by Ali Parker
I leaned one shoulder against the doorframe and nodded past her at the cab. “Don’t plan on staying long?”
Kim shook her head.
“You should,” I said. “Chessie and I are playing dolls and I bet you’d be much better at it than me. I’m a sailor lost at sea out there.”
“Rick? Can you come outside with me? We need to talk. Privately.”
The air rushed out of my lungs.
Needing to talk privately had never been a good thing in my experience. I always walked away from these kind of conversations disappointed. Or broken hearted.
“Is something wrong?” I asked as I stepped out and pulled the door closed behind me.
Kim wouldn’t meet my eyes. She looked everywhere but at me. “Have you been online at all this morning?”
“No. Chessie and I have been spending the morning together. I haven’t bothered to—”
“You should.”
Frowning, I fished my phone out of my back pocket. I had a couple of missed messages. Two were from Shawn asking if I was okay, which was strange. Another was from Verity. And all it said was:
Hahahahaha.
I glanced up at Kim. “What’s all this about?”
“The media has my name and face plastered on every cover of every magazine, Rick. They’re singlehandedly destroying my reputation in a matter of hours. I’ve already lost a client.”
“What?”
Kim raked her fingers through her hair. “Yes. For a wedding for next fall. She messaged me and said she doesn’t want to risk me ‘catching feelings for her man and sabotaging her wedding.’”
“She sounds like a dimwit.”
“She sounds like the majority of the type of clientele I work with. I’m not in the industry to plan your average Joe Blow wedding, Rick. I’ve spent years building a client base with wealth and reputation. I devised my own business model to ensure I climbed the ranks and could compete with the most elite wedding coordinators out there, and now? Now it’s all slipping through my fingers because a bunch of strangers think they know what happened between us.”
I opened my internet browser and immediately started searching for magazines. Tons of covers caught my eye, all of which had terrible pictures of me and Kim slapped on them, shielding our eyes against the sun as we got off the yacht yesterday morning and tried to get to the car.
I let out a low growl of frustration. “These dicks never know what they’re talking about. They just latch on to whatever they think will incite the most drama and they run with it.” I put my phone back in my pocket and took Kim by her shoulders. “This will pass. Things like this? People have short attention spans. Someone else will break up or start dating or get pregnant and they’ll abandon us in favor of whatever is trendy that day. We just have to wait for this to pass.”
“But will my business survive?” Kim asked.
It was then that I noticed her eyes were glassy and her nose was pink.
My gut rolled over. “Have you been crying?”
“Of course, I’ve been crying!” Kim threw her hands in the air, clutched her head, and massaged her temples. “I don’t know how to handle this, Rick. I’ve never been exposed to something like this and I had no idea how quickly it could blow up. I refuse to be one of those women who throws away everything she worked for so she can have a relationship. I’ve sacrificed so much and given so much time to this career. I’ve made myself crazy over it. And now I feel like I have to choose.”
“Between me and work?”
She swallowed again. “Yes.”
“Kim,” I breathed. “Please. Let’s talk about this.”
“What is there to talk about?” Her voice strained around her words and her bottom lip trembled. She took a deep breath and got herself under control. “I should have thought about all of these factors before I got in too deep with you. This isn’t the life I want, Rick.”
Shit.
She searched my eyes. “I should have considered that in the beginning. I made a mistake. I’m sorry I pulled you into it.”
“It didn’t feel like a mistake,” I said.
“Not at the time.”
“I don’t want this to be over,” I said, feeling more vulnerable than I had in a long time. “I shouldn’t have taken you on the yacht. I should have known they’d catch up with us. We can lay low. We can—”
“I can’t, Rick. I have to focus on my career. Clients won’t hire me if they can’t trust me. And I know you aren’t the kind of man who would ask me to choose between you and my job, but if I have to choose, then…”
I understood why she would choose her work. This thing between us was fresh and it was what was causing so much upheaval in her life, where her career was the opposite. It provided stability and purpose and fulfillment. It was the embodiment of her work ethic. Everything Kim had in her career was hard won by her and her alone.
No, I would never ask her to choose me over that.
“I understand.” Those were the hardest words I could ever recall saying.
She looked down at her feet. “Thank you. I knew you would.”
But I don’t want to.
She sighed and her shoulders slumped forward a little. “I have to go. The driver refused to stop the meter.”
“Okay.”
She stepped in close and wrapped her arms around my waist. Her cheek rested against my chest and I gave her a tight squeeze. “It was amazing while it lasted,” she whispered. “The timing just wasn’t in our favor.”
I couldn’t think of a single thing to say back to her that wouldn’t sound petty or self-serving. So I kept my mouth shut and held on to her until she stepped out of my arms, wiped away some tears, and offered me a tight-lipped smile that didn’t brighten her eyes.
“I’ll see you around, Rick,” she whispered.
“See you around.”
And with that, she turned and walked back to the cab. Kim didn’t stop to look back before she got in the back seat. She slid in and closed the door, and I stood there watching as the yellow car reversed out of my driveway and took the woman I loved out of sight around the corner.
“Shit,” I breathed.
Just like that, it was over.
And it was because of outside sources that were completely out of our control. How was I supposed to get closure with a breakup like this where neither one of us wanted to break things off but one party felt forced to?
I wouldn’t. Simple as that. I would always wonder what could have been with Kim.
Would she wonder the same thing about me? Or would she immerse herself so fully in her work that she was able to drown out the sorrow of a love story never written?
Chapter 34
Kimberly
I knocked on Rhys and Vanessa’s front door as the cab pulled away behind me—after taking me to do the dirty deed of breaking things off with Rick.
Rhys answered the door. “Damn,” he breathed. “Even your knock was sad. Get in here, Kim. Let me make you some tea.”
“Thank you,” I managed as I brushed past him and slid my sneakers off.
He took my coat for me and hung it on the wall hook in the foyer. Then I followed him with my shoulders hunched and my head low into the living room, where Vanessa was propped up on half a dozen pillows. There was a jar of pickles on the side table as well as an empty milkshake cup from her favorite ice-cream parlor.
“Don’t judge me,” Vanessa said. “The cravings are getting worse the closer to the due date we get.”
Rhys put a hand on my shoulder. “Sit down. I’ll bring you both something to eat.”
I took the spot at the opposite end of the sofa from my best friend and sat down heavily.
Vanessa offered some of her pillows but I shook my head.
“Good.” She tucked the pillow back against her side. “I didn’t really want to give it up anyway.”
I couldn’t even manage to smile.
Vanessa sighed. “I’m sorry, Kim. Truly. I wish things hadn’t en
ded like this for you guys. I was so hopeful he was the one. And I know you were too.”
“It fucking sucks.”
She reached for me but fell short. She let out an irritated growl of a noise. “I cannot wait to not be pregnant anymore.”
“Two more weeks,” I told her. “Tops.”
“Do you have any idea how long two weeks is when you feel like you’re being pumped full of air like a balloon and you’re going to drift away at any moment? I’m bigger every morning. Look. I can’t even wiggle my toes, they’re so swollen.” She lifted her foot up. Her big toe twitched a little but all the little ones, which were red and puffy, didn’t move. Her toes had been painted a bright turquoise color since I saw her last, but even the fresh pedicure didn’t save her feet from looking like an absolute mess. “And you think my feet are bad? Ha! You have no idea, girl. You might be dealing with heartbreak but I’m dealing with hormones and weight gain and acne in all the wrong places.”
“I’m sorry.”
Vanessa rubbed her forehead and shook her head. “No. I’m sorry. I’m being a bad friend. Next time I complain about being pregnant, kick me.”
“I’m not going to kick you.”
“Fine. Poke me. Something. Just get me out of my own head.”
“Deal.”
“It’s just so annoying. It’s all I can think about. I want to focus on other things but—”
I cocked my head to the side. “Is it too soon for me to remind you that we’re still talking about you being pregnant?”
Vanessa turned pink and shut her mouth. “Thank you.”
Rhys returned with a cutting board of cheese and crackers and two cups of iced tea. We thanked him and he stood back with his hands on his hips. “What are you two talking about?”
“Take a guess,” I said.
Vanessa scowled at me.
He chuckled. “It couldn’t possibly be pregnancy symptoms, could it?”
I feigned surprise. “How on earth did you know? You are a clever boy, aren’t you?”
Vanessa threw her pillow at me. “Don’t patronize me.”
I stole the pillow and propped it under my back. “You’re not getting this back.”
“But I’m pregnant.”
“Tough luck, princess.” I stuck my tongue out at her. “It’s mine now.”
Rhys chuckled, shook his head, and left us on our own again.
Vanessa nudged my shin with her very swollen foot. “Okay. In all seriousness now, are you okay?”
It was the dreaded question, the question that a girl could never answer without breaking down in tears. I could feel the waterworks itching at the back of my eyes and my throat tightening. “No,” I croaked.
“Oh. Babe.” Vanessa somehow managed to extract herself from the corner of the sofa. She went to her knees on the cushions and walked on them to sit beside me. She leaned over and gave me a hug and I didn’t tell her that her belly was making it difficult for me to breathe. She rubbed my back in slow circles as I sniffled into her shoulder.
“It’s going to be okay,” she said. “You’re a tough bitch. You’ll get through this. You believe me, right?”
I nodded. “Yes. But how long am I going to feel like this for?”
“Like what?”
“Like someone carved my insides out with a dull spoon like they were gutting a pumpkin.”
Vanessa leaned back on her knees and rested her hands on her thighs. “That’s the question, isn’t it? It won’t last forever. That’s all I can tell you.”
I wiped the tears from my cheeks and nodded. “This sucks.”
“I know, babe.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Anything.”
“How did you know Rhys was the right one?”
Vanessa put her hands on her belly and rubbed in slow, gentle circles as she considered my question. “I don’t know if I have an eloquent answer for you. I just knew in my bones that I needed him in my life. He was willing to put it all on the line for me and I was willing to do the same for him. And in my mind, I guess that just meant that if we let each other go, we’d be making a huge mistake.”
“Right,” I said.
There was no doubt in my mind that Rick was willing to put it all on the line for me. He definitely didn’t care what the world thought of him. He was easily able to dismiss the tabloids because he knew it was temporary and that they would move on to whatever the next thrill was in the media. Other people’s opinions meant shit to him and he’d managed to make himself into a billionaire.
Perhaps real success demanded a person with enough grit to ignore the haters.
Did I have that capability? Or was I bound to hit a lower ceiling in my career because I couldn’t push past the judgment of others?
“What are you thinking about?” Vanessa asked.
“I was thinking Rick would be willing to put it all on the line for me.”
“But are you willing to do the same for him?”
I wanted to say yes but the word caught in my throat.
“I’m scared to,” I admitted.
“Why?”
“I’m scared of the fallout,” I admitted. “I’m scared of what people will think.”
“People you know or strangers?”
I shrugged.
Vanessa gave me a knowing smile. “You’ve never cared what people thought about you, Kim. Not like this.”
“No, I haven’t. But you know how much my work means to me. If it’s my career that suffers the consequences, I don’t know if I can give my all to Rick. What if I choose him and my business falls apart and then I’m left bitter and resentful?”
“That’s a lot of what-ifs.”
“But they’re valid.”
“Of course, they are,” Vanessa said. “You’re absolutely right. But what-ifs have never been enough to not do something you want to do, right? Because what if you look at this the other way? What if you choose your business? What if you reached all the success you’ve ever dreamed of? What if, at the end of it all, you’re sitting in your dream penthouse apartment, but you’re still feeling like something is missing, and Rick is still on your mind?”
“I don’t want to play this game anymore.”
Vanessa leaned back against all her pillows and made herself comfortable while my thoughts ran wild. Had I just made a huge mistake by breaking things off with Rick without talking to him about all of this in full like I was with my best friend?
I hated not knowing what to do. Decisiveness and action were my go-to moves. I never struggled with making decisions. I knew what I wanted or I knew what needed to be done and I was the woman who saw to it. But with Rick, everything felt cloudy. Messy. Unclear.
How could I clear the debris and figure out what I really truly wanted deep down in my heart?
“I think you need to process with how you’re feeling for a little while,” Vanessa said. “Let the feelings in. Don’t try to medicate them. Just be. Breathe. Everything will work out how it’s supposed to and you’ll get clarity. Trust me, Kim. If there’s one thing I admire about you, it’s how resilient you are. This won’t break you. Or your business. You’re going to come out the other side a stronger, better, more capable woman than you were before this started. I promise.”
I swallowed back more tears. “Thank you for always knowing what to say.”
She grinned. “What are best friends for?”
“Can I stay for a while? I don’t want to be by myself.”
“You can stay for as long as you like. But be warned. I’m trying everything I can to get this baby out of me, so if shit gets weird tonight…”
“I can handle it.” I giggled. “So long as you and Rhys don’t start boning while I’m here.”
“No promises.”
“How about we just stick to bouncing on a yoga ball and eating spicy food? Yeah?”
She rolled her eyes. “Fine. You know what else is known to help?”
“What?” I asked.
I stared down at her swollen ankles and toes. “You’re pulling my leg.”
“Your very fat, very uncomfortable friend who just offered you priceless advice is asking for help without saying ‘please rub my hideous feet.’” She wiggled her toes. “Don’t leave me hanging, bestie.”
Chuckling, I began massaging her feet. “Anything for you, Vanny. Anything for you.”
Chapter 35
Rick
Shawn helped himself to a glass of whiskey from the liquor cart in my study as I finished sending a work email. After hitting send, I leaned back in my chair and watched him pace to the window, where he stood with his back to me while he indulged in a few sips of the good stuff.
“Your personal life is still on at least one magazine cover on every street corner.” Shawn glanced over his shoulder at me with a smirk. “And I have to say, that wedding planner was pretty beautiful.”
“She’s more than beautiful. And she didn’t deserve to have her face plastered all over the place like that.”
“No, but then again, who does deserve that sort of shit?”
I could think of someone whose name started with a V and rhymed with vanity.
Shawn put his back to the window. The afternoon sun streamed in behind him and cast his shadow on the Persian carpet. “So, have you talked to her?”
“Not since last Sunday,” I said.
“When she broke it off?”
I nodded.
Shawn sighed. “I’m sorry, man. I know you were invested in her.”
I laughed bitterly. “Yes, well, that’s not what the rest of the world thinks. They think she was just a rebound. A plaything to absorb my grief after the wedding fell apart. Little do they know, I escaped in one piece and Kim was the light on the other side.”
Shawn pulled out the chair opposite me and sank down into it. The leather squeaked as he made himself comfortable and swirled his whiskey around in the crystal glass. “You need to get back on the horse.”
“No, I need to put my focus into the areas that matter. Like Chessie. And work.”