Staring at the pile of plates and pans in the sink, January decided to roll up her sleeves and spit-shine that kitchen like her mother would have done. Aurora Gallimore’s cure-all for every argument she ever had with January’s father was cleaning. January clearly inherited her mother’s obsessive compulsion to keep a neat home when conflict presented itself.
First, she flipped through her phone to play some music. Lady Gaga seemed to have a song for her every mood, and January turned the music up loud enough so that she didn’t disturb Etienne. She needed something to keep her awake before the coffee brewed.
After loading up the dishwasher, January took on the fridge, which was filled with the take-out cartons Xavier left behind.
Somewhere in those putrid moments of disposing of the waste from the two most important men in her life, she decided her relationship with Etienne existed on a surrealistic plane somewhere between “Bad Romance” and “Just Another Day.”
It was just another day, but her heart continued to beat wildly with the doubts that surfaced. Initially, she thought she’d felt better the night before. Make-up sex was always the best sex. However, the distance between them still existed. January almost couldn’t believe that Etienne didn’t sense it, too. That notion left her feeling empty. January just had trouble admitting that her thoughts weren’t new.
For over a year, she’d slipped some not so subtle hints. She had the perfect setup right in this apartment for now. Of course, this place wouldn’t be conducive to Etienne’s regular visits with the girls, which was exactly why January thought they should find something bigger—something together. This tiny one-bedroom apartment served their immediate needs, but they also needed to think about the future.
For one moment, she stopped and stood over Lenny, who nibbled away at her morning kibble. “Oh, Lenora Lynn, is it too much to ask for a man who loves us both equally?” she muttered, and then turned around quickly to make sure that Etienne hadn’t awakened and made his way toward the wafting aroma of coffee.
Her own words, she knew, were telling. Maybe she’d already made her decision about her current romantic situation. First, she needed Etienne’s confirmation, but prying the answers from him proved to be more difficult by the day.
One song played into the next, and she danced away while scrubbing the counters. As her playlist looped back again to “Just Another Day,” those damn lyrics taunted her. Things didn’t have to be so complicated.
January, however, wanted to wait out the week. She had some intentions of her own. Glancing at the time, she almost picked up the phone to call Xavier for some advice, but she already knew his opinions on all matters related to her love life. Xav thought she could do so much better than Etienne.
Singing along at the top of her lungs with her lace-covered ass stuck in the air, she wiggled her hips and poured her own sentiments into the words.
“Remind me to never ask you for a duet…”
Dropping a dish in the sink, she turned around to find Etienne standing in the doorway with a crooked but amused smile on his lips. He hadn’t bothered with clothes, and he was already hard.
“You scared me!” she said, now embarrassed over her big mouth. “I hope I didn’t disturb you…”
Opening his arms, Etienne said, “You awakened the neighbors in the next building, Janny.” His tone warned her that she just might be in a bit of trouble. “Come here.”
He still had that sleepy look in his eyes that she loved so much, and she almost went willingly...but she stopped herself. For once, sex was the last thing on her mind.
He spun her around to face him, but as he moved in to kiss her, January raised her hand between them. “Later,” she told him. “I’m busy.”
Frustration filled her words. She was tired of making excuses for him. He just needed time to recuperate from his latest travels. He needed time to process the plans she’d laid on the table. He needed time for everything except January’s ultimatum.
Somewhere along the way, January lost sight of her own needs in her quest to fulfill Etienne’s whims.
Instinctively, he stepped back. “Have some coffee with me.”
“It should be ready. You’re welcome to have some. But I’ve got things to do!”
“Oh…fuck the coffee…” As he moved to lift her into his arms, she resisted, planting her dead weight on the cold white tiled floor. “I need you again, Janny…I need you right now…”
“Later.” As she returned to putting the dishes away, she refused to look at him. “We have plenty of time for that.”
From the corner of her eye, she watched as he hesitated before pouring himself a cup of coffee. “Janny, I thought we were okay…”
“I’m fine, Etienne,” she insisted, emphasizing her own strength. “I’d just like to get this place in order. Remember, the girls are coming this weekend.”
“Ah, yes.” His smile was genuine as he took his first sip of morning brew. “You love when they visit, don’t you?”
January couldn’t hold her tongue. “Just wish we had more room for them.”
His refusal to acknowledge her comment didn’t surprise her. What Etienne didn’t realize was that he’d helped January to build her own arsenal of ammunition that she’d selectively chosen to reveal at the appropriate time.
# # #
Later that afternoon, after she’d scoured every corner of her tiny home while Etienne paid a visit to his personal trainer, they agreed that an evening on the town might be a good idea.
January chose a sweet little red, sleeveless sundress with a full skirt for their date. Those days, she only wore Xavier’s designs, except for lingerie. He hadn’t quite perfected his line yet, but he had plans to launch his frilly panties and bras the following year—with January as the star of his advertising campaign.
Etienne waited for her on the couch as she finished getting ready. When she quietly stepped up beside him, he stood and took her hands with a shy smile on his lips. “Breathtaking…as always…”
She just shrugged. “It’s just a little summer dress.”
“On any other woman, it would be just a dress,” he whispered. “But you, Janny…you make it look like you’re going to a gala.”
Leaning in, she placed one kiss on his cheek and moved to wipe off the lipstick stain she’d left. All the while, she felt as if she’d forced her moves.
“I don’t mind a little lipstick,” he said. “You have put your stamp on me.”
“I sure hope I have.” She smiled optimistically, but her eyes revealed the worries she’d held close to her heart.
“Let’s go, chérie,” he said. “We have a city to explore.”
It didn’t take her long, however, to figure out where they were going. As he drove away from her neighborhood, she asked, “Are we heading to Buttes Chaumont?”
“Perhaps,” he said with a knowing smile. “Patience, Janny.”
Just the idea of reliving their first date heightened her fears. Etienne could be so damn romantic. When he wanted his way, he doled out the charm like no other man. This was his way of saying that he was willing to work with her.
This time around, January wasn’t ready to sit back to enjoy the ride.
“I never thought you’d go out with me,” he admitted.
“Oh, come on, we practically fucked with our eyes alone when we met at Xavier’s show.”
“But you were this big Hollywood star,” he explained. “I never thought you’d want some old man like me.”
“First, you are not an old man.” However, sometimes his stubborn ways made her think differently. “Second, I don’t live the typical Hollywood lifestyle. I’d never move to Los Angeles. I love New York and Paris too much. The one time that I indulged of the perks of La-La Land, I landed on the cover of the Enquirer.”
“We might not have met if your little secret hadn’t been revealed,” Etienne suggested.
A long pause followed while she considered his words. “I suppose I never thought of it
like that.”
“I knew your secret. And I liked it.” Etienne brought her hand to his lips as he stopped at a red light. “But then I found out that you are just as beautiful outside as you are inside.”
“If you’re trying for another date beyond tonight, I think you’ve got an entire evening to prove yourself.”
“Not trying to do anything, Janny,” he said. “Just telling you the truth.”
He parked in nearly the same spot as the first time he took her out. Although they’d returned to that park so many times over the years, often with the girls in tow, she always felt that same flutter of new love in her heart. Now, though, something was missing.
Etienne took her hand, and they sauntered down the hill beneath the beauty of the orange evening sun overhead. This was January’s favorite time of day, and she took a moment to reflect amidst the beauty of nature.
January wished she could just remain in Paris and live in domestic bliss with Etienne. However, she did have a movie to make. She couldn’t back out of it. She remembered the lean times all too well. They’d have August, hopefully—providing there were no production delays on set—and then time in December. Usually, they rang in her New Year’s birthday together.
And then they’d fall back into the same routine…
She had to push those thoughts from her mind. Maybe they’d have a place of their own by Christmas. She imagined a smallish manor house just outside Paris. They’d have the girls over for the holidays. She envisioned them, lighting the menorah and decorating the Christmas tree with a nice fire roaring. Alice and Etienne always celebrated both holidays, since she was Catholic, and he was Jewish. He carried that tradition on when he met January.
She knew she was getting ahead of herself, but she had to believe in their relationship. She had to convince herself that the last five years meant more to him than just a placeholder to pass some time.
That evening, Etienne was just as protective of her as he was that first afternoon, watching her steps and holding on to her in steep terrain. The Temple de la Sibylle was rather crowded, so they lingered for a few minutes before taking in the view.
When a woman stopped to ask for a photo, Etienne looked to January. She thought he’d oblige, but he surprised her. He apologized to the woman and said that it wasn’t an appropriate time.
“Wow…” January whispered once they were alone again. He looped his arm around her waist to guide her into the stone structure before them. “I never thought I’d see you do that—refuse a fan.”
“Maybe I should do it more often.” He rested his chin on top of her head. “Maybe I give too much.”
His words were telling, if not comforting. She hoped he’d been doing some thinking about touring less and spending more quality time at home. However, she didn’t expect him to give something up without her reciprocation, and she considered doing one less film every year to share that time with him and his children.
“Such a gorgeous night,” Etienne sighed. “I remember coming here as a child. I felt like I could own this city, standing here in this very spot.”
“You probably could own it now,” January said with a delicate laugh. “I would have never known this place if it weren’t for you.”
With his thumbs tracing over her cheeks, he turned her face to his. “Remember that first kiss?”
Before she had the chance to answer, though, his lips met hers, manipulating her senses with his mouth alone. Even though they’d spent the better part of the week bickering, she could have easily jumped right back into bed with him. She pulled at his shirt collar as her lips followed his lead.
Dammit, she hated herself for allowing his sweet assault on her rationale.
While he certainly was her Dominant, Etienne also knew when to refrain to benefit their relationship. The power she placed in him was thrilling, but they both knew they couldn’t play dark and dirty all the time.
“Oh!” He released her suddenly. “Have to stop, or I’ll take you right here.”
“Wouldn’t be the first time we’ve fucked in the great outdoors.”
“Ah, that summer in Malta…” he reminisced.
“And let’s not forget my terrace in New York in the middle of a blizzard.”
A groan rumbled deep in his throat. Etienne preferred sun and surf to snow. “How did I let you talk me into it?”
“Didn’t take much.” She fanned her hand out over his chest. “And you always listen to your dick.”
“Well, if I start listening to my dick right now, we are both going to get into trouble.” Etienne nipped at her fingers. “We should think of dinner.”
Melancholia gripped her in its hold. How she wished they could turn back the hands of time and return to their first date. “Why don’t we go back to that little Algerian restaurant?”
“Ah, chérie, it’s gone now. Rents were too high. If I had known, I would have paid the lease for him, but I didn’t find out until the doors were closed.”
“That’s sad.” Her smile faded to a frown. She felt as if one small but important piece of their lives together had died. “We had so much fun there every time we went.”
“We still have the memories.” He took her hand again. “Now, what do you want for dinner?”
January pondered the thought for a moment then looked up at him. “Ice cream.”
“Ice cream? Oh, Janny…”
“Hey, I always get what I want.”
In the spirit of compromise, January agreed to dinner with Etienne, and she managed to eat a portion of a Salad Niçoise while Etienne went with the plat du jour. In turn, Etienne agreed to skip the coffee and head straight for dessert.
Île de la Cité, one of two tiny islands connected by a bridge right in the middle of the Seine River, was the perfect place for a summer stroll. January loved this corner of Paris so much because it was packed with history—the Conciergerie, where Marie-Antoinette spent her final days; Sainte-Chapelle, the small church crafted of colorful stained-glass windows that sparkled like a rainbow in the sun; and Notre-Dame, the grand cathedral where tourists struggled against throngs of beggars and gypsies lining the entrance.
One thing January noted, as they meandered across the water to Île Saint-Louis, was that Etienne hadn’t released her hand all night—throughout their walk in the park, at dinner and now in their quest to find the world’s greatest ice cream. She pondered his motivation. Perhaps, he’d considered his moves a power play, holding on to what was submissively his, or maybe, he figuratively clung to the remnants of their unraveling relationship.
“So, I spoke to Alice while you were getting dressed tonight,” Etienne said. “If it’s still okay, the girls want to come over right after school on Friday.”
If January couldn’t convince him herself how worthy she was as a roommate, maybe his daughters could.
“You know I love when they visit.” Those two young girls had no idea of all the secret closets and hidden restraints in January’s apartment. At one point, she’d been paranoid, but they never batted an eyelash. Sabine and Simone just thought she was a bit of a Goth. “We’ll have to make some plans.”
“You seem to have the magical powers with them these days,” he said with a hint of sadness creeping into his voice. “I used to be their Papa. And I was the coolest man in the world.”
“I have a feeling they’ll come around again,” she comforted. “In a few years, they’ll see that coolness all over again.”
“You never reconnected with yours,” Etienne reminded her.
Sometimes, she hated when he was right. Admittedly, January still waited to find that relationship with her own father. Time only added distance to their bond, and she missed her dad more than he realized. “Maybe it’s not too late…”
“I don’t think he likes me,” Etienne said without hesitation.
Etienne had met her parents a couple of times, but getting him to agree to go to Kansas was always an effort in futility. Since her parents hated New York and just r
efused to travel across the ocean, going home was her only option to visit with them. Often, she blamed Etienne for making that task so difficult.
On the other hand, she’d spent a considerable amount of time with his mother and half-brothers over the years. Now, she resented her concessions.
“You know, maybe we should do the holidays on the farm this year,” she suggested and then held her breath. “Since we won’t have the girls…”
“Janny…” He tugged at her hands and pulled her close. She thought he just might kiss her in the middle of the sidewalk.
“Yeah…?”
“How about some ice cream?”
Dog met bone, and January stood her ground. “I want you to think about Kansas for Christmas.”
One sore subject was Etienne’s avoidance of conversations he just didn’t want to have. It took the shake of his shoulders to prompt a response. “For you, Janny, I will think about it. Now, what flavor of ice cream?”
Chapter Six
Berthillon was a Parisian institution. Tourists and locals alike gathered in the small shop for their love of frozen delicacies. It was a tiny storefront with a bygone charm—carved wooden columns, paneling and a planter filled with fresh flowers on the counter.
After placing their order, January paid, as promised, and then joined Etienne at a table in the rear. Sometimes, on hot days, the line stretched around the block, but it was late in the day. The tables were empty.
“I’m glad you came back early from New York,” Etienne said as he dug into his caramel sorbet. “We got some extra time before I head back out on the road.”
Damn, him. He put her through hell, and now, he returned to his old, sweet self. Her excuses for his behavior, however, ran dry. With all of that in mind, however, she stuck to her weekend deadline. Two days of intermittent tenderness and hot sex did not a lifetime make.
“Well, it’s good to be back.” After all, they’d been separated for weeks. She ached for him while she was gone. Now, though, she didn’t feel like confessing the secrets of her heart. She wanted to let him wonder a bit.
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