“Hardly. Not even he would be so crass as to invite the daughter of the woman who killed our sister. Your face has been all over the papers and the television. The moment my father sets eyes on you, he’ll know who you are.” He paced around the room. “Christ, woman, he’s only just found out Natalia is dead. What the hell were you thinking?”
She hadn’t thought. She was a selfish idiot. “I love Noah,” she whispered.
Ilya stamped across the room to stand in front of her. “Well, don’t. He doesn’t need love from someone like you. He doesn’t need you.”
Ash blinked and angrily rubbed a tear from her cheek. “I’d like to hear that from him.”
“Not tonight. You’re going to spoil everything. This is a big night for Noah as well as our father. I don’t want him distracted.” He raked her with his gaze. “Christ, what the fuck are you wearing? You think you’re Cinderella?”
Unhappiness welled up inside Ash like a geyser preparing to blow. She burned with embarrassment and her limbs tingled. The dress seemed unbearably tight around her chest and she found herself unable to speak. It was only a matter of time before she either burst into tears or collapsed. She’d leave right now.
Ash headed across the room toward the normal door, but it opened and Noah’s father walked in.
Oh God.
He glanced between her and Ilya and then held out his hand. “I’m Arkady Golitsin.”
When Ash put her hand in his, he brought it to his lips and kissed it. The lump in her throat grew painful, the constriction of her lungs more intense.
“And you’re Ash Elleston.” He didn’t let go of her trembling fingers.
Ash tried to speak and nothing came out of her mouth.
“You seem to be secreted away with the wrong son.” He stared pointedly at Ilya.
“She has no right to be here,” Ilya said. “I was just persuading her to leave.”
His father smiled at Ash. “Please call me Arkady. I’ll call you Ash, if I may.”
“Father, are you listening to me? We don’t need her here tonight.”
Arkady tucked her hand in the crook of his arm.
“You look spectacular,” he said. “I wish everyone was wearing a dress like yours. I should have specified it on the invitation.”
A shuddering breath escaped Ash’s lips. Oh, don’t be nice to me, please. Just look at me like Ilya, as if I’d crawled out of a dung heap, and let me scuttle away.
“I’ll get her a cab,” Ilya said.
Arkady glared at him and then turned back to Ash. “I wanted to talk to you.”
Ash’s mind raced out of control, zooming down a path to nowhere. What on earth had possessed her to come? She should have guessed she’d have to speak to Noah’s father, should have guessed he’d ask questions and that he wouldn’t like her answers. There were things he needed to hear, but tonight wasn’t the right time. She had to make excuses and leave. She dragged moisture to her mouth and spoke.
“I’m sorry for coming. I thought the invite I received was from Noah, but someone must have been trying to spoil this evening for you.” The dam had burst and now she couldn’t prevent the words pouring out. “I’ll leave at once of course. My dress… I’m sorry. I was tricked. I wasn’t trying to stand out. I never wanted to cause any trouble for anyone. Ever.” Ash gulped air. “I don’t know what to say about your daughter except how sorry I am, and I know that’s nowhere near enough. My parents were the worst people in the world, and I’d give anything to rewind the clock and make it all not have happened.” Christ, did any of that make sense?
“Shhh.” He used the pad of his thumb to wipe away the tear slipping down her cheek. “You were a little girl. You weren’t and aren’t responsible for what your parents did.”
Ilya huffed and his father arched his brow. “Am I wrong, Ilya?” he asked. “I don’t expect you to take responsibility for my bad decisions.”
“I know it’s not her fault,” Ilya mumbled. “I never meant to imply that.”
Oh God. Thoughts of running were overwhelmed by the need to do the right thing. Maybe Ash only had one chance to say this, and that moment was now.
“What if it was?” she whispered. “If I’d been a better child, if they’d liked me more—they might not have taken those girls and killed them.” The pain in Ash’s chest spread to her legs and her knees trembled beneath the gown.
Arkady shook his head. “You’re not responsible—”
“But I am,” Ash whispered. “Let me tell you this and then you never need to see me again.” She took a deep breath trying to calm herself. “I was seven years old and I wanted a book I’d seen in a box outside a shop. My parents never bought me anything so I didn’t bother asking for it. Only I wanted that book so much.” She shuddered as she remembered.
“I think it came to represent everything I couldn’t have. No sweets, toys or friends. I’m not saying this to make you feel sorry for me, I just need you to understand what my life was like. Cold, empty and without color. The book was full of pictures of animals and I used to look at a few pages every time I passed.”
Arkady stared at her intently. Ilya’s jaw was clenched tight as if he was going to explode any moment.
“One day, my birthday, I hadn’t had a single present. I took the book and ran. The shopkeeper knew me. When I got home, the police were waiting. They told me off and my parents did too, but they didn’t shout or scream, and I knew I’d be punished later. When the police had gone, my father broke my arm.” Ash tightened her fingers into fists.
“Shit,” Ilya gasped.
Arkady stiffened. “That—”
“Please let me finish.” Only Ash wondered if she could. Her chest felt as though her heart was crushing her lungs. “When I went to Rampton last Sunday, my mother recalled that incident and told me she hadn’t been able to break my other arm in case the authorities became suspicious.” Ash gulped. Oh God, oh God. Her voice had dropped to a whisper. “She looked for someone else to break instead.” Ash’s eyes filled with tears. “So if I’d been a good girl and not stolen that book, you’d still have your daughter. I’m very sorry.”
Noah’s father pulled her into his arms and pressed his face against her hair. “You poor girl.”
“Oh my God, oh my God.” Ilya kept repeating the same phrase over and over.
“And now I’ve hurt Noah as well,” Ash whispered. “He hasn’t spotted me yet. I’m sure you must have a back entrance I could sneak out of. I promise you and your family will never see or hear of me again.”
Arkady pulled back and held her by the shoulders. “I invited you to come tonight.”
Ash gaped and then clamped her jaw shut. Ilya groaned and dropped onto a couch, his head in his hands.
“Now it’s your turn to listen,” Arkady said. “You are not responsible for what your parents did. They blighted your life just as much as they did that of my family. And even on her death bed your mother was still determined to hurt you. It’s hard to countenance anyone could be so despicable as to blame a child in that way.”
“Mother did,” Ilya whispered into the silence.
Ash turned. Ilya’s face was haggard. He looked like Noah hiding from the fireworks.
“What are you talking about?” Arkady asked.
“Mama said it was my fault because if I’d done what I was supposed to and stayed home with her, Natalia would never have been at that hospital.” Ilya raised his dark eyes to his father. “Then Mama went away and killed herself.”
Arkady groaned. He sat beside his son and put his arm around his shoulders. “Ilya, Ilya. She didn’t mean it.”
Ilya pulled away and jumped to his feet. “Of course she bloody meant it. It was my fault, just like part of this was Ash’s fault too.”
Ash winced.
Arkady stood. “The only one responsible is Denise North. Ilya, your mother was just as wrong to say that to you as Ash’s was to say what she did to her. I will not let you blame yourself. Your mother was distraught with grief
and guilt. Don’t you think I feel guilt over her death too? If I’d been more supportive, noticed she wasn’t coping, could I have prevented her from killing herself? Things happen in life and we have to deal with them or they take us down too.”
It all came back to her, Ash thought. One action, the theft of that book, had set into motion a series of events that had devastating effects on everyone. Ilya stared at her and Ash knew that was what he was thinking. If it hadn’t been for her, if she’d never been born, if—
“Both of you, stop it,” Arkady said. “You’re letting emotion get in the way of common sense. Ash—you want to blame the shop keeper for putting that book outside for you to see, for buying that book from someone in the first place, for opening a book shop? Ilya—do you want to blame Daniel for refusing to let you take Natalia with you that day, for making him your best friend and not Mikhail? How far do you want to go back? To blame your mother’s friend for being ill and lying in that hospital? Let it go.”
Ilya stared at him and then flung open the door and stormed out.
Arkady sighed. “I knew he blamed himself, but I didn’t know his mother had said that. How differently guilt affects us. It’s left Ilya bitter. He won’t allow himself to be happy. I wonder sometimes if he doesn’t want Noah to be happy either, that he’s angry because he couldn’t blame Noah for any of it. Ilya worshipped his mother, which makes this even harder for him to bear. He brings joy to no one, least of all himself, but you—you brought my youngest son back to life. He told me you made him happy.”
That should have made her happy too, but instead it upset her. “And now I’ve made him sad. I ran because I was afraid of what he’d say when he knew who I was. How could I tell him I was the reason Natalia was taken? No matter what you say, it was my behavior that day that triggered my mother to take your daughter.”
Arkady shook his head. “You don’t know that’s true. This woman was cruel to you your entire life. Even when she’s gone, she wants her hold on you to continue. Maybe the theft did trigger Natalia’s murder. Maybe it didn’t. But it’s long past time to let it go.”
He smiled at her. “I wanted to thank you for Noah. He was suffering and you helped him. Now that he’s running again, I hoped you could catch him and make him understand. He doesn’t have the burden of guilt and grief that engulfs you and Ilya.”
Ash tensed. Oh God, he does.
“Ahhhh.” Arkady exhaled the word. “What have I done? I see I’m wrong. Noah has always tried to do the right thing, and I bear responsibility for him going to Afghanistan.”
“In what way?”
“My family made its money from armaments. The business was passed from my grandfather to my father to me. I sold it some time ago, but I suspect this might have been at the root of Noah’s compulsion to show the world the bloody face of war. Of course it’s not weapons that are evil, but those who use them with bad intent. Still, innocents get caught up and that’s what concerned—concerns Noah. It would be easy to blame myself for what happened to my son.”
He took Ash’s hand and squeezed it gently. “We all have our crosses. Some are heavier than others, but life goes on and this is the only life we have. All I hope for is happiness for my sons and now for you too.”
Ash swallowed hard.
“By the way.” Arkady put his hand in his pocket, pulled out the butterfly necklace and let it dangle from his fingers.
“Oh God.” Ash widened her eyes.
“The police told me you’d found it.”
“Another reason not to like me much. I found it in the allotment and kept it. I thought it was pretty. I hid it in my teddy bear and it stayed there until…well.”
“These are diamonds. Those are emeralds and rubies.”
“Really?”
“You didn’t see the name Faberge?”
Ash shook her head. Bloody hell.
“I feel like I have a piece of Natalia back when I hold this. It was my birthday gift to her and she loved it. Thank you for keeping it safe all these years. I hope one day to give it back to you, but I need to keep it in my pocket for a while. Now I must go back and join my guests. Will you dance with me later? Let’s see if we can make Noah jealous.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Ronan had walked around the bustling room and not found Ash. He feared she’d gone home. On the way here in the taxi, he’d made her promise not to leave without telling him, but he’d known it wouldn’t take much to flip her over the edge. While Ash was nowhere to be seen, Noah was all too visible, wandering among the guests, shaking hands, kissing cheeks, though judging by the short duration of his smiles, he wasn’t happy. Ronan decided to watch him because if Ash was still around, sooner or later the pair would meet up.
When a tall, dark guy moved to Noah’s side, put his hand on his back and guided him across the ballroom, Ronan guessed it was Noah’s brother Ilya. They were unmistakably related, though Ilya’s face was older, harder and…ah shit…more appealing. As the brothers crossed the room, they stopped to speak briefly to people, and Ronan didn’t miss the fact that Ilya never let Noah shift from his side. When they slipped out into a darkened hallway, Ronan followed.
“What the fuck’s the matter?” Noah tugged out of Ilya’s grip.
“You need to spend more time with Sophia.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re going to propose to her.”
Ronan tensed.
“What?” Noah gasped.
“Don’t act so shocked. I already told you. It’s all worked out.”
Oh you fucking bastard, Ronan thought.
“I’m not proposing to Sophia. I love Ash.”
“No you don’t. You can’t. Because she’s just told Father that the day her mother killed Natalia, Ash had stolen some book. Denise North was pissed off she couldn’t break Ash’s arm and got her kicks in another way.”
“Oh Christ,” Noah leaned against the wall.
Ronan felt a muscle in his cheek start to twitch. His heart ached for Ash. How much more could she deal with? He wished he could look after her, hold her and make her forget all this, but he wasn’t what she needed, Noah was. That devil, Ilya, needed something else entirely.
“Don’t you see how impossible this is?” Ilya asked. “Bad enough it was her mother who killed our sister, but to know that her actions caused—”
“Shut up,” Noah hissed. “She was seven years old. No one can possibly blame her. No more than I blame you for our mother killing herself.”
Ilya stiffened.
“Don’t you think I felt it too?” Noah asked. “Mama chose to leave me as well. Don’t you think I didn’t worry what it was I’d done that made her want to leave me? Yeah, you might have been supposed to be looking after Natalia, but our mother left me too. You’re not the only one who got hurt.” Noah blew out a long breath. “I’ve had enough of being miserable. Where’s Ash?”
“Forget her.”
Noah stepped right into his brother’s face. “I’d sooner forget you.”
Noah stalked off with Ilya in pursuit. Ronan followed. In the ballroom, Noah walked straight into the path of an older couple and a pretty blonde who looked like their daughter. Ronan spotted Ash smiling on the other side of the room and sighed with relief.
“Pyotr, Madena, Sophia.” Ilya shook the older couple’s hands and kissed Sophia on the cheek. Noah did the same.
“How are you, Noah?” the man asked.
“You look really well,” Sophia said. “Did you get my card?”
“Yes, thank you,” Noah mumbled.
“I’m sure Noah and Sophia have lots to talk about,” Ilya said, and ushered the older couple toward a waiter carrying champagne.
Noah looked as though he’d rather be anywhere else. Ronan had intended to stay by Noah, but his instincts—and more to the point—his cock led him to shadow Ilya.
“Have you had chance to consider my business plan?” Ilya asked Sophia’s father.
“I’m not sure—�
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“It’s a sound investment. We’ll both make money. Now that our families are going to be…” Ilya’s voice trailed away as his attention was drawn to Ronan closing in.
“Excuse me,” Ronan said to the older couple before he turned to Ilya. “I have something urgent I need to talk to you about.”
He settled his hand around Ilya’s arm, gripped tight and pulled him away.
“Who are you?” Ilya tried to pull free. “What are you doing?”
Ronan put his mouth to his ear. “I’m taking you somewhere quiet to fuck you.”
He let go of Ilya’s arm and watched his face. Jaw-dropping shock jumped to confusion. Ilya’s tongue slid over his lower lip and he glanced around. Ronan did nothing but stare directly at him and wait. Ilya blinked, his anxiety clear, and then slowly the expression on his face changed. His eyes darkened, his mouth tightened and his nostrils flared. Now he was looking at Ronan instead of wasting his time thinking.
“What did you say?” Ilya whispered, and Ronan laughed.
“Do you really think I’ll say it twice? You know this house. Find a room.”
Ilya nodded.
Bingo—compliance.
Ilya moved ahead and Ronan stayed close behind. He didn’t often have the uncontrollable urge to fuck a stranger, but Ilya had ticked every box.
An arrogant, manipulative bastard who needed to be taken down a peg or two.
A dominant, controlling guy who hid his other side—one that Ronan recognized.
A man who needed dark secrets teased out of him.
Of course a punch in the face from Ilya would have told Ronan he was wrong, but instead Ilya was obeying him.
Ilya moved faster, out of the crowds, down corridors, past waiters, through a locked door and up a staircase. Ronan squashed his guilt over abandoning Ash. If she couldn’t do this on her own, he wasn’t going to do it for her. He was fairly certain all she needed to do was walk into Noah’s arms for this to end happily ever after. If not, he’d make sure she left one of her shoes for Noah to find. Ronan was more than happy to remove Ilya from the equation as his contribution.
A door opened then closed, a dim light came on and they stood in a sumptuous bedroom with old-fashioned furniture and a wide bed. Ronan unfastened his tie and shrugged off his jacket. He laid them over the back of a gilded chair.
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