“Fourth floor,” he mumbled.
Ash shoved him toward the elevator and didn’t try to be gentle.
“Are you angry with me?” he muttered, and looked at her with huge, sorrowful eyes.
Ash wanted to laugh but made herself sound stern. “Why should I be angry with you? I left a message here to tell you I was going to be late. Dalton did too, but I had no word at all from you. I arrive to find I’m not expected as a guest, and the guy on the desk doesn’t even want to tell me if you’re staying here. I walk into the bar to find you curled up on the couch drinking champagne with a snake.” Ash pushed him into the elevator and pressed the button. “Should I be angry?”
Noah pressed her up against the side of the elevator. “I thought you’d changed your mind. I thought you weren’t going to come.” He hiccupped again. “I want you to come lots of times.”
The elevator pinged and Noah staggered out, Ash behind him. They went left until Noah stopped abruptly, looked at the numbers on the doors and turned round. “Other way.”
“Where’s your key?” Ash wondered if they were even on the right floor.
“Pocket. This is it,” Noah slurred, and leaning back against the wall, he closed his eyes.
Ash felt on the outside of his pants, located the correct pocket and slipped her fingers inside.
“Found my pet snake?” Noah asked.
“I think it’s dead. Rigor mortis.”
He laughed and then groaned. “Fuck it.”
Ash bypassed the keycard and stroked his cock with her finger. When she felt it jerk, she smiled.
“Shhhhit,” Noah whispered.
She pressed herself closer, wrapped her fingers around the card and started to pull it out. “Got it.” Then she let it go again.
“Keep looking.”
Ash managed to curl her fingers partway around his cock and squeezed.
“Is that it?” she whispered in his ear.
“Oh yeah.”
“It’s a bit hard to get hold of,” Ash said.
There was a small wet patch in his pocket dampening her palm.
“Keep trying.”
Ash heard the elevator ping behind her and pulled out the card. She was amazed to find they were standing outside the right room. She bundled Noah inside, and he zigzagged for the bed.
“I just need to shut my eyes for a sec,” he mumbled as he fell headlong.
Ash took out her mobile and texted Ronan. With Noah. All fine. It wasn’t, but it would be.
She looked around the room. Noah’s bags were in the corner. Ash unpacked her clothes and toiletries and then unpacked Noah’s things. While she hung shirts and pants in the wardrobe, she ate the two packets of chocolate chip cookies sitting in a basket by the coffee machine. A mistake because they only made her feel more hungry.
Ash undressed, used the bathroom and then took off Noah’s shoes and socks. When she rolled him over, he had two, round, foil-covered chocolates sticking to his forehead. Ash laughed, peeled them off, unwrapped them and ate the gooey mess inside.
By the time she had him naked, she was exhausted. Ash knelt on the bed, looking down at him in the light from the lamp. He is lovely. He had a narrow waist and slender hips that jutted out. His cock lay curled in a nest of dark curls and she thought it was the first time she’d not seen it erect. It made him look even more vulnerable.
Ash turned off the light and curled her body protectively around his under the covers.
* * * * *
No. Can’t. Don’t make me. Won’t. Noah’s brain felt about to explode. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t think. He had to get away. He thrashed around, trying to get free, and when his hand found flesh, he squeezed hard. Harder.
“No—ah.”
A light came on, and as Noah blinked, he registered a hotel room, bed… Oh fuck, Ash. She had one arm stretched toward the bedside light, the other trying to pull his fingers from her neck. He let go, saw the look of fear on her face and jerked himself aside.
Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God.
“Noah,” she whispered. “It’s okay.”
He lay on his back and flung his arm over his eyes. The sound of his ragged breathing filled the room. Ash edged closer and settled her head on his shoulder.
“Sorry, sorry, sorry,” he gasped.
She stroked his chest. “It’s okay. Don’t worry, I’m here. You’re safe.”
Noah slowly came out of it, his chest less tight, his breathing easier.
“Did I hurt you?” he whispered. “Oh fuck, of course I did. I had my hand around your throat. You should run away from me and not look back.” He pressed his arm harder against his eyes.
“Noah, I’m all right. No damage done. A bad dream?”
“My whole life is a bloody nightmare.” He dropped his arm and settled his gaze on Ash. “Was a nightmare.” Noah swallowed hard. “We need something to drink.”
“I’ll get you some water.”
As she sat up, he caught her arm. “See what’s in the fridge.”
“I think you’ve had enough alcohol.”
He gave a cheerless laugh. “It’s for you. I need to be drunk to tell this and you need to be drunk to hear it.”
Ash glanced at the clock. “It’s three in the morning. I don’t want anything to drink and you’ve had enough.”
Noah pulled her into his arms and pressed his face against her hair. “I need to talk. I need to tell you things. But I’m afraid if I do, you won’t be able to love me.”
Ash wrapped her arms around his back and hugged him hard. His heart pounded so fast Noah felt as if it were going to burst out of his chest.
“I want you to love me,” he muttered into her hair. “But you won’t be able to. No one could.” He pulled back to look at her. “Do you think you could love me?”
Ash nodded, but he didn’t believe her. He had to tell her this, had to tell someone before it ate him up and there was nothing left of him but an empty shell. They lay face-to-face, and Noah slid his hands down to hold hers.
“After we were captured by the Behnam, I yelled that I was with the press.” He sighed. “I don’t know what I thought they’d do. Pat me on the back and let me go? Oh fuck it, yeah, I did. For a few selfish moments, I wanted them to see I wasn’t like the other two. I wasn’t a soldier, they didn’t need to kill me, I wasn’t on anyone’s side.”
Noah swallowed hard, but the lump stayed put in his throat. “The three of us were taken to a camp up in the hills. Dave and Tommy had been badly beaten. Me, not so much. A few thumps in the stomach when I didn’t move fast enough. A slap in the face when I tried to talk. They chained us in a hut, not close enough to touch, and the first time they brought food, they fed me and not Dave and Tommy. I’d eaten before I realized they weren’t getting any. Dave said they were just playing mind games and next time I might not get fed. The following meal was some sort of stew and rice and it was only given to me. Nothing I could throw to them. I said I wasn’t going to eat it and Dave told me I was a fucking fool, and if they’d had the food, they’d have eaten it. So I did.”
He screwed up his eyes and then snapped them open to look at her. “Men came every few hours and took either Dave or Tommy away. They beat them, asked them questions and brought them back. I waited for them to drag me out, but they never did. They had something different in mind for me.”
His grip on her hands intensified. “The leader came, yelling and shouting at Tommy and Dave in Pashto or Dari. None of us understood more than a few words. Then he turned to me and said in a crisp, clean English accent as if he’d just read the news on the BBC, “Choose which man you wish to die.”
Ash gasped. “Oh Noah.”
He chewed his lip. “I refused and he made himself clearer. If I didn’t choose, he’d kill all three of us. Slowly.” Noah shuddered. “What the fuck was I supposed to say?”
His eyes brimmed with tears. “I didn’t want to choose. If it had been just me who would die, then I think I’d have t
old him to go fuck himself, but if I didn’t choose, I could have allowed a man to die who wouldn’t have otherwise.” Tears rolled down his cheeks. “Then they said they weren’t just going to kill the man, but behead him, stick his head on a pike and drag his body through the camp. They’d take pictures with my camera and put them on the internet.”
“Oh God,” Ash whispered.
“Tommy had a three-month-old baby he hadn’t seen. Dave had a girlfriend he was going to ask to marry him when he went home. I’d eaten with them, drunk with them, laughed with them. How could I let Tommy’s wife see his body treated like that? How could I let his son grow up knowing what had happened to his father and that it was my fault?”
“Not—”
“Yes, I know,” he blurted. “Not my fault, but it was. I’d made friends of those guys. Dave in particular. We just clicked. Laughed at each other’s jokes, played tricks on each other.”
Tears rolled down Ash’s cheeks now. Noah had to pause to take a breath, but the words rolled out of him and with every word he uttered, he felt the weight start to lift from his shoulders.
“Dave said, let Tommy live because he’s got a baby. Tommy said he was ten years older than Dave, he’d had more of a life. Then they changed and they both pleaded with me to pick them and I wanted the earth to crack and swallow me up. But it didn’t. And I knew if it had been either of them who had to choose, they’d have picked me to die and I wished, wished, wished that was the way it was.” He released a shaky breath. “The leader of the rebels stood there and demanded an answer.”
Ash pressed her lips together.
“I chose to save Tommy and I couldn’t look at either of them. I felt it was the most cowardly thing I’ve ever done. The truth was they were probably going to kill us all anyway. I should have sucked it up and told the guy to take a leap and I should have looked at Dave when I gave my answer and I didn’t. They said they’d behead him the next day. Oh Christ, that night was hard.” He shuddered as he remembered what they’d talked about. “We cried. Dave gave us messages to pass to his family and he said he didn’t blame me, that I wasn’t to blame myself, that if we got out, I was to let it go. Oh fuck, let it go? How the fuck could I do that?”
Ash gave him a puzzled look. “You said you visited Dave in the hospital. So what happened?”
Noah shuddered. “Early the next morning, they came and said they were going to kill Tommy not Dave. More fucking mind games. Before they could, there was an attack on the camp. A rescue bid. The Behnam rebels ran out, and then British soldiers burst into the hut. They f-freed us and said helicopters waited on the south side of the encampment. The place was in an uproar, huts on fire, machine guns rattling, people screaming. The solider leading me out was hit in the arm. I didn’t think, I just picked up his gun and used it, dragged him with me. I found Tommy sheltering behind a cart with Behnam guys coming up behind him.” Noah huffed out a shuddering breath. “I must have thought I was invincible. I rushed over, firing the f-fucking gun like I was spraying water, and guys fell down. Only when I reached Tommy he’d been hit…he gave me this little smile…and I thought he was going to be okay…and I held him and he died in my arms.”
“Oh Noah,” Ash whispered.
“The place was in chaos. There were explosions going off one after the other. The wounded soldier with me was helped by his colleagues and I went looking for Dave. I found him trapped by his legs under a pile of rubble. I tried to free him, but I couldn’t without help. He kept telling me to run and I really fucking wanted to, but it was my chance to put things right, and if I died doing that, then at least I’d…” He brushed the tears from his face. Noah wondered if he’d ever cried this much before.
“I kept shooting until someone came to help me dig Dave out. One of his legs didn’t come out with him. The other was mangled. When I arrived in Helmand, I’d been issued with a couple of new style tourniquets with Velcro straps, and I’d freaked out a bit at that. I never thought I’d have to use one. For some reason, the Behnam had left them in my pocket. The medics said I saved Dave’s life. I didn’t want to leave him, but they took him on a different helicopter. I didn’t realize I’d been injured as well until I fell over.”
He brushed a tear from her cheek with his thumb. “Tommy dead, Dave gravely injured, and I found out later four other soldiers were also wounded. All my fault because I’d insisted on them driving me to a ridge that would give me a chance to take a brilliant picture and impress people. My stupid, fucking, fault.”
Ash put her finger on his lips. “You were doing your job and they were doing theirs.”
“It’s not as simple as that.”
“Yep, it is.”
He looked into her eyes and released a small laugh. “Then why I have spent the last seven months in hell?”
Ash took a deep breath. “What they made you do, choose who to save, was a form of torture. It was worse than something physical because it’s harder to get over. But you can get over it. I know you don’t believe that yet, but you will get over it.”
Her faith in him meant a lot to Noah. He’d told her now and she was still here with him, not freaking out, just holding him and saying the right things.
“Would you feel any differently if it had been Tommy who survived and not Dave?” she asked.
He didn’t want to answer that. “I’ve never told anyone what I’ve just told you. I don’t want you to repeat it.”
“I won’t. I promise.” Ash cupped his face with her hands. “I can’t put your world right, Noah. No doctor can put it right. Not even time can do it. Only you can.”
“I’m trying.”
“Try harder.”
His mouth twitched in a half-smile and he pulled her to lie on top of him.
“What should I do?” he asked.
“Go and see Tommy’s wife. Go and see Dave.”
He exhaled. “Okay.”
She raised her eyebrows.
“I will,” Noah said.
“You might mean it now, but you’ll have changed your mind by Monday.”
She knew him too well.
“Can we not talk about it anymore while we’re here?” he asked.
Ash tapped his head with her finger. “If you promise not to think about it either.”
His hands slid over her backside. “You’re just the distraction I need.”
Ash pushed back her disquiet and plastered a smile on her face. She could be the distraction he needed, his plaything for a while, but she suspected the damage to her heart would be severe. His brother thought she wasn’t good enough for Noah. Dalton had been paid to maneuver Noah into using her then leaving her. Noah said he liked her because she was ordinary, but Ash wasn’t ordinary at all.
The thought of telling him her secret had bubbled in Ash’s mind from the moment she sat on the train, but his confession had shoved hers back behind locked doors. Noah didn’t need more problems.
She was horrified by what had happened to him, couldn’t imagine what she’d do if she’d been put in that position. No wonder his head was messed up. She understood why he felt guilty, but the world was full of what ifs. No point dwelling on the past, nothing could be changed. Noah had a bright future and she wanted to help him seize it.
Pushing herself up, Ash shrugged off the sheets and set her knees on either side of Noah’s hips. She ran her gaze over the tight, copper peaks of his nipples, the hard plains of his abs and followed the enticing, dark line of hair running below his erect cock. She almost skittered her fingers over his scars and realized in the nick of time this wasn’t the moment to make him think of when he got them.
Ash took his hands and lifted them to the top of the bed head. “If you let go, I’ll stop.”
She stretched her body over his and slid her hands up his arms until her fingers settled over his clenched fists. Then she rubbed herself against him. Breasts against his chest, her nipples brushing his, her belly caressing his cock, her mouth plastered to his.
“
Oh God,” he gasped between kisses. “What are you doing?”
“Scent marking.”
Noah snorted.
“Better make sure I get you everywhere.” Because there was a bitch in heat in a room not far away.
Ash pushed herself up on her knees and reached for his cock, letting the rounded head press against her folds.
“You’re driving me crazy,” Noah whispered.
She took in the darkness of his eyes, the hitch in his breathing, the flush of arousal on his cheeks and lips. A gush of her cream trickled down his cock, and they both groaned. Ash lowered herself a fraction and tightened her muscles around the tip of his erection.
“Chrissssst,” he hissed.
“Try not to move,” she whispered. “Let me be in control.”
As slowly as she could, Ash moved her hips up and down, but only enough to engulf the very tip of his cock, loving the combination of his rigidity and velvet softness. She took in a little more of him and then slowly pulled back, drawing up her muscles as tight as she could.
Noah seemed to have stopped breathing. He held himself motionless beneath her while Ash lifted herself up and down. When she twisted her hips, it was her undoing. Some place inside her ignited and she was unable to stop herself from shifting faster and harder. She wanted him deep, wanted him to touch her heart.
Ash might have told him not to move, but when he did, she didn’t want to stop him. Noah’s hips were rocking, bucking, pushing his hot, thick length into her as she drove herself down onto him. Wet flesh slapped wet flesh and as her hands crept to his shoulders, Ash lost herself in the rhythm. Her ears ringing, lights flashing behind her eyes, electricity poured through her veins.
She dropped onto his chest, and Noah’s hands wrapped around her butt, lifting her onto his thrusts, pulling her down so his pubic hair rubbed her clit. Ash cried out as she came, muffling her cries against his shoulder. Noah kept thrusting and then spasmed inside her, his mouth against her head as he whispered her name over and over.
He was asleep before Ash had come down and a sad smile tugged at her lips.
An Ordinary Girl Page 20