by Linda Hill
Uneasy, Jen looked for Bobby in the opposing team’s dugout. Relief washed over her as she saw that he was oblivious to his wife’s attention as he slapped a friend’s back and guzzled a can of beer.
Moments later, the first batter stepped into the box, and Jennifer’s mind and body slipped automatiŹcally into game mode. Funny how it all comes back so easily, she found herself thinking.
Three outs later, she trotted off the field, thankful that she had survived the first inning without touchŹing the ball once. She glanced toward the picnic table where she’d left Heather and her sister, panic rising as she discovered that the table was empty. Her eyes scanned the crowded bleachers and quickly found Heather, just on the other side of the fence, smiling and waving her over.
Jennifer stepped over to the fence, her fingers curling through the links automatically.
“Where’s Sally?”
“I hope you don’t mind. She thought it was time to get the kids home, and I offered to give you a ride later. Is that okay?” A shy, hopeful smile reached her eyes.
“Of course. You don’t mind?” “Not at all.”
She silently thanked her sister and wished that she’d never agreed to participate in the softball game. They continued to stare at each other awkwardly, the familiar giddiness pulling at Jennifer’s belly as she searched for something to say.
“What about Amy?”
“She went with your sister. I couldn’t drag her away from Allison.”
Jennifer nodded, tongue-tied. Her already ragged emotions were working overtime. Surely the feelings she was having were terribly misplaced.
She felt a hand curling about her waist at the same moment that Sheila’s perfume reached her nose.
“Hey, sweetie.” Sheila’s voice was deeper than normal.
Both women watched Jen. A small frown was on Heather’s lips, and a leering grin was on Sheila’s. Stammering, Jen tried to introduce them. Heather nodded coldly while Sheila insisted that she didn’t remember who Heather was.
Jennifer grew visibly nervous and avoided both of their glances. Someone reminded her that she was batting next. As she bent to pick up a bat, she felt Bobby Grimes’s stare on the back of her head. Sure enough, when she glanced down the first base line, his eyes met hers. He looked like he was seething.
She struck out. She wasn’t sure whether she was disappointed or glad as she grabbed her glove and trotted back onto the field.
Her stomach knotted when Bobby stepped up to the plate, the first batter of the inning. Slamming her fist into the palm of her glove, she hoped fervently that he would strike out. Or fly out. Or hit a home run. Anything so that she wouldn’t have to touch the ball.
“Strike one!”
Two more.
“Strike two!”
Hope soared. Just one more. One more.
With a loud crack, the bat swung around and met the ball soundly. Jen watched the ball sail high to her left, soaring over Diane Miller’s head and dropping near the fence.
Bobby ran hard as the crowd cheered and Diane raced for the ball. He rounded first base as Diane scooped up the ball, and Jennifer found second base with one toe and braced herself for Diane’s throw. A quick sideways glace told her that Bobby was digging in, eyes wild as he ran right at her.
Tag him. I have to tag him. With a thud, the ball snuggled into her glove. In a single motion, her arm swept down as she adjusted her position, facing him squarely. Too late, she realized he wasn’t going to try avoiding the tag. He was barreling down on her, sliding. Sliding. Legs thrust in the air, booted feet slamming into her legs as his elbow sent a jolt to her forehead.
She felt herself flying backward, falling until her back slammed against the ground and the air was forced from her lungs.
Quiet. Darkness. She was floating. Images flickered in her mind. Buzzing sounded in her ears. Voices. Suddenly loud and angry. She opened her eyes and blinked hard to shield the sunlight. She was thankful when a shadow fell across her, shading her from the bright light.
“Jenny? Are you okay?” Concern. She recognized the voice. Vaguely. She blinked again. An angel’s face hovered just above hers.
No. Not an angel. “Heather?”
Relief washed over Heather’s face. “Are you okay? Can you move?”
Jennifer tried lifting her head. A shock of pain split her skull as she became aware of the people and sounds that surrounded her. Wincing, she let Heather help her to sit up as she recognized Diane Miller’s growl just a few feet away.
“What did you think you were doing?” Diane’s face was inches from Bobby’s. “This is a game, assŹhole. A game.” She thumped a pointed finger into his chest and pushed him away before turning and squatting beside Heather.
“You okay? Everything working?”
“I think so,” Jen managed to whisper. By then, the bleachers had emptied, and Jen was surrounded by her old friends. Lucy was on her knees, inspecting the growing welt on Jen’s forehead and calling for someone to bring some ice.
Jen insisted she was fine and convinced them to help her stand. They walked her out of the ballpark and found a shady area beneath several large trees where she insisted that she sit down and take a quick inventory. She rejected suggestions that she go to the hospital, politely telling everyone to go back to the game and that she would be all right.
Heather sat quietly beside her as Jen closed her eyes and willed the pain in her head to go away.
“Your knee looks pretty torn up,” Heather said quietly. “I have a first-aid kit in my car. Will you be okay while I get it?”
Jennifer mumbled that she would be fine. When all was quiet a few moments later, Jen peered out from beneath heavy lids to see Heather still sitting beside her. Embarrassed, she tried to smile.
“Really. I’ll be okay.”
Heather seemed to hesitate, a frown pulling her eyebrows together. “I’m not sure if I should go just now. I think someone wants to talk to you.”
Jennifer managed to glance in the direction of Heather’s tilted head. Sheila stood some twenty yards away, hands on hips and her lips a straight line as she stared back at Jennifer. Oddly, Diane was standing just inches in front of the other woman, her head bobbing as she spoke to Sheila in hushed tones.
Jen watched as Sheila tried to sidestep Diane, only to find the taller woman blocking her path once again.
Jennifer groaned, willing Sheila to turn away, not wanting another confrontation today. Not wanting another confrontation ever. She closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the trunk of the tree. After several moments, she heard a soft sigh from Heather and lifted one eyelid enough to see that Diane had managed to steer Sheila away. Diane took a seat on the end of the bench as Sheila climbed back into the bleachers.
“What a mess,” Jen muttered.
Heather looked at her questioningly before standŹing and brushing grass from her shorts. “I’ll go get some ice and that first-aid kit now.”
Chapter 10
Heather returned shortly, a bag of ice in one hand and a familiar red, white, and blue first-aid kit in the other. Jen accepted the ice pack, placing it against her brow as they bent to inspect her knee.
“Looks like you lost some skin.”
“He got me good,” Jen agreed as she looked over the area. “I can’t remember the last time I got scraped up like this. Probably when I was ten years old.”
“Amy gets scratches and scrapes all the time,” Heather said. She pushed aside Jen’s protests and began to gingerly clean and dress the wound. She spoke quietly about her daughter while she worked. “It’s funny,” she concluded, carefully covering Jen’s knee with a large Band-Aid. “Years ago I couldn’t imagine myself as a mother. Now I can’t imagine myself as anything else.” Her task complete, she unŹcurled her legs and stretched out on the grass beside Jen.
“She’s a sweet girl. You must be proud of her.”
Heather’s smile was soft. “I am,” she admitted. “It hasn’t always been easy f
or her. But we’ve done all right. She’s happy.”
Jen studied her carefully, uncertain whether to pursue the topic. “Does her dad live nearby?”
Heather shook her head. “She doesn’t really remember him.” She hesitated, biting her lower lip as she assessed the other woman. “I met Amy’s father while I was going to school out east. By then the braces had come off. I’d gotten contact lenses and had let my hair grow straight.” She lowered her eyes and began absently running her fingers through the grass. “John was the first guy to pay attention to me, and I was overwhelmed by it. I got pregnant. We got married…” Her voice trailed off.
Heather grew quiet. Jen watched her closely, capŹtivated, her heart heavy with the pain that she knew the memories must be stirring.
“How long were you married?”
“Only about a year and a half.” Heather’s smile was ironic. “I think he’s somewhere in Florida.”
Jen searched her eyes, looking for clues. “He didn’t hurt you, did he?”
“No,” came the quick reply. “If anything, it was the other way around. I didn’t love him.”
“I’m sorry,” Jen said, knowing the words were inadequate.
They continued talking for some time. Heather explained how she and Amy had moved to Flagstaff where Heather eventually earned her teaching degree. In turn, Jennifer told Heather about her life in Phoenix. Occasionally, they glanced over at the softball game before turning back to their conversation.
The throbbing in Jennifer’s head began to subside, and she lowered the ice pack for Heather’s inspection.
“Ooh,” Heather grimaced. “That’s quite a shiner you’ve got there.”
Jen wrinkled her nose and felt the swollen lump. Thinking of Bobby, and then Sheila, she spoke aloud.
“I knew I’d regret coming back here.”
A small line creased Heather’s brow. “I hope you don’t regret everything about coming back.”
Abashed, Jen smiled. “No. Not everything.”
“Your sister seems glad to have you here. She’s very nice. I like her.”
“She is, isn’t she?” Jen grew thoughtful and blinked hard, trying to arrange her thoughts. “I’m beginning to realize that I’ve kind of isolated myself from her a bit.” She stared meaningfully as she conŹsidered this. “My fault. But I’ve missed her, and it’s been good to see her.”
Heather nodded, seeming to understand. “Well, for what it’s worth, I’m glad you came back.”
Jen blushed, embarrassed. “I’m glad you’re here too.” She was quiet for a moment. “What made you decide to come back?”
“Interesting question. Why do you ask?”
Jen glanced over to the softball field. “I don’t know. I just imagine that everyone has one reason or another. Mostly I think to see how their lives stack up against everyone else’s.”
“What about you? What’s your reason?”
“I asked you first.”
“Fair enough.” Heather sighed, choosing her words carefully. “To exorcise some old ghosts.” Her eyes lifted shyly. “I’m not sure how well you remember me back in school. Most of the kids teased me quite a bit.”
Jennifer felt herself wincing. “I remember.”
Heather nodded and lifted a hand, sliding her fingers over the top of her head and shaking back long blond hair. “I think I came back to face some things that I wasn’t able to face when I was a kid. I wanted to see if people had changed. If they would treat me differently.”
“And they have.”
Heather nodded again. “But I’m not sure if they’re treating me differently because we’re older, or if it’s just because I’m not an ugly duckling anymore. In either case, I wanted to show up just to say fuck you without actually saying the words.”
Jennifer laughed.
Heather shrugged. “Closure. That’s what I’m looking for.” She looked back at Jen and tipped her head. “What about you?”
“Closure is a good word.” Jen grew uncomfortable, not knowing what, or how much, to say. She glanced over at the ball field again, unable to meet Heather’s steady gaze. “The past haunts me sometimes. I think I was hoping to finally put it all behind me.” Her eyes touched Heather’s briefly. She grew embarrassed, wanting to say more, to better explain. Heather watched her steadily, silently urging her to continue. “I’m still trying to let it all go,” Jen finally sighed.
A reassuring smile crinkled Heather’s eyes. “That sounds familiar,” she said softly. “I’m discovering that letting go isn’t as easy as I’d hoped.”
“Ha. You too?” Jen’s voice held a note of bitterŹness.
Heather pulled her knees up, wrapping her arms around her legs as her chin rested on one knee. “The question is,” she began, her voice almost teasing, “do you want to let go?”
Jennifer sobered, her eyes finding Sheila’s features as she sat in the stands, calling out encouragement to her husband. Images from that very morning floated to her mind. Fool. Fool. Fool. She shook her head as if to toss the memory aside. Heather was watching her, a serious frown pulling at the corner of her lips.
“It’s gotten a bit more complicated,” she began slowly. “But yes, I really do,” she finished with cerŹtainty.
“Then I hope you can.”
A chorus of cheers rose from the ball field, and their attention was drawn to the game as Bobby rounded second base and headed for third. Sheila was on her feet, calling out to her husband along with the other spectators. Bobby stepped on third base and then on to home plate before the ball even reached the infield.
As Jennifer watched the scene, she knew without looking that Sheila’s eyes were on her again. When she allowed herself to look toward the stands, Sheila’s smug expression greeted her. Heather took it all in, her eyes floating back and forth between the two women.
“Sheila.” Heather spoke the name aloud, and Jen found her attention swinging back to the woman beside her.
“Excuse me?”
“She’s who you want to let go of.” Her face colored lightly as she stared back at Jen’s slack jaw. “I suppose it’s none of my business. But I’m right, aren’t I?”
Jen stared at Heather incredulously before her face broke out in a grin. She began laughing at herself. The laughter continued until the pounding in her head reminded her of the headache that had only just begun to pass. Wincing, she gathered herself and leaned back against the tree once more.
“I must be the most incredibly naive person here.” She spoke to the branches of the tree before turning her attention back to Heather. “Does everyŹone here know about me and Sheila?”
Now it was Heather’s turn to grow embarrassed as she shifted uneasily. “Pretty much,” she shrugged. “If they were paying any attention.”
Jennifer’s jaw clenched as relief and anxiety battled. Relief finally won out. There was no need to pretend. “And you were paying attention?”
A smile crept onto Heather’s lips. “I was.” She hugged her knees to her chest. “Maybe you’ve forgotten. But we talked nearly every day in high school.”
“After practice. Of course I remember.”
“You were obsessed with her.”
Jen’s eyes narrowed at this information. “Was I?”
The blond head nodded. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t”
“No. Please. This is good for me to hear. My memory about some things is kind of clouded.” She battled the confusion she was feeling.
“I only found out last night that Sheila had married Bobby. Did you know?”
An image from Sheila’s wedding flashed in Jen’s mind, and the absurdity of the whole story struck her. “I was her maid of honor.” She nearly giggled.
Heather’s jaw dropped. “No. How could you?”
“I don’t know.” Jennifer shook her head. “Crazy, huh? It’s a long story.”
Heather regarded her closely. “And it’s a short weekend.”
Jen laughed. “Remind me to tell you about it wh
en you and Amy come down to visit.” She said the words even though she didn’t believe for a moment that it would ever happen.
“I will.” Heather wrinkled her nose and stretched out her legs. “We should probably be going. It’s getting late.”
Jennifer agreed that it was, and slowly unwound her stiff body to stand. They walked toward the parkŹing lot slowly and companionably, continuing their conversation as they went. It didn’t occur to Jennifer that she should turn back and say good-bye to the others.
The drive back to Sally’s house was short. As they rounded the corner of her sister’s street, Jen found herself groping for something to say, something to solidify the closeness she was feeling.
“Thanks for fixing me up. And for the conversation,” she said awkwardly. “I enjoyed it.”
“Actually, I’m the one who needs to thank you,” Heather replied.
“For what?” Jen pointed out her sister’s house.
“For being so nice to me back in school.” Heather’s face grew hot as she pulled into the driveŹway. “For kicking the shit out of Danny Johnson back in grade school. For not calling me Tracks. For talking with me every day after practice.” She turned off the car’s engine but continued to stare straight ahead through the windshield.
Each word caused Jennifer’s heart to constrict a little more. She turned to face Heather, who conŹtinued to avert her eyes, her jaw clenching.
“You don’t have to thank me.” Jen reached out, lightly touching Heather’s elbow.
“Yes, I do.” Heather’s blue eyes were bright as they met hers. “It’s one of the reasons I came back. Closure, remember? I was hoping that you would be here. I wanted a chance to tell you that you made a difference in my life. You were my friend. So thank
you.”
Jennifer searched the other woman’s eyes, trying to think back and remember what impact they might have had on each other’s life. Day after day they had sat together on those bleachers. Day after day Jen had poured her heartaches out. But Heather had never spoken of her own. The realization came to Jennifer suddenly, and she felt ashamed.