by Suzy Shearer
“Do you think so?”
“Hell yeah. I’m loving the way the muscles on his neck are so pronounced.”
“I think they need more. From what I’ve read the morillo tenses and that’s why they stick those barbs in and why they toy with the bull. It’s all designed to tire them so they relax the morillo.”
“Why don’t you grab your camera and we go annoy Ferdinand.”
“Oh, don’t annoy him! He might hurt you,” she said quickly.
He was delighted that she sounded so concerned.
Gabriel laughed. “I meant annoy as in call him over so you can take pictures.”
“Oh, sorry.”
He held out his hand and waited. Isabella looked down at the clay then his hand. He saw her shoulders relax as if she’d come to a decision and watched as she draped damp cloths then plastic sheeting over the clay model. She closed the lid on a bin of clay she had alongside her, dropped her glasses, and then went to put her hand in his. She turned her palm slightly and must have realised how much clay was on her hand so pulled back.
Gabriel reached out and grabbed her hand, “It’ll wash off.”
She cocked her head and smiled, leading him into a corner of the room where there was a large sink and washed her hands. Gabriel washed his as well. As she began to dry hers he pulled her around by the shoulders. He felt her tense. Using a damp corner of the towel he began to wipe the clay off her face. The tension between them heightened. Gabriel could hear her breathing increase and he knew his had as well.
Softly he said, “All done.”
“Than…thank you,” she stammered.
They stood there staring into each other’s eyes for countless time until Isabella broke the spell and looked down. She moved a step back. Gabriel, aware of their growing attraction, aware it was still on a knife edge, wanted to make sure nothing he did would tip her the wrong way. Hell, he loved her! He knew he had to let her make the first move but how on earth was he going to resist when she looked so damn sexy?
“Let’s go talk to Ferdinand.”
She nodded and walked out of the studio. Gabriel followed and waited as she locked the door then walked into the house. He waited in the hallway as she went upstairs. A few minutes later she came back down. She’d changed her clay-stained clothes for a clean pair of jeans, T-shirt, and thick sweater. She had her camera bag in her hand.
“Ready?”
She said “yes” and picked up her keys.
“If you feel safe enough we can take my car and I’ll drop you home later.”
She stared at him as if trying to decide.
Then she said, “I’m not sure I’m safe with you but I think…well. I think maybe I can risk your driving.”
Gabriel couldn’t help it, he roared with laughter and tucked her arm under his. They went out to his car and he ushered her into the passenger seat. Feeling like a little kid on his first date, Gabriel couldn’t stop grinning as he got behind the wheel. They’d just started driving when his phone rang. He had it on hands free speaker as he said, “Hello.”
“Gabe! What happened? You were supposed to ring me,” Ian’s panicked voice echoed in the car.
“Sorry, Ian.” He glanced at Isabella. “She’s okay. Erica was right. I found her in the studio completely wrapped up in her work.”
“That’s a relief. I’ll let Erica know. Hope you kept your hands to yourself.”
A quick glance at Isabella showed a tiny grin on her face.
“Of course. I always do.”
Ian laughed. “That’ll be the day. Don’t do your caveman act. Just keep your cock in your pants. Definitely don’t bite. Oh, and keep the ropes and whips in the cupboard if you want to get the lovely Isabella to like you, my friend. She may not be into your kind of kink.”
“Ah, Ian, you’re on speaker and the lovely Isabella is right beside me.”
“Fuck! Sorry. Shit.” A flustered Ian uncomfortably added, “Ah, sorry, Isabella.”
Gabriel was sure Isabella couldn’t help herself as she burst out laughing, “It’s okay, Ian.”
“I think I’d better go. Bye, you two.”
Ian hung up and Gabriel said, “Sorry about that.”
He could see she wanted to say something but seemed hesitant.
“In case you’re wondering, Ian knows about my sexual preferences although he tends to be vanilla in his tastes.”
Isabella’s cheeks went bright red as blood suffused her face. She stared straight ahead but he noticed she was biting her lip. He’d seen her do that a few times either when she was worried or when she was aroused.
Trying to keep things light, he asked her about the commission of the bull and how much time she had to get it finished. Their talk turned to art and he noticed her relax. By the time they pulled into the courtyard she was chatting easily. It seemed on any subject but sex Isabella was a very confident woman. Opening the door for her, he helped her out and they walked down the path to the field.
Ferdinand was actually standing close to the fence and turned his head at their approach.
“Damn, he’ll want a treat. I’ll nip back to the house and grab something. Don’t be frightened of him, he won’t hurt you.”
When he came back he was so happy to see Isabella had stepped to the fence and was now actually touching Ferdinand’s back hesitantly.
She jumped when Gabriel said, “He likes his head scratched between his horns.”
She looked fearfully at Gabriel then the bull. Gabriel moved closer and took her hand gently, laying it between the bull’s horns. With his other hand he gave Ferdinand a piece of carrot. She looked into Gabriel’s face, giving him a child-like look of wonder. It delighted him as she began to gently scratch.
“You can give him a carrot.”
“I don’t think I’m that game yet. This is wonderful enough for me.”
As he looked she ran her hand down across the morillo and back up again. Then as he watched she closed her eyes, letting her fingers feel their way back and forth and across the heavy muscles. She had a look of such concentration on her face but at the same time it was a look of excitement.
All at once Gabriel imagined it was his body she was running her fingers over. His cock hardened.
When she opened her eyes they met his and she caught her breath then quickly looked away. She stepped away from the fence and picked up her camera bag shakily. As he watched she fiddled with the camera, as if trying to get herself under control. Then Isabella took a lot of close-up photos of Ferdinand’s head and shoulders. She bent down and took a deep breath then took more photos.
“I’m glad you’re going to get his undercarriage anatomically correct.”
Blush wasn’t the word for it. Isabella went so red Gabriel couldn’t hold back his laugh as she leant back quickly and ended up on her butt. He reached down a hand and grabbed hers, pulling her up. He had no defences against her.
She brought out every primal instinct in him. He wanted to hold her in his arms, he wanted to keep her safe. He wanted to protect her from every pain, every ache. More than that, he wanted to know she was his alone. He gently touched her cheek. Her eyes closed as he ran his fingers down and felt her lean closer into his hand.
Oh god, how can I keep my hands off her?
He quickly pulled his hand away and said, “I’m sorry. I can’t help myself around you. I just want to touch you all the time.”
She didn’t answer, instead she put her camera away and shouldered her bag. He noticed she was biting that lip again. Turning, he began walking down the laneway after giving Ferdinand the remainder of the carrots with Isabella walking behind him. They reached the car and he opened the door for her. She gave him a puzzled look.
“I thought you wanted me to pose.”
Gabriel put a hand on the car door and the other on the roof. He looked down at the ground then across the courtyard, settling his gaze on the wonderful statue. He took a deep breath.
“I’m sorry, Isabella, but I ho
nestly don’t know if I could keep my hands off you if you were naked, despite my promise.”
“Oh.”
Her breath quickened as he turned his gaze on her.
“I guess I have enough sketches.” He stopped to think. “Maybe we could just concentrate on your face.”
She had a funny look, almost as if she was angry or disappointed then it changed to relief. Gabriel decided in for a penny, in for a pound. He may as well tell her. He looked back at the statue.
“You’re all I think about. I know I’ve only known you a short while but…” He shrugged. “Yesterday when I saw your response I wanted to take you then and there. It took all my self-control not to force myself on you. I wanted to whip you until you pleaded with me to fuck you, until you screamed my name in pleasure. So you see…”
He spread his hands apart then continued, “If we go into the studio and you take your clothes off I know I will want to tie you. I know I will want to do all the things I’ve wanted to do to you since I first saw you. I’m honest when I say you would be almost impossible to not touch. I…I would never force myself on you but I honestly don’t know how strong my will-power is to resist you.”
She didn’t say anything. When he looked down at her she was staring at him with a puzzled, slightly frightened look on her face.
“Come on, Issie. Get in the car and I’ll take you home.” Resigned to lose her, he spoke wearily.
She nodded and slid under his arm to sit down. He shut the car door and drove her back. Neither spoke all the way. They were both wrapped up in their own thoughts. Gabriel felt terrified that he’d lost her by being completely honest. Still, he knew she would hate him if he’d allowed her to pose naked. Damn, he’d hate himself. He knew perfectly well what the consequences would be if he had her nude. When he stopped the car at her door she was still staring ahead but then Isabella turned to him.
“Thank you. Thank you for being honest. I…” She sighed. “It was more than I expected.”
She opened the door before he could move and jumped swiftly out. As he watched she unlocked the back door and went inside, closing the door behind her. Gabriel sat there for a moment or two then turned the car around and drove home thoughtfully.
Chapter Thirteen
Isabella went inside quickly, trying hard to assess her feelings. Part of her was angry, part felt glad, another part disappointed and upset. She tried to look at each feeling separately.
Angry—because he’d turned her whole world upside down.
Glad—she didn’t have to pose naked for him anymore.
So why the hell was she so disappointed?
Trying to look at her feelings honestly, she realised she felt disappointed because she really wanted him to seduce her. She wanted him to take advantage of her innocence. She wanted him to do all those dark things she’d kept locked away.
If he did then she could pretend to herself that he was the one who forced her to do them.
And then—then she wouldn’t have to accept any responsibility for her actions. She could blame him.
Upset—now she understood why she was upset. She was upset because she knew even though he’d told her how much he desired her he would be honourable. She knew he would never again ask her to pose naked.
Isabella burst into tears. It had to be about an hour later that Erica rang. Isabella was still upset with herself and with Gabriel and still prone to crying.
“Heard you had the mighty painter in a tizz.”
“I just forgot the time,” she answered sadly.
“Honey, what’s wrong? You sound upset.”
“Nothing.”
“Come on, Issie. It’s me. Tell me what’s wrong?” Erica coaxed.
“I can’t. I…don’t.”
She couldn’t go on. The tears were beginning to trickle down her cheeks again.
“Issie, don’t shut me out like before. Don’t do this.” Erica pleaded. “I’m here for you. I always have been. Talk to me. This is about Gabriel, isn’t it?”
“Yes,” she answered through her tears.
“Listen to me and listen good. You’ve spent most of your adult life avoiding men. I honestly don’t know your reason but I’m guessing it had something to do with that prick the other night.”
She waited for Isabella to answer.
“Maybe.”
“Maybe’s good enough.” She took a breath. “You have a sexy hot-looking man who looks at you as if he wants to devour you whole. He looks at you like you’re a piece of chocolate and chocolate’s his only food. He’s a man who obviously cares a lot more for you than just as a model. Hell, he panicked when you didn’t turn up. You’re not a kid anymore, you’re a grown woman. What’s stopping you? Oh, and don’t give me that crap about wanting to stay professional.”
“I can’t tell you.” With that she burst into loud sobs.
She heard the compassion in Erica’s voice as she spoke softly and said, “Sweetie, it can’t be that bad. You’re not an axe murderer, are you?”
Isabella gave a watery laugh and said, “No.”
“Well, in that case it can’t be that awful. Why don’t you take a chance? Would it be something that would make Gabriel upset if he knew?”
Isabella got a vision in her head at Erica’s words. Make Gabriel upset? Heavens, he’d be over the moon.
“Well, would he?” Erica prompted.
“No,” she answered reluctantly.
“So what’s stopping you? I know you like him. I saw the way the pair of you looked at each other last Saturday. Hell, you were practically having sex on the dance floor. “
In a tiny voice Isabella said, “I’m so scared, Erica.”
“Oh, Issie, is that all.” She gave a laugh. “Everyone gets scared when they meet someone new, someone who floats their boat. You’re just the same as the rest of us.”
“You don’t,” Isabella countered.
“Don’t I? Hell, I’ve been shaking in my boots since I met Ian. I really like him—a lot and I keep praying he feels the same. I’m falling in love with him.”
“You have? You are?” Isabella was amazed. “I didn’t know.”
“Well, now you do. So whatever your big secret is, don’t let it stop you from living and maybe truly falling in love at long last.”
Isabella knew Erica was right but she had to overcome years of believing she was perverted. She gave a huge sigh.
“I know you’re right, Erica, I honestly do. It’s just…well, I’ll think about it.”
“That’s a positive start. Go for it, girl. Take a big leap and jump in.”
“We’ll see.”
“Don’t forget I’m flying to Paris tonight for that convention tomorrow. Want me to bring you back some sexy perfume? That’s sure to make Gabriel want you even more.”
“Is that tomorrow?” Isabella managed to laugh, “Yes, please, something new and delicious smelling.”
“Will do. I’ll be back late Saturday evening. I’ll ring you Sunday.”
“Okay. Bye and thanks.”
“That’s what friends are for. Bye.”
Isabella stood looking at the phone in her hand. Erica’s words bubbled over in her head. She knew deep down that Erica was right. She also knew that Gabriel wouldn’t act unless she made the first move. So much for trying to pass the buck to him. If she wanted Gabriel, wanted to test the waters of her kinky desires, then it was up to her to let him know.
Deep in her heart she knew she really liked him. She’d never felt this way before even when she’d first met Derek. Gabriel had a way of setting her aflame with just a look. All her life she’d avoided men. Now she realised that she’d been an idiot. She also realised if she’d confided in Erica when it happened there was a good chance that Erica would have set her straight. But she’d been too scared to, been afraid the one person she could count on would turn aside in horror.
How on earth could a woman her age not see the truth? How could she have lived her whole life in such a lie?<
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Later that night as Isabella lay in the bathtub she was still mulling over what Erica had said, still thinking over her own fears. She and Gabriel hadn’t agreed on another posing session except that it would only be her face. The whole question was this. Was she brave enough to take what was on offer? Was she brave enough to cast aside all those hurtful things Derek had said about her that she’d let fester for years?
“Maybe it’s time. Maybe it’s time to take back my life.”
As she said the words aloud Isabella suddenly realised she’d empowered someone else to rob her of happiness. She’d spent over thirty years believing she was a freak. Spent most of her adult life allowing someone else’s opinion to dictate how she would live. The few months she’d been married she’d been living a lie, suppressing her own desires because of cruel words. She married someone who she knew deep down would never be true, would never give her what she wanted, never ask for love from her. She’d done everything in her life to avoid the truth.
Isabella had lived her life celibate simply because of one person’s opinion. In fact, she’d locked herself away from all emotional involvement, refusing to grab any chance at happiness. What a fool she was!
She still couldn’t believe how dumb she’d been and still was.
She sat up so suddenly the bath water sloshed onto the floor. It was as if a light had turned on in her head, like one of those eureka moments. If she continued the way she was then she was destined to spend her old age as a very lonely old lady and certainly still unfulfilled sexually. Now she had a very yummy man who found her desirable and showed her that having dark desires wasn’t shameful.
Of course the future all hinged on whether she could put the past behind her and take a chance. That man excited her! She’d never got excited before, unless she counted when Derek had mentioned tying her up.
Gabriel—even his name had her panting.
Isabella went to sleep that night full of turmoil but she actually woke filled with resolve. Sometime during the night she’d made her choices and now it was time to put on her big girl panties and live.
Isabella dressed in her usual jeans and a thick shirt, pulling a warm jumper over the top. She brushed her hair and pulled it into a long braid then sprayed on some of Cartier’s Baser Vole just for extra courage. Picking up her keys and tote bag, she went out to her car. As she drove she kept reciting her new mantra “I want to live” and by the time she’d reached Gabriel she realised it didn’t really stop her fears but it did reinforce her resolve.