by Ebony Olson
"Dare..." I wanted to tell him that his child grew inside of me and that on Monday, I was going for the first scan and was going to be able to see our child for the first time. I wanted to ask what names he would choose, what color he thinks we should paint the nursery, or what furniture we should buy. I wanted to ask him all those things, but I knew I couldn't. "Be gentle."
Darius stood up, removing his own clothes. "I know, Mora. I'm going to make love to you, because I need you to feel how much I do love you."
When Darius took me in his arms again, he lay me back on the bed beneath him and I spread my legs, welcoming him to me. His monster cock slipped easily into my opening, my body ready and willing. I felt Darius smile where he kissed across my collarbone. "She finally learned."
He pressed into me. I gripped his shoulders at the discomfort, taking God’s name in vain. Darius chuckled and captured my nipple, flicking his mouth across it. My thighs opened wider automatically, and he rocked forward to sheathe fully within me. Darius released the most glorious groan. He kissed me, slowly and deeply, letting my body adjust to him.
"I need you in my life, Mora," Darius murmured. "Be mine. We'll make this work somehow."
I didn't answer. I couldn't. My emotions were conflicted and too raw to deal with this. I closed my eyes and just enjoyed being with him, right here, right now. I could have this.
***
In the early hours of the morning, I woke in Darius's arms, his heavy breath blowing across my naked shoulder. For a moment, I smiled, enjoying being there again. I couldn't stay. His arms had lost the safety they used to hold. I moved forward as if rolling away. Darius rolled back, releasing me. I slipped from the bed and dressed, packing my bag quietly.
I stood, looking at Darius sleeping peacefully, a smile playing across his face. Six years ago, I'd spent my first night with Darius and snuck out while he slept. In two months, it would be a year since he walked back into my life. What a roller coaster ride the last twelve months had been.
Closing the door behind me quietly, I made my way down a floor and knocked at Ewan's door. I waited patiently; he'd be sleeping. It was unfair of me to come calling after spending the night with another guy, but I needed somewhere to hang out until our flight was due to leave. Ewan opened the door half asleep and half naked, just his sweat pants hanging from his hips. His light brown hair was a mess and hanging in his chocolate brown eyes as he looked me over.
"You let him stay, didn't you?"
I nodded. As soon as I did, I felt my stomach revolt. I pushed Ewan out of the way and ran to his toilet. He held my hair until I stopped puking, waited until I washed my face, and turned to face him. I looked at my feet, ashamed.
"Did you tell him about the baby?"
I shook my head.
Ewan used a finger to lift my chin. "You need to make a choice, Mora. The next time he sees you, there will be no hiding you're pregnant."
"I made the choice when I snuck out of the room just now," I answered evenly. "He can't give me what I want. I need to leave him behind and focus on being a single mother."
Ewan stepped out of the bathroom. "Come to bed. You're exhausted and need to rest."
I kicked off my boots and followed Ewan to his bed. We'd grown close over the last few weeks, but when he'd tried to kiss me three weeks ago, I'd pulled away and told him about my recently failed marriage attempt.
The week after that, when the morning sickness kicked in, I'd let him know the last of my pain. Ewan held me while I cried and then handed me a pen and paper and told me to let my emotions out. I'd picked up my cello instead and composed my first piece since I'd graduated. Ewan sat listening, and then, he'd written my feelings for me.
He'd not tried to do anything since. We stayed up writing together each night. Sometimes I wrote the lyrics, but mostly, he listened to me play and wrote the new songs himself. We were friends; I think he understood that's all we could be. I climbed into the bed with him and he cuddled me to him as we fell back asleep. When I woke in the morning, Ewan was sitting on the lounge with a pen and paper, writing.
"What inspired you?" I asked.
"You," he smiled, scribbling away. "I don't know what I'm going to write about when you find happiness again."
"Are the songs you've written previously about your own heartbreak?" I sat up to look at him.
"They were. Old heartbreak now, and nothing like what you've gone through." Ewan looked at me. "The benefits of having an artistic license is that you can make things seem worse than they actually were."
I gave him a weak smile. "I'm sure at the time things seemed pretty bad."
"It does get easier, Mora," Ewan assured. "For people like us, doing this, writing it, playing it, it makes it easier for us."
I nodded. "The last six weeks touring with you guys, I don't think I could have pulled myself together if it wasn't for this."
"You don't give yourself enough credit." Ewan stood up, walking over to me. "You would never have made the tour if Jeremy thought you were that big a mess."
"Jeremy knew I needed to get away."
Ewan sat on the bed and read his new lyrics. "She came to me like a moon in a starless sky, emotions so raw; her soul an open door. She lay in my arms, frail like a child, and filled my heart with hope, that loss was not mine alone."
He stopped and looked at me, and I smiled weakly at him. Ewan moved forward and kissed me. I returned the kiss, but placed my hand to his chest to gently pull away.
Ewan smiled, "I know, Mora. I just would have regretted never at least trying." Ewan watched me climb out of his bed and go to the bathroom to freshen up. "Plus, I think that was a whole other song right there."
I smiled and closed the door. I leaned against it for a second and closed my eyes. Ewan was a really sweet guy, but he wasn't my guy. One day he'd fall in love with a woman entirely right for him and his music would change forever. With that thought, I moved quickly to the toilet as the first wave of morning sickness hit me. When I came back out, I could hear Ewan talking to someone. I stepped back into the bedroom and saw Jeremy there, looking unhappy. "Ewan, you want to give us a minute?" Jeremy asked.
Ewan looked just as unhappy. "I need to shower anyway." He grabbed up his clothes and stepped into the bathroom, leaving me alone with Jeremy.
"Are you sure you're making the right choice, Mora?" Jeremy asked.
"Ewan and I are just friends, Jeremy," I clarified. I sat to pull my boots back on.
"I went to check on you this morning and found Darius in your room instead," Jeremy explained. "You two could make this work, but I think this is the last chance for that to happen."
I shook my head. "I don't want to sneak around with him, Jeremy, and I don't want him to risk losing everything that matters to him to be with me. He made it clear which means more to him. He made his choice first."
Jeremy cursed under his breath.
I stepped forward, "Please, Jeremy. Just let us fall away. There's nothing to be done here. He needs a friend, and I need a mentor."
Jeremy's eyebrows went up, "You want me to mentor you?"
"You made music work for you. It's all I have left," I reminded him.
Jeremy placed his hand to my abdomen gently and looked in my eyes. "Not all you have left, Mora, and you're not going to do this alone. Cassandra and I are going to be with you every step of the way. This baby belongs to my best friend, and if he can't be a father to it, then I will be."
I smiled, placing my hand over his. "Zander has already decided he's going to be my baby daddy, so you'll just have to be content with being Uncle J."
Jeremy grinned, "Zander hey?" He nodded. "Yeah, I can see you two working."
I frowned, "Not like that, Jeremy."
Jeremy nodded as if he didn't believe me. "Well, I'm going to take my heartbroken friend home. Cassandra and I will see you on Monday for your ultrasound." Jeremy walked to the door and looked back over his shoulder. "Are you going to find out if it's a boy or girl?"
> I shrugged, but the pain of wanting to ask Darius, if he wanted to know, bloomed in my chest. "Are you going to tell him?" I choked.
Jeremy gave me a sympathetic look. "You wanted to tell him last night, didn't you?"
I nodded.
Jeremy took a deep breath. "He'll find out one day, Mora, and he won't be happy you kept it from him."
"I will deal with that, if and when it happens."
Jeremy nodded and opened the door. "Yes, we want to know. We want to get rid of the boy baby stuff if it's a girl. I'll see you Monday." Jeremy left, shutting the door.
Ewan stepped out of the bathroom. "I'd want to know," he told me, folding his arms across his toned bare chest. "If it was my kid, I'd want to know if it was a boy or girl."
I smiled, "Get dressed. You're too good looking to stand there still wet and smoldering like that."
Ewan raised a brow. "You know we are going to be working together to record this new album. I hear pregnant women have a voracious appetite."
I laughed, "I don't think Jeremy approves of the idea of you and I getting naked together."
Ewan's smile disappeared. "Jeremy is close friends with your ex. He's not going to approve of any man coming into your life who could possibly become a permanent fixture."
I sighed, picking up Ewan's shirt and tossing it at him. "Right now, let's be friends. If you still want to pursue something with me when I'm a single mother, we can talk then."
Ewan pulled his shirt on. "So, six months?"
"Minimum."
Ewan nodded. "Let's go get some breakfast and catch a plane."
I put my hand over my stomach at the thought of food. I felt both starving and nauseous at the same time. "Okay, but let's find a seat close to the toilets today."
Ewan smirked, "I'm still laughing at the look on that guy’s face in Denmark, when you regurgitated your breakfast into his lap."
I covered my face, ashamed.
Ewan grinned, pulling on a jacket and opening the door. "Although it was even better when you then proceeded to try and clean his pants for him, while he was still in them."
Chapter Two
"You need to sit down and relax," Zander lectured me as I paced back and forth.
"Have you ever had an ultrasound, Zander?" Sophie asked sarcastically. Zander shook his head. "Then leave her alone."
I paced around the waiting area angrily. I was busting to go to the toilet after drinking the required amount of water I was told I'd need to. "This is insane. I'm going to the toilet!"
"You can't do that, Mrs. Blake." The receptionist gave me a filthy look of tried patience. "It shouldn't be that much longer. Please just take a seat and wait patiently."
"Wait patiently?" I growled at her. "I was here thirty minutes before my appointment time. I waited patiently. I have waited patiently thirty minutes after my appointment time, while you've taken a man in to ultrasound his shoulder, knowing full well I'm here with a full bladder and a baby pressing down on it. I'm going!"
The receptionist stood as I started towards the door. "You can't empty your bladder."
"Fuck that! I'm going to the toilet, and then I'm going home," I responded angrily. "They didn't have ultrasounds in my grandmother's day, and babies were fine back then."
I marched towards the door. A strong arm collected me and walked me forcefully back in. "Come on, Mora," Jeremy soothed. "I know you are tired and sick and just want to go home to bed, but this ultrasound is important." Jeremy looked pointedly at the receptionist. "I'm sure the nice lady here understands and is just going to find a sonographer to take you in immediately."
The receptionist grumbled and walked out the back, where you could hear half the staff gossiping loudly. Zander and Sophie were standing, watching Jeremy walk me towards them again.
Cassandra sat there with a humoring smile on her face. She'd already been in for her scan an hour ago, so of course, she was happy. They were having a little girl. Well, Cassandra swore it was a girl after the scan. You could drop bombs on England right now and Cassandra would sit there cooing while she rubbed her bump.
She was a week further along than me, but I was showing more already. Of course, my baby's father was easily six inches taller and had a broader build than Jeremy, so it was to be expected my baby would be bigger.
Jeremy looked at Zander. "You should have been ready for that, Zander. First fail as a father."
"Fair go, Jeremy," Cassandra admonished. "You've done this twice already with me. I remember you standing there unsure what to do the first time I freaked out while pregnant with Cody."
Jeremy smiled and winked at his glowing wife. "Come on, Cass. I have to make Zander feel inferior to me while I can."
"Mrs. Blake," A lady called at the side. "If you'll come with me please."
Jeremy gave me a squeeze and let me go. Zander and Sophie stood up and walked in with me. Zander took my hand when we walked in.
The sonographer started the scan, and, after a few clicks, asked me to go empty my bladder. I could have killed her. Zander gave me a hug, restraining me really, and led me to the toilet. When I came back in, the sonographer started the scan again.
"Okay, so you have a healthy baby," the sonographer smiled after ten minutes of me being a lot more relaxed and all of us cooing at the image of the baby inside me.
"Can we find out the sex?" Zander asked excited.
The sonographer shook her head. "It's too soon, I'm afraid. At your next scan in eight weeks, we'll be able to have a look."
"Wait, so how far along is she?" Sophie asked.
The sonographer looked surprised. She looked at the notes. "Your doctor thought you were sixteen weeks because of your last period, but I would say you are only thirteen weeks."
"I can't be. I didn't have sex that week," I replied.
The sonographer looked at Zander. "Well, we base our measurements on average sizes. You are taller than average and so is your husband. The likelihood is that you are probably only twelve weeks along."
Zander's face fell. "You fell pregnant at the wedding."
Sophie looked confused. "But I didn't think you had sex before the wedding?"
I squeezed her hand. "You know when we disappeared between the ceremony and reception?"
Sophie nodded, and then her eyes went wide. "Oh." She turned away, but I saw her wipe at her cheek.
Zander squeezed my hand. The sonographer was looking at us all confused, especially at Sophie's tears.
I cleared my throat, tears threatening to spill. "These are my friends. I lost my husband only a few hours after we were married."
The sonographer looked shocked. "I'm so sorry." She packed everything away. "I guess it's kind of nice though, that part of the man you love will live on in your child. You'll always have a part of him with you now," she smiled gently.
I looked at her and started crying. Zander hugged me, holding me close.
The woman gave me a sympathetic look and held out a picture to me. "Your first picture of your baby." She wiped her own tear away and stepped out, closing the door.
I sucked in a deep breath and looked at the picture. There was a baby inside me. I had the proof now.
"Aww, look how cute it looks," Sophie clucked.
I laughed. "You are so clucky."
Sophie smiled. "I like babies, as long as I can give them back."
"Let's go." Zander stood up. "We have to go and pick up the keys to your new place."
"Our new place," I reminded Zander. He smiled.
"I still can't believe you two are moving in together, but not getting involved." Sophie shook her head. "I mean, you are going to be helping raise a child that is not yours and not getting any of the benefits."
Zander looked at Sophie. "The child belongs to two of my friends who I care deeply for. I think one of those friends is the biggest moron God put breath into, but the child needs a good father, so I'm stepping up."
"What happens when Mora finds another man and he doesn't want you
around anymore?" Sophie raised a brow as I stood up and opened the door.
I looked back at them, and Zander looked to me. I shook my head. "There will never be a permanent man in my life again. I might fool around, but my heart belongs to Darius. It's unfair to lead another man on when they have no chance of me ever loving them."
I walked out to the waiting room where Jeremy and Cassandra were waiting. "So?" Cassandra asked.
"I'm not as far along as the doctor thought, only twelve weeks at most. Too early to tell yet," I replied.
"So, it was the wedding as you expected?" Cassandra asked.
"Cass!" Jeremy scolded. "You know I can't hear her answer that." Jeremy kissed my forehead in apology. "Is it healthy?"
"Yes." I looked at Cassandra. "Is it normal to be really randy when pregnant?"
Cassandra and Jeremy laughed. "Yes," they answered in unison.
"This sucks," I grumbled. "I think I'm the horniest I've ever been in my life and should be able to bang my husband regularly, but..." Everyone was quiet, watching me. I took a deep breath. "It just sucks."
Zander put his arm around my shoulders. "I'm happy to help, Mora. You know that."
I smiled and shook my head at him. "Not going to happen."
"You say that now, but a few weeks of me walking around the house naked, and you may change your mind," Zander teased.
"I'm so coming to visit daily," Sophie murmured.
"Let's go. I want the keys to my new place," I smiled.
Zander drove Sophie and I to the southern end of Saint John Street in Clerkenwell. Not far from Lynwood's location, but far enough that I shouldn't run into Darius randomly. It would be nice and close for Zander to get to work, and wasn't very far from Jeremy's recording studio for me.
I'd been house hunting while away and found this one a few weeks back. I asked Sophie and Zander to check it out for me. It was almost a divided apartment formed from the renovation of two neighboring warehouse buildings.
The kitchen, lounge, dining, and guest bedroom with en-suite were at one end, three other bedrooms with en-suites at the other, all connected by a wall to ceiling glassed walkway that looked over an atrium. It was a second-floor apartment, so I didn't have a lot of stairs to climb, and it came with two underground parking spaces, so Zander had somewhere to park his car.