“She might not be able to hurt you, but I can,” Dax said, and he stepped forward as if he were going to demonstrate it shortly.
Croq stepped back, but not as quickly as some might. “What did you promise the Wood Mist to obtain a cure for me?” Croq asked. “If you share with me, I’ll tell you what I know.”
I weighed the damage of telling him anything and then thought of the vaguest explanation. “I have to go retrieve the body of my friend where I buried him.” I left out the details of who or where.
The creature threw back its head, laughing heartily, making me wonder if he was all there.
“His name is Zarrod. He’s our leader. I don’t know where he is now, but I’d assume he’s still in Newco. Last time I saw him, he was missing the tips of two fingers, but now I’d imagine after this last outbreak it would be three.” Croq bowed slightly, smiling the whole time, and took off down the beach.
Dax watched him walk off and I rested a hand on his chest even though he didn’t do anything to follow Croq. “We can’t. We made a deal and he honored his part.”
“This code of yours is mighty annoying at times.”
“Yeah, tell me about it.”
I waited until Croq was completely out of sight, and we were halfway back to the port, before I spoke. “We’ve got another problem.”
“What is it?” Dax asked, just as I was figuring out how to tell him.
“Once the Wood Mist fixed him, he didn’t have the dark mist around him anymore.” Not a smidge of it—not even in the brightest sunlight.
“Would you have known he was a Dark Walker if you’d seen him somewhere else?” he asked. It was bad news, but we couldn’t forget that we were still on the clock and were Rocky’s only hope.
“Yes, but not until I was close to him. He still smelled different, but you didn’t see the unusual sheen of skin and hair?”
“No. Fuck.”
I didn’t ask how that could be, but I wondered it.
33
It was late morning by time we got back to the dock and I could see the ship, far off in the distance. But whoever was supposed to watch for us coming back to port wasn’t sending out a boat to get us.
“If they’re playing poker or so drunk they forgot…” Those were actually our best-case scenarios, and somehow I feared they were unlikely.
“I don’t think so,” Dax said.
“Can you see anything?” I asked as he stared intently at the ship, squinting.
“No one is stirring on deck. I can’t see any motion.”
I squinted too, but it didn’t help. I realized that even if his eyes weren’t quite as amazing as his ears, they were still much better than mine.
He turned to me and I knew I wasn’t going to like what he said. “There might be nothing but dead people on that ship.”
He might be right, but it didn’t matter. “I can’t leave. What if Rocky is still on board and I’m the only person in the world who has a cure? He came here to help me. I need to know for sure.”
Dax nodded. “Hey! You!” Dax yelled to some guy farther down on the beach about to push his boat into the water. “How much to row us out there?”
Dax brokered a deal, and we got in his boat and rowed out toward the ship.
Then we rowed past a dead body, bobbing in the ocean. I checked to make sure it wasn’t Rocky, and then spent the rest of the trip hoping not to see another one.
I’d never felt such relief as when a rope ladder was thrown down from the deck.
I knew before I cleared the rail that something was definitely wrong. When you live in a place for a while, you come to know the sounds. The men moving about on deck, crates being slid across wood, hollers to one another—all the noises I’d come to know were gone. I climbed over the railing and Marty was the only one on deck to greet us.
“Where is everybody?” I asked as Dax climbed over and stood beside me.
“Most of the ones that didn’t die abandoned ship. Only a handful of us left now. Bloody Death hit hard right after you left. Jacob came down with it a little after that friend of yours. It came so quick, we think there must have been some carriers on that ship we boarded.” Marty’s eyes were a little glazed, as if he was still coming to terms with what had just happened and how quickly.
“Is Rocky still alive?” I asked as I started making my way across the deck, knowing I didn’t have time for too many details if he was.
“Yes. Rocky is in your cabin, still hanging on. Jacob is still alive as well.” Marty’s eyes went as round as two full moons before he added, “But barely.”
I ran my hand over my bag as I headed below deck, Dax behind me.
“There isn’t enough for both,” Dax reminded me.
“I know,” I said as I stopped in front of my cabin, looking down at Jacob’s door.
“I’ll go check in on Jacob, see if there’s anything that can be done.”
I nodded, but we both knew there wasn’t.
“Go,” he said. “You might not have much time.” Dax opened the door for me and then walked down toward the captain’s quarters.
“Rocky?” I called as I walked into the cabin.
He didn’t answer, and one look at his ashen face told me he was barely holding on. I ran to him, pulling my knife out as I went and dicing up the small piece of flesh, hoping the whole time it wasn’t a complete scam.
I pushed the small pieces into his mouth and forced him to swallow, hoping he had enough life left in him to come back from this.
He didn’t speak, but as I massaged his throat, he swallowed the pieces down until I had nothing but bloody residue left on my hands. I wiped my hands on the piece of paper that had held the flesh and then ran a hand through his hair.
“Rocky, I’m telling you right now, I can’t handle another death on my hands, so you better snap out of this.”
When I heard the door open, I knew it was Dax before I looked up.
“He doesn’t look good,” he said as he came to look over Rocky’s still form.
“No, but I got the stuff down him, so we’ll see.”
“I’ll keep an eye on him. Jacob’s conscious and wants to speak to you. From the looks of him, I don’t think he’s got much time.”
I nodded and left Dax with Rocky, knowing there wasn’t much I could do for him now anyway.
* * *
Jacob’s quarters were dark and smelled like the sickness that was claiming him. I didn’t want to see another person die, not even him with my mixed feelings, but I felt a debt to him.
His head turned to me, and I hadn’t realized how alive his eyes had always been before until his dull gaze landed on me. The fact that he was conscious at all was a testament to the strength he had, but I could see the blood at the corner of his mouth and his nose and knew he didn’t have much longer.
He waved me forward, and this time I went and kneeled by his bunk. His hand took mine and I realized it was the first time he’d ever touched me.
“I need to tell someone what happened with her.”
His grip was weak on mine, but I didn’t try to pretend ignorance or pull my hand back. I knew he was talking about his wife, could still see the image of her dead in my mind.
“I killed her and it was the biggest regret of my life. Part of me is grateful to die, because maybe I’ll see her again or go to hell and pay for my crime. Either way, I won’t have to live with it anymore.”
I nodded, realizing he must believe in something similar to Fudge’s faith.
“I need to tell someone why.”
I knew it was wrong, but it was hard to think for a second, You couldn’t have unloaded on Dax? I already saw what he’d done. I didn’t need the details.
“She’d tried to stage a revolt on my ships. I barely escaped death. She’d betrayed me, but I didn’t blame her for doing it. She loved me once. I’d taken her for granted, abused it like it was a weakness until I turned it to hate. They say love and hate are closely related, and they’re right.
No one can hate you as much as the ones that once loved you.
“If I hadn’t killed her, I would’ve lost control of my ship. At the time, I was young and stupid enough to believe that was a good enough reason. Not a day goes by that I don’t miss her.”
“Why are you telling me this now?”
“Because I’m going to die and I can’t leave this world without at least one other soul knowing the truth. If there isn’t anything after this life, I need someone to know how wrong I was. That I still love her even now. How I’d give anything to have her back.”
Jacob’s eyes had closed halfway through the telling, and his hand fell limp. His chest was still moving slightly, but it seemed like he’d used the last of his energy to get the past off his conscience.
34
I woke up alone on the floor of my cabin, the sun coming through the porthole to hit the empty bunk. Rocky was gone. Was he dead? I jumped up and ran to the deck only to find him looking out at the coast, standing tall and whole.
I sagged beside him, resting my arms on the railing and trying to catch my breath. “I thought you were dead,” I said. “I thought I was going to find you being tossed overboard.”
He smiled, looking no worse for the days he’d spent clinging to life. “Feel good as new, thanks to you and Dax.”
“Jacob?” I asked, knowing he probably hadn’t been as lucky.
He nodded. “Passed in the night. Dax told me you didn’t have enough to help him.”
I shook my head, looking down as the waves beat against the wood of the ship. “We only got one dose. But we know where to look for more now,” I said, trying to put a positive spin on it for Rocky before switching subjects altogether. “So, my fellow Plaguer, the memories freaking you out yet?” I asked, knowing he would’ve picked up something from one of the crew. Not that there were many left—I looked about the deck and only spotted two.
Rocky shook his head. “I haven’t gotten any.”
“Nothing?”
It had to be the cure. Rocky would’ve died otherwise. He wasn’t a true Plaguer, then.
I looked out at the coast, trying not to think of how many others might be dying right now, and realized we’d moved. “Where the hell are we?” There was nothing but forest and a small port up ahead, Sling City gone.
“Dax had the pirates turn the ship and get us farther north. It’ll be a straighter shot to the Rock from here. We’ll be close to port in under an hour.”
It would be easier to get to Bookie’s grave, as well. There was my promise to the Wood Mist to fulfill.
Rocky leaned on the railing beside me. “I want to know what your plans are.”
“I have to go visit a friend,” was all I said, not wanting to talk of it yet, maybe not wanting to talk of it ever. I’d move him to a safe place while I tried not to think of what I was doing.
“I’m going back to the Rock. I want to know if you’ll come with me.”
“Rocky, you know it wasn’t good there when I left,” I said, hoping he’d leave it at that.
“Don’t worry about any of that. I’ll fix things. If you come back to the Rock, I’ll protect you.”
The Rock, a community of people who had run me out, nearly by torch and pitchfork. But what if he could fix things? They were his people. They listened to him. What if after the Bloody Death passed them, their fears had calmed down? Maybe I could have the life I’d always dreamed of?
Everything I’d ever wanted was being dangled in front of me…
Except it wasn’t really what I wanted anymore. Dax and I had a different road we needed to take. We both had a reason to go to Newco, and I felt it in my gut that that was where I should be heading.
“I know that you think it’s all about using you, but it’s not,” Rocky said, as if he could sense my decision before I spoke.
“I believe you. That’s not the reason I’m not coming.”
“Then why?”
“The cure I gave you—I can’t tell you what it is, but I know what’s causing the sickness. If I go back to the Rock, I’ll be turning my back on ever eliminating the disease. Do you realize how many lives can be saved?”
“What about your life? Don’t you deserve one? You keep going and you might never find a cure. You’ll probably end up dead.”
“Going with you would be the easiest choice, and I’d regret it for however long I live.”
He straightened. “It’s Dax.”
“No. I mean yes, I’ll be going with him, but it’s only because he needs to go to the same place.”
He took a couple of steps away and shook his head. “I should’ve known that night. Dax showed me but I didn’t want to see it. After you left, I talked myself out of it.”
“See what?”
“The way you were with him. I told myself it was just your inexperience, but it wasn’t. You’re in love with him.”
“No. I’m not. We just have a similar goal at the moment. It’s a strange situation, is all.”
“You don’t get it yet, but I hope you do. That compulsion you feel, that’s love. It isn’t easy. Sometimes it burns you down and other times it builds you up, sets you free, higher than you ever thought you could go. There’s nothing else like it in the world, and I wish I was the one you felt like that about, but I’m not.”
“I told you. I don’t love him. It’s not love…it’s convenience and…it’s complicated.”
“Then I wish I was the one you felt complicated by.”
He raised his hand and trailed a couple fingers down my cheek before he turned.
I wrapped my arms around myself as I watched him walk away.
35
I made my way back to the cabin and opened the door to find Dax there, putting the last of his things into his bag.
He looked up as I walked in, and I expected him to ask me if I was ready. Then he kept packing.
I asked, “What are you doing?”
“I’m leaving. Jacob is dead. The cure isn’t here. No reason to stay. Rocky is going back to the Rock. He’ll help you move Bookie. I already talked to him about it. You can go there and be safe.”
“But what about your revenge? You’re going to Newco without me?”
“I think I’ve got enough information to do this without you.”
“But I have to go there too. Why would you go without me?”
He shook his head. “You don’t. I’ll find this guy on my own and take him out. I won’t be gone forever. I’ll come back after it’s done. I think maybe it’s better this way. Less dangerous for you, and you’ll have time to—”
“Absolutely not. You can’t do it without me.”
“Dal—”
A knock at the door preceded a call from one of the pirates. “The boat to take you ashore is ready.”
“I’ll be right there,” Dax said, as he grabbed his bag.
“No. It’s crazy. You’ll never know for sure if it’s even a Dark Walker you’re killing. Bullshit. You aren’t leaving without me. You can’t.” I grabbed my bag, shoved the few things that were out in the cabin into it quickly, and slung it on my shoulder. “This is just some test to see if I’ll leave again.”
“No. It’s not. You didn’t want any more blood on your hands. The Rock is the best place for you. It’s going to be tough there, Dal. Maybe tougher than it’s been so far.”
“Sure, you’ll just let me go now. No, I’ll save us both the aggravation of doing that and just come with you,” I said as I walked out the door, gripping my bag tightly and forcing myself to breathe evenly as I waited for him to tell me to leave again but hoping he wouldn’t. I didn’t know what this was between me and Dax, but I knew I couldn’t walk away from it and I hoped he wouldn’t make me.
We walked up to the deck and then I threw my bag over the side to the guy waiting in the smaller boat below, still waiting for Dax to tell me he didn’t want me to come.
I was just about to climb over the rail and climb down the rope ladder when I heard him say, �
��Dal…”
Here it was. He was going to tell me I couldn’t come. I gripped the railing while I waited for the words to come. When he didn’t speak, I forced myself to turn around, fighting the burning in my eyes.
“What?” I asked, even though I knew what was coming. I looked at him, knowing that if he was done with me there would be no stopping him. I waited, afraid to speak, to breathe, even, waiting for him to say that he didn’t want me to come with him.
As I waited, I didn’t know what I’d do. I’d want to rage against him for shoving me aside, but I’d already taken the first step myself when I came here. Would I beg him to reconsider? Maybe…possibly—definitely. I didn’t know what this gaping hole in my chest was right now, but I knew it would eat me alive if I left him.
The worst was, I had no idea what he was going to say. His face was blank as he stared at me without speaking.
His eyes softened first. “I really hope there’s a brush in that bag, because your hair might be the worst I’ve ever seen it.”
“No. Actually, there isn’t. I lost it overboard a week ago.” It hadn’t been funny at the time, but we both laughed. We were back. It had been close, but turned out there was yet another reset button left for us.
I was starting to realize that for better or worse, I wasn’t sure I could live without this man. I wouldn’t go as crazy as saying it was love. I wasn’t sure I knew what that even was, but something in me died when he wasn’t around and didn’t come back until he was beside me again. And I hoped whatever this emoiton was, he was feeling it too, because if he wasn’t, I needed to get away from him now before it got worse, and I had a suspicion it would. I needed to limit the damage and move on.
That connection, that strange bond that was growing between us, was almost palpable as we stood a few feet apart, but instead of feeling miles away like I had in the past, I could feel his energy wrapping around me.
The Dead Page 21