by Sarah Noffke
“Why is it sad?” he asks, fear in his voice.
“It’s sad how much we’ve both loved each other secretly and never knew it. It’s sad how stubborn we were with our feelings. And it’s super sad that we wasted so much time hiding our adoration for each other when we could have been together. Now there’s a war and danger and uncertainty.” I pause and a small pained smile surfaces on my face. “But everything also happens for a reason,” I say, thinking of Rogue and being grateful that I had my time with him. He inspired me with his capacity for love.
“You always get that look on your face when you’re thinking about Rogue,” Zack says in a neutral voice.
“You know me so well,” I say. “I was just thinking of how he wanted the best for us. He wanted us to be together after he died. That’s beautiful.”
“It surprised me at first, but then I remembered what kind of person Rogue was,” Zack says.
A piercing, tender ache strikes my throat and I don’t fight the small tear that peeks out of my eye. I slip it away with my fingertips. “About your offer.”
“Yes?” Zack says too fast. Anticipation heavy in the one word.
“Well, you and I have been through a lot recently and after losing Tutu…” It’s so hard to push these words out of my mouth.
“It’s okay, Em. I completely understand.”
“No you don’t because I’m not finished,” I say, annoyance in my tone.
Zack holds up his hands in surrender, an apology written on his face.
“Right now everything is so dangerous,” I begin. “Every day I risk not making it back to you. If my father or Vider caught me…well, I don’t think they’d allow me to live.”
He flinches at my words.
“And we don’t know what dangers await tomorrow or the next. It’s a time of unknowns,” I say.
He’s nodding, his face growing with disappointment.
“But there’s one thing I know without a doubt.”
He arches his eyebrow at me. “Yes?”
“I don’t want to die having any regrets.” I take a step closer to him.
“What does that mean?”
“Zack,” I say, rolling my eyes at how dense he’s being. “It means I don’t want to wait to have what you’re offering me. I don’t want to miss our opportunity to be together.”
Zack, who is always subtle with his reactions, allows a satisfied grin to spread across his face. He closes the distance between us with an urgency I’ve never witnessed in him. It almost startles me. But then his warm hands find mine and I’m instantly comforted. He pulls our hands up and holds them between us. And over our intertwined hands our eyes connect. Just by the single look he’s giving me right now a hundred desires are unleashed inside me. It’s the first time Zack has ever made me feel this unyielding passion, but I know by looking at him he’s capable of this and much more.
“I’ve wanted to kiss you all my life,” he says, his voice just above a whisper. “I’ve been dying to.”
I tug at his hands and something primal and fierce sparks in his eyes. Zack leans down, tucks his head to the side, and finds my mouth with his. His lips are cool and firm and entice me in a way I never imagined. Our hands disengage as I slide mine around his neck as his fingers snake around my waist. He tugs me in, pinning me to him. Our lips continue to explore each other’s and then I open my mouth to his, drinking in his desire for me. Kissing Zack isn’t strange like I thought it would be. It’s utterly the most perfect thing we’ve ever done together. It’s the perfect expression of how much affection we feel for each other, described in an intimate closeness.
Chapter Twenty-Three
“How’s that?” Zack asks.
I flex the muscles of my back. “It’s great,” I say, attempting to look at Zack over my shoulder. Multiple muscle groups won’t allow it. I lower my shirt as he disposes of the packaging from the fresh bandages he just dressed my wounds with. “You make a fine nurse,” I say, turning to face him.
“Thank you. I was trying to be quick and gentle.”
I step closer to him. “I think you misunderstood me,” I say, brandishing an unabashed grin. “I said you make a fine nurse.”
A blush colors his cheeks. “Why thank you.”
“Are you ready for your meeting?” I ask, unable to keep the worry out of my voice.
“Everything will be fine,” Zack says with pure confidence.
“You underestimate how vengeful my father can be.”
“No, I don’t,” he says and picks up his black suit jacket and slips it over his pressed shirt. “I work for him and he’s vengeful but also intent on using lemmings to secure the foundation of his government and Chief Fuller thinks I’m the biggest lemming he’s ever employed.”
I offer him a sideways skeptical glare. “Fine,” I say and step in close to him. A pleased smile unravels on his face when I reach out and straighten his blue paisley tie. “Just promise me you’ll be careful,” I say a few inches from his face.
“Hey, that’s my line,” he says, humor in his eyes.
I slide my hands around Zack’s neck and he pins both his hands on my hips, pulling me in closer to him. I pause an inch from his lips, flick my eyes up to see the content look in his, and then I kiss him. His lips cover mine with a fervent need and I reciprocate with my own desire which is on par with his.
“Well it’s about damn time,” Nona says from the entryway. I pull my lips a few inches from Zack but stay staring at his smile.
“Hi, Nona,” Zack says, eyes on me. I lean in and press one more kiss upon his mouth before pulling away and turning to face my little sister.
“Do tell me, what does that mean, it’s about time?” I ask, pinning my hands on my hips.
Nona’s freckled face is lit up with a clever smile. “Oh, I believe that was pretty clear.” She strolls by us and with a bit more force than necessary she flops back onto the sofa. Then she flicks her eyes at Zack and gives him an annoyed look. “You finally told her? Good job, lover boy.”
“Yeah, it only took me seventeen years,” he says, enfolding me in his arms and pulling me back to his chest. “Em’s worth the wait.”
I smile up at him. “I guess I’m as guilty of hiding my feelings.”
“Yeah, I was starting to worry you two would never figure it out,” Nona says with a giggle.
“Oh, so now you’re going to pretend you knew all along?” I say, giddy excitement in my chest.
“Tutu and I both did,” Nona says, all confidence. “She told me one of her worst fears was your stubborn pride would keep you two apart. She was adamant about me intervening if you two kept up the charade of just wanting to be friends.” She pins an angry glare at Zack. “Imagine my fear when I thought you were going to marry that demon sister of ours.”
I turn and face Zack. Grab his hands in mine. “Well, who would have thought so many people were conspiring to get us together one day.”
He smiles down at me and my stomach clenches. To openly look at Zack and allow my unending love for him to pour out of me is the best gift the gods ever gave me.
“I need to go, Em,” he says.
“I know.” But I’m unwilling to pull my hands away from his, although I realize I must. “I love you,” I say, stepping up on my tiptoes and planting a kiss on the corner of his mouth.
“I love you,” he whispers into my hair.
He steps back, allowing our hands to slowly slip from each other’s. “I’ll be back soon.”
I nod and don’t turn to face Nona until he’s gone. She’s wearing a Cheshire cat grin and as contagious as it is my face stays neutral.
“You’re worried about him,” she says, no question in her tone.
“Aren’t you?” I say, my voice suddenly frantic. All the fear I was hiding spills out in front of Nona. “He’s pissed off the most diabolical person in this Valley. Father may have an administration to protect and run but Dee is governed by her ego and selfish desires. What if she goes to this m
eeting and tries to hurt him?”
The look on Nona’s face makes me certain that my fears aren’t misplaced, but she quickly covers it with a fake smile. “Well, we can follow him if you want. Watch for signs of danger.”
I shake my head. “No, I already threw that out, which promptly earned a mortified look from Zack. He doesn’t want me fighting his battles or running around protecting him.”
“I can understand that. I’d feel the same way if my significant other was a badass like you,” she says with a thoughtful shrug. “So are those battle wounds you received for burning down Austin Valley News?” she says, indicating the bandage on my head.
“Yeah, I have a pretty deep gash in my back too. You want to see it?” I tease.
She grimaces with disgust. Shakes her head. “I should have known you were responsible for the arson at the newspaper.”
“That forty-year-old paper needed to go,” I say.
“And all with a flick of your wrist, right?”
The scene replays in my head. The destruction I caused all with my intentions. A chill shakes my core. “Yeah, it didn’t take much on my part.”
“Well, and I see that you’ve disposed of a ton of the billboards and posters displaying subliminal messages around town.”
“All in a night’s work,” I say, thinking of the night I spent dream traveling while Zack was forced to fall into dreams while wearing the sleep cuff. “What has Father said about it all?”
Nona’s eyes drop and with them my stomach.
“What is it?” I ask.
“It’s probably nothing but he’s not worried, not like he should be if he’s expecting your attack. He actually chuckled when he found out the newspaper burned down. Then he said ‘if that’s the best she can do then soon she’ll be sorry she didn’t do more.’”
“What?” I say, my overworked nerves making my skin itch. “So he knows it’s me?”
“Of course he does. And he knows you saw Tutu right under his nose before she died.”
“How?” I ask.
“She put it in her will. She warned Father to save his soul and join your side before it was too late.”
Rapid blinks do little to help me assimilate this new knowledge. “What? And what did he do?”
“He laughed, of course, and called her a crazy old woman.”
“That sounds about right,” I say.
“But he wasn’t laughing at the end of the last will and testament meeting,” Nona says, a gloating hint to her voice. “Tutu gave all her money and possessions to you.”
“NO! But I’m an outlaw!” I say.
“It’s still money and you’re still entitled to it…well, if he doesn’t capture you and kill you.”
“Thanks for putting that sensitively,” I say dryly.
“Anytime,” she says with a wink.
“What about you? Why didn’t Tutu leave you anything?” I ask.
“I don’t think she wanted to blow my cover. Father believes I’m a Defect trying to pay penance to the gods for my shortcomings,” Nona says.
“Right. Well, why would he care that she left everything to me?” I say.
“Only because she’s the wealthiest Reverian in this town. Hell, she was probably the wealthiest person in Oregon,” she says. “And now that makes you that person. Money is power, you do realize that, right?”
I laugh at my little sister’s attempt to educate me on the ways of the world. “Money doesn’t matter nearly enough in a society where things are assigned,” I say.
“This town still has a currency. And stakes are bought in every society using money. I think Father was betting on getting a hold of that money one day,” Nona continues. “He’s not happy unless he has everything.”
“Okay, so he knows I’m in the Valley creating problems. But they don’t know about the water supply being tampered with, right?”
“Right.”
Then my mind flips to the eight Defects who chose to be converted. “What happened at the dream travel lecture the other night?”
She tenses. “That’s actually why I’m here. There’s been a problem and with the wedding and all I haven’t had a chance to relay it.”
“What?” I say.
“Well, maybe it was naive for us to think that a bunch of Defect kids who have had their gifts suppressed would stay quiet after it was pretended that they had been converted.”
My mind darts to different horrid potential. “What happened?”
“It was only one kid,” Nona says, straightening herself on the couch. “But he was caught at the Middling apartment using his gift. It was reported to Vider and the kid was taken away.”
“What happened to him? To the kid?” I say.
Her cold eyes tell me what I don’t want to know. He hasn’t returned. He’s missing.
“What do I need to do? Do I need to find him?” I say.
“Calm down, Em. First of all, the boy got himself into this mess. You’re not risking your butt to rescue him, got it?”
I nod at Nona. Sometimes I wonder if somehow our roles got mixed up and she’s the older sibling in some strange alternate dimension.
“And secondly,” she continues, “I think it’s fine. I think Vider believes it was just a mix-up. But he’s not taking chances with it happening again.” She gives me a cautious stare. “The kid’s family was taken away too.”
“Oh no. Gods no,” I say, throwing my head back.
“Yeah, and during the lecture he said that those who were found disobeying would endanger themselves and their families’ lives. And now he’s proven that he’s not kidding around.”
“I’m going to have a terrible time convincing kids not to undergo conversion,” I say, feeling heavier.
Nona stares at me with her too wise eyes and nods. “Things have just gotten a lot more complicated, for sure.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
I watch my shadow stalking beside me as I pace the entryway. I’ve been marching back and forth for over an hour. Waiting is not something I’m good at. And now the throbbing in my back is making the experience even more unbearable. Nona wasn’t able to stay with me and keep me distracted since she said our mother required her to be home for the day. Her plans for Nona were unclear. Our mother probably wanted her to attend one of her tea parties so Nona can be the topic of all the old women’s condescending conversations. They love to ridicule Defects, especially in front of their faces. These are not people to speak behind someone’s back. At least they have that to bolster their honor.
The door isn’t even open an inch before I wrench it back all the way. My eyes scan Zack standing in the doorway. He’s here standing before me—the first relief. He looks unharmed from fire—the second relief. And yet—on his face is a look of tragic disbelief. I seize his arm and pull him into the house, my shoulder making note of the effort the task takes.
“What is it? What happened? Are you all right?”
“Yes, I’m fine,” he says and then shakes his head. “No I’m not. I mean I’m not hurt or anything.”
He’s stumbling over his words. Something I’ve never heard him do. In a daze he walks to the couch and sits and promptly throws his head in his hands. Three times he draws in heavy breaths. Breaths that I measure in long, irritating seconds.
“Well, please feel no rush to tell me what happened,” I say, annoyance laden in my tone. “It’s not like I’ve been pacing and worrying for over an hour, fearing they carted you away and I’d never see you again.”
He drags his head up and stares at me with sobering red-rimmed eyes. And yet he says nothing.
After a long few seconds of silence I say, “Right. Not worried at all now that I see the devastation written on your face. Think I’ll just pop into the kitchen to bake a cake,” I say, planting my hands on my hips and scowling at him.
“He fired me, Em,” Zack says in a dead voice. “Your father didn’t demote me. He fired me.”
I blink in surprise. “What? That’s why you
’re so upset? Because he took away your title and political sway?”
“It’s a huge deal,” he says, his words sharp, angry.
I shake my head at him. “He didn’t order you to be converted into a Middling or banish you from the Valley or threaten to have Dee kill you, is that correct?” I ask, my tone matching his.
Zack just stares at me.
“Because that’s what my father is capable of. That’s what he’s done to me, so it sounds like you got off easy.”
He closes his eyes and shakes his head, one of Zack’s typical “I don’t like this conversation” gestures. When he looks back at me he’s not angry, he looks more crestfallen than ever before. More so than when his grandfather died or when he found out the injections I’d been given for three years were poison synthesized from infant spinal fluid. “You don’t get it, Em. I’m useless to the rebellion now. I can’t help you gain evidence to give to Smith. I don’t have access to the President’s plans. I won’t be able to warn you about his strategy to combat your attacks. I’m useless.”
He’s right, I didn’t get it before. Not completely. The impact of this turn of events knocks me straight in the sternum. I now understand his depression and it makes me want to cry for him. To steal his pain and loss away. Zack doesn’t define himself by who he is, it’s what he does. And I want to comfort him. To tell him it’s fine. That we’ll find another way, but my mind doesn’t believe that. Without Zack in his position inside my father’s office we’ve lost a serious advantage.
Zack is watching me, watching the features of my face shift as his words sink in. Then he opens his mouth and lets out a heavy sigh. “And your father knew that the best and most detrimental way to punish me was to take away my position. But he didn’t stop there. He didn’t stop until reassigning me to a rundown house in the Middling neighborhood and assigning me a menial role within their population.”
“What? He can’t do that!” I say, outraged. “You’re a Dream Traveler. We’ve never been forced into a Middling’s job. Not that there’s anything wrong with it, but it blurs the line Vider so clearly established between the two races.”