by CJ Andrews
It didn’t take long for Nico to find me. Rather than face him, I stayed on the ground and stared at his designer shoes. His weight shifted from one foot to the other as he stood silently in front of me.
After several seconds of uncomfortable silence, he drew a shaky breath. “Danni . . .”
“Please. Leave. I just want to be alone.”
He crouched down and lifted my chin, forcing me to look at him. His warm chocolate eyes seemed to melt as they scanned my tear-streaked face. A weary sigh escaped him. “I really did fuck things up with you.” He gently wiped away my tears. “I never meant to hurt you.”
My eyes snapped wide open. I was willing to accept full responsibility for my actions, but he needed to own up to the consequences of his own. “Well you did, Nico. What the hell did you think was going to happen?” I pushed to my feet, nearly knocking him over.
He stood, crowding me even though no one else was near. “I thought I could . . .” He scrubbed a hand down his face, but it didn’t erase his troubled expression.
“Could what, Nico? Handle it? Suck it up? Take one for the team?” The words were like acid on my tongue.
“What are you talking about?”
“You rejected me. Pushed me away.” My hands balled into tight fists. I rubbed them along the side of my legs as I fought back the next onslaught of tears.
“I didn't—”
“I had no right kissing you. Or even dancing with you, but that part was your fault.” I poked his chest, shoving aside the memory of how he’d held me against it a few short minutes ago, and choked out the rest of my words. “Do you have any idea how humiliating it was—”
“Shut up, Danni.” He closed in on me as he spoke, forcing me to back into the wall. The frustration in his voice weakened the severity of his harsh words. His eyes closed, and he shoved his fingers through his hair again.
I was beginning to understand why it always looked so unruly. Seconds passed; the wait became awkward. I glanced toward the entrance, hoping someone would come out to check on me. Rescue me.
Nico’s voice, calm again, interrupted my thoughts. “Do you think you can stay quiet long enough to let me talk?”
I couldn’t imagine he had anything to say that would make me believe he wasn’t disgusted by the way I’d behaved, but curiosity won out. I pinched my thumb and forefinger together, dragged them along the line of my lips, then crossed my arms, waiting. This should be good.
He closed his eyes and lowered his head, a hint of a smile on his lips. When he looked back at me, the humor was gone, replaced by a tender expression. “You’re married.”
“No sh—”
He placed a finger over my lips, the gentle contact reminding me of his initial response to my kiss. “You said you’d be quiet.” His whispered words were slow, teasing.
I sucked in a shaking breath, nodding. Relief rushed through me when he pulled his finger away. I dropped my arms to my sides and pressed my palms against the brick for support.
“It may look to you like I’m some sort of a player who never turns down an opportunity to get laid, but I don’t sleep with near the amount of women people seem to think I do. And I would never”—he lifted my chin to look into my eyes—“never screw around with a married woman. That’s a line I’ve never crossed.”
He released my chin and rubbed the back of his neck as he paced in front of me, glancing over occasionally as he spoke. “Everybody thinks I’ve got it all under control. Everything goes my way.” He let out a short bitter laugh. “But then you came along. And now I’m so fuckin’ screwed up inside—I don’t know what the hell I’m doing half the time. You’re all I think about. You’re all I want. And knowing I can’t have you, or even spend time with you, is driving me insane.”
He paused, shoving both hands in his hair. Even though his face was partially obscured, I could still see his pain—his eyes squeezed shut, his jaw tense.
He lowered his hands and continued. “It’s just . . . I’ve never felt like this, not even when . . . let’s just say it’s been a long time since I’ve even come close.”
This had to be a dream. His words swirled around in my already fuzzy head, making me dizzy. Never before had a man poured out his feelings like this. Not even Will. The mere thought of him trying caused a puff of laughter to slip out.
My hand flew to my mouth as I gasped. “I wasn’t laugh—”
Nico stopped pacing to face me, silencing me with a look. I recoiled at his tortured expression.
He shook his head and laughed before continuing. “I’ve had too much to drink. Listen to me spilling my guts like some goddamned pathetic, lovesick teenager.”
He moved closer and placed his hands on my arms, warming me and giving me chills at the same time. I opened my mouth to speak, tell him that I thought he was amazing . . . damn near perfect actually. He didn’t give me the chance to get even the first word out.
“I thought I could handle a simple dance. And it was wrong, I know that.” He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against mine, pausing as he drew in a ragged breath. “But it felt so damn good to hold you.” He pulled back, studying my face. “I trusted you to defend that line in the sand, to protect your marriage in case I screwed up. But you didn’t. You kissed me.”
He dropped his arms and turned away from me, a hand tugging through his hair again. “Dammit! You’re supposed to honor your wedding vows. Even if the bastard doesn’t deserve you.”
This time when he turned to me, he maintained the distance between us. “I never meant to hurt you, Danni, but I’m not the lone villain here. Yes, I kissed you back. I’m crazy about you, but I’m not crazy. So yeah, I pushed you away; because what we were doing was wrong.”
“Hey . . . everything okay here?” Jen’s voice startled me. She moved closer, drilling Nico with a threatening glare.
I knelt to collect my shoes, taking a moment to wipe away my tears. “I, um . . .” Swallowing hard, I looked between the two of them as they stared each other down. “I gotta go.”
I ran toward the door, shoes clutched to my chest. It was the cowardly thing to do. I knew that. But I didn’t let it stop me.
Chapter Eighteen
Meltdown
Back inside Metro Sky, I pushed my way through a group of people and skirted the crowded dance floor, glancing at our VIP section before darting in the opposite direction. My friends would be angry, but they’d get over it. I couldn’t go back and risk being coerced into staying. After collecting my coat from the attendant, I ran toward the elevator, calling out for the man exiting it to hold the door.
“Made it.” Trembling and short of breath, but I’d escaped.
I pulled on my coat and stepped into my shoes during the quick ride to the bottom, where I hoped to catch a cab before anyone realized I was missing.
No such luck. My phone vibrated sooner than I’d anticipated. I needed to avoid everyone right now and rejected the call without looking at the display. Even if Will had finally decided to call, I was in no condition to talk.
The elevator doors opened, and I crossed the lobby at a brisk pace. A few people sat talking or watching the news, but I was only interested in the exit. Straight ahead.
“Ms. Danni.” Ernesto approached from the lounge, waving his chauffeur hat. “You leaving so soon?”
“Yes, I’m . . . I’m not feeling well.” I lowered my head and kept walking, but he stepped in front of me when I tried to move past.
“Sit. I’ll go get the car. The others, they’re coming too?”
“No, just me.” I turned to him with pleading eyes. “But I need to hurry.”
The wrinkles on his forehead deepened as he searched my tear-streaked face. He dragged his free hand through his silver hair then patted my arm and gave a reassuring nod. “How ’bout you come with me. We get the car together.”
“Thank you, Ernesto. I appreciate it.” I managed a faint smile then latched onto his extended arm.
We no sooner entered th
e garage when my phone vibrated again. I ignored it this time, letting the call go to voicemail.
Ernesto opened the limo door and took my hand to help me climb in the back. As I settled into my seat, anxious to make a speedy getaway, he reached in his jacket pocket and pulled out a handkerchief. He leaned in and handed it to me without saying a word, but the look in his eyes when they met mine spoke volumes—kind words of empathy and compassion.
“Thank you. For everything.” My voice trembled when I spoke.
He nodded then took his seat behind the wheel. When the car pulled away, I listened to the message from Jen and read the text messages from Kristi and Kendra that I hadn’t even realized I’d received. They all wanted to know the same thing.
Where are you?
I typed a quick text to Jen. Going home. Don’t worry. Stay and have fun. She wouldn’t stay, but it was worth a try. I pressed Send then paused, my finger hovering over the power button. What if Will calls?
My grip on the phone tightened, mirroring the crushing force of the truth on my heart. He wouldn’t call. I let my finger fall on the button but continued to hold my severed lifeline. Never letting go.
The ride home was quick, and Ernesto escorted me to my front door. When I moved to step inside, he gripped my shoulders, turning me to face him. He didn’t speak until I lifted my eyes to meet his.
“A pretty young girl like you shouldn’t have such a heavy heart. Makes me sad.” He paused, eyes closed. A peaceful expression seemed to erase years from his face. He looked at me wearing a lopsided smile, accented with a single dimple. “Sleep. My Lorena, she always said, ‘Things, they always look better in the morning.’ Buona notte, Ms. Danni.” He tipped his hat before returning to the car.
Once inside, I threw my coat across the couch and went straight upstairs. Sleep was exactly what I needed.
I closed the bedroom door, kicked off my shoes as I crossed the room, grabbed the box of tissues from the night table, and crawled under the covers. My fingers ached when I opened my hand, releasing the tight grip I’d had on my phone since turning it off in the limo.
Too bad I couldn’t turn off my brain as easily. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop thinking about Nico. About that kiss. Raising my fingers to my mouth, I brushed them along my lips, remembering the perfect moment they’d touched his—warm, soft, moving gently against mine. The taste of him. The sound he made when he gave in to the passion, claiming my mouth, my heart . . . maybe even my soul.
If he hadn’t stopped us, come to his senses and pushed me away, I’d have lost myself in him. Why? Why does he make me feel this way? I squeezed my eyes shut, anxious for sleep to fade the memory, stop the constant replay of my reckless actions that had pushed me across that moral line, breaking the promise I’d made to Will fifteen years ago. My promise to be faithful.
My body shook with ragged breaths and heavy sobs as I let out all the pain and confusion I’d kept locked inside.
The creaking of my bedroom door woke me, but my nightmare didn’t end. My eyes burned from the tears that wouldn’t stop flowing. Groping blindly in front of me, I shoved aside my lifeless phone and found another tissue to wipe my face.
Jen cursed under her breath as she tripped crossing the room and crashed into the side of the bed. The far edge of the mattress dipped down.
“Danni?” Her gentle voice wrapped around me, an invisible hug, and she rubbed my back. “You awake?”
I lowered my shoulder and turned my head toward my sister, squinting through the darkness at her silhouette. “After that graceful entrance, how could I be asleep?” The raspy tone of my response betrayed my true emotions.
“Nico told me what happened . . . guess I don’t have to ask how you’re handling it?” She brushed my hair from my face and let out a heavy sigh. “You made a mistake, Danni. It happens sometimes.”
“Don’t. Not tonight.” Every muscle in my body tensed. The way I’d behaved was deplorable—it couldn’t be swept aside as a meaningless mistake. I wished I could erase the last few hours of my life, but I couldn’t. “I don’t deserve to feel better.”
Jen crawled in bed and snuggled up against me. “You do, Danni. And you will. We’ll work it out in the morning.” She stroked my hair in silence for several minutes before wrapping me in an embrace. “I let you down. I’m so sorry. I never should have left you alone, knowing how you feel about him.”
I reached up, grabbed my sister’s hand, and held on.
Daylight peeked between the gaps in the curtain panels, the bright light further irritating my stinging, swollen eyes. I sniffled, trying to breathe in through my stuffy nose, sore from being rubbed with tissues most of the night.
I found my phone and powered it on, waiting impatiently for the screen to come to life. There were several missed calls and messages from Kendra and Kristi but nothing from Will. The phone fell to the mattress, leaving my hand as empty as my heart.
Still wearing the dress I’d worn to Metro Sky last night, I slid out of bed and headed toward the stairs. The smell of bacon lured me to the kitchen, where Jen had made herself at home.
She turned off the burner, setting the pan aside, and watched as I approached, an inquisitive look on her face. “A little overdressed for brunch, don’t you think?”
“Figured black was appropriate for my funeral, so I decided to leave it on.” My stomach roiled as I glanced at the plates of food on the counter. “You can eat without me. I’m not hungry. Sorry.”
I grabbed a mug, filled it halfway with coffee, then added a copious amount of my favorite amaretto creamer and a huge mound of sweetener. I could feel Jen’s gaze on me as I stirred and turned to find her watching with an amused grin.
“Can you even taste the coffee in there?” She motioned to my now-full mug.
“Not if I made it right.” I took a sip as I crossed the room and climbed onto a stool at the breakfast bar, letting my head drop to my folded arms. A painful groan echoed through me. “How am I gonna face Will?” I lifted my head, hoping Jen had some sort of miracle answer. “He’s gonna know. See right through me.”
“You’ll be fine.” Jen carried a large mixing bowl filled with chocolate chip cookie dough and placed it on the bar before settling onto the seat next to me. “Dig in.”
I poked at the batter, pushing the chips around, but I didn’t think my stomach could handle it. Jen pushed my spoon out of the way and scooped some for herself.
“Look, you’ll pull yourself together, and he’ll never know. It was only one kiss.” She waved her spoon in the air, continuing to talk around a glob of batter. “I get that it was a huge mistake, but—”
“It doesn’t matter if it was one kiss or one hundred, it’s still cheating! God, I cheated on my husband!” I tossed my spoon in the bowl as the tears started again and pushed the words out between heavy sobs. “I’d be able to tell.” I pressed my palms to my eyes, wiping them dry. “If it was Will, I’d know in a heartbeat.”
She studied me for a moment. “Would you? People hide that kind of stuff all the time. I mean . . . I’m not saying he has, but . . .”
“What are you trying to say?” A sharp pain clawed at my chest, making me gasp. “Do you know something you’re not telling me?” The pitch of my voice rose as an icy chill tore through me.
“Shhh.” She reached across the counter, taking my hands. “I’m not hiding anything. Promise. I’m just not sure I tru—if it were Ryan, I’d like to think I’d be able to tell. But lots of people are fooled every day.”
She released my hands and sighed, picking at a piece of chocolate on the rim of the bowl. “Look, my point is that you can move past this. You have to. It’s your only choice if you still want to rekindle things with Will.”
I squeezed my eyes shut. Great. Cheating, and now lying to cover it. “What’s the plan?”
The doorbell rang, followed immediately by a steady rapping and Nico’s faint voice. “Danni? Answer the door. Please.”
Jen turned toward
the sound, but I didn’t move. After a few seconds, she hopped off her stool and crossed the room.
“What the hell are you doing?” I called after her, trying to keep my voice low.
“I thought it was pretty obvious.” She shook her head in amusement. “I’m going to open the door and see what he wants.”
I scurried around the bar and back through the kitchen to hide in the small mud room by the garage. My heart skipped at the sound of his voice. Even muffled, it had that soothing, melodic tone. I smiled, remembering the effect it'd had on me the first time I heard him speak. It still didn’t put me at ease . . . probably never would.
Jen’s restrained voice called out from the kitchen. “Danni, where are you?”
I didn’t respond, deciding to wait until she found me. Hoping she wouldn’t.
She rounded the corner and stopped directly in front of me, crossed her arms over her chest, and pinned me with a judgmental stare. “Nico’s here. He’s worried about you and wants to talk.”
“And you just let him come in? Are you crazy?”
“He seems really upset. Looks like hell too. Poor guy.”
I seriously doubt that’s possible. “Exactly whose side are you on?”
“I’ll be right here. Just talk to him, Danni.” She rested her hands on my shoulders and looked me square in the eyes. “Get things straightened out with Nico, and it may help you—”
“No. Absolutely not.” I turned Jen around and pushed her toward the door. “You let him in; now you can get rid of him. I don’t care what you tell him, just make him go away.”
Jen hesitated then let out a huff and trudged back the way she came. Hushed voices filtered from the entrance again, followed by the door closing.
“Coast is clear, chicken. You can come out now.” A hint of frustration filled her voice.