by Chelle Bliss
***
When we walk down the staircase, trying to act like nothing happened, Joe’s waiting in the foyer with the girls. His arms are crossed in front of him with Lily and Gigi on either side of him, and from the look on his face, I’d say the girls are in trouble…again. They’re staring at the floor as tears trickle down their splotchy red cheeks.
I drop to my knees as soon as I’m in front of Lily. “What happened?” I move my eyes between Joe, Lily, and Gigi. My heart’s racing because I can’t imagine what has them in tears.
They’ve grown up so fast. Too fast for my liking. The biggest problem is they’re thick as thieves and usually getting into some sort of trouble, but rarely are they in tears.
“Our lovely children thought it would be funny to convince Nick to strip down naked and run through the neighbor’s yard.”
I’m shocked. “What?” I gape.
Mike places a hand on my shoulder as if to steady himself. “Why in God’s name would they do that?”
Joe blows out a breath and clenches his fist. “Well, I guess Nick has a crush on the neighbor girl. Our innocent little girls told him that the way to get her attention would be to run through her yard naked, singing ‘Jingle Bells.’”
I have to bite the inside of my cheek not to laugh. Jingle Bells? These two little mischief-makers will be the death of Joe and Mike. They have no idea what’s coming because we haven’t even hit the teen years. It’s going to be hell.
Mike digs his fingers into my shoulder. “What the heck were you two thinking?” His tone is biting.
“Dad,” Lily says with a sniffle.
“Don’t Dad me, li’l girl. Why did you tell Nick to do that?”
Joe glances down at Gigi, quirking an eyebrow, waiting for her to respond. “You have anything to say, Gigi?”
“Well…” she says, kicking at the tile floor with her eyes downcast.
“Lily, why?” Mike pipes in when Gigi pauses.
“Listen,” Gigi says and looks me right in the eyes. “When my mom and dad want to show each other how much they like each other, they always get naked. We wanted to help Nick get Poppy’s attention.” She glances up at her father with a sad smile. “We didn’t know we did anything wrong, Daddy.”
“You too, Mommy,” Lily says to me. “You and Daddy wrestle sometimes, and you said it was just how you show each other you love one another.” And I’m horrified and a little embarrassed.
Joe’s face is pale, and he looks more uncomfortable than I do. “We’ll talk about this later. You and Lily go wash up for dinner. We’ll see if Santa comes tonight. You two just earned a spot on the naughty list,” Joe tells them.
“I told you it was wrong,” Lily tells Gigi with a snarl. “I’m not going to get my tablet for Christmas because of your stupid idea.” Lily rolls her eyes and starts to walk away, dragging her feet with each step.
Gigi peels away from Joe, walking next to Lily, and swings her arm over her cousin’s shoulder. “Don’t worry,” Gigi whispers. “Santa’s already in the air, and our gifts are in his sleigh. You’ll get your presents.”
The girls seem to forget that we can hear them. Even though they try to whisper, they’re doing a shitty job of it. They’ve never been able to be quiet a day in their lives.
“You think?” Lily asks, glancing at Gigi.
Gigi nods. “Next year, we have to be extra good now, though.”
“Darn,” Lily says.
“I know. It’s going to suck.”
Joe, Mike, and I look at each other and bite back our laughter until the girls disappear to the back of the house, and then we lose it.
Joe sobers first and rubs the back of his neck. “We’re in so much fucking trouble with them.”
“Ya think?” I laugh.
Mike shakes his head, rubbing his forehead with his fingertips. “So much fucking trouble.”
“Where’s Nick?” I ask.
“Getting his ass chewed out by Thomas.” Joe smiles. “I’d hate to be him.”
Mike pulls me into his side and kisses the top of my head. “Poor kid.”
“What are we going to do, Joe?”
“I think we’re going to have to talk to them about nudity and sexuality.”
“Fuck,” Mike groans. “They’re ten, for shit’s sake.”
“Dude, they just made Nick run around with his cock waving in the air. I think it’s time for that talk,” Joe laments.
“Jesus,” Mike says. “This is Mia’s department.”
I slap his stomach to give him a reality check. “This is an us department, jerk. I’m not talking to Lily about sex by myself.”
Suzy strolls into the hallway, glancing into the living room behind her. “Why do Gigi and Lily look like they’ve been crying?”
Joe wraps his arm around her waist when she’s close enough and hauls her into his side. “You don’t wanna know, sugar.”
“Can’t we have one day of peace?” she asks, hugging him tightly.
“I don’t think I’ll ever have another day of peace with three girls to raise.”
We all laugh because we know his words are a sad, sobering truth.
“Wait til they date,” Suzy says, looking up at her husband.
The moment Lily starts dating, I know everything is going to spiral out of control in a hot minute, and I dread the day. Mike isn’t going to let a boy near his baby girl without a fight.
“I’m locked and loaded when that day comes.”
“Me too,” Joe tells Mike with a nod.
“You two are crazy,” Suzy says with a small giggle. “Boys aren’t that bad.”
“Walk with me,” Joe tells Suzy, placing his hand on the small of her back and ushering her out of the hallway. “Let me tell you what Nick just did.”
Mike and I are trailing behind them, waiting for when she finds out exactly what our innocent angels encouraged their little cousin to do.
Joe whispers in her ear, and I know the moment he says the words because she stiffens. She stops walking and turns to face him. “What the frick? Seriously?”
“Afraid so.”
“Oh, my God. We’re horrible parents,” she says, covering her face with her hands.
“No, we aren’t,” I tell Suzy, knowing exactly how she feels. “We’re human. But it’s time for the birds and the bees.”
“This is bullshit,” Mike says, being the pain in the ass he is. “Pop never gave us that talk. I don’t even know what to say to a girl.”
My eyebrows draw downward as my head jerks back. “He didn’t give you that talk?”
Mike and Joe both shake their heads.
“Well, what the…”
“Pop just said to use a rubber and gave us each a box of forty-eight when we turned sixteen.”
My mouth falls open. “You can’t say that with girls,” I tell them. “So, you better figure something out because I’m not doing it alone.”
“They’re ten,” Mike reminds me, as if I forgot that little fact, and crosses his arms in front of his chest.
“Naked,” I remind him. “They think that’s how you show someone you like them.”
Mike winces. “Don’t remind me.”
“What’s going on?” Izzy asks as she rounds the corner and almost barrels straight into Suzy.
“The girls got in trouble,” Suzy says but leaves out all the gory details.
“Thank God I have boys.” She smiles proudly, finally not complaining about having a baby girl to love.
“Hey, Izzy. Did Mom or Dad give you the birds and the bees talk?” Joe asks.
I’m sure she got a different treatment than her brothers. There has always been a double standard when it comes to parenting children.
“Mom did. I think I was like twelve.”
“What did she say?”
“I didn’t even know half the shit she was talking about. Basically, she told me to wait until I was married to let anyone touch me down there. She told me that it was the most sacred gift yo
u could give anyone.”
Mike almost chokes. “She did?”
“No, ya dumb fuck. She told me to wait until I got married because men are assholes and will say anything to get in my pants. She gave me a box of rubbers and brought me to the gynecologist and put me on the pill too. She figured it didn’t matter anyway. With four brothers, I’m sure she assumed I’d never get laid, so why worry.”
That isn’t an option for Lily and Gigi.
We aren’t ready for that yet. Lord, I don’t know if I will ever be ready for that.
“Izzy!” James’s voice carries through the house like a roar. “I need you.”
“Goddamn it. I swear, Trace thinks everything should go in his mouth. I bet he’s eating the Christmas ornaments again. He should be over this phase at his age.”
“Oh, gawd,” I groan and dread the day when Stone starts to eat everything in sight, including Legos and other objects that aren’t meant for consumption.
“Fuckin’ James takes pictures of it for his Instagram. Asshole thinks Trace is the funniest little thing ever. I’m going to junk punch him soon.”
“Bullshit,” Mike coughs out. “I’d like to see you try. Bet your ass gets whipped.”
Izzy winks, smiling at her brother. “Only if I’m lucky.”
Mike’s face scrunches at her words. “Yuck.”
“Oh, stop the bullshit. You know you love to spank my ass,” I tell him with a small giggle, but my cheeks heat at the thought of him buried inside me and his hand coming down on my ass repeatedly.
He places his hand on my ass cheek and gives it a firm squeeze. “Fuck, I love making that ass pink, baby. When I do, your pussy grips…”
“Hey,” Joe says, motioning around the room. “There are children around here, man.”
“Right,” Mike says and bites his lip. “Have kids, they said.” He rolls his eyes and groans. “They’d be fun, they said.” His lip curls and he growls. “All fucking lies.”
Suzy interrupts Mike’s pity party. “You guys should really stop swearing so much around the children.”
“I’m sorry. You’re right. I’ll make an announcement before dinner.”
“This should be interesting,” I mutter because swearing has become almost a second and more expressive language since I’ve become a member of this family.
“It’s best for everyone if we find big-people words to use instead of the dirty ones.”
“Yes, Mrs. Gallo,” Mike teases her in a whiny, little kid voice because she just pulled out the teacher tone.
“You better behave, Michael, or I’m going to have Mia give you detention.”
Mike stares down at me with a cocky smirk. “Only if there’s oral involved.”
“Boys only think about one thing,” I say, shaking my head. But to be honest, when Mike’s around, it’s always on my mind too.
He beams with pride. “Yep.”
Ma walks in with the biggest tray of appetizers I’ve ever seen. “They’re almost here,” she says with excitement. “I never thought I’d see the day when Franny got remarried.”
Two weeks ago, Fran and Bear tied the knot.
“They’ve been gone forever,” Mom says as she sets the tray down on the coffee table near Pop, who’s still holding Stone and watching the video replay of the Cubs winning the World Series for the hundredth time.
“Ma, it’s been ten days since they left for their honeymoon. Calm down,” Anthony tells her, coming out of the kitchen with another tray of food.
His words earn him a glare from Ma. “Hush your mouth. My best friend has been without any type of cell reception or internet for ten days. Do you know how that killed me?”
“Killed me too,” Pop says sarcastically over his shoulder.
Ma gives him a death glare. “Shut up, Sal.” She pushes us out of the way when there’s a knock at the door, making a beeline for the foyer.
Mike and I settle onto the floor of the living room just as Fran and Maria start squealing with delight in the foyer. Joe and Suzy walk away, heading toward the front door, while the rest of us stay put. Pop’s still holding Stone, Izzy and James are off with Trace somewhere, Max and Anthony are curled up on the sofa, and Thomas and Angel are standing in the backyard, watching Nick “the Streaker” like a hawk.
The kids are running around the house, their screams of happiness while playing carrying through the sprawling two-story house. The cacophony only dims when they run out the open sliding doors lining the back of the house, but they quickly return and do it all over again. They’re making a circle pattern—up the staircase, around the top floor, back down, out, and back again. I’m exhausted just watching them and more than a little jealous of their endless energy.
Mike’s hand is resting against my middle, stroking my stomach slowly. “Maybe I knocked you up again, Doc,” he whispers in my ear, and I can feel his smile against my skin. Diapers and sleepless nights weren’t my favorite, but they definitely weren’t Mike’s thing.
“If there’s a baby inside me, Michael, I’ll never have sex with you again,” I whisper back, but we both know it’s a lie.
“There’s the big guy,” Anthony says when Bear and Fran walk into the room with Ma close behind. “What the hell do I call you now? Uncle Bear?” Anthony scratches his head in confusion.
“You’re an idiot,” Thomas tells Anthony and shakes his head in disgust.
Pop climbs to his feet, placing Stone on his hip, and wraps his sister in a half hug. “Franny, you look relaxed.”
Fran steps back, laughing nervously as she slides back under Bear’s arm. “I spent ten days in bed with this big lug. I should be in a coma.”
Stone yanks on Pop’s beard and giggles, distracting him from Fran’s statement. “You little stinker.” Pop lifts him in the air, exposing his stomach, and gives him a sloppy raspberry against his belly button.
“Why don’t the girls go into the kitchen and work on dinner, and the boys can stay out here and watch the kids,” Ma says, hooking her arm with Fran’s and trying to pry her from Bear’s body.
“Sure,” I say, climbing to my feet after kissing Michael. I’ve been in the family long enough to know “work on dinner” is code for drink and gossip.
“We’ll hold down the fort out here,” Joe tells Suzy when she stands as I pass by her and pull her with me, needing a glass of wine and a little girl talk.
By the time Suzy and I step foot in the kitchen, Fran already has seven wineglasses on the island and Ma has started to pour the wine.
“Sit,” Ma says, motioning toward the stools with her chin. “Fran, we want to hear all about it.”
“I’m going to need more wine if we’re going to talk about old-people sex.”
“Stop being a brat, Izzy. You’re not too far off from being old,” Ma teases.
Izzy gasps with wide eyes. “I’m in my thirties, Ma. I’m far from a senior citizen.”
“You’re no spring chicken anymore, sweetheart,” Fran says, grabbing a glass from the countertop and lifting it near her mouth. “Just yesterday, I was in my thirties. Goes by in the blink of an eye. You’ll all be old soon enough.”
Each of us grabs a glass, silence falling over the room as we all take a larger than usual sip, contemplating Fran’s words.
Every year, time moves faster, and nothing I do makes it slow.
“So, how was the honeymoon?” Suzy asks first as the rest of us continue to drink.
Fran rests her elbows on the counter, leaning forward and holding her wineglass in one hand. “I’ve never experienced anything like it.”
Izzy sighs loudly before guzzling the wine, holding it with both hands.
“Bear is an animal in the sack. I can’t believe I can even walk after it all.” She snorts against the back of her hand. “The man should’ve been an acrobat.”
“Sounds like you had a great time,” I say, feeling slightly awkward hearing about their sex life. She’s not my mother or aunt, but I’ve grown to think of her as a friend
and I love her.
“Girl, there’s something about a big, muscular guy twirling you around and bending you like you’re a Twizzler.”
“You mean a pretzel,” Max corrects her, finally entering the conversation.
“Whatever. Who knew I was so damn flexible?”
“Anthony does this thing with his…”
Izzy grunts. “Not enough wine in the world for this conversation.” She grabs one of the bottles off the counter and heads back toward the living room. “I’m going to sit with the guys and watch the World Series for the millionth time. At least that won’t make my stomach turn.”
When Izzy storms out of the room, we giggle loudly.
“She’s such an uptight princess sometimes,” Max says, rolling her eyes. “We have to hear about her chains and whips all the time, but Lord forbid we talk about one of her brother’s cocks.”
“I don’t like hearing about Sal and Maria. It took me years not to want to throw up every time Maria would talk about their sex life,” Fran admits.
“Well, shit. Who else was I going to tell? You’re my best friend.” Maria fills our wineglasses before refilling her own. “Fran, later you can tell me all the steamy details. We don’t want to make the young ones in the room faint.”
“Thank you, baby Jesus,” Max mutters into her glass.
“It’s time.” Ma pushes a stack of plates in front of Suzy and me, and we know the routine. It’s the same every week and is like a well-choreographed machine. Half of us set the table and get the troops set, while the other half prep the food and carry it out.
Someday, the men will do something more than watch sports and bullshit.
MIKE
I get Lily situated at the children’s table before coming to sit next to Mia and Stone at the adults’ table. “Did you get her something to drink?” Mia asks just as my ass touches the chair.
I climb to my feet again even though I’m so hungry I feel like I could pass out at any second. “No,” I grumble. “She’s ten. Her legs aren’t broken.”
I know I’m a whiny bitch. I love my kids and wife, but there’s a limit to my selflessness and it seems to be when I’m hungry. Keeping my body in tip-top shape isn’t easy.