by Bart King
Maria loved it! She came home and told her mom she wanted to be a construction worker when she grew up. Maria went back the next couple of days to “work” and at the end of the week, the foreman gave her an envelope with her week’s pay: Five one-dollar bills.
Maria’s mother decided it was time for her to start her own bank account, since she had a job. They both went to the bank and Maria proudly presented the teller with her money.
He was very impressed when he found out that Maria worked in construction.
“Will you keep building the house next week?” the teller asked her.
Little Maria frowned and said loudly, “We will if those idiots at Home Depot deliver the $!@!%*?& lumber on time!”
* * *
[10] Next time you make cupcakes, take an extra piece of a cupcake paper liner and write a fortune on it. Then fold up the paper and put it at the bottom of the tin just before you pour batter into it. The person later unwrapping the cupcake will find their fortune inside! Possible fortunes: “Anything worth doing can be done” and “Check your shoes—you may have stepped in something.” Or make up your own!
Fashion
“I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn’t itch.”
—Gilda Radner
A “fashion” is the latest trend that is popular at the moment. The only problem is that as soon as any fashion becomes really popular, it’s suddenly out-of-date! Plus, it’s hard to be unique when somebody else “invented” the fashion, and everybody else is wearing it.
But you don’t have to wear the latest fashions to have style! You can create your own style by picking outfits that YOU think look good because they have that certain “flair.” Maybe your style is elegant or creative or goofy. Hey, it’s your style, so express yourself with it! Add a trippy new accessory. Put on a man’s hat. Mix stripes with plaid. (Or not.) That’s turning fashion into your style!
Although generally women are more interested in fashion than men, way back in the twentieth century, 65 percent of the top fashion designers were males. Jacques Fath, a famous French designer, even said, “Women are bad fashion designers. The only role a woman should have in fashion is wearing clothes.” That jerk! The good news is that nowadays, female fashion designers rake in over 60 percent of the total fashion sales to women. Sisterhood!
*Girls get twice as many fashion possibilities as boys. That’s because a girl can dress like a boy and look normal, but boys can’t do the same with girls’ clothes!
There is also a trend for young women and girls to get involved in fashion. Many teenagers have started selling their clothes to local stores and friends. Magazines like Elle Girl and Teen Vogue highlight do-it-yourself youngsters who have good taste. And fashion schools are getting record enrollments.
You shouldn’t take this stuff too seriously. For some girls, fashion can turn into a dead-end alley, and they become slaves to fashion. A fashion slave notices that there is always another girl with more expensive and more up-to-date clothes, and she spends a lot of money and energy on the latest trends to keep up.
But since people are more important than clothes, maybe the best clothes are the ones that make you notice the person wearing them. Anyway, try making fashion your slave . . . or at least, your servant!
Fashion Model Secrets!
For laughs, take some pictures of your friends in silly, fake-serious fashion model poses. The key? Models usually look over the photographer’s shoulder (lifting their chin so they look posed), almost always put one foot in front of the other, and love to pull their shoulders slightly back. And don’t forget to slightly purse your lips and look oh-so serious!
Your Personal Fashion
There are plenty of magazines out there that can give you advice on the “fashion of the month.” But if you’re looking for some different ideas for an outfit to wear to school, here are some to get you thinking!
Go Through Your Parents’ Closet (with their permission, of course!)
If you’re looking for some old-school, retro clothes, hit up your parents! They will be stunned, and then flattered when you take an interest in the Led Zeppelin or B-52’s T-shirt that’s been hidden away for so many moons. Old jeans, cowboy boots, and T-shirts are instantly cool again. Other finds might include flares, biker boots, glitter tops, velvet jackets, hip belts, and leather wristbands. Rock on!
Clothes
East Indian skirt
caftan (a long, loose shirt or top; can be a dress, Mid-East style)
poodle skirts
Fair Isle sweaters
tutu
pantsuits
polo shirts
khaki pants
ruffled blouses
halter tops
cardigan sweaters
cashmere sweaters
paisley prints and tie-dye
bell-bottoms
pedal-pushers
denim jackets
pleated skirts
Accessories
colored or patterned scarves
shawls
pearl chokers
long bead necklaces
hemp purse
anklets
bangle bracelets
big sunglasses
ties
decorated hairpins or barrettes (glue cool beads on them!)
beaded handbags OR handbags made out of old jeans
brooches
knee socks
bunny slippers
Hats
fedora (a felt hat with a brim)
floppy brimmed hat
beret
cloche (a close-fitting hat from the 1920s)
feathered hat
newsboy cap (watch the movie Newsies to see how cool they are)
Shoes
loafers
T-strap shoes
combat boots
lace-up or zippered boots
saddle shoes
ballerina flats
cowgirl boots
“go-go” boots
patent leather shoes
Clothing
“Some people don’t think that women in the military can kill if they get into a fight. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, ‘You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms.’”
—Elayne Boosler
The Outfit Switch!
See if anyone is noticing what you wear!
You Will Need: A friend who’s about your size.
Have you ever gone to school and discovered that two of your friends are wearing matching outfits, by accident or on purpose? Try this twist on that situation.
You’ll have to make arrangements with a friend who’s about your size to do this before school. Go to school and about halfway through the day (maybe at lunch) go to the restroom together and quickly trade outfits. Then come out and act casual, like nothing is different.
If NOBODY notices that you changed, that will be a little scary. But if someone does notice and she asks you if you were wearing something different earlier, act like you don’t know what she’s talking about.
An Important Question! When a girl comes out of her bedroom wearing an outfit, why do parents sometimes ask: “You’re not planning on wearing that, are you?” Duh!
“Eventually, I managed to cheer Mum up by allowing her to go through my wardrobe and criticize all my clothes. . .”
—Helen Fielding
One obvious part of putting together a good outfit has to do with matching colors. Before 1920, pink was considered a BOY’S color in the United States. Times sure do change! Dark blue is associated with loyalty (true blue!), which is why many police officers wear it. Purple is still considered to be the “royal” color because it was an expensive dye in the olden days. (In England during Shakespeare’s time, it was illegal for most people to wear purple because it was saved for royalty.) Yellow was considered to be a wedding day color by the ancient Romans. In China, white is considered to be the color of sadness and mourn
ing, not black.
Black has become the most fashionable of colors. The beauty of black is that it can make a person appear slimmer. It also seems serious, and that makes people take notice.
New Vocabulary! A Crayola Storm is a girl who wears as many bright colors as she can, ALL the time. (Crayola Storm also kind of sounds like the name of a female weather forecaster, huh? Which reminds us, if you watch weather reports carefully, it will help you choose comfortable outfits for the day.)
“Fashions go out of style, but style never goes out of fashion.”
—Constance Noring
T-Shirts
One of the most important items a girl can own are nice cotton T-shirts. If you want to wear them long or short, it doesn’t matter, but a white T-shirt is the most multipurpose piece of clothing there is. That is, unless you want to wear a black cotton T-shirt!
Have a long-sleeve sweater or shirt, but want something under it? T-shirt. Just wearing a skirt or shorts on a nice day? T-shirt. Going to a formal event? T-shirt. (Oops, okay, we’re getting a little carried away.)
Tank Tops: These always look cool if you wear two of them, with one being a different color. It gives extra support and also gives you style points.
Blouses
The blouse used to be the part of a woman’s dress that was above the waist; it was a detachable vest. Now a nice white blouse or crisp white shirt can be worn with skirts, pants, suits, shorts, and under vests and jackets.
BTW, buttons have been around for 5,000 years . . . but button HOLES were only invented about 800 years ago! What gives? You see, buttons were originally invented just for decoration on clothing. It took a while for some genius (probably a girl) to see that they could be useful!
Blazers
Blazers got their name in the late 1800s, when light jackets with shining bright colors were all the rage. Nowadays, you can blaze a fashion trail with a blazer that goes well with jeans or a skirt.
A New Wrinkle: Ever hear of extreme ironing? In this sport, athletes set up ironing boards and then iron clothes in very difficult situations. For example, they might iron while rock climbing, sail boarding, or bouncing on a trampoline.
Pants
Although pants and trousers have been around for a long time, the first real pants actually made for girls were called bloomers. In 1851, an American woman named Amelia Bloomer had seen women wearing trousers, and she marketed her own version of them. Women in the United States wore these bloomers for about eight years, but then they went out of fashion. Men had a lot to do with this, because they wanted to keep pants for themselves. (Keep in mind that women couldn’t vote back then and slavery was still legal!)
When asked if she felt like a man when she wore pants, Amelia Bloomer answered: “I feel no more like a man now than I did in long skirts, unless . . . enjoying more freedom . . . is to be like a man.”
Wow, times have changed! Now, girls can wear blue jeans or “denims,” which are probably the most basic sort of pants there are. Although there is nothing expensive about denim, if you want it prewashed, preshrunk, aged, styled, distressed, acid-washed, or customized, it’s possible to spend as much as $400 on a pair. That’s kind of a rip-off for pants that might become cut-offs!
Dresses and Skirts
“Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: ‘This looks much better on.’ On what? On fire?”
—Rita Rudner
Long skirts are cool—pick a soft fabric and enjoy. But if you’re going to be doing a fair amount of walking, don’t wear dresses or skirts that go below your ankle. As for skirts, they can be casual or dressy depending on your top and accessories. Denim skirts seem to survive most fashion changes.
As for miniskirts, we’re not suggesting you wear miniskirts, but if you do, you know they can be a challenge. As you sit down, it can be tough to smooth the fabric of the mini down so that it doesn’t hike up too high. There is sort of an art to it, as you keep your back straight, bend at the knees, smooth the skirt, and sit.
Cotton skirts are easy to smooth down, but they also hike up worse than, say, denim. Many girls agree that corduroy smooths down and stays put the best of all the fabrics.
Stockings and Tights
Stockings were made out of thick wool cloth for many years. Talk about itchy! In the 1800s, a French acrobat named Jules Leotard got tired of his baggy pants and came up with a new type of legging. What name do you think Mr. Leotard came up with for his invention?
Scarves
Scarves are very cool accessories. They come in such a wide variety of sizes, patterns, and colors, and they can go with almost any outfit. Also, if you ever want to stand out from the girl crowd, a scarf is the ticket.
A scarf can cover up a “bad hair day,” and it can also cover your hair when it’s windy and you don’t want to wear a cap. Want to look trés French? Take a scarf and fold it in a triangle. Then take the long side (where the tip of the triangle is) and roll it toward the crease. Once you have a scarf-rope, wrap it around your neck, tie a knot on the side, walk around with a croissant and a beret, and act trés chic! (BTW, how did an elegant word like scarf ever get the meaning “to gobble up,” as in “My brother scarfed the waffles”?)
Remember, a scarf doesn’t have to go around your head or neck. You can run a long scarf through the belt loops of a pair of pants and tie it off in the front. For an exotic look, make a scarf sarong. Take a long scarf and fold it corner to corner (for a triangle) or in half; wrap it around your waist and knot it up. It can go over pants or a skirt, or if it’s warm enough out, your swimsuit.
If a scarf it too bold a statement for you, try some brightly colored ribbons (the thicker the better.) Tie ribbons off around your wrists or ankles. Ninja-style!
Swimsuits
Women used to wear pretty gigantic swimsuits until World War II. The government required swimsuit makers to use 10 percent less fabric for swimsuits to save resources for the war effort. Then, in 1946, a French designer came up with a small, two-piece bathing suit called the “bikini.” As far as most people could tell, the bikini reduced fabric use by about 95 percent! No model would wear the bikini for fashion shows. It would take more than a decade for swimmers to feel comfortable wearing so little.
After you buy a swimsuit, you probably should wear it in the shower first and then run the water. That way you’ll know how it fits and what it looks like when it’s wet.
Shoes
“Life is short. Buy the shoes.”
—Samantha Crouton
Remember how none of Cinderella’s stepsisters could get their feet into her dainty glass slippers? The fairy tale seems to have a moral that says, “Bad people have big feet.” That’s not a very good message for a children’s story! (Even worse, in older versions of the story, the stepsisters cut off their toes trying to fit into the slipper. Yech.)
Besides, even though glass slippers may be every girl’s dream, they are very dangerous. If you step on a rock with glass slippers on, you can get a nasty cut on the heel. Today’s safety-minded fairy godmothers recommend a nice pair of clogs, or maybe some hiking boots.
If you think that your feet are too big, look at a puppy. Dogs are like humans when they’re growing up: Their feet grow first. Puppies have pretty big paws for their size, and so do lots of girls and boys. Don’t worry, you’ll grow into your feet, just give it time.
The reason we mention this is because many women never get over worrying about having big feet. They have their toes straightened, shortened (and even removed!) so that they can fit their feet into high-heeled pumps. These women don’t need plastic surgery on their feet. They need a new attitude and different shoes!
*The Statue of Liberty wears size 879 shoes!
A comfortable pair of shoes is one of the most important things to keep you feeling good. You take about 15,000 steps a day, and if your shoes don’t fit right, it can affect your mood and how your day goes. If you’ve ever had sore feet or a blister, you k
now what we mean.
The Meaning of Shoes
Shoes have special meanings for different cultures. Take a look!
Southeast Asia: Showing someone the sole of your shoe is a horrible insult.
Mongolia: Removing shoes after a meal is believed to help digestion. (Unless everyone’s feet stink!)
Oz: Apparently, some girl named Dorothy can travel there in special shoes.
Japan: Shoes are removed before entering a building.
Holland: To fool the police, Dutch criminals have invented shoes that leave footprints going in the opposite direction.
Muslims: Members of this religious group often remove their shoes before their five daily prayers.
Good Luck! Shoes symbolize good luck in many places, which is one reason they are sometimes tied to the back of a car belonging to newlyweds. In case you’ve wondered what leprechauns do all day, they make shoes, the lucky little fellows. (BTW, how come you never see girl leprechauns?)
High heels are often considered stylish, but they are not very comfortable shoes. The squinch the toes together and then put 85 percent if the body’s weight right on them. But those little piggies are the part of the foot least able to handle that kind of pressure. The heel itself is designed for that kind of pressure, but it sits up high, doing nothing. It’s unnatural!