let dad handle this.
Nikki: (Indignantly) I know, Ellery, but such deceit, such—such bloodthirstiness! They’re all trying to look so innocent.
Van Hooten: I want back my diamondt! Get it back, I say!
Masset: (Bitterly) Mine, too. Bryce, you are fortunate. Your diamond was left behind. But mine—
Bryce: But how did he do it? I can’t understand it!
Inspector: There’s a lot of things I can’t understand! Hold it, you four, Ellery, come here a minute.
Ellery: (Absently) Yes, dad! (They go to one side.)
Inspector: Any ideas?
Ellery: Dad, I’m baffled. Baffled! It’s an impossible crime!
Inspector: What’s impossible about it? No tricks to this murder. All we have to do is find the murderer—
Ellery: I don’t mean the murder, dad—I mean Lazarus’s theft of the diamonds from Kenyon’s strongroom! I shan’t sleep till I find out how he smuggled them past seven searchers!
Inspector: Hang it, son! This is a murder-case, not a puzzle!
Death Locked In Page 45