by Mia Ford
“It’s not like I have anything lined up yet. I was just thinking aloud.” I walked to the fridge and pulled out a La Croix, cracking it open and taking a sip. “Violet is planning on moving back to Texas, anyway. Her dad isn’t doing well, and she wants to be closer to him.” The very thought made me sad. Violet had asked me to come with her and start over there, but I knew that my family would hate the idea. I also didn’t want to leave Sterling.
Sterling. I took a bigger sip of the drink and thought about the night before. There was so much heat and attraction between us that it was overwhelming to me. In addition to the friendship that we’d started again, it could be so perfect. He liked having me in his bed in the morning but admitted that it wasn’t his thing.
What was I supposed to think about that?
I’d chosen to just walk away. I needed to think about graduation and what happened next.
“Rosalind?” I blinked and looked up at my dad. “Are you with us here?”
“Just thinking,” I replied with a shy smile as I walked over to hug him. He was a hardworking man that supported his family well. I appreciated that, but I wish that he’d been around more when I was growing up. There were a few family trips that we’d taken but he was always out doing business. Sabrina and Paul had him around more, though not much. Mom just had the money now to have hired help for mostly everything in her life.
“How’s the car running?” He asked as I pulled away.
“It’s great.” I didn’t ask for something so nice, but it was a deal through a friend of his. “I don’t drive it too much as I’m just sticking around the campus. Everything is so close.”
“I wanted you to have the best for these trips. He gave me a hell of a deal on it. It’s a safe, sturdy car.” He looked me over and I forced a smile to my face.
“Thank you. It’s a great car.” I glanced over to see Paul walk in, typing on his phone. “Hey, Paul. How are you?”
“Rosie. It is Sunday already?” He asked as Dad frowned at him.
“At least pretend that you’re happy to see your sister, Paul.” Mom told him with her mild accent as I laughed. He was twelve. He didn’t care about any of us. Dad went with him to watch something in the living room and I helped her finish dinner. We put the pasta and thick, meaty sauce into a large bowl with a serving spoon. I carried that to the long, cherry wood table and set it at the end that we sat at while Sabrina carried the sliced bread on a plate. Mom followed with the salad and returned to get the wine for her and Dad. I joined Sabrina and Paul in pouring glasses of milk, setting the can by my plate as well.
Dad asked a lot about school over the meal and what my plans were. They weren’t thrilled with my choice in majors, but he was hoping that I’d get a steady job at a well-known paper if Mom didn’t have me married off first. I answered his questions carefully, not wanting to start a big discussion. I just wanted to eat and relax with my family.
Dad got to talking about some land that was in a great part of the city that was being developed. He had a plan to open another investment company there, and I tuned him out as I ate the pasta. I was so tired of his plans for more companies. He was a millionaire, near billionaire. Why keep looking for more to come in? I rarely listened too closely to his shop talk, but my mother’s eyes lit up as she listened. His hard work served her well.
After dinner, I did the dishes with Sabrina and we walked out on the deck where I took in the beautiful blue water. I spent a lot of time here growing up. It was a favorite place to read and write for me. I found a lot of peace here when things were crazy. I looked at my sister, seeing myself in her as she took a seat on one of the cushioned chairs outside. It was surprisingly nice outside. Mom came out, and we talked about Thanksgiving and Christmas in a couple of months. She was planning to have some relatives stay at the house.
“Have you been dating at school?” Mom asked as I fought the urge to roll my eyes. I shrugged, knowing that she did not want to hear about my sleeping with Sterling.
“Nothing serious. Everyone is focused on getting out of there.” I looked at her disappointed face. “Not everyone meets their Mr. Right in college, Mom. There’s plenty of time for that.”
“It’s good to start young,” Mom reminded me as I watched sadness cross her face. She intended on having a much larger family but suffered a few miscarriages early on. I was the first pregnancy that worked out and later, she had Paul and Sabrina. I think she told me once that she wanted six kids.
“It will happen, Mom. If I met him now, I’d be too busy to spend any time with him.” I reminded her as she shrugged. I hoped that she wasn’t talking about this to my siblings already. Glancing at Sabrina, I saw how focused she was on the view as she sat beside me and smiled. She was learning how to check out early.
“What would you like to do to celebrate your graduation?” Mom asked as her face brightened up. “We could have a party here or go out to a nice dinner. You could bring your roommate over, so we could meet her.”
“I am sure that her family will be here, but we’ll see.” I didn’t have a lot of close friends at school other than Violet. There were acquaintances of course, but my closest friends were Violet and Sterling. “I don’t have a big group of friends so maybe dinner?”
“We can plan a family trip, so you can relax after all of that work. Something tropical,” Mom mused as I smiled.
“I’d like that.”
We had dessert in about an hour and Mom served coffee to the adults. I sipped the strong blend, knowing I’d be up for a while. I spent some time with Sabrina in her room talking about school and her friends. She was a happy but sassy girl who had a lot going on for someone so young. I promised her that I’d get her one weekend and we’d spend time together before looking at the clock. It was already past eight, and I knew that Mom would want them in bed soon. Sabrina joined me as I went to get my purse and the bag of leftovers that Mom was sending home with me. I hugged everyone goodbye and promised that I’d see them the following weekend.
I got into the car and started the engine, finding something soothing to play on the way home. My family always made me feel edgy, and I pulled out of the driveway as a text came through on the large screen of the phone.
S: Still at your folks? Want to meet for ice cream at Lucy’s before we go back to campus?
Everyone hung out there as a kid and the idea made me smile. It was still the same rundown and loved building and I told him I’d be there in ten minutes. I ate a ton of food tonight and would need to jog a few times this week. There was always room for a cone at Lucy’s, though. I turned right to head over and sang along to A Fine Frenzy as I took the curves in the car, loving the handling. I wasn’t entirely ungrateful for my family.
I pulled into the parking lot to see that it was relatively crowded inside. I parked and looked around for Sterling’s blue Lexus, smiling when I saw him leaning against it. I got out and slung my purse over my shoulder, walking over to him.
“Hi. How was dinner?” I asked him as he led the way through the glass doors.
“The usual. Work, work, work.” He replied as I nodded in agreement. “Dad is looking to start another company.”
“Same here.” We approached the counter, and I looked over the selections as if I didn’t have them memorized. I ordered a rocky road cone and Sterling asked for a vanilla cone, paying with some money from his wallet. We went to a round table near the window and sat down as he looked at me for a long moment. “Did they ask you to move back in after graduation?”
“It makes sense financially,” he mimicked his mom’s voice as I couldn’t help but laugh. “I took that to mean they’re not footing the bill anymore for me after college is over. Too bad it isn’t over for me.” I watched as he licked his cone and felt my body tense deep inside.
“I love seeing Sabrina. I might get her one weekend and rent a hotel room or something. She wants to hang out while Paul barely knows that I’m alive.” Sterling didn’t know them well at all. His family
had their kids early and by the time my siblings came along, our families were at odds. I saw Sterling away from the house at first and then we barely saw each other at all. Not until college.
“He’s a teen?” Sterling asked as I shook my head.
“Almost twelve. Isn’t it the same thing?” I asked as he nodded with a smile. I licked my cone, saving a drop from falling to the table.
“Were you okay earlier today?” Sterling asked me as I cleaned up the melting edge of my cone. I thought about my answer.
“It was just weird. We’ve never stayed that way before.” I shrugged and licked a walnut into my mouth as he watched with a dark look in his eyes.
“I know. I didn’t hate it, Rosie. It felt good but I’m not ready for that with anyone. If I was, I am sure it would be you,” he said as I nodded.
“Until we returned home after graduation.” He frowned but knew I was right. “It’s fine, Sterling. It happened. It’s over.”
“Are we? Over?” He asked as I ate some more ice cream.
“You mean the sex?” My voice was low, and he nodded. “If that’s what you want.”
“It isn’t. I just can’t offer more right now, other than friendship. That means more to me than everything else.” He smiled, and I felt my heart melt a little inside.
“Yeah. For me as well.” I did appreciate his friendship so much after not having it for a few years. I could admit that the sex was amazing though. He probably ruined it for any other guy for me for life.
We finished our cones and wandered back out into the parking lot. Sterling gave me a hug goodbye and told me to drive safe. I reminded him to do the same with a wink before turning to walk across the parking lot. I wasn’t completely sure what we just agreed to, but it sounded like sex was on the table. Casual sex that likely didn’t involve sleeping in his dorm, but that was for the best. I started the car and pulled out, heading to the freeway to get back to school. I arrived in just over an hour and parked in the usual spot before unloading the car and locking it with the button. I carried the heavy bag of food into the building and took the stairs to my room. The door was open, and I walked inside to see Violet sitting on her bed with Brian watching something on TV and smiled at them.
“Hi. How was it?” Violet greeted me as I scowled at her.
“Same thing as always. I have food. Are you two hungry?” I asked as his eyes lit up.
“What is it?”
“Spaghetti and bread. Some tiramisu.” I replied, and Violet smiled as she stood to get a paper plate and start reheating some for him. She brought it over to him and he dug in with a plastic fork as she chuckled.
“Damn. Your mom can cook.” He spoke through a bite of the food and I laughed.
“She can,” I agreed as Violet took some dessert. She looked happy, and I wondered if it was serious with her and Brian now. I stepped into the bathroom and changed into some sweats and a fresh sweatshirt before going to sit on my bed. I went through my week in my head mentally as I lay back and closed my eyes, breathing in slowly.
10
Sterling
Monday came too soon. I didn’t sleep well without Rosie’s warm body next to me and took a quick shower before heading out to get some coffee to face the day. I had a shit load of tests this week and was jumping right into one this morning.
I headed to class in the dreary weather, mulling over the idea of going to law school somewhere like California. I liked the sun and didn’t see enough of it here. I heard someone call my name and turned around to see a redhead walking towards me. I groaned, not wanting her attempts to get me to take her out tonight.
“Hey. How are you?” I asked her, sipping my coffee as she smiled brightly at me.
“I’m great. I heard you were at the party this weekend. I had my sister’s wedding.” She pouted, and I thanked any Gods up in the sky that she was gone. Kendra was an aggressive girl and would not have left me alone the entire night. I made a mistake in sleeping with her last year and she hadn’t given up since.
“Yeah. It was okay,” I told her with a shrug.
“I heard that Grace was your flavor of the night.” I could hear the accusing tone in her voice and sighed.
“I have to get to class for a test. I don’t have long.” I turned to walk away, tired of these girls wanting me to give them something real. They didn’t make me want to and even the casual sex was getting old for me. I didn’t look back to see her face, cursing the fucking gossip mill that was my circle of friends.
I walked into my classroom and took the usual seat, sipping the last of my coffee. I could use another cup and I tossed mine into the trash to my right. My friends in the class greeted me in sleepy voices as I looked over my notes one more time. The teacher walked in and I shoved the notebook into my backpack.
I kept thinking back to the weekend as I moved through the questions. I played back the night in my room and the way I felt so comfortable with Rosie. I didn’t feel the same way in the morning but that was just because it was so new to me, both in general and with Rosie.
I thought about the talk we had at the ice cream shop and how we agreed that we’d keep things casual. We didn’t say that there would be no more sex at all, but I was pretty sure that I agreed to no more sleeping in my room together. I regretted that last night when I couldn’t sleep. It wasn’t really allowed to begin with though a lot of students did it, anyway.
I kept answering the questions, feeling confident about it. I studied a lot and gave up a lot of my spare time for it. I didn’t need the gym if I was having the kind of sex that I had with Rosie, making me smile as I looked everything over. I stood and walked up to the desk, handing the test to my teacher with a grin before I left. I headed out into the nearly empty hallway and decided to get some more coffee in the cafeteria. I walked over and ducked inside of the door to walk to the small stand that stood in the corner of the bright room. I noticed Rosie headed towards me with her own cup and smiled at her.
“You too?” I asked her as she shrugged. Rosie looked tired with a gray hat pulled over her loose hair and light circles under her eyes.
“I don’t think there’s enough coffee in the world for today.” She grimaced as she took a sip. “How was your first test?”
“I think it went well. Now to knock the others out. How about you?” I gestured for her to follow me to the stand and she laughed as she did. I ordered a large black coffee and handed the girl a bill as I looked back at Rosie.
“I think I did good. I studied enough to ace them. I’m so tired.” She rubbed her eyes to prove her point, and I wondered if it was for the same reasons that I had trouble sleeping. “I think I am going to go into a coma every night this week.”
“We should celebrate on Friday night. Dinner or something?” I asked her as she frowned at me.
“There’s another party. Aren’t you going? Violet says she is.” Rosie looked confused.
“No. I want to relax that night. Let’s go to that Italian place and have some wine.” I suggested as she nibbled on her glossed lip.
“That sounds better than a party.”
“Good. It’s a plan.” I looked at the clock and knew that I had to leave. I took the coffee with a smile and we walked out together and parted to go to our classes.
I watched her walk; her perfect ass shaking with her steps and shook my head. I loved having that in front of me. I pushed the idea away and forced my thoughts to the next test I had. Human sexuality was the class, and it made me laugh because I knew plenty about that.
Girls had been coming around since I hit middle school. They were all flirty, and they smelled good. They liked to kiss me, and I liked doing that to them. Heather James was the first girl I had sex with in freshman year when we were dating for all a month. It was clumsy as most first times were, but I discovered that girls were willing to have sex with me easily after that.
So, I did. My friendship with Rosie had cooled down since our families were always fighting about business now. I saw
her a few times away from our houses but that stopped in time. I had school and the parties and girls that kept me busy though I tried to focus on school.
I was aware that Rosie had been dating. I still kept an eye on her and saw her with a kid named Troy Williams for a few months. They were always holding hands in the hallway and went to some dances and parties together. I heard that they had sex through a group of girls at a party one night and wanted to kick his ass. I was still protective of Rosie even if we weren’t close.
They broke up shortly after that rumor. She seemed to shy away from guys after that and kept to herself while I added girls to my list. It made me feel wanted though I wasn’t stupid enough to think that it meant anything. It was just a moment that I was close to another person. When the first girl tried to take it further and tell me that she thought she loved me, I took a break.
Somehow, I gained a reputation, and the stories surpassed the truth. That was just the way it was, and I let it go. I didn’t think about it too much but when I went to college, it seemed to precede me. That didn’t bother me until I ran into Rosie and we reconnected away from the pressure of our families. I had no clue that we’d end up sleeping together then.
Once I kissed her and things intensified between us. I regretted my past. Rosie was different from the others even if I wasn’t ready to commit to her. We never talked about my love life and she seemed to avoid the subject. I slept with her sometimes when we were drunk and alone, or just alone. It was great sex, but we didn’t ever say it was more. I still had the other girls that I met at parties or out with friends. For the first year, I mixed it all together well.
I walked into the next class and took my seat as the girls that sat around me greeted me. I’d slept with two of them and they both giggled during certain lectures in the class. It was irritating, and I made sure it never happened again. I took that test and felt great about it when I left with enough time to grab some lunch.
Every day was the same throughout the week. I took a lot of tests but also had normal class days. I ate when I could and slept hard at night as the feeling of missing Rosie faded away. I had dinner to look forward to and showered after school.