Diamonds for the Holidays

by Nicki Night

  “Tell me what else, son.”

  “What do you want me to say?”

  “I just want you to let it out. You’ve held on to this for years. You need your release.”

  Nixon gripped the steering wheel. His knuckles changed hues. His chest heaved. Eyes stung. Nixon wanted to, but refused to make a sound. He couldn’t. If Nixon opened his mouth, he didn’t know what would come out.

  His mother waited on him. Finally, she said, “Will I see you tonight? Please come. For me, sweetie. I love you.” His mother ended the call.

  Nixon blinked again and a tear rolled down his cheek.

  Chapter 25

  Jade looked at the time illuminated on her dashboard. Normally she would be in conversation with Nixon as they rode to work. She wondered who he might be speaking to instead. She thought to call him but changed her mind. She’d send him a text when she got to work. She wasn’t ready to hear his voice.

  Distancing herself from Nixon tore her apart. Reminders of him lived everywhere. His sneakers were in her front closet. His favorite toothpaste inside her vanity mirror. She could feel phantom caresses in that odd place between being awake and asleep. He’d meet her in her dreams, where everything was back to normal. The greatest impact was due to the hole in her heart. She thought back to the other day in her office. Nixon was about to say that he loved her. Jade could feel it. At first she wondered if she loved him, too. But now she wondered what that could mean in the midst of the situation that found itself at her feet.

  Alyssa had come into her office when she got back from lunch to warn her about all the things she felt Jade needed to know about Nixon. He was sure to break her heart, she’d said. Alyssa also said that Nixon wasn’t capable of committing. He’d probably bail on her when things got too serious. Who was Jade to believe?

  The next day Alyssa had asked if Jade planned to fire her, because she desperately needed her job. Despite the awkward atmosphere that had taken up air in the office, Jade hadn’t considered firing Alyssa. She felt bad that Alyssa had even asked. What had her friend thought about her?

  Jade confided in Kendall, who told her to keep a keen eye on both Alyssa and Nixon and to take her time coming to a conclusion.

  “Let them do all the talking,” her cousin advised. “If something shady is going down, it will come up.”

  Jewel told her that the unwritten “no dating friends’ boyfriends” rule didn’t apply in this situation. “It’s not like you guys were hanging out when she was engaged to him. Why should your happiness be compromised?”

  Chloe just told her to follow her heart.

  None of their advice helped. Alyssa was a good friend to Jade. She’d enjoyed getting reacquainted, swapping old, funny college stories and going out for drinks after long days at work. Alyssa was doing an amazing job running the foundation’s programming department and had even been instrumental in helping prepare for the annual charity ball.

  It was obvious that Jade dating Nixon made Alyssa uncomfortable and she’d known Alyssa so much longer. She could only imagine if the shoe were on the other foot. But Nixon had captured her heart—fitted himself snugly into the seams of her existence. She felt safe and content in his arms. The circumstances had Jade constantly grappling with her feelings. She didn’t know how she was going to respond to seeing him in their session the next day. She’d been avoiding him to get her head right. She wouldn’t be able to avoid him at the program.

  Jade was surprised to find Alyssa in the office when she arrived. She’d intended to have time alone before the staff started to arrive.

  “Hey,” Alyssa said, as Jade walked past her door.

  “Oh. Hey. Didn’t expect to see you here so early.”

  “Yeah.” The two stood still as seconds ticked away. “Can we talk?”

  “Sure. Come to my office.”

  Jade truly didn’t want to deal with this so early in the morning, but having these conversations while staff was in the office wasn’t an option.

  Jade tossed her coat across the back of her chair, sat and powered on her computer.

  “I need some caffeine. Want a cup?” Jade preferred a glass of wine, but she was at work and hadn’t even hit nine o’clock in the morning, so the coffee would have to do.

  “Good idea.” Alyssa accompanied Jade to the kitchen and filled her cup with milk and sugar while Jade took hers with a touch of vanilla-flavored cream.

  “Okay.” Jade put her cup down on her desk and sat back.

  Alyssa grunted before she began to speak. “This is so uncomfortable. I know I spit out some crazy things the other day after seeing Nixon. But now I want to tell you what happened between us and why I said those things.”

  “Um-hmm.” Jade sipped the steaming liquid, bracing herself for both the heat against her lips and what Alyssa had to say.

  “He practically left me standing at the altar.”

  Jade sat up straight. “What?”

  “Well. Not the day of the wedding.” Alyssa sighed. “He walked out of my life two weeks before.” Alyssa was sitting and stood. “It was so embarrassing. It was supposed to be a small ceremony but we had family coming from all over. Travel plans had been made. The reception hall was paid for and everything.” Alyssa threw her arms in the air. “I couldn’t believe it.” She was pacing now. “He came to my apartment to talk. Told me he couldn’t do this anymore. We were having issues, but it wasn’t anything we couldn’t work out. I made dinner. Left my engagement ring on the microwave while I prepared the meal. We started arguing. I told him to leave. After he left, I realized the ring was gone.” Alyssa stopped moving and folded her arms across her body, hugging herself. She stared off into nothing. Stayed that way for seconds that felt like minutes. “Just like that, my engagement was over.”

  Jade thought Alyssa would cry, but didn’t see tears fall. Jade went to her side and rubbed her back. Here she was, comforting the woman who used to date her boyfriend because he’d left her.

  “He’ll charm you.” The words rushed from Alyssa, startling Jade. She looked at Jade with wild eyes. “He’ll make you think he loves you. Have you feeling like you’re the only person in the world that matters, and when things get too serious, he’s out the door. He’ll break your heart, Jade!” she pleaded. “One woman isn’t good enough for him. It never was. He was Nick the player. You see how good-looking he is. Women can’t take their eyes off him. I was always competing. He can’t be loyal. It isn’t in him.” Alyssa finally sat down in the chair across from Jade’s desk. She seemed spent. Her chest heaved up and down.

  Jade wasn’t sure what to say. “I’m so sorry that happened to you.”

  “That’s why I stayed away the last time. From what I heard, he quickly moved on. I’d hardly gotten settled in my next location and he was on to the next woman. I hadn’t seen him again after that day...until Monday.”

  Jade reared her head back. “Before Monday, you hadn’t seen him since the day he broke off the engagement?”

  Alyssa offered a solemn shake of her head. Jade now understood why her anger seemed so fresh.

  Jade sat down. “Wow!” Jade wasn’t sure if this made things better or worse. “How long has it been?”

  “Two years.”

  Chapter 26

  Despite his reluctance, Nixon was on his way to meet his mother and father for dinner. Even as he crossed the Throgs Neck Bridge, he wondered if Nick Sr. would actually show up, and wished it didn’t matter so much.

  The conversation with his mother on his way to work earlier nagged at him all day. He had carried that angst through the workday, over lunch, and now he dragged it along the New England Thruway. Gloria was right; Nixon had never truly expressed his feelings about his father to anyone, not even to her. Families with resources sent their kids to therapy to deal with their feelings. Gloria couldn’t afford that, so Nixon kept them bottled up, pr
eferring to pretend it hadn’t affected him. His accomplishments were supposed to support this claim. Instead he secretly waited for his father to tell him that he was proud of him at least once. Yet it didn’t seem to matter that the son of a struggling mechanic had risen out of the ashes of a broken existence like a phoenix. His father refused to acknowledge how he’d managed to make a comfortable life for him and his mother, where they would never have to worry about struggling again. Nixon had worked several jobs during and after college and had become an astute, successful businessman. That mattered. Didn’t it?

  Just because his mother hadn’t raised a total jerk, Nixon got his father a birthday card and slipped a five-hundred-dollar Visa gift card inside. No matter what, he knew his father could use the money. If he didn’t show up, Nixon would give it to his mother.

  Nixon got to the restaurant early enough to watch both his father and mother arrive. His father was still driving an old Chevy that he’d repaired and polished for years. Nixon couldn’t remember if Nick Sr. had ever owned a late-model vehicle, let alone a luxury car.

  Nixon took several cleansing breaths before turning off the car and making his way into the restaurant. Like their old favorite diner, Nixon and his mother were familiar with this trendy establishment. Mount Vernon and New Rochelle were both small towns that bordered each other. New Rochelle boasted a more affluent existence in some parts and was home to famous residents like Ossie Davis and Ruby Dee. Nixon had grown up in Mount Vernon and aspired to a life in New Rochelle before turning that in for Long Island, to take his current position.

  The owner of the restaurant was a local artist and musician that his mother had known for years. His own art decorated the walls of what had become a local hot spot. Their award-winning cuisine kept people flowing through the doors on a daily basis. This wasn’t the kind of place that his father frequented, except when he accompanied Gloria.

  “Hey, Nixon!” Chase, the owner’s son, greeted him with a masculine hug and pat on the back. “It’s been a long time. How you doing, man?”

  “Pretty good. I can’t complain. How about you?”

  “Life has been good. Your parents are over there.” Chase pointed.

  “Thanks, man. It’s good to see you.” Nixon made his way to the table Chase gestured toward.

  “Hey, honey.” Gloria rose to hug him.

  “Hey,” his father said.

  “Hello,” Nixon said back. He stood for a clumsy moment before pulling out his chair to sit.

  Gloria smiled. Normally, his mother’s beautiful smile penetrated his mood, regardless of what he was feeling. This time that didn’t happen.

  “It’s nice to be out with the two of you together.” She patted both their hands and picked up a menu. “What are we having today, Nicky?”

  Gloria was trying, but the brick that seemed to settle in his chest wouldn’t allow her warm words to change his cool demeanor. Nixon picked up his menu and opened it. He felt his father watching him but didn’t look up.

  “Oh. Happy birthday,” he said after a while and placed the card on the table.

  “Thanks.” His father’s replies were just as short. He picked up the menu, leaving the card in the spot where Nixon had left it.

  “Order whatever you want, Nick. It’s our treat,” Gloria said, browsing her own menu.

  Nixon drew in a deep breath and let it out in a sharp exhalation. He couldn’t remember a time when Nick Sr. treated them to anything.

  “I appreciate it,” Nick Sr. said. His tone was still guarded.

  “Try the lamb chops. They’re delicious. I’m sure you’ll love them.”

  “Okay.”

  Their waiter came, poured Nixon wine, refilled his parents’ glasses and took their orders. Nick Sr. and Gloria conversed around him. Nixon hadn’t bothered seeking an entry into their conversation. Instead he stewed, becoming angrier by the minute. It seemed that all the years of silence were boiling toward this very moment. He was afraid to open his mouth. He and his mother’s earlier conversation had opened a lid that refused to close. Hot words bubbled in his throat. He pushed them back down with hard swallows, trying to keep his emotions from erupting steaming lava all over their dinner.

  “Open your card, Nick,” Gloria said cheerfully.

  That snagged Nixon’s attention. Nick Sr. hesitated, but eventually reached over their plates to retrieve the envelope. He pursed his lips and held the card another moment before tearing it open.

  “What does it say?” Gloria asked.

  What did she expect it to say? He hadn’t exactly been the father of the year. Nixon had carefully selected the card that said the least about fatherhood. It could very well have been given to a stranger and held more warmth. Nick Sr. opened the card and the Visa credit card fell out. He frowned. A frown? Nixon swallowed, pushing the heat on his tongue into his esophagus, hoping it didn’t lead to heartburn. But hadn’t his heart already burned enough?

  “I’m sorry. I can’t take this.” Nick Sr. placed the card by Nixon’s plate.

  “Nick...!” Gloria stretched out his name. “Why? It’s a nice gesture from your son.”

  “I...”

  “Don’t worry, Mom.” Nixon held his hands up. “I’m used to his rejection.”

  “Nicky!” There was a warning in her tone. She touched Nixon’s arm.

  “No. Really. I don’t even know why I bothered to come.” The volcano began to erupt and Nixon couldn’t stop it. Being aware of the other patrons, Nixon leaned closer to the table and spit in a high whisper, “You can’t help yourself, can you? You always have to find a way to shoot me down. Does that make you feel better for being such a horrible dad?”

  Nick Sr. reared back and blinked hard as if Nixon’s words physically struck him in the face.

  “Nicky!” Gloria called his name with more authority.

  “With all due respect, Mom, you asked what I wanted to say. I’m going to say it now. All of it.” Gloria’s mouth opened slightly. Nick Sr. huffed. “And you’re going to hear me out.” Still whispering, Nixon looked around before continuing. “You walk out on us for years, leaving us to struggle and climb out of a hole you helped to create. I needed you. We needed you, but you didn’t care.” Nixon’s sight blurred, but he kept speaking. “Do you know how many times I sat in that living room window waiting for you to come and you never did? Why? Even as an adult you fed me nothing but broken promises. You still barely show up. But I made it without you. Mom and I don’t struggle anymore. I made it,” Nixon repeated, poking his chest. “Even though you weren’t there when I needed you the most. And until now, not once have you said ‘Good job, son,’ or ‘I’m proud of you.’ Not once!” Nixon hit the table and everyone jumped.

  Spittle flew from Nixon’s tight lips.

  “Despite that, I’ve tried and tried to be a good son and for what? For you to throw my efforts back in my face each and every time? What have I ever done to you?”

  “Nicky, please.” Gloria’s words were gentler now. She rubbed Nixon’s arm.

  “Nothing,” Nick Sr. said.

  “What?” Gloria said. Her hand went to her heart.

  “You didn’t do anything, son. I saw how well you and your mama were doing without me and figured you didn’t need me messing things up. I always made things worse. That’s why I don’t take anything from you. I don’t deserve it.” Nick Sr. blinked and tears fell from his eyes.

  Gloria’s hand now flew to her mouth and tears rolled down her cheeks.

  Nixon’s chest heaved. Suddenly the air was too thick and hot for him to breathe. As he tried to suck in enough air to prolong his life a few more moments, his father’s words sounded in his mind. He thought about all the times his father had rejected his attempts at making amends in some way. I don’t deserve it. Had he just really said that?

  “Who am I to speak of how proud you’ve made me when I ha
ven’t contributed to the man you’ve become?” Nick Sr.’s voice was surprisingly even. “I’ve always wanted to be a father to you. I didn’t know how to insert myself back in. I still don’t have anything to give. I’m sorry. I’m truly sorry.” Nick Sr. stood. He gently placed his napkin on the table. “Thank you for tonight.” He opened his worn wallet, pulled out twenty dollars and laid it on the table, as well. Then he left, leaving Gloria in awe, Nixon to catch his breath and the gift card under the napkin.

  Chapter 27

  Jade was still reeling about what Alyssa had shared as she drove to the leadership session. She wasn’t ready to see Nixon yet. How could she blame him for what went wrong with his and Alyssa’s relationship two years before? It was clear that Alyssa was still affected by it, which added to Jade’s discomfort.

  Jade had heard Alyssa’s side. Nixon deserved to be heard, as well. Besides, this couldn’t continue to linger. It wasn’t like things would get any easier. Jade held her breath as she walked into the conference room where their classes were being held. She didn’t see Nixon. She exhaled. Realizing she’d left her binder in the car, she grabbed her car keys, put her bag down and ran for the door, smacking right into Nixon’s chest as he entered. The impact knocked the wind out of her.

  “Nixon! I’m sorry.”

  He held her by both arms to steady her. “Good morning.”

  “Good morning.” Jade wanted to kiss him. She looked into his red, tired eyes and wondered what had happened. Had they been speaking, she would have known already. She felt horrible that she’d been so distant at a time when he might have really needed her.

  The weariness in Nixon’s eyes spoke of much more than lack of sleep. Everything she felt for him came rushing down on her at once. She’d missed his handsome face, his sexy smile and those strong arms. They stood locked in place for a few seconds.