Stainless Steel Rat 11: The Stainless Steel Rat Returns

by Harry Harrison

  “Do it!” she said, thwacking the frapilo against her thigh.

  We went. Out the door with military precision, marching in step.

  I don’t think we looked particularly menacing, but we did get a lot of gape-jawed attention.

  Down the stairs and out through the double doors. Straight to the opening in the fence where I beat the milling guards aside with my frapilo. The surging masses parted as well and then we were short meters from the landing field—with our welcome spacer directly ahead in the landing pads.

  And standing in our way were three resolute green trackers with drawn bows. Arrows aimed.

  “Stop!” their leader shouted. “Forbidden to go on field.”

  A speedy resolution was needed and my gun was already in my hand.

  “Run!” I shouted as I fired.

  The quick explosions threw up great chunks of earth and concrete, knocked the trackers over. My shouting engineers clubbed them back to the ground as we passed.

  We ran. Angelina, fleet as a deer, passed the running men and joined me in the lead.

  “Great fun!” she laughed. “And look who’s up ahead!”

  More green-skinned hunters waving clubs and bows. But not for long. A shouting Bram was right behind them, leading his men in the charge. Clubbing our adversaries to the ground as they caught up with them. It was quickly done.

  I took one glimpse behind us—at the roaring mass of the enemy in close pursuit—and was imbued with new strength.

  “To the ship!”

  Which we were drawing close to—the welcoming spacelock now gaping wide—and my legs getting very tired indeed. The siren was wailing, our pursuers howling, our men cheering. Quite an interesting and unusual scene.

  Up the ramp we poured, stumbling and falling, helping one another to our feet to stagger on. Once inside I leaned against the bulkhead, gasping for breath, as the ramp slowly ground back into the ship. Just before the outer door swung shut I saw a microsecond surge of flame and smoke from our landing jets: just enough to dissuade our followers.

  Our pursuers screamed even louder as they turned and ran back towards safety. The outer lock ground shut, as did the inner one. I slumped down and sat with my back to the bulkhead.

  “Now that was fun,” Angelina said, laughing, eyes sparkling.

  I made no attempt to agree.

  CHAPTER 25

  “Boss to bridge soonest—Boss to bridge,” the wall speaker rasped.

  I crawled to my feet, supported by the wall as I did. Supported also by the sturdy Angelina. Who was scarcely breathing hard.

  “Just—ha-ha—a little out of shape.” I laughed hollowly. She wisely did not answer. “Bram, best come with us. Help us locate our landing spot. Plus you will have your first elevator ride!” And I will avoid the stairs.

  “Tell me where we are going—and quickly,” the captain said in welcome. “I don’t want any more trouble here. Nor do I want to fry the locals when we take off.”

  “We’re about twenty klicks from the landing site. My colleague will show you the way. Bram?” I pointed to the viewscreens that now gave a 360-degree image of the field.

  He looked around slowly, orienting himself, taking his time. I ignored the rushing green hordes that were closing in and did not hurry him. He carefully pointed.

  “There. Go towards that group of trees with the low hill beyond.”

  The engines roared and the deck pressed up against our feet.

  The forest moved by below us and, very soon, the loop in the river came into sight. The image grew as we approached.

  “There,” I said, “land in the center of the field—well away from the river. The boys have herded the porcuswine together, over by the water.”

  It was a smooth landing, with only the slightest jar as we settled down. I turned and looked at Bram—who was clutching hard to the console, staring fixedly at the scene below.

  “I could not believe—a thing such as this . . .” He choked out the words, overcome by the ship, the flight. Suddenly catapulted from the iron age into the advanced age of science. Angelina was looking at him as well, understanding what he was feeling. She put her arm around him.

  “This is your future, Bram. You are now part of it—you will see all of its wonders.” He smiled, and nodded.

  “There is much to be learned,” he said quietly, then left the bridge.

  The lower airlock was already open and on the viewscreen we saw the cheering passengers streaming out onto the field, heading towards the milling herd. The porcuswine heard them, saw them and stormed past the boys for a grunting, shouting, scratching happy reunion.

  “Shall we join them?” Angelina asked as she took my hand.

  “We shall indeed. But I hope that you will first join me in a toast to victory. Of a kind.”

  “Of course. And we did get those poor engineers out of loathsome captivity, Hans as well. That’s something to be proud of.”

  After our days of roughing it the bar was a dream of luxury; soft chairs, softer music, rehabilitating drinks. We clinked glasses.

  “I’ve missed the joys of civilization during our Neolithic adventures,” I said, and looked up as the captain came in.

  “Happy to join you,” he said, taking a glass. “I’m off duty. Thought I would find you here. Thanks.” He drank deep and dropped into a chair. “There is much that we must talk about.”

  “Indeed. But can’t it wait until later?”

  “It will have to. I hate to disturb this moment of leisure, but many outside are clamoring for your attention. Stramm is keeping them at bay—since he is concerned about who he lets into the ship.”

  “Understandable.” I creaked when I stood up.

  “I’ll join you later,” Angelina said. “I won’t feel clean until I have scrubbed off this awful green color.”

  “You want to go out there?” Stramm said accusingly, when I came up. He was looking at the screen above the lock controls that showed the scene directly outside. Bram was there, talking with two of his trackers. A scowling Elmo was sitting on the grass, chewing on a straw and looking most aggrieved.

  “If it is permitted, I do,” I answered.

  “No one gets back inside until I say so. The maintenance is running weeks behind so I can’t babysit strangers.”

  “Agreed. But we may have to get out of here in a hurry. The grotty Greenies will be here in force as soon as they get organized. They will not be happy.”

  “Before we take off again I need reaction mass and drinking water. I will want some muscle to run the hoses to that river.”

  “I’ll send some to you. Anything else?”

  “Not at the moment . . .”

  Ever so reluctantly he let me out—and closed the inner lock as soon as I was on the ramp.

  “Cousin Jim, we got a shore big heap of things to settle—”

  “Later,” I said. “Right now we need you and half a dozen more volunteers to help Stramm run out some water hose. Soonest.” I brushed past him.

  I had seen the horses as they appeared on the far side of the field. A goodly number of them pulling heavily loaded travois. Then more and more people appeared.

  “We must leave this place at once,” Bram said. “It is very hard to say good-bye to our new friends from the stars. Yet we know that the green trackers will be leading their people here in great numbers, after all the trouble we have caused. We must go away, far and fast.”

  “But we were the ones who attacked them, not you—and freed their prisoners.”

  “They see no difference. Any pale skin will now be pursued, killed.”

  “That’s not fair!” I said.

  “It is our existence, we know no other. But now we have hope, from our new friends from the stars. Leave this unhappy world. I hope that you will remember these forests and those who live here.”

  “Of course I will! But can’t you come with us?”

  There was a deep sadness in the shake of his head.

  “Would
that I could! How I long to see the wonders of the many new worlds out there. But my place is here, on this troubled planet. With my people. But do not forget us—our new friends from the stars.”

  “We will do more than just remember. I vow this. I will return—bringing with me those who will stop this racial war of hatred. I cannot say when this will happen, but I will be back.”

  He nodded—smiling at me through an immense sadness. Turned and went over to join the others. They were already moving out of this field by the river and disappearing back into the forest. Moving on in their endless flight from a ruthless and merciless enemy.

  “Coming through!” a voice shouted. I stepped aside as the troop of farmers rushed by with coils of hose on their shoulders. A moment later I heard plaintive squeals from the distance—plus the occasional grunt of protest. The boars led the way with the pack trotting steadily behind. The farmers were shouting and laughing as they kept the porcuswine moving. Up the ramp and into the ship.

  Behind them the field was empty. The sky darkened as storm clouds appeared, a sudden shower beat down on the field. I walked back into the shelter of the ship, my thoughts as black as the sky. The speaker above me crackled.

  “Boss to bridge soonest.”

  I went. Glad to escape my growing depression. What had we accomplished on our perilous visit to this planet? Got into trouble—and then out of it. Disturbed a wasp’s nest of hatred and anger. In an effort to bring some peace we had brought more conflict instead. It was some small satisfaction that we had released four men from captivity. But the rest of the planet was the original stewing, hate-filled world that it had been before we arrived.

  Angry now, I grabbed myself by the metaphorical neck and gave a good shake.

  “No Jim! You are a power for good in the universe today. Not now, but one day you will bring both aide and succor to this troubled world.”

  “Talking to ourselves, are we?” Angelina said. “Sign of advance old age.”

  “No. I was just swearing an oath to return to this awful planet with its suffering people. We must—and we will—change that.”

  She smiled and blew me a kiss. “From anyone else that would be feckless bragging. But from Jim diGriz it is a powerful certainty. I’m off to the party.”

  “What party?”

  “The one we are throwing for those poor men we rescued. Figured we all needed a bit of cheering up.”

  We went our various ways; I to the bridge. I wondered what was the next crisis awaiting me there. It was there all right—and a big one indeed.

  “We have enough gravitons for one medium-sized Bloat. Or two short ones,” the captain said with unrestrained gloom. “Either way it is a matter of chance were we end up. Pot luck.”

  “Not too encouraging. Are there any other factors that we have to take into consideration?”

  “Direction,” he said, turning to a star-filled screen and pointing at the brightest area, with the thickest array of suns. “The galactic center. I have been turning our course that way whenever possible. The more suns, the more possible worlds for us to contact.”

  I was looking at the outside images on the panoramic viewscreens as we talked. The rainsquall had swept by, leaving a rainbow arcing across the now blue sky. Our new friends and their horses long gone. Just a few men were in sight below, standing by the hose that reached out into the river.

  “The farther the better,” I said.

  “What?”

  “When you gamble you have to play for keeps. Decide on a strategy, then do it. Make the biggest Bloat you can. Go for broke.”

  I hope that I sounded more positive then I felt. Faint heart ne’r won fair lady. Or something like that.

  “We’ll have to leave some gravitons in reserve. To approach any planets in the area.”

  I did not like the casual use of any. On the screens the hose handlers were slowly walking back to the ship, the hose undoubtedly throbbing with water. The rainbow had faded away with the storm. Nothing else moved . . .

  Or did it? Was that a flicker of motion on the far side of the field, where the trees came down to the riverbank? The scene enlarged as I spun the focus. Nothing. I was just seeing things. A mirage of stress and fatigue.

  “I can’t set the final course until we get into orbit,” the captain muttered as he hammered away at his keyboard. “As soon as the water tanks are filled I want to take off.”

  “Nothing better. We have all had enough of this perilous planet . . .”

  “Stramm,” he said, keying on the intercom. “What’s your water status?”

  “Passenger tanks full. Topping up rest of reaction mass.”

  A flicker of motion caught my eye at the forest’s edge. There was something out there.

  “Captain, if you look towards the trees . . .”

  My voice died as, with a single motion, the woods erupted.

  Men running, hundreds—no, thousands! Coming from all sides.

  The captain banged hard on the alarms, which wailed piercingly inside the ship and out.

  “This is an emergency. We will be taking off as soon as the port is closed. Emergency takeoff. You men outside to the ship!”

  They were running for their lives now, as more and more green-skinned figures poured out onto the field—from all sides. The leading attackers hesitated, but were clubbed forward by the men behind them.

  “Stramm! Pumps off—and cut that hose!”

  The last man fell into the ship as the ramp was retracted. The sirens still wailed. The captain beat his fist against the console—staring at the red light that meant the airlock was still open.

  “They’re inhuman fiends,” he shouted. “Beating their own people to approach the ship. Knowing they’ll be cinders if we fire the takeoff tubes. Hoping that will stop us.”

  Beaters and beaten still surged towards us. Heading towards instant incineration.

  The red light turned green.

  “TAKEOFF!” the captain roared—pounding down on the switch.

  An instant later a distant rumble grew and grew to a mighty roar. The deck trembled then punched up. Flame and smoke obscured the viewscreens. The alarm sirens died away.

  As soon as we were in orbit the captain reran the screens in slow motion. Smoke and flame roared out, diminished and died down.

  “Freeze that!” I said.

  No grass could be seen in the field—it was covered by the running, pushing, falling figures of the attackers. The ship’s jets flamed down towards them. I leaned over and touched the screen.

  “Congratulations on a well-timed takeoff, Captain.”

  “The front of the attacking mob was just meters from the blast.”

  “You saved their lives.”

  CHAPTER 26

  The tortured planet of salvation dwindled behind us as the first Bloat began. After our strenuous adventures on that unhappy world, our voyage now on the spacegoing swinesty was like unto a holiday cruise. As the sore muscles and bruises faded into memories I found that the easy pace of existence suited me fine. I watched an ancient film or two, read some books from the multimillion-volume database and looked forward happily to an afternoon tipple in the bar.

  The released prisoners blossomed under the maternal attention of Miz Julia and her mates. They applied themselves with great relish to the reconstituted and frozen food—a banquet after the slop their green captors had served up. I smiled on them benignly: at least some good had come out of our desperate visit. I renewed my oath at the next cocktail hour, raised my glass and swore to someday, somehow, bring peace to that sorely troubled world.

  “I’ll drink to that,” Angelina said, and we clinked glasses. “And doom and destruction upon that villain Rifuti.”

  In the rush of events I had completely forgotten the criminal captain. She had not. Nor would he escape. Justice would be done: in person if needs be.

  The intercom had been turned low, and could just be heard behind the soft melody of the Mozart sonata.

 
“Boss to bridge.”

  “Coming with me?”

  “Later. This is bath day for Pinky. She does enjoy her scented scrub.”

  “Rather you than me,” I said with some feeling. At the top of the list of things I preferred not to do was to shower the spines of Pinky porcuswine. A meeting on the bridge was a far more attractive proposition.

  “Moment of decision for our next Bloat,” the captain said, pointing at the black viewscreen. “There is just that single star ahead.” I leaned close and saw the tiny glowing spot. “Do we Bloat again in that direction?”

  “Nothing else around?” I asked hopefully.

  “No. Nothing we can reach using the gravitons we have left. Even this will deplete most of our reserves.”

  Decision time.

  “Do we have a choice?”

  “Not really.”

  “Then let’s do it.”

  He nodded grimly. And turned to the Bloater Drive.

  I turned to the bar. A quick energizer was very much in order. Angelina was already there, putting a last gloss on Pinky’s spines with a polishing cloth. A plaintive grunt announced that porcuswine were always ready for a quick munchy. I put out a bowl of pirri pretzels so we could join her.

  “Libation?” I asked.

  “Why not.” She shared some munchies with Pinky while I poured.

  I brooded over my drink and she quickly caught my mood.

  “Worried?”

  “Not really. Just concerned. We are on our final Bloat. About two days more and we’ll know just how unlucky we are . . .”

  “Or lucky—there are two sides to every coin.”

  “True. Maybe I’m just suffering from the Greenie blues. But—”

  “Aren’t we all. No pleasure planet that.”

  After this I tried to keep my worries to myself. All would be revealed soonest in any case. It was a relief when the captain’s voice on the intercom said:

  “Bloat will end in two hours.”

  Angelina went with me to the bridge. Soon after we arrived we were joined by Stramm. “We’ll know soon enough now.”

  A master of the obvious, our engineer. It didn’t merit a response.