by Lexy Timms
But the look in her eyes was one of hurt and heartbreak, which only confused me more. Sam turned on her heels and ran off, heading back to the pier and racing back to our bungalow.
I had to get to her.
I had to explain what the hell had happened.
“Look, you know what? It doesn’t matter. Val, we were over a long time ago, and if I remember right, you were the one who dumped me because I couldn’t monetarily keep up with your ambitions. Is that how your father put it?” I asked.
She was gawking at me. Just staring with her lips parted.
“I’m sorry,” she said with a stutter. “My apologies for presuming. I hadn’t heard anything about you being with someone is all.”
“What? Through your society channels? Get one thing straight, Miss Rickshaw, I never have and never will even moderately associate with the vultures you call friends. I’m with someone here at this resort, and I’ve worked very hard to keep her out of the grimy, sleazy hands of high society as well as the media. If you haven’t heard anything, then I’ve done my job. But that doesn’t give you the right to go around kissing your exes simply because your heart is broken. If you don’t want a broken heart, Val, then maybe you should look in the mirror and try to figure out why men keep leaving you.”
I didn’t wait around for her response. I threw some money down on the table to cover the breakfast and a tip. Then I brushed past Valerie. My eyes scanned the shoreline as my feet carried me toward the dock, my chest panting with exertion as I ran after Sam.
All I could hope was that she would listen. All I could hope was that she would understand.
But the way her eyes looked when I caught them was forever seared into my memory.
Shit.
This vacation was ruined before it ever got off the ground.
Chapter 10
Sam
I WOKE UP THE NEXT morning to an empty bed. It didn’t shock me that he wasn’t there, but there was a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I had fallen asleep against Derek last night with the silent hope he would be there when I got up. There was a war raging within me, pulling me between falling into his arms and keeping myself at arm’s length. He was intoxicating. Intriguing. He broke down my barriers in the same way ice yielded to fire, helpless to his heat and automatically transformed by simply being next to him.
It was mysterious and frustrating, and it flooded my veins with a rush no job had ever prompted in me before.
I slid from bed, stretching my naked limbs to the sun. The sliding door was still open, filtering the warm ocean breeze into the room. Waking up to the sound of the ocean and the salted breath of the landscape around us was another thing I had yet to experience. I was taking in Hawaii for the first time, even though my travels had brought me here on four separate occasions. There was a beauty about this place I had denied myself, a beauty that tricked my mind into believing I could dwell in it and that a creature born and bred in the darkness could suddenly step into the light and enjoy it.
Belong to it and fit within it.
I stood to my feet and shuffled across the floor. There was a note on the bathroom door as I made my way to the toilet. I plucked it from the surface and scanned the words, smiling as I took them in.
Derek had stayed with me last night. He was simply out eating breakfast.
I rushed to the closet and pulled out the first dress I laid my hands on. It was an orange dress, with shades of pink and yellow. I found the matching flip-flops and slipped my feet into them, ready to surprise him with my presence this morning. It was thoughtful of him to let me sleep in, and my body was better for it. My arm was feeling better with each passing day, and I felt my muscles repairing now that they were no longer under the stress of staying up all night and trying to keep Derek safe.
I walked my way down the pier, my shoulders rolled back and my head held high.
I was ready to talk with him and discuss this looming issue that had been brought up last night. His revelation churned my mind last night, bringing up painful memories I never thought I’d allow myself to remember again. They flooded to the forefront of my mind, silently reminding me why I shouldn't love. Why I shouldn’t trust. Why I shouldn't care.
It was my own fear holding me back from falling for him, and I was ready to talk with him about it.
I crested the hill toward the restaurant and panned my gaze along the people sitting down. I knew he was here. He wouldn't have gone far without me at his side. It was simply habit at this point, and there had been no indication that he had come back to the bungalow at all.
But when my eyes finally found his, he was waist deep into the lips of another woman.
Our eyes connected over her shoulder, and I saw the shock on his features. What the hell had I been thinking? If the world was looking for a way to rip me from my trance, it had found a way. I had no idea what I was thinking, convincing myself this could happen, allowing myself to dream of a life in the sun. What the hell was I doing, entertaining a thought like talking to Derek about my past?
Was I fucking nuts?
I turned on my heels and hurried back to the room. I was crushed, and even I couldn't ignore that. I should have known better than to let him convince me any of this was real. It was an illusion. Just like Jacob had been one and just like my parents had been one. I ran into the bungalow and fled to my room, closing the door behind me before I stepped onto the porch. I allowed the morning sun to caress my skin, warming me from the outside as I iced my heart over.
I had to keep with my gut.
My gut was always right.
I felt the want to cry, but I resisted the urge to outwardly do so. No man was ever worth crying over. It was a lesson my father had taught me about the hard way, but I wasn’t going to quit my job, either. This wasn’t going to eat me up like some pathetic little girl tangled up in a summer romance. I was better than that. Stronger than that. I had gone against my gut, and I paid the price for it. What was done was done, and now I knew where to go from here. I had to keep this professional. I had to keep my childish whims out of the picture.
Sometimes, the hard way was the only way to learn.
I drew in a deep breath as my bedroom door crashed open with a thunderous crack. I heard the stumbling around of Derek’s footsteps as he stopped outside the sliding glass doors. I silently sat on one of the deck chairs as my body sank into the cushions, the hot tub bubbling and trying to entice me to step in.
“Sam, I can explain what you saw,” Derek said.
“There’s no need to. You’re a grown man, Mr. Steele. What you choose to do with your time is your choice,” I said.
I crossed my leg over my knee as I settled my hands in my lap. I was trying so hard not to look at him. I hadn’t had enough time to throw my walls back up before he came stumbling in. All I needed was a few more minutes without his piercing stare, and I would be good to go. I would be protected against his strengthening advances, so I could get this job done and get on with my fucking life.
“Sam, listen to me.”
“You were kissing a woman. Who cares?” I asked.
“You, obviously. And me,” he said. “That was my ex, Valerie.”
“I’m not the greatest at conversing with grace, but I’m pretty sure if I gave a shit, that wouldn't help.”
“Sam, don’t do this.”
“Don’t do what?” I asked.
“This. What you’re doing. Acting like you don’t care. I didn’t kiss her. She kissed me.”
“But a kiss did occur,” I said.
“Valerie surprised me.”
“This is the socialite, right? The one with the killer legs, I think is how you put it?”
“Yes. Her. And she was a nut-job.”
“They’re usually the best kissers, yes,” I said. “At least, that’s what John tells me.”
“She surprised me, Sam. I didn’t have breakfast with her. I didn’t pay for anything. I’m not even interested in her. She kissed me. It ca
ught me off guard, and then I pushed her away.”
“I have no idea why you’re explaining this to me. I was only coming to track you down. I get that we’re safe on this island, but you still shouldn’t leave me behind.”
“Oh, cut the shit, Sam. This is ridiculous.”
“What is?” I asked.
“You came up to that restaurant to find me after a night of passion. After I admitted to you that I was falling in love with you. And with that dress and those shoes, you were coming to sit with me. To dine with me. To talk with me.”
“I came in this dress and these shoes because they’re the only things I have to wear. If I remember correctly, someone instructed me not to pack.”
“Then why did you run off, huh?” he asked. “If you were only coming to guard me and do your damn job, then why did you turn and run?”
“Because I’m pretty sure having your bodyguard approach would’ve been a very serious cock block.”
“Are you really doing this?”
“You’re gonna have to be more specific,” I said.
“I admitted everything to you last night, and now after one little hiccup, you’re pushing me away again. I saw the hurt in your eyes, but I also saw the smile on your face before you found us. Before that woman pushed herself onto me. You were opening up, Sam. You were coming to be closer to me because you wanted to be with me. At least be able to admit that to yourself.”
I clenched my jaw, keeping a hold on my tongue as I stared out over the ocean. I didn’t like this. I didn’t like him being able to break me down and read me like this. No client had ever given a shit when it came to knowing me, and now that one of my clients had, I didn’t like it. I felt exposed. I no longer had the upper hand. I was fighting a losing battle with Derek verbally pinning me to the mattress.
And what did I do if a man had me pinned to the mattress?
I knee’ed him where it hurt.
“It’s not my fault you’re looking for comfort in all the wrong places. I can see why Jacob pulled the wool over your eyes. It’s pretty easy to, given only four chance encounters between us has clouded your vision of our arrangement.”
I felt him freeze, his eyes locked on me as my words sank in. I felt the last of my walls go up. I felt the ice of my heart finally settle in. I was back, and in an odd way, it felt good being closed off and contained in the dark. I reeled my emotions in and stuffed them away, dimming the beauty of the island that surrounded me. The water seemed murkier, and the sun didn’t shine as bright. I could no longer feel the warmth trickling through the limbs of my body. The hot tub was no longer enticing, and my heart no longer hurt.
My brain was no longer screaming, and the war that had been raging was now silenced.
“I have never been with a woman like you before,” Derek said softly. “You’re beautiful. Strong. Intoxicating. Stubborn as hell and smart. Very smart. You think well on your feet, and you have this tick about you where you ... you need permission to enjoy things. And I love giving you permission. I love fulfilling that part of you. Watching the way you let go and allow your body to experience the world around you.”
I sat there, my hands in my lap and my body completely still. I was on high alert, my eyes gazing out toward the water. I was looking for boats trying to come in or people trying to swim up. I was listening out for footsteps heading up the pier and started clocking how many exits we could make if things went horribly wrong. I was sinking back into old patterns, clawing my way back to my job and trying to remove myself from the endless warmth of pleasure I experienced whenever I was around Derek.
It was hard, but I managed to do it.
Mostly.
“Valerie and I, we were terrible for one another. I was getting over the first true woman I’d ever dated. Lisa Blatacky.”
“The shrewd businesswoman,” I said.
“Yes. Her. Valerie was my rebound, and we worked because she was rebounding too. She was a socialite who lived off her parents’ money and turned her nose in the air to anyone who didn’t have the kind of money she did. She was gaudy and a complete snob. I was the butt of all her friends’ jokes because I hadn’t made a specific amount of money to deem me worthy of their time while we were dating.”
“Sounds like a peach,” I said.
“I’m not proud of that time in my life. She was the only woman I dated who I couldn't see myself with. I dated her for the sole purpose of getting over Lisa and nothing else.”
“The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.”
“Something like that, yeah. Not my shining moment as a man, but that was all she was. She ended things with me after I started pulling away. I stopped attending her expensive parties where I was the butt of all the jokes, and she didn’t like that. Sent me a text message and that was that.”
“Nice story,” I said flatly.
“The point is, she didn’t mean anything to me then, and she doesn’t mean anything to me now.”
“And my point is that I really don’t care. What you do with your body and who you do it with is none of my business. We aren’t in a relationship, we aren’t dating, and we sure as hell aren’t in love.”
I looked up at him and saw something akin to hurt wafting behind his eyes.
“I guess not,” he said.
I got up from the chair on my private deck and slid past him. I needed a shower, and I needed space from him so I could breathe. I walked into the bathroom and then turned around and took one last look at him. He was standing on the deck with his hands in his pockets, and his shoulders heaved with a heavy sigh. My eyes grazed up and down his form, taking him in one last time before I shut the door, putting a barrier between us.
I needed a shower to wash him off my skin and to rid my body of his memory.
A job.
That was all this was.
Simply ... a job.
Chapter 11
Derek
I LISTENED AS HER FOOTSTEPS backtracked into her room. I stuck my hands in my pockets, balling my fists up in an area she couldn’t see. Holy hell, Sam was as frustrating as they came. She was completely closed off to me again like nothing had ever happened between the two of us. But I knew better. I knew there was something brewing, something that enthralled her and scared the shit out of her. I knew fear was driving her. I knew what that looked like. Fear had been driving me for the past month and a half with her at my side. I was practically an expert on what people looked like when they were driven by fear. I saw it in the eyes of every company owner about to go under before I stepped up to the plate. I saw it in the eyes of my security team whenever I made a risky move.
I saw it in my own damn eyes whenever I looked in the mirror.
But I wasn’t letting this go. I knew this was real. I knew this was worth fighting for. Women like Sam were different. They didn’t grow up in the money I did. They didn’t grow up surrounded by the joy I had. Time and time again, women like Sam stepped out into the world only to be shown why they shouldn’t have. Time and time again, women like Sam tried to fight against the bonds their lives had held them in only to be beaten into submission.
Only this time, it was her gut beating her into submission.
She was scared. But I was too.
I heaved a heavy sigh as I heard Sam shut the bathroom door. I turned around, my eyes dancing along the doorframe as I rolled my shoulders back. If she was in the shower, it meant she couldn’t run from me. If she was in the shower, it meant she couldn't hide. I took the chance and walked over to the bathroom, standing there as the water began to pour from the shower. Sam’s sigh was so great, it fluttered over the water and through the door, landing heavily in my ears.
I knew that sigh.
It was the sigh I had heaved myself only moments ago.
I reached for the doorknob and turned it. The door slid open, and I grinned as I silently stepped in. Sam was smarter than this. Her subconscious was beginning to rule her mind. If she wanted this door locked, i
f she really wanted a barrier between us, she would’ve locked this door. Something inside of her kept this door unlocked.
Like she had at the hotel in Vegas.
“I know you’re there,” she said.
I closed the door behind me and locked it.
“I’d be a shitty bodyguard if you could surprise me so easily,” she said.
“Then it makes me wonder why you left it unlocked anyway,” I said.
“So I can easily get out of the bathroom if something started happening to you,” she said.
I was disappointed at how easy it was for her to answer that question.
“I love you, Sam.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Yes, I do. And I’ll tell you why. It isn’t because of the danger, and it isn’t because of the thrill. It isn’t because I’m power hungry or enjoy fucking anything that moves.”
“Well, that’s a relief,” she said flatly.
“It’s because it’s you. It’s because you’re simply you. Stubborn to a fault, stronger than any woman I’ve ever met, and secrets twenty miles deep. There’s so much to learn about you, and the more I learn, the more I understand you. The more I learn, the more my cravings grow for you. When I saw you take that bullet, when I saw you go down onto the floor bleeding ...”
I drew in a deep breath as I closed my eyes, allowing the steam of the shower to encompass my body.
“I thought I’d lost you. Not you, my bodyguard. Not you, my protector. Not you, my Florence Nightingale bullshit effect. But you. Sam. Samantha Williams. I thought I had lost you. I kept saying to myself, ‘if Jacob kills her, he’s done.’ ‘If Jacob kills her, he’s dead.’ When I picked up that paperweight and chucked it at his head, every single ounce of me wanted him to feel the pain he had inflicted on you. And when I carried you to the elevator, I kept cursing you, wondering why the fuck you would take that bullet instead of shoving me away from it.”
I lifted my gaze and stared at the frosted glass. I could see the outline of her body. She was turned fully toward me, her hazy curves enticing me even now. I couldn’t see her eyes, but I knew she was staring at me.