by Bart King
Speaking of your parents, until about two hundred years ago, most girls married someone who her parents picked out for her. Even today, this sort of “arranged marriage” is common in some parts of the world, like India. An arranged marriage is not the same thing as a forced marriage. Either the young man or woman can call off an arranged marriage if they want.
Do arranged marriages work? Well, the United States has a divorce rate of about 50 percent; in other words, about half of all marriages end in divorce. (The state with the lowest divorce rate is Massachusetts, while the state with by far the highest divorce rate is Nevada.) In India, the divorce rate is currently less than 2 percent. Interesting!
Our Favorite Proposal Story!
An Illinois man named Bob decided to propose to his girlfriend, Teri, by renting a billboard. He had his marriage proposal printed on it:
Teri, Please Marry Me! Love, Bob.
Then he waited for Teri to drive past it.
Good news: Teri saw the message and said “yes.”
Bad news: Ten other women named Teri who were also dating men named Bob saw the same billboard! This led to eleven relationship problems. (That’s because one of those women was dating TWO men named Bob!)
Friends, Cliques, Secrets, and Gossip
“Many friends will walk in and out of your life. But only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.”
—Eleanor Roosevelt
A good friend is one of the best things that life has to offer . . . just think, without one, you’d have to walk everywhere alone! To have somebody you can be yourself around is a great gift. You can both say what you really think, because you’re comfortable with each other. Also, a recent study suggests that having close friends leads to a longer life. That’s simply perfect. This means that “lifelong friendships” just got longer!
The Compliment Kit
“Always accept all compliments. Ignore any other remarks.”
—Kay Oss
Different friends talk and communicate in different ways. Some girls like to talk so much, they would make good talk show hosts (as long as there were no guests to interrupt them). Other girls use so few words, you might think they are giving you the “silent treatment.” But there is one category of words that ALL friends like to hear. Compliments!
The cool thing about compliments is that they are free. It doesn’t cost you anything to make a friend feel good about herself. So if you have a friend who seems down, try cheering her up with the amazing Compliment Kit! To use it, just combine two of the adjectives from columns ONE and TWO with a noun from column THREE to create a compliment that will make your friend feel great!
Compliment Kit!
One Two Three
gorgeous witty queen
smart fabulous genius
elegant friendly cutie
creative sweet duchess
adorable confident empress
thoughtful sparkly optimist
generous loving goddess
striking responsible trendsetter
capable ingenious princess
fashionable amazing diva[a]
wonderful fantastic original
magnificent adorabubble countess
shiny happy person
fascinating graceful lady
svelte stunning monarch
saucy lovely leader
intelligent insightful highness
funny honest sister (pronounced “sistah”)
open-minded positive chica
interesting pretty woman
dependable breathtaking viscountess
humorous foxy pioneer
caring artistic czarina (pronounced zar-een-uh)
[a] One meaning of “diva” is “a glamorous, admired woman.” (Another meaning is “a horribly spoiled woman,” but that’s not the one we mean!)
Complimentary Information! Girls give way more compliments than boys. Also, girls make their compliments personal, for example, “I love your hair.” Boys tend to be more generic: “Nice shot.” Over 60 percent of all compliments have to do with a person’s appearance. And according to the Oxford Dictionary of English there are only about forty one-word compliments in the English language.
“Shared joy is double joy. Shared sorrow is half sorrow.”
—Swedish Proverb
Friend Test
Answer the following multiple-choice questions about one of your friends.
1. Your friend says she will be ready in a minute. This means:
A. She will be ready in sixty seconds.
B. She will be ready in five minutes.
C. She will be ready in about an hour. Go get a bite to eat and come back.
D. You will never see her again.
2. You suggest to your friend that you go to the mall. Your friend wants to:
A. Do some volunteer community service instead.
B. Go to the mall to see the latest fashions at the clothing stores.
C. Look at guys in the mall’s food court.
D. Visit the most expensive store in the mall, because they have the best stuff to shoplift.
3. Your friend has a rip in her jeans that you point out to her. Your friend:
A. Laughs and either sews up the rip herself, or ignores it.
B. Is surprised and then a little sad as she donates the jeans to charity.
C. Immediately throws the jeans out and goes shopping for a new pair.
D. Says, “I know. I put it there.” Then she shows you the switchblade that she cut the jeans with.
4. You had a really bad day, and as you’re talking to your friend about it on the phone, you start to cry. Your friend:
A. Tells you she’s coming over with ice cream.
B. Tells you that everything will be okay, and that you’re wonderful.
C. Says, “Hang on one second, I have another call coming through.”
D. Says, “Get over it!” and then starts eating potato chips really loudly.
5. You’re at a movie theater and your friend needs to use the restroom before the film starts. What does your friend do?
A. She goes to the restroom.
B. She asks you to come with her to the restroom.
C. She holds it for the whole movie because she doesn’t use public restrooms.
D. She asks all 12 girls in the group to come with her.
6. You ask your friend what the most important part of being a friend is. She says:
A. “Loyalty and support.”
B. “Enjoying good laughs together.”
C. “Forgiving my friends when they let me down.”
D. “Sorry, I wasn’t listening. Hey, can I borrow five dollars?”
7. A shy girl walks by. You’ve noticed she always sits by herself at the cafeteria and doesn’t have anyone to hang out with on field trips. You think that it might be cool to go talk to her and get to know her a little better, and you suggest this to your friend. Your friend says:
A. “Oh my gosh, you read my mind. Let’s go!”
B. “Her? Really? Okay, if you think it’s a good idea.”
C. “Funny joke. She is SUCH a freak.”
D. “I see your plan. We’ll pretend to be her friends and then take her lunch money!”
SCORING
A = 1 point
B = 2 points
C = 3 points
D = 4 points
Score Totals:
1–8: She may be your friend, but she is our hero! She’s either a great role model for you or it’s impossible to live up to her standards. Or both!
9–16: Your friend sounds like an easygoing, good-hearted person. Stick with her.
17–24: Your friend really needs you. (She needs you to teach her to be less selfish.)
25–28: Put down this book and call the police.
Secret Friend Greetings
You see your friend or maybe someone who’s on your soccer team walking toward you in the hallway at school. You both smile, exchange your secret handshake, and
keep on walking. How cool is that?
Handshakes and greetings vary from place to place. In Central and South America and southern Europe, a handshake can last a long time, and while people shake, they often use their other hand to touch their friend’s shoulder or arm. In many Asian countries, handshakes are gentle and there is no eye contact.
Get a secret handshake to share with your crowd or group of friends. Whatever combination of finger wiggles and hand jive you come up with is up to you. We’re sure you already know classics like the Soul Shake, the Pinky-Swear Shake, and the Moldavian Friendship Grip. Here are a few other ideas to get you started.
Salaam Greeting: In many Arab countries, people touch their right hand to their chest, lips, and forehead. This ends with the hand raised (palm out) and a head bow. Extra credit for saying “Salaam” (which is a pledge of devoted friendship).
Tiger Claw Handshake: Hold your hand out at eye level with the fingers outstretched like claws. Your friend does the same, and you come together and clasp hands up high.
The Heart Pump Handshake: Shake hands however you want to, but don’t release! Give a slow squeeze, relax, give a slow squeeze, relax.
Apache Handshake: Reach for your friend’s hand like a regular handshake and then keep going and grab them just behind the wrist, while she does the same to you. (This handshake was also a favorite with Roman gladiators.)
Namaste Greeting: In India and Thailand, a friend is greeted by putting the hands together (like you’re praying) and following that with a slight bow.
*Handshaking experts agree that the perfect way to end a Secret Handshake is with a quick hug. How sweet!
Friendship Bracelets
These are a great way to make the ties of friendship stronger.
You will need: scissors, tape, ruler or measuring tape. For the bracelet threads, you can use twine, hemp, embroidery thread or floss. Optional: Beads (with big holes).
First, this doesn’t have to be a wrist bracelet. It can be for an ankle, or it can be attached to a key chain or used as a choker. For our example, we’ll assume you’re using hemp or some nice, colored twine.
Measure out your twine according to what you want to make. We suggest that you cut two pieces that are 2 feet long and two pieces that are 1 foot long.
We are going to describe a pattern using four strings. Tie a regular plain knot about an inch from the ends of all four of your pieces. Then tape down the ends of all of them.
So the ends of these pieces are now taped to each other on a worktable. Have the two short strands in the middle, with the two longer strands on the outsides.
Throughout the process, you will keep the middle strands tight and straight. Only the outside ones will be moving around. To begin, cross your long left strand over the middle strands and under the right strand. Then take the right strand and pass it under the middle strands and over and through the first (far left) strand. Tighten it! If you tighten the same tightness each time, the bracelet will come out better.
Then repeat the process for the left strand (over the middle and under the far right strand) but this time after you go under the right strand, form a loop. That way, when the right strand comes back under the middle strands, it can just go through the loop that you created.
Tighten it!
If you have any beads, just slide them up the middle strands (which is why the beads need big holes) and keep working around them. When the piece is long enough, you can braid or knot the ends together. Or you can make a loop at the end, stick a bead on it, and tie it off. Or you can tie the ends into a knot right onto your friend’s wrist or ankle, which would be the best friendship bracelet of all!
*Do not give in to the dark side and make someone an “enemy bracelet.”
Girl Types
Helen: Everyone’s special, Dash.
Dash: That’s just another way of saying no one is.
—from The Incredibles
Everyone IS special, just like everyone else! Oh well. No matter how unique we are, sometimes we fall into the same categories as other people. The following categories are just for fun; check out the girl types below and see if you recognize anyone you know! (And remember, nobody is as clear-cut as a “type” when you get to know them. People are more complicated than that!)
The Nurturing Friend
The super-hero of friends! The nurturing friend is always prepared to help.
Attitude: Terrific! She’s there to help, and she makes the world a better place. If you need someone to walk you to the bathroom because you’re crying, she’s there. Need some advice? Candy? Clothes? Help with homework? She’s got you covered.
Accessories: A heart of gold. (Wait, you can’t see that!) A big purse or backpack that contains snacks, gum, makeup, pens with cool colors, safety pins, change . . . whatever you need to borrow.
Nicknames: Old Faithful, Best Pal, the Helper.
Trademark Lines: “Call anytime!” “It’ll be okay!” “Can I do anything to help?”
Interesting Fact: Because she is always taking care of others, the Nurturing Friend may ignore her own needs. Don’t take advantage of her good nature, and help her out when you can.
The Frienemy
The Frienemy is the opposite of the Nurturing Friend.
Attitude: The Frienemy is not there for you, but she is there to take advantage of you! She might pretend to like you as long as other people in your group like you.
Nickname: The Double Agent, the User, Me-Me.
WARNING: The Frienemy is probably friends with one of your real friends, so you just have to tolerate her. She will know some of your secrets, which makes her a possible “mean note writer.”
Clothing: Whatever you have in your closet seems to look good on her . . . She loves to borrow stuff and hates to return it!
Trademark Line: “If my mom calls for me at your house, tell her I’m there and that I’ll call her right back. Then call me on my cell and let me know.”
Lets’ Celebrate! March 9th is National Backstabbers’ Day.
The Athlete
A Tomboy is a girl. Go figure!
Attitude: One of the coolest things about the Athlete is that her self-esteem isn’t wrapped up in how she looks or what other people think about her. She has her own interests and friends. She usually has good energy and encourages others. The Athlete is disciplined, but because she is used to doing things her way, she can be stubborn.
Clothing: The Athlete will come to school in a soccer or lacrosse outfit, and if someone doesn’t like it, it’s just tough luck. Non-girly clothes are more practical!
Trademark Line: “Think fast!”
Fun Fact: The term “Tomboy” dates all the way back to 1562. It could mean a rude boy (apparently a kid named Tom was sort of a jerk back then) or “a girl who enjoys rough noisy activities, like a boy.” Shakespeare refers to tomboys in one of his plays.
Supergirl
Some girls are genuinely nice, beautiful people. Supergirls have such high self-esteem, they don’t worry about what others think of them.
Attitude: Supergirl will sit with pretty much anyone at lunch. She is friendly and smiles easily. She wants everyone to feel as good about themselves as she feels about herself.
Nicknames: Prom-Queen, Miss Congeniality.
Likes: Being a good listener to other people, including everybody in her group.
Surprising Fact: Even though everyone loves Supergirl, she may be really hard on herself in private.
Girlie Girl
This is the girl who was born wearing a pink outfit and a princess crown.
Attitude: She is the sweetest! Girly-girls don’t walk; they float and bounce. Things that can distract them include flowers, little animals, rainbows, candy, and babies.
Aliases: Little Fluffy Froufrou, H.R.H. (Her Royal Highness).
Clothing: She likes summer dresses; t-shirts with puppy dogs, rainbows, and unicorns on them; blouses and skirts with flowers on them. She may have a tiara hidden in her lo
cker.
Likes: Speaking in a high-pitched, singsong, style.
Trademark Line: “Sugar and spice and everything nice!”
Dislikes: No profanity EVER.
Heroes: Little Bo-Peep, the Little Mermaid.
Fun Fact: Girlie Girl may be a Creative Genius in hiding. See if you can borrow a unicorn sticker or a fuzzy pen and really get to know her.
Creativity Girl
She’s the queen of art, poetry, and fashion!
Attitude: Creative girl can express herself in so many ways. Maybe she makes her own earrings or clothes, or styles her own hair (which, last you looked, was dyed green), or has a black belt in karate, or does needlework.
Clothing: Creative Girl can come to school with a far-out look and pull it off! That’s because she has style.
Trademark Line: “My hair is chartreuse today. Do you like it?”
Beware! If you stand next to Creative Girl and don’t move, she will either paint you a different color or cover you in papier mâché. Also, look out if she’s holding pipe cleaners, fabric swatches, or glitter.
Goth Girl
Gothic fashion got started in the early 1980s by musicians who wanted to be seen as sad, wistful, and gloomy.
Attitude: Goth Girl will be sarcastic, especially about things she really likes. It’s fun for her to pretend to be a romantic, misunderstood loner. Optional version: Theatrical and dramatic!
Fashion: Black clothing, black hair, and white face makeup. Big boots. Some black eyeliner and as many piercings as her parents will allow. Overcoats are good; capes are better.
Extra Credit: Rebel Goths wear white lipstick and T-shirts that say “Choose Life.”
Nicknames: Night Angel, Raven, Princess Darkness, you get the idea.