by G. R. Lyons
Vic clenched his hands into tight fists. The boy wasn't his. Colby deserved every ounce of pleasure Vic could give him, but it would all have to be on the boy's terms. Vic had no right to touch him otherwise, and gods knew he'd probably never get the chance again. That moment had been a beautiful fluke that would have to remain an exquisite memory.
Taking a deep breath, Vic firmly shut the bedroom door, and went back to his own room.
He changed his shirt, settled back into bed, and picked up his phone, but he couldn't focus on it. Instead, he kept glancing down the hallway at Colby's bedroom door, waiting for any sign of the boy. Maybe he'd come back for more. Maybe he'd want to try again.
Vic cursed himself and shook his head. Foolish, wishful thinking. Colby was probably freaking out right about now. If the boy did come back, it would only be in search of comfort.
An hour passed, and there was no sign of the boy. Vic got up and crept down the hallway, then eased Colby's door open. The light was off, and Colby was curled up in a tight ball near the edge of his bed, the sheets pulled up to his ear. In the washroom, the pills were gone and the water glass was empty. Vic sighed. With any luck, the boy would get a good night's sleep, and they could deal with any potential fallout in the morning.
He went back to his room, checked his phone one more time, and started to set it aside when he spotted Cam's notepad sitting out on the nightstand, words from that morning's conversation standing out to him.
You know, this would be a really great time to have a dog.
A grin took over Vic's face as he put the notepad away, snatched his phone back up, and opened his email. He shot off a message to Roz, an old friend who ran a dog shelter that specifically catered to finding homes for rescued or abandoned dogs as well as training dogs to be placed in therapy situations, such as companions for the elderly or service dogs for people with medical conditions. Vic had used Roz's service a few times to get companions for his own rescues, giving the kids a source of comfort as well as something on which to focus.
Cam was right. This was definitely the time for exactly that. And with Ahriman now banished from the house, Vic could safely leave Colby home alone to go out and choose a dog, assuming he couldn't convince the boy to go with him.
Vic finished his email and switched off his phone, then collapsed into bed, exhaustion taking over even as he wondered what the morning might bring.
* * *
VIC JOLTED awake in the middle of the night. He held his breath, listening, trying to figure out what had startled him out of sleep. It hadn't been a dream. At least, not one that he could remember.
He started to sit up and reach for the bedside lamp when he realized there was something draped across his leg, something heavier than the usual weight of the blankets. Vic switched on the lamp, and froze.
Colby was curled up at the foot of his bed, his little body wrapped around Vic's calf.
“Colby?” Vic whispered. He tried to pull his leg free, but Colby had the blankets pinned down too tight. “Sweetheart?” He pushed the boy's hood back and ran his fingers through Colby's hair.
Colby stirred, then sucked in a breath as he stiffened. Vic snatched his hand back. Shit. He'd completely forgotten about Colby's reaction to having his hair touched. Vic waited, bracing himself for panic, but Colby looked up, spotted Vic, and slowly exhaled, his body shuddering with relief.
“Hey, kiddo,” Vic murmured. “You alright?”
Colby idly curled and uncurled his fingers, brushing them across the blanket right over Vic's knee. “I'm sorry. I got scared.”
“Hey, that's alright. Don't apologize.”
Colby gave a shy shrug. “I thought I wanted to be alone, but…” He trailed off and looked around timidly. “I woke up alone, and you were too far away…”
Vic felt heartbreak and relief shoot through him, and he found himself smiling. “I'm right here,” he said.
“Vic?” Colby whispered.
“Yeah, kiddo?”
Somehow, Colby managed to curl himself up even tighter than he already was. “Would you hold me?”
That bittersweet feeling slammed into him again. Even though he knew the temptation would be unbearable, he couldn't resist having that little body in his arms, especially if Colby wanted it, too. Just the fact that Colby had asked for it was amazing. Vic couldn't say no to that.
Vic pushed the covers back. “Come here.”
Colby scurried up toward the pillows on his hands and knees, burrowing under the blankets and curling up tight at Vic's side.
Vic switched off the light, settled down on his back, and wrapped the boy up in his arms.
Colby let out a sigh, his body melting against him.
Vic couldn't help but smile. “There's my sweet boy.”
Colby rubbed his cheek on Vic's shoulder, and a moment later, he was fast asleep.
Vic lay awake for hours, reveling in the comfort of another body next to his, made even better by knowing it was Colby, all tucked up at his side, warm and safe.
If only it could last.
* * *
VIC SHOT his hand out and fumbled for his phone, trying to switch off his alarm before it could wake Colby. The sudden movement jostled the boy, still tucked against his side, but before Vic could apologize, he saw the boy watching him, his eyes peeking over the edge of the blankets. He looked as though he'd already been awake.
“Hey, kiddo.”
“Hi,” Colby whispered. Under the covers, the boy moved his hands up to the edge of the blankets, clutched them in his little fists, and tucked his hands slowly under his chin, exposing the rest of his face.
He didn't look afraid. Vic couldn't believe it. The sight made him smile.
“There's my sweet boy,” Vic whispered.
And Colby actually smiled back. It was a soft, little smile, but a smile nonetheless.
“Sleep alright?” Vic asked.
Colby slowly nodded. “Vic?”
“Yeah?”
Colby hesitated, then asked, “Why didn't you use me last night?”
Vic's heart clenched, and he swallowed hard. “What do you mean?”
“You're bigger than me. Stronger. And I said you could.” Colby paused, then added, “And you told Ryley you wanted to.”
Vic felt the blood drain out of his face. “What?” Oh gods. “You heard that?” Shit. “Colby, I am so sorry. I never meant for you to–” Vic broke off, his hand twitching with the need to reach for Cam's bracelet.
“So why didn't you?” Colby asked. Somehow, he looked more curious than afraid.
Vic studied the boy's eyes for a moment, then took a deep breath. “Because–”
The nightstand drawer opened, cutting him off. Vic saw Cam's notepad float out, and the pen wrote something quickly before it got set down again.
When nothing happened for several long seconds, Vic reached for the notepad. “Did he leave?” he asked Colby.
Colby nodded.
Frowning, Vic picked up the notepad.
Tell him. About me.
Vic's blood ran cold, and his hand shook as he set the notepad down again.
“What did he say?” Colby asked.
Vic looked at him. “He wants me to tell you what happened to him.”
Colby tilted his head, his face bright with curiosity despite a flash of worry that crossed his eyes.
“He never told you?” Vic asked.
Colby shook his head.
Vic considered for a moment, then blew out a breath and sat up. If he was going to tell Colby everything, he couldn't do it lying down like that. He leaned back against the headboard, and Colby scooted up to snuggle into his side, saving Vic the added agony of having to look the boy in the face as he spoke.
It was going to be hard enough as it was.
Vic took a deep breath and looked across the room, Cam's bracelet just visible at that distance, resting in its usual spot on top of his dresser.
“It was fifteen years ago. I was sixteen years old
…”
Chapter 17
Fifteen years ago…
SIXTEEN-YEAR-OLD VICTOR Lucius showered twice and changed his outfit three times before he made himself stop fussing and go downstairs. His parents were out of town for the week, the first time they'd ever left him and Cam home alone.
Which meant Vic could finally get away with going out to the club without his parents being there to ask where he was going. He was perfectly, painfully aware that his parents would never accept the fact that Vic was gay. He'd heard their homophobic comments over the years, so Vic had been struggling in silence, ever since he was twelve and realized he was gay, knowing he had to keep it a secret.
But now, with his parents not looking over his shoulder, he could finally have one night to just be himself. To have a taste of freedom. It would have to be enough. It would hold him over until he had enough money of his own so he could move out and have his own life, free to live and love the way he wanted.
He could be strong and keep his secret for another year or two, as long as he had this night of freedom.
Cam barely glanced up from his video game. “Where are you going?”
Vic froze, swallowed hard, and said, “I'm…gonna go hang out with the team. I'll be back in a couple hours.”
Cam scoffed. “You're always hanging out with the team.”
“Well, you're always sitting there playing video games,” Vic shot back, then winced when he saw Cam's expression fall. It wasn't Cam's fault he was always sick. The kid had been born with a weak immune system, which meant he was in bed with a cold or a flu more often than not.
Which meant Vic was the one who got to play football and have perfect attendance and grades at school and help out at the family business in order to make Dad proud. To make up for Cam's shortcomings.
Then again, there was no 'got to' about it. He had to. It was the only way to protect Cam from Dad's verbal abuse. The more he did to keep Dad proud, to keep Dad's focus on him, the less Dad would complain about all the things Cam couldn't do.
“Can I come with you?” Cam asked, sitting up and looking excited despite just recovering from a cold.
Vic felt the blood drain out of his face. He couldn't let Cam see where he was really going. Cam wouldn't understand it. Besides, this was his night. His one night to be himself for a change, no parents looming over him and no little brother tagging along.
“Dad wouldn't be happy if you got sick again,” Vic said.
Cam's smile dropped right off his face, and he slumped back on the couch with defeat.
Vic tried to think of something to say to make him feel better, then gave up and turned for the door. Cam would be fine. And this was Vic's night. He wasn't going to let anything get in his way.
“I'll see you later,” he threw over his shoulder as he let himself out the door.
Vic grabbed his bicycle, not even daring to borrow the extra car. He sucked in a breath and pushed off, heading straight for downtown.
He'd memorized the directions for weeks, having traced the route on the map on his phone over and over as he counted down the days until he could finally have this night out. The dark city zoomed by, his legs pumping, taking him closer to his goal.
He found the club and slowed, coasting by the entrance and staring at the line of men waiting to get in. Vic found a bike rack about a block away, chained up his bike, wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans, and headed across the street.
Several men leered at him as he joined the line and made his way inside. He felt himself blushing, both aroused and unnerved by all the attention. He'd had plenty of girls look at him that way, flirting with him at school or at home games, but it felt nothing like this. This felt good. This was the first time he'd ever been allowed to look at other men, allowed to notice other men looking at him, and he never wanted it to end.
Someone tugged on the back of his shirt. Vic took a deep breath and turned, eager to see who he'd get to talk to—Maybe flirt with? Maybe more?—then jerked back, stunned, when he saw his little brother standing there.
“Cam?” he gasped. Vic clenched his hands into fists. “What the hells are you doing here? Did you follow me?”
Instead of answering him, Cam glanced around from under his eyelashes. “Vic, what is this place?”
Vic paled as he suddenly realized his secret was out. He didn't want Cam to know. He didn't want anyone in his family to know. This was going to ruin everything.
“Go home, Cam,” Vic ordered, grabbing his arm and steering him back toward the door.
“Vic, wait.” Cam struggled, then looked up at him and asked, “Are you gay?”
Vic felt the blood drain out of his face all over again. “What? No! I–”
“Because this is a gay club, Vic,” Cam insisted.
“I know that!” Vic snapped.
Cam flinched. “I don't think we should be here.”
“Then go home,” Vic growled.
Cam looked around again. “Let's both go home, Vic.”
No. No, he wasn't going home. Not even now that Cam knew. He'd been waiting for this experience for years, had been planning this particular night for weeks. He wasn't going to go home without having at least a taste of an encounter with another man.
“Go away, Cam,” Vic insisted. “I'll be home later.”
“Come with me,” Cam insisted, still scanning the crowd with uncertainty.
Vic scoffed. “Chill out, Cam. It's not like they're gonna rape you.” Now just go away. Please go away so I can have this.
“Vic–”
“Go home, Cam!” Vic yelled, catching the attention of a few men nearby. “You shouldn't be here.”
“Vic, please, just come home with me–”
“Fuck!” Vic yelled, stepping back and glaring at his brother. “Why can't you leave me alone for just one night? One night, Cam! That's all I wanted. One night with no parents and no little brother breathing down my neck–” He turned away, hands on his hips, his wonderful night slowly unraveling all around him. He looked back at Cam. “Gods, I wish you'd just disappear for a few days so I can finally live my own life for a change.”
Cam slumped with defeat. “Vic–”
“Go away, Cam. I don't ever wanna see you again!” Vic yelled, then spun away and disappeared in the crowd.
CAM STARED after his brother. He felt rooted to the spot, unable to follow Vic, unable to move. Vic had never talked to him like that before. Sure, his big brother had been irritated at times when Cam's health had gotten in the way of his plans, but never anything like this.
“Your brother's a dick,” someone said.
Cam turned to see who had spoken, and saw a man eyeing him from the bar.
Cam scoffed. “You can say that again,” he mumbled, idly fingering the bracelet he wore, the one Vic had given him for his birthday last month. So much for the sentiment of that gift. “He treats me like a little kid,” Cam said, kicking petulantly at the floor.
“In that case,” the stranger said, “how about we get you a man's drink? You look like you could use it.”
Cam eyed the stranger. He looked nice enough, and the guy was offering him a grownup drink? Dad never let him do that, even when he was safe at home. Cam glanced around again. He wasn't sure he really liked this place, but if Vic was going to do something under Dad's nose, then Cam could damned well do the same.
He hurried over to the bar when the stranger patted the stool beside him. Cam climbed up onto it and let out a sigh. He really shouldn't have biked all that way after Vic, especially when he was still recovering from a cold. His lungs felt weak. Sitting down for a bit felt like a great idea. Besides, he could finally have a grownup drink without Dad knowing, and then he could go home and go to bed. Gods knew he'd feel rotten tomorrow, but for now, he was going to enjoy it.
Cam scanned the crowd one more time, looking for Vic, but there was no sign of him.
“There ya go,” the stranger said. Cam turned to see the guy slide a glass toward him, t
he thing filled halfway with some golden brown liquid. “Drink up.”
Cam took the glass and chugged back a huge swallow.
The stranger laughed as he choked, and pounded Cam on the back.
“Whoa there, big guy,” the stranger said. “There's no rush. Take your time. Savor it.”
There was something weird in the man's eyes as he said that, but Cam brushed it off. The guy was probably just teasing him for being a little too eager. What did Cam know? He'd never been to a bar before. He took the guy's advice and slowed down, sipping his way through the rest of the drink. The taste was weird, and it burned as it went down, but when he looked down the bar in either direction, he saw all those other men laughing as they sipped or tossed back their own drinks, and Cam started to feel like his own man for once in his life.
No constant sickness. No coddling mother. No father who constantly reminded him that he wasn't good enough. Just for this night, Cam was going to forget it all and pretend to be a normal, happy, healthy person.
Vic would be pissed if he found out Cam was drinking, but Cam didn't care. Besides, now they'd both have secrets to keep for one another. If Vic wouldn't tell Dad about Cam's drinking, Cam wouldn't tell Dad about Vic's outing. It was only fair.
Cam finished his drink, and spun around on the stool to look for Vic. He wanted to find his brother so they could go home and make a pact, promising never to tell Dad a thing.
He almost fell off the stool as he completed the turn, the room suddenly spinning.
“Whoa, there.” The stranger caught him, chuckling in Cam's ear as he steady him.
Cam swayed and put a hand to his forehead. Shit. “I don't feel so good.” Was there something about not drinking alcohol right after a cold? He knew the one about not mixing alcohol and medication, but he hadn't taken any meds that day, so he should be fine.
Still, something didn't feel right.
“Let's get you some fresh air,” the stranger suggested.
Fresh air. Yeah, that sounded like a great idea. He could go outside and clear his head, then go find Vic and go home.
The stranger steadied Cam as he got to his feet, and Cam stumbled along, having to cling to the stranger as they squeezed through the crowd and made their way outside. The cool, night air slapped him in the face, but it didn't do a thing for his head. Everything was still spinning. The lights were all blurry. The shapes going hazy.