Miriam gave her a longsuffering look. “You look at him the same way Mama used to look at Pa. And they were more in love than anyone I’ve ever seen.”
Leah fought the burn of tears, and looked down at the dough in her hands. “It really doesn’t matter anyway.”
A hand touched her back and rubbed gently. It was almost Leah’s undoing, but she bit her lip and blinked back the moisture.
“Don’t worry, honey. He’ll wake up and see things straight one of these days. He just needs to find a way to get through the past.”
Leah nodded, not trusting herself to speak.
~
The warm sunrays were heavenly on Leah’s back as she scrubbed Miriam’s brown wool skirt in the wash water. The frigid pattern of snow and cold grey skies had finally ceased, and the sun had forced its way through the clouds for three days now. The sound of cracking ice had changed into dripping water through the trees, and bare patches were even beginning to show on the ground in the sunny spots.
It was time to leave the ranch.
She knew it in her head, but her heart fought violently against the notion. She’d finally admitted to herself she loved Gideon Bryant, but it was obvious he wasn’t going to let himself love her back. And being so close to him, knowing he wouldn’t love her, was driving her mad. Even if the snow hadn’t begun melting, it was still time to leave. Staying would only be painful for them both.
Lord, please show me where You would have me go. Butte City? Helena? The Washington Territory? With each name, she waited for a feeling of peace or that gentle prodding she used to be able to recognize so well. Nothing.
Leah wrung out the skirt and laid it with the other damp clothes in the basket. Then she rose to her feet with the hamper, squaring her shoulders with the determination that comes from desperation.
At the dinner table that night, the bile in Leah’s stomach kept her from forcing down much of her Shepherd’s Pie. Halfway through the meal, she finally set her fork on the plate and squared her shoulders. It was now or never. She had to do this.
“Gideon, do you think the pass has melted enough to get through to Helena or Butte?”
His head jerked up and his hand froze, suspended midway to his mouth with gravy dripping from the chunk of bread in his grasp. For a split second, the emotion in his eyes looked almost like hurt, then it was gone. Covered by that awful impassive expression he used to wear so well.
For a long moment, he didn’t move, didn’t chew, didn’t say a word. Just studied her, his emerald eyes turning too cloudy to read.
And then he spoke. “Prob’ly so.”
Two words. Just two words that had the ability to blow up her hopes like a bullet exploding a glass bottle. But what had she expected? That he would drop to one knee and beg her not to leave?
Leah expelled her hurt slowly, forcing her mind to move on. “I guess I’ll be leaving then. I think I’ll start in Butte City since it’s closest. Surely one of the stores or restaurants is hiring.” She was rambling, although she couldn’t have repeated anything she’d said if her life depended on it. She had to get control of herself.
“Would you mind if I borrowed one of the horses to ride to town? I’m sure I can send her back with Ol’ Mose next time he comes through, or else I can have a messenger bring her.” Although where she’d get the money for that, she hadn’t a clue.
“I’ll take you.” He said it with a snarl, as if she’d just called him a no-count, mule-brained, horse thief.
It was obvious he didn’t want to. Probably because he had too much work to do on the ranch, and likely wasn’t feeling up to a full-day’s ride in the wagon. She opened her mouth to object, a muscle flexed in his jaw revealing how tightly it was clenched. She couldn’t read a thing in his eyes, but the rest of his body language said it all. He was going to do this.
“Thank you.” Leah’s gaze dropped to her plate. The casserole there had been just short of mutilated. There was only one more question she desperately didn’t want to ask. But she had to know.
She raised her eyes to Gideon’s face again, then forced her dry mouth to swallow. “When do you think we can go?”
~
“I’m only taking this one trunk, Miri. I want you to keep the rest of my gowns.” Leah forced an almost unnatural cheeriness into her voice, and looked up to see if her words brought a smile to her friend’s face.
No, Miriam looked like she might burst into tears at any second. She was supposed to be transferring undergarments from the bureau to Leah’s trunk, but her progress was slow.
The weight that had pressed on Leah’s chest for two days now—since Gideon agreed to take her to Butte—was close to smothering. And Miriam’s persistent melancholy had Leah’s nerves on edge. She would not cry, though. God, please keep me strong through this.
“Leah, you just can’t leave. It isn’t right!”
Leah turned at the outburst from her friend.
Miriam’s pale green eyes were shrouded in red, her bottom lip quivering.
Leah dropped the brown traveling suit she’d been about to pack, and strode across the room. She took Miriam’s hands in her own and lowered her head to peer into the girl’s face.
“Miriam, I wish I didn’t have to leave you. I really do. But I need to move on with my life, and find what God would have me do. You and your brother have been so kind to take me in these last months, but I can’t depend on your hospitality forever. I need to make my own way.” Leah’s voice cracked at the end, and her eyes burned with tears that would fall any minute. She turned away so Miriam wouldn’t see her heart breaking.
Miriam pulled her hands. “But you belong here, Leah. Don’t you see? You belong with us. Gideon will marry you, I know he will!” Miriam’s voice rose to a high pitch, laced with desperation.
Leah’s heart clenched at the words. She searched Miriam’s face to see if it showed any foreshadowing of truth in her words. But no, she spoke only the desperate longings of a lonely young woman.
Leah released one of Miriam’s hands and reached to cup her cheek, wiping a tear with her thumb. “I don’t think Gideon will ever marry again. And my presence here is just making things harder for him. It’s better if I go.”
“But Leah!” Miriam’s voice was an avalanche of pleading. Then it fell to almost a whisper. “Don’t you know I need you?”
Leah couldn’t stand it any longer. She pulled the girl into a fierce embrace and let the tears stream down her face. Oh, God, why did this have to be so hard? After a few minutes, she worked to control her weeping, but Miriam’s shuddering sobs continued. Leah kept the girl in the hug, gently stroking her back while she searched for the words in her heart.
“God has amazing things planned for your life, Miriam Bryant. I don’t want you to forget that, do you hear me?” Leah paused to sniff. “You just have to make sure you lean on Him no matter what. And always be seeking His will.”
She leaned back enough to see Miriam’s face, but kept one arm wrapped around the girl. “God will take you to better places than you could ever imagine. But wherever you go, make sure you stay in touch with me, do you hear? And if you’re ever nearby, I expect a visit. Understood?”
Leah paused as Miriam sniffed loudly and wiped her eyes with a sleeve, then nodded.
“All right, then. I think this trunk is ready to go. Would you mind helping me carry it to the wagon?”
She received another nod, then released Miriam and the women each took an end of the crate.
The wagon and horses were waiting by the front porch, and they were able to load the trunk with no problems.
“I suppose Gideon must be in the barn. I’ll go let him know I’m ready.” The last thing Leah wanted to do was find Gideon. But the morning was passing quickly and they needed to get on the trail. Besides, he’d been avoiding her for days now, so it wasn’t likely he’d want to talk.
As she entered the dim light of the barn, Gideon came out of Bethany’s stall. A few pieces of hay still clung to
his navy wool shirt. When he approached, Leah found herself looking anywhere but at him. “I…I wanted to let you know I’m ready when you are.”
She expected a gruff response, or maybe just a growl of acknowledgment. That was about the only words he spoke these days. But he didn’t make any sound.
After a few moments of silence, Leah’s curiosity got the better of her and she allowed her eyes to drift to him. He had his hands behind his back, his attention focused on the ground where he was kicking at a dirt clod.
“You know.” His voice was deep, almost raspy, as if he hadn’t used it in a while. “You don’t have to go. You can stay on here as long as you want.”
Leah’s chest burned all the way down, and her heart convulsed at the vise that was squeezing the life out of her. Lord, You’re giving me more than I can bear. If You want me to leave, You have to help me.
She swallowed hard and turned her gaze to look at the stall door, anything so she didn’t have to see the man in front of her. “I…I don’t think…” Lord, please! “I think I need to go.” The words came out in a tumble, as if they knew she would never let them out if they didn’t speak now.
Her disobedient eyes trailed up to Gideon’s face in time to see his expression change to the impassive look she knew so well. His eyes shuttered, sending painful memories of the way he’d looked when she first arrived at the cabin.
“Let’s go then.” It was an order, like what he’d say to Drifter. And he marched past her out of the barn.
Chapter Thirty-One
After three long, awkward hours in the wagon, Leah could finally see rows of buildings sprawling in the valley below. This must be Butte City. She tried not to wrinkle her nose at the sight. The town looked dirty, even from this distance, although it was a bit larger than she had imagined.
A wave of longing hit Leah for the peaceful cabin she’d left, and the wide-open beauty of the mountains. What was she doing here? Her eyes burned. She could turn back now, ask Gideon to let her return with him to the cabin. They’d let her stay, she was sure of it. She could work to earn her room and board. Heaven knew, they could use the help.
Leah stopped herself just before raising a hand to touch Gideon’s arm. She’d never considered herself a coward before. She needed to straighten her spine and face this next step head-on. She squared her shoulders.
Gideon drove the wagon down first one street, then another. Past plain, unattractive buildings. There was none of the elegant architecture of Richmond or St Louis. At least most of these buildings were covered in whitewash, although a lot of that was peeling and in need of a fresh coat.
Finally he pulled up in front of a two-story structure with a sign over the door that read Watson’s Boarding House. Leah climbed from the wagon before Gideon could assist, although judging from his stiff movements and the sharp set of his jaw, he may not have offered.
She followed him into the building and paused at the threshold to get her bearings. The room was not large, more like an oversize foyer. Just big enough to hold a fireplace, a coat stand, and a small desk. The staircase rose in front of her, with a narrow hall beside it.
Gideon had approached the desk and was speaking to a middle-aged man with long fuzzy sideburns. “This should cover room and board for a couple of months. If she decides to leave before then, I’ll expect you to return whatever wasn’t used. Do I make myself clear?”
The man gave a sober nod. “Of course, sir. Any gold dust not used for Miss Townsend’s stay will be returned upon her departure.” He spoke in a sophisticated accent, at odds to the plain appearance of his hotel.
Leah peeked around Gideon’s shoulder and saw a small leather bag on the desk. Were they talking about gold dust in that bag? And room and board for two months? Even though he’d originally offered to reimburse her steamboat trip, it didn’t sit right for Gideon to put out so much money for her.
The man behind the desk closed the book in which he’d been scribbling, picked up the leather bag, and said, “If you’ll wait a moment, I’ll get someone to carry her luggage up.” The man retreated through a doorway.
This was her chance. “Gideon, I don’t like you giving me that much money. I should have a job within a week and can pay my own expenses. Please take most of it back.” He’d turned to face her when she started speaking, but Leah couldn’t meet his gaze. Her eyes fluttered to his arm, the desk, the wall—anything but his face.
“No.”
It was such a strong word, spoken with quiet authority. Her wayward eyes darted to his deep green gaze, searching for the hidden meaning behind that answer. There was stubbornness there, for sure. And was that longing?
Her own heart tugged at her, pushing her body forward to run to him, but her feet wouldn’t move. They were planted like the huge rocks up on the mountain. He took a step toward her, and opened his mouth to speak.
“Okay, Miss Townsend. If you’ll follow me to your room.” The obtrusive voice of the hotel clerk chased away whatever Gideon had been about to say. “Mr. Bryant, if you’ll show Michael the luggage, he’ll be happy to carry it to Miss Townsend’s room.”
And just like that, the moment was gone.
Gideon turned and strode through the outside door. Leah numbly followed the clerk toward the stairs. At the bottom, she turned for one final glimpse of Gideon, vain as it was.
There he was, through the open door. He gestured toward her trunk and spoke words she couldn’t hear to someone she couldn’t see.
And then he looked up, as if he could feel her gaze on him. But his eyes didn’t hold the same expression they had moments before. She would recognize that impenetrable mask anywhere, and it made the distance that now separated them stretch as wide as a canyon.
Leah forced herself to turn away and trudge up the stairs. Her teeth found her lower lip as she struggled to keep the moisture in her eyes at bay. Lord, please help me.
~
Gideon jerked on the wagon’s brake harder than necessary, but he barely heard the groan of the wood in his hand. He forced himself not to stomp into the dry goods store, and then to punish his impatient heart, he allowed another man to step up to the counter in front of him. While Gideon waited behind the man, his mind fumed.
Of all the nerve. Leave it to a city woman from back East to run around wherever she pleased, ignoring the feelings of others. And now his baby sister was going to pay the price. Miriam didn’t have many friends, and he’d never seen her bond with a woman the way she had with Leah. But that didn’t seem to matter to the selfish lady.
Finally, the grubby man in front of him moved away from the counter, and Gideon stepped forward. He slid his list toward the clerk. “Can I pick these up first thing tomorrow morning?”
The balding man picked up the paper and squinted through his spectacles. “Should be fine. We open at seven thirty.”
Gideon nodded and turned toward the door. He’d make it through his errands this afternoon, then get out of town first thing tomorrow.
When he pulled the wagon to a stop in front of the blacksmith’s shed, the burly smithy was beating the heat out of a strip of metal. Gideon’s hands itched for a turn. Why was he letting this get to him? Letting her get to him? But she hadn’t gotten to him, it was Miriam she was hurting by leaving. If that was the case, though, why did he feel the pain so deep in his own chest? Leah’s image flashed through his mind and he clenched his fists to keep from clawing it away.
“What can I help you with?”
Gideon blinked at the smithy standing next to the wagon, his face smeared with dirt and sweat clinging his brown shirt to his shoulders.
“Have a couple wheels that need fixin’.”
The man nodded, and helped Gideon unload the two broken wagon wheels he’d brought along. He nodded again as Gideon pointed out the flaws in the metal. It was nice to meet another man who didn’t have to use up words to communicate.
“I’ll have ‘em ready tomorrow before noon.”
Gideon schooled his fa
ce against the disappointment. He’d hoped to be back at the cabin in time to eat lunch with Miriam. “The earlier the better.” He turned to climb back on the wagon, tamping down his frustration.
Maybe food would put him in a better frame of mind. He turned the team down Granite Street toward Pearl’s Café. She served the best cinnamon rolls in town, almost as good as the ones Leah had made last week. In front of the building, he allowed the team of horses a drink from the water trough, then tied them to a rail.
Inside, he found a spot at one of the two long tables that spanned the room. A waitress placed a cup of coffee in front of him, and he nodded his thanks.
“You want dinner?”
He looked up to see the woman eyeing him expectantly. She was middle-aged with a good bit of grey filling in her dull brown hair. The lines around her face made her look worn out, and she likely was from serving this crowd.
“Yes, thanks.”
Satisfied with his answer, she moved on to pick up a stack of dishes from the end of the table, then disappeared through a doorway.
Gideon scanned the faces around him, finding a motley bunch ranging from miners with their dirty flannel sleeves rolled to the elbow, to businessmen in suits and bowler hats. As he scanned, one of the men across the table met Gideon’s gaze and gave a polite nod. The man was small, with spectacles illuminating his tiny features and giving him the appearance of an owl.
Before Gideon could answer with his own nod, a burly man beside the man with the spectacles reached for a coffee pot, knocking over the salt shaker in the process.
“Oh, dear,” said Spectacles. But the big man didn’t seem to notice his own clumsiness, just refilled his cup and clunked the pot back on the table. Spectacles reached over to right the fallen shaker, pushing his glasses higher on his face as he did so.
“You from around here?” Burly had gone back to his meal with gusto, but asked the question between bites, tilting his head to look at Spectacles as he spoke.
Mountain Dreams Series: Books 1 - 3: Mountain Dreams Box Set 1 Page 22