by Linda Hill
“Wow. What was all that about?” Sally asked.
Jennifer shook her head. “I’m not sure. I think I only know about half of it.” She tried to dismiss the speculation from her mind.
“Leaving so soon?” Tina Simms called out as they reached the door. Jen looked back quickly to reply, stopping short as she found herself face-to-face with the blond she’d watched earlier.
“Hi, Jenny,” the girl said quietly.
Jennifer stared at the woman, frantically searching her memory. Surely she would remember a woman this gorgeous. Shy blue eyes gazed at her, uncertain. Waiting.
“You know me?” Stupidly, Jen grasped for converŹsation.
The other woman nodded, looking slightly wounded.
My god, she’s gorgeous.
Jennifer searched for the giveaway name tag, but found none. She began slowly shaking her head, rackŹing her brain. “I don’t ”
The woman looked disappointed as she lifted a small hand to her brow and ran fingers through her hair. Shyly, she looked away.
“Heather?” Recognition slapped her. “Is that you?”
The small lips turned down for just a moment before spreading wide and lifting into a cautious smile. She nodded.
Jen fought an overwhelming desire to crush the smaller woman to her chest. Tongue-tied, she continued to stare.
“You’re gorgeous,” she blurted out, cringing as the words left her mouth.
“So are you.” Heather returned the compliment, and Jennifer blushed.
“No, I mean really. You look fabulous.” Jennifer continued to stare until Sally interrupted by holding out a hand in greeting.
“Hi. I’m Jennifer’s sister, Sally,” she said.
“Nice to meet you,” Heather replied, taking Sally’s hand and shaking it warmly.
Stammering, Jennifer looked back and forth beŹtween Heather and her sister. “We were just leaving.”
Heather looked disappointed.
“Are you coming back tomorrow?” Jen asked quickly. “I mean, everyone’s coming back to the park tomorrow, right?”
“I’ll be here. Are you coming?”
“Yeah. We can catch up then, okay?”
AO.
“I’d like that,” Heather smiled, and Jennifer nodded, nearly tripping over herself and then her sister as she opened the door behind them and pushed her way outside.
Chapter 4
“Unbelievable,” Sally was saying as they retreated up the path toward the car. Night had fallen, and little lights lined the walkway to the parking lot.
“What is?” Jennifer was uncertain what Sally was referring to.
“The whole evening. I feel as if I’ve been through the wringer, and I was just watching the whole thing.”
Jennifer didn’t reply, thinking again about Sheila and Diane.
“What’s the deal with this Heather woman? Is she the one that you slept with?” Sally asked nonchalantly.
Jen stopped in her tracks. “No,” she sputtered emphatically.
“Okay, okay. Relax,” she began, then smiled mischievously. “I’ve just never seen you fall all over yourself in front of a woman like that before.” She began to cackle loudly. “Is she your type?”
“Very funny.” Embarrassed, Jen wrinkled her nose. “I was a stumbling idiot. Did you hear me? ‘You’re gorgeous. Do I know you?’ ” she mimicked her own words. “She must have thought I was a complete fool.”
“You were kind of gushing,” Sally admitted, her grin lopsided.
“Gushing?” Jen hurried along the path. Music and laughter from the clubhouse reached her ears.
Still laughing, Sally caught up with her. “Don’t worry. You were fine. I’m sure she didn’t notice you were ”
“gushing,” Jen finished the sentence for her.
Sally clamped her lips together to hide the smirk that threatened to escape. As she studied her younger sister, a thought occurred to her. “I just realized that I’ve never seen you with a girlfriend before. How come?”
Jen shrugged. “I guess nobody’s been special enough to introduce to the family.”
Sally considered this, then grinned at her sister. “Not even Diane Miller?”
Jennifer nearly choked. “I never slept with Diane Miller.”
“She sure acted like you two knew each other awfully well. She’s gay, isn’t she?”
“Yes, she’s lesbian. No, we never slept together. We weren’t even good friends in high school.”
“No?” They reached the car, where they paused for a moment before Sally climbed inside.
“No,” Jen told her, then chuckled as she joined her sister in the car. “You’re fishing, aren’t you?”
“Maybe I am.” Sally crossed her arms and leaned back in her seat. “How come you don’t talk to me, Jenny? I miss that, you know. You’re so far away. We never talk. I feel like I don’t know anything about you.”
Jennifer felt her throat constricting. “Come on, Sally. It’s not like that. I’m just …” She let the sentence die.
“There’s nothing you can’t tell me, you know. You’re my sister. I love you, no matter what.”
“But you wouldn’t understand.”
“How do you know that?” Sally demanded. “What have I ever done to make you believe that?”
Jennifer considered this. “Nothing, I suppose. I guess it’s just me.”
“Then talk to me. Tell me about it.”
“About what?”
“About what just happened back there, for starters. Why was Sheila such a bitch to you?”
“I’m not sure, really. I could guess, but…” She grimaced, remembering Sheila’s words. Jenny always made me do stupid things that I didn’t want to do.
“Does Sheila know you’re gay?”
“I think so.” Not a complete lie, she reasoned. Just not the whole truth.
Reading the hesitancy in Jennifer’s tone, Sally started the engine, flipped the headlights on, and put the transmission in gear. “You didn’t answer my original question.” She changed the subject, trying to lighten the mood. “Is Heather your type, or what?”
Jennifer laughed. “You’re relentless, Sally.”
“I never get you alone for very long. I want to know what makes you tick.”
Jennifer heard the underlying meaning of her sisŹter’s words. “Okay, okay.” She threw up her hands as if to surrender. She settled back into the car seat, trying to remember Heather’s features. “She was pretty hot, wasn’t she?” Jennifer slid a look at her sister, trying to gauge her reaction.
Sally smiled. “I suppose she was.”
Jennifer tilted her head to one side, trying to recall what was so attractive about the blond woman. “I can’t quite put my finger on it. What’s so attracŹtive about her, I mean.”
Sally wrinkled her nose. “She’s striking. Is that blond hair real?”
Jennifer nodded. “It was shorter before. I think her mom permed it or something.”
Sally shuddered at the thought.
“That’s just the thing. She looked completely difŹferent when we were kids.”
“Really? How?”
“I hate to say it, but she was kind of mousy. Her hair had that tight kind of curly perm, and she wore those big, thick glasses.” Jen shook her head, unable to reconcile the Heather from high school with the Heather of today. “And braces. She had braces. Kids used to call her Tracks. And Four-Eyes.”
“Tracks?”
“Railroad tracks. Braces. You know?” Sally grimaced. “Kids are cruel. You didn’t call her those names, did you?”
“No.” An image of Danny Johnson crushing Heather’s glasses beneath his foot came to mind.
“Oh my god.” Jennifer said the words with such emotion that Sally stepped on the brakes, pulling over just inside the parking lot.
“What?”
Her mouth agape, Jennifer turned to her sister as the memory grew more vivid. “Do you remember when I got kicked out of school in six
th grade for fighting with Danny Johnson?”
“How could I forget? You were grounded for months.”
“She was the one that Danny was picking on.” “Who?”
“Heather. He stepped on her glasses and smashed them.” She shook her head, the memory clear now.
Sally looked confused. “I thought it was Sheila.”
Jen’s laugh was sarcastic. “Nobody ever teased Sheila.” She shook her head again. “But Sheila sure was pissed at me for weeks about that fight.” ThinkŹing back, she remembered how she had agonized over Sheila’s silence.
“How come I don’t remember Heather? Were you guys friends?”
Jen had to think about it. “We didn’t really run around in the same crowds or anything. But I always liked her. She was very sweet. Quiet. Very nice.” Another memory of Heather in high school came to mind. “She used to come to our basketball games in high school, though. She even came to practice a lot. She was always sitting in the bleachers. She kind of stood out because nobody ever went to those games. And she always sat alone.”
“That’s sad. I hope Allison and Tommy never have to go through that.”
“You don’t have to worry. Your kids are gorgeous.”
Sally threw an odd look at her sister. “Isn’t that a sad commentary. You have to be gorgeous to get through school without other kids picking on you.”
Jennifer watched her sister closely, for the first time wondering what it was like to be a mother. It couldn’t be easy. It must be painful sometimes to watch your kids grow up.
She wondered if Sally endured as much pain as joy with Tommy and Allison. Sally had never really talked about it. Or maybe she has and I just never listened, Jennifer thought.
Chapter 5
A child was screaming, a high-pitched, shrill screech. Pots and pans, falling, crashing to the floor. Giggles. Louder than the screaming before. Clang, clang, clang. Too rhythmic to be unintentional. Loud voices. Her sister? A phone is ringing. Clang, clang, clang. Ring, ring, ring. Isn’t someone going to answer that phone?
Silence. Something must be wrong. Breathing. Quick, shallow breaths.
Jennifer fought through the sleep that wouldn’t let go. Slowly, she opened one eye and focused on the tip of one of the tiniest fingers she’d ever seen, just four inches from her nose and slowly getting closer.
She shifted her focus to the pair of huge blue eyes a short arm’s length behind the finger. Tommy was standing beside the bed, fine blond hair tousled from sleep and a teddy bear held tightly under one arm.
“Jeffer.” His voice was somewhere between silence and a whisper, as if trying out the sound for his ears only.
The finger was getting closer.
“Jeffer,” he repeated, his tiny lips wrapping around the phrase experimentally.
Fingertip finally met nose. His gaze moving to the pair of sleepy eyes that peered back at him.
“Good morning, Tommy,” Jennifer grinned and lifted her head.
“Jeffer.”
“Jeffer? Do you mean Jennifer?” “Jeffer.”
“Do you know my name?” She reached out an arm and he moved against her instantly, dropping the teddy bear to the floor and climbing up on the bed. He grinned down at her and began to giggle.
“Jeffer.”
Astounded and delighted all at once, Jen was instantly bonded to the little boy who was now crawlŹing all over her and the bed, demanding with a pointing finger that she pick up the teddy bear that he had discarded just moments before.
“Knock-knock.” Sally’s face appeared in the doorŹway.
“He knows my name! He said it!” Was it ridicuŹlous to be so excited that her nephew of nearly two years old was saying her name? She didn’t care if it was.
“He did, I swear.”
“I’m sure he did. Telephone.” Sally was holding out the receiver and mouthing the name Sheila. “Sheila?” Jen whispered.
Sally nodded, placing the phone in her sister’s hand.
“Come on, Tommy. Let’s go eat breakfast.” Tommy scrambled down from the bed and placed one hand in his mother’s.
“Jeffer.” He pointed back at Jennifer and looked up at his mom.
“That’s right, Tommy,” Jen could hear Sally’s voice as they padded from the room. “She’s your Aunt Jennifer.”
Still half asleep, she turned her attention to the phone. Why would Sheila be calling at this hour? Why would she be calling at all?.
“Hello.”
“Hey, sleepy head. Where did you sneak off to last night?” Her voice was quiet and casual, as if they talked to each other every morning on the phone.
“Home. We came home.”
“We missed you. I missed you,” she paused, apŹparently waiting for a reaction. But Jennifer was having trouble grasping any of the conversation.
“Do you have plans this morning? How about breakfast?” Sheila’s voice made breakfast sound like an orgy.
“Breakfast?” Jennifer quickly came to her senses. “Just you, me, Bob, and the boys?”
Sheila clucked her tongue. “Actually, I had someŹthing a little more intimate in mind. Why don’t you meet me at my hotel?”
Jennifer could feel her heart begin to race. How could it be that even now, a simple seductive inŹnuendo from Sheila could make her heart do flip-flops?
“I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” she managed to say.
“Jenny,” her voice dropped down into hushed tones. “We need to talk. We don’t have much time.”
Jennifer felt what little resolve she had begin to crumble.
“I’m at the Savory,” Sheila told her. “Room six-oh-two. As soon as you can.”
“But ” Jennifer found her voice too late. A dial tone echoed in her ear. She lay back, staring at the ceiling. How dare she even think about calling me. Like she’s summoning me to her room! She struggled to shake the sleep from her mind. “And I can’t believe I’m even thinking of going,” she admonished herself aloud.
Her thoughts began to race. Why did Sheila want to see her? Maybe she was being set up. Maybe she would walk into that hotel room and be confronted by Bobby. Confronted with what, she reasoned. That she slept with his wife when they were kids? It seemed unlikely.
Maybe Sheila just wanted to talk. Maybe she wanted to apologize.
Jennifer’s imagination began to run wild.
Maybe she wanted to tell Jennifer what a mistake she’d made all those years ago. Maybe she wanted to leave Bobby. Maybe she still wants me. Maybe she just wants a fuck. Angrily, Jennifer kicked back the covers and swung her feet to the floor.
“I’m a masochist,” she muttered. “I never should have come back.”
She let memories of the passion they’d shared play in her mind. It had been so good with Sheila. Nothing and no one had captured her heart the way Sheila had. But no one had broken it the way Sheila had either, she reminded herself.
She thought back to the last argument they’d had. It was nearly ten years ago, on the evening before Sheila’s wedding.
Finals were over less than one week before the wedding, and Jennifer returned to Des Moines still believing that the wedding would never take place. But it was impossible to get Sheila alone for even one minute. There were last minute plans to rearŹrange. The flowers weren’t right; Sheila’s gown was too tight; Jennifer’s gown still had to be finished.
As the day drew near, Jennifer was an emotional wreck. Panic seized her as she tried desperately to capture just a few minutes alone. Sheila, for her part, seemed to know what was on Jennifer’s mind. She avoided all of Jennifer’s attempts at conversation until there was nearly no time left.
Jennifer gritted her teeth throughout the rehearŹsal and dinner on the night before the wedding. She sat stiffly and moodily, staring at Sheila, screaming in her mind. At last, Sheila’s mother insisted that they take time out that evening just for the two of them.
“Come and stay at the house, Jenny. You’ve been away so long, and I know t
hat you and Sheila have barely had a moment alone together. After all, you girls have always been so close. And it won’t be the same anymore after tomorrow.”
Their lovemaking that night was perhaps the gentlest ever. Wordlessly, they touched and caressed every inch of each other’s bodies, tenderly committing every line and curve to memory. When at last they lay exhausted in each other’s arms, Jennifer finally let all of the tears of frustration and hurt and anger slide from between her eyelids.
“Please don’t marry him,” she whispered hoarsely.
Sheila took her time replying. “I have to. I want
to.”
“But you don’t have to.” In the complete darkness of the room, she couldn’t see Sheila’s expression. “We can go away together. Just the two of us. You’d love Phoenix.”
Jennifer could sense the other girl shaking her head.
“We can’t do that,”
“But we can.” Hope rekindled as Jennifer preŹpared to play her trump card and finally say the words she’d practiced over and over. “I’ve met girls like us, Sheila. I have lots of lesbian friends who love each other the way we do.”
“No.”
Jennifer was completely taken off guard by the vehemence of Sheila’s reaction.
“But we ”
“Don’t say it.” Sheila pushed herself away, putting at least an arm’s length between them.
“But it’s okay. We can be together, like other lesbians.”
“I am not a lesbian.” The words hissed out, slapŹping Jennifer like a physical blow.
Silence lay between them as Jennifer considered this. Confused, and yet somehow more certain, she crawled across the bed and sat down beside her friend.
“But I am, Sheila. I know that I am,” she said quietly.
“Maybe you are, Jenny. But I’m not. And I don’t want to hear about it. I don’t want to know about that stuff.”
Jennifer’s heart sank. The realization that she was losing Sheila was finally sinking in. “But what about us?”
“I don’t know Jenny,” she replied wearily. “I love you. You know that. I don’t want anything to change. But we have to grow up.”