"I'm concerned. I don't want to see you hurt."
"I already am," Justine said, "but there's nothing I can do about it. Now, I'd like to see Sophie and try to explain what's happening, and then I need to leave. It might be good if she's allowed to get letters from me on occasion, at least until she's settled with you."
"She's just lost one mother," Brad said. "This will be like her losing another."
"I know," Justine replied. "This might come as a surprise to you, but I'm pretty torn up about this too. I liked being called Mommy, and I liked having Sophie's little body curled around me and hearing her laugh. I'm worried you might not find the right woman to help raise her, and I'm afraid you'll be so concerned she might turn out like me you'll be too strict with her, and she'll rebel when she's a teenager and run off with the first guy she can, just to cut you loose from her."
"Mommy!" Sophie exclaimed, and rushed up to Justine with her arms out.
Justine caught her in a hug. "Hi honey," she said. "Did you sleep well?"
"Where were you?" Sophie asked, ignoring Justine's question. "You told me you'd tuck me in and read to me but you didn't come."
"I'm sorry, sweetie, but I had to pack my things, so I stayed in my room at the lodge," Justine said. "I've only been staying with your daddy to help him learn how to take care of you, but now he knows how, so I'll be leaving and going back to my job."
"Then you can tuck me in bed tonight," Sophie said.
Justine looked at Brad for input, but his face was blank. She moved to the couch and lifted Sophie onto her lap, and said, "No, honey. I can't tonight."
"Then when?" Sophie asked, looking at her with expectation.
"Well, maybe not for a long time," Justine said. "We'll have to wait and see."
"Nooooo!" Sophie cried. "I want you here tonight!"
"Sophie," Justine said. "You and your daddy will be leaving here too, and you'll go to school and have playmates, and when you learn how to write you can write to me and I'll write to you. That'll be fun, and you can send me a picture, and I'll send you a picture. We'll be pen pals."
"No," Sophie whined. "I want you to be my mommy. Why can't you be?"
"Because I'd have to be married to your daddy."
Sophie slid off Justine's lap and stomped over to stand in front of Brad, and looked way up at him, and said, in an accusatory voice, "Why won't you marry Mommy?"
Brad drew a long sigh and let it out slowly, then crouched on his heels, and said to Sophie, "I'll get you a mommy someday, honey, I promise." Then he picked up Sophie in his arms and stood, and said, "You want to give Justine a hug before she goes?"
Sophie shook her head then buried it against Brad's chest.
When Justine went to take her, Sophie shook off her hand and shoved her away, then shrugged away from Brad, forcing him to let her down. She immediately grabbed her bear and blanket and crawled under the table and glared at Justine.
Justine crouched down and kissed her hand and put it on Sophie's cheek, then walked to the door, but before she could open it, Brad pulled Justine into his arms and kissed her long and hard and held her against him, and said, "We could meet here sometime."
Justine shook her head. "No, it needs to be a clean break. Sophie doesn't need me wandering in and out of her life, and you need to find a mother for her and a wife for yourself, and get on with your lives." She let herself out and shut the door behind.
After telling Grace and Jack goodbye, she found Sean waiting by her car. "I'll see you in Seattle," she said.
"No," Sean replied, "We'll be going together. I just made arrangements to have the rental car picked up here." He opened the passenger door for her to get in.
"You're not running the show anymore," Justine said. "I may allow you accompany me to Seattle, but you sure as hell will not be driving my car."
But before she could move around the car to the driver's side, Sean pulled her to him and kissed her soundly, and said, "Welcome home, baby. It's good to have you back."
Justine glared at him, and replied, "Don't ever do that again," then walked around the car and got in behind the wheel.
Sean smiled and climbed into the passenger seat. As the car pulled away, he said, "I've been thinking about that partnership, baby, and I kinda like the sound of Elliot, Tarlow and Elliot. What do you think?" He looked at her and waited.
If Sean Elliot asked you to marry him would you consider it?
"Is that a proposal?" Justine asked.
"It's whatever you want it to be, baby," Sean said. "You're in the driver's seat now."
And Justine realized Sean was offering her the glass ceiling, and respectability.
It was a tempting thought.
***
Justine looked out the glass wall of her office at the Seattle cityscape with its Space Needle and rotating restaurant atop spindly legs, and graceful bridges, and stately buildings, and the confusion of freeways and overpasses and traffic and humanity twenty stories below, a scene that once sent adrenaline pumping through her, making her pulse race with excitement, because she was at the center of things in a city she loved. But now it had lost its glamour. She was also upset that she'd started her period, so she knew she wasn't pregnant, though trapping Brad would have been troublesome…
"So, what did you think of that last condo?" Sean asked, coming up behind her and peering over her shoulder.
Justine saw, from his reflection against the glass, that his hands were in his pockets, but he wasn't looking at the scene beyond. He was looking down at her. He was also too close. In her private space, his breath wafting against the side her face.
She turned and walked over to stand behind her desk and folded her arms. "Maybe it would be okay," she replied. Okay, to describe a four-bedroom condo with an Italian marble fireplace in a living room that could accommodate a couple dozen corporate heads and their spouses or significant others, a kitchen Martha Stewart would die for, and French doors that opened onto a balcony that overlooked Puget Sound.
Sean meandered over to stand in front of her desk, facing her, his fingers toying with the small bronze figure of a child perched on her toe, a little girl caught between a run and a leap, while chasing a butterfly that touched the tip of her finger, a piece that reminded her of Sophie, and which she'd admired on a day she and Sean ducked into an art gallery while on their way to check out a condo. Sean said nothing then, but went back later and bought it for her.
He'd been different ever since she returned to Seattle. Treated her differently. But she was different. More like Grace, she told herself, and wished Brad could see her now, all corporate businesswoman, no innuendo, no sexual banter. She was Justine Page, soon to be Justine Page, of Page, Tarlow and Elliot... Unless she accepted Sean's marriage proposal, when it would instead be Elliot, Tarlow and Elliot.
Sean made the offer again the night before, but that time it was in all seriousness, over a six-course dinner, in a glass enclosed restaurant at the peak of one of Seattle's tallest buildings. He'd had the ring with him too—an emerald surrounded by cut diamonds...
"I want you for my wife," he'd said, while peering across the table at her. He'd stopped calling her baby halfway between the ranch and Seattle, when she'd reminded him that she was not his baby, she was not his bimbo, and the last place she wanted to find herself would be in his bed, unless there was a ring on her finger. She was certain he'd get the message. Apparently he did, but not the way she'd expected.
Sean moved around the desk, his hands still in his pockets, and peered out the glass wall behind her desk. "I've loved you for a long time," he said, to the view beyond the window.
Justine edged away from him, putting a little space between them. "You had an interesting way of showing it," she said, "giving me a week's notice to get out of your bed, out of your apartment, out of your business, and out of your life."
"Like I said, I was a prick."
"That's the problem," Justine said. "That prick of yours takes priority. Men like you
can't be faithful. It's not in your nature. It also might surprise you that I want children."
"You what!?" Sean exclaimed.
"I'd like to be a mother," Justine replied. "I discovered, while I was with my sister at the ranch this time, that children and the sincere love of a good man are what have been missing from my life."
Sean looked at her in amusement. "This is a test, isn't it? You're wondering if I'd go along with it if we got married and you got pregnant."
"Actually, I never gave that a thought," Justine said. "I already know you'd make a lousy father."
"Then you don't know me very well bab... umm... Justine," Sean replied, face sober. "I could be a good father. I've just never thought about it. It might be okay." He looked at her thoughtfully then, and asked, "What made you suddenly want to do this?"
Justine shrugged. "A little girl at the ranch. She called me Mommy and I decided I liked the sound of it."
"Whose little girl?" Sean asked, eyeing her curiously. "Your sister only has boys."
"The little girl was the daughter of a guest. You wouldn't know him."
"Brad Meecham," Sean stated.
Justine looked at Sean with a start. "How did you know?"
"Meecham asked where you were going when you started up the stairs to your room," Sean replied. "I knew then you'd been sleeping with him, but I can overlook that. I was sleeping with someone else too. I just didn't know how much I missed you until after you'd gone, and what an ass I'd been, and how much I wanted you back. I can give you everything Meecham can. A home on the Puget Sound, built to your design. Partnership in the company. Kids if you want them."
"Yes, but you left out one thing, and that you can't give me," Justine said.
"What then?" Sean asked.
"An orgasm," Justine said. "All the time I was with you, you never gave me an orgasm. No man ever has, except Brad."
"Maybe I never took enough time getting you ready," Sean replied. "Like you said, this prick of mine takes priority, but I can focus on you and your needs. I've been insensitive."
"There's nothing you can do," Justine said. "Brad makes it happen because I'm in love with him, and that makes all the difference."
"Then why aren't you with him now?" Sean asked.
Justine shrugged. "You figure it out."
Sean surprised the hell out of her by walking up to her, putting his hands on her shoulders, and saying, "The man's a fool. You've changed. You've made me change too, but you've never really been happy here, have you?"
Justine shook her head. "It's lonely at the top. My sister has it all."
"Well, I've laid it all out for you," Sean said. "The ball's in your court now."
Justine smiled, sadly. "Unfortunately," she said, "it's bouncing in the wrong court."
The following week, Justine reread the letter she'd received from the college board, expressing their admiration that she'd come forward after so many years, and their regrets that the board decided they had no choice but to rescind her position as valedictorian.
They also informed her that several years back, the professor in question had been dismissed on ethics charges involving sexual encounters with other coeds, and that she wouldn't be required to give details of her incident with the man. Her explanation in her letter was sufficient. Justine was tempted to hold a match to the letter, along with the copy of the one she'd sent to the college in which she described, in perhaps more detail than she should have, the incident with her professor, but decided to leave both letters in the folder, a reminder that actions had consequences. She slipped the folder back into her filing cabinet and shut the drawer, hoping she hadn't made the biggest mistake in her life.
She picked up the little bronze figure and studied it. She could imagine Sophie chasing a butterfly at the cabin in the mountains, in spring when flowers were blooming and butterflies were around. She'd never been in the mountains that time of year because she'd never liked being out like that. But when she thought of those three days with Brad and Sophie, and their fairy tale family, and Sophie calling her Mommy, she realized she'd never been happier in her life.
She also realized she'd never find that kind of happiness where she was now, but maybe somewhere there was a happy medium, a place where she could have some of both. But for the life of her, she couldn't imagine where it was.
***
Three weeks later, as Brad stood staring out the front window of the great room at the lodge, he could still picture the rear end of Justine's silver Jag barreling down the road. He also pictured Elliot kissing her before they drove off. She'd done nothing to stop him, and Elliot was smiling afterwards, like he'd just scored a home run. He would have by now.
If he'd had any balls at the time, Brad thought, he would have gone out there and positioned himself between Justine and Elliot and set the man straight.
"You're messing with my woman, you bastard," he should have said to Elliot before announcing that he was marrying Justine and she was off-limits to him.
Justine had been ready to give up the corporate life, and she would have been good with Sophie. For him, he had no idea what to do with a little girl who was so pissed with him for not marrying Justine that she'd managed to maintain a five-year-old cold shoulder from the time they'd left the ranch. When Sophie spoke to him, it was in exaggerated politeness.
"Would you like macaroni for lunch, honey?"
"Yes, please?" End of conversation.
"Would you like Daddy to tuck you in bed?"
"No, thank you." Back turned to him. Buffy under her arm. Go away Daddy.
"Sophie, honey, can we talk?"
"I'm talking to Buffy." Scoot under the table with her bear and blanket.
"Honey, you have to understand that Justine has a very important job a long way away from here so she can't be your mommy."
A pair of cobalt-blue eyes glaring at him said it all.
He turned from the window and looked to where Grace was ushering Sophie and Ricky out the back door of the lodge so she could take them to the stable, where Jack had horses ready for them to ride to Whispering Springs. The kids had on their swim suits under their clothes, and Jack would be monitoring them in the pool.
The week before, when Brad announced to Sophie, impulsively, that they were going to spend a few days at the ranch, Sophie warmed to him some, but once at the ranch, she was more uncommunicative than when they were in San Francisco.
Justine's absence screamed at both of them.
"I want Mommy to tuck me in bed here," Sophie said their first night there, and he knew exactly which Mommy she was referring to. Sophie had only one mommy now, and that one was two-hundred miles north, looking down through her glass ceiling at the underlings below her, sleeping alone in her upscale condo, on a king-size bed with designer sheets. No. Not sleeping alone. Sean Elliot would have expected fringe benefits for all he'd promised and delivered to Justine by now, if he wanted to keep her there.
You're not a whore...
I got to keep the Jaguar...
Sex for success. Justine had it all now. She'd made it to the top rung of the ladder. Page, Tarlow and Elliot, it would be. But, he also knew, from the moment he saw Sean Elliot hone in on her that day, that Elliot wanted Justine in every possible way, in his business, in his bed, in his life. "Hell," he muttered under his breath.
"Meecham," Sam called to him from the check-in desk. Brad looked over at him. "You've got a call. He says his name is Russell."
Brad crossed the room. He hadn't heard from Hayden Russell in a couple of weeks and wondered if he'd uncovered anything new. He took the phone from Sam, and after acknowledging the man, listened while Russell relayed a barrage of information.
Harrison Patel and his brother hired someone to run down Yvette... all three men in custody... Elsa Moroz was Harrison Patel's sister-in-law... divorced from Patel's brother... took her maiden name... aware of the plot... took Sophie away to keep her from Harrison Patel... went to the police and told all...
&
nbsp; "You okay?" Sam asked, after Brad hung up.
"Yeah, I'm fine," Brad replied, still trying to digest it all. Now the way was clear for him to have full legal custody until his adoption of Sophie would be finalized. The fact that Yvette had been married when she conceived Sophie necessitated the adoption, but it was just a matter of time until it would be final. "Yeah," he said again, this time smiling, "Everything's okay."
"Then you and Justine worked things out?" Sam asked.
Brad gave a pessimistic shrug. "I haven't had any contact with her since she left with that bastard, Sean Elliot."
Sam looked at him, dubiously. "Have you tried to contact her?"
Brad shrugged. "What's the point?"
"Oh, I don't know. Maybe because you love her," Sam said. "Or because you can't get your life on track without her. Or maybe because you've figured out that your daughter knows better than you who'd be the right mother for her. Or because you'd have a woman who'd stay with you, for better or for worse. Take your pick."
Brad let out a cynical laugh. "She's in her corporate tower now, and there's no place for a lowly writer and his kid there."
"Maybe not there," Sam said, "but wherever you are."
"Is there something you know that I don't?" Brad asked. "Has Grace heard something from her?"
"No one's heard from her since she left," Sam said. "Grace is a little worried, but not surprised. Justine never contacted her much before, only when she needed a place to stay, for whatever reason, always having to do with men. So Grace figures she's settled in, hopefully living alone, though that hasn't been Justine's pattern in the past, but if she came driving in here right now in her silver Jag, we'd know something happened."
Brad wondered if Justine had stood by her resolve to be the woman she wanted to be. He'd seen an amazing change during the time he'd known her. He also saw a women who'd been turned off by men fall in love, and he'd been the recipient of that love. Although she'd never said the words, he knew it was because she believed it was best for Sophie that she be out of their lives and not complicate things by throwing her love into the mix.
Living With Lies Trilogy (Books 1, 2, and 3 of The Dancing Moon Ranch Series) Page 40