Zamani

by Angelic Rodgers

  Alex wondered if there was any similarity between the film and Olivia’s earlier life. She certainly hadn’t seemed evil to Alex before; in fact she’d been quite polite and seemed to care about Alex’s happiness and comfort. The spot as the research assistant had been a cash-per-hour job and was a good help to her. She’d always done well tending bar, but she’d felt like she was actually accomplishing something working for Olivia. But, knowing now that even the most learned hunters like Van Helsing could be enthralled and mesmerized by her, she wondered if Olivia had truly been watching out for her as a student or if there had been bigger plans for her in Olivia’s life.

  But how were Olivia and Wren connected? She had no way of knowing. She couldn’t just call up Wren and ask her. After all, she was dead and Wren was in jail for her murder.

  Thinking of Wren made her feel pangs of guilt again; Liz didn’t deserve any of this, she realized. She and Liz were happy, and when Wren began making advances toward her, Alex hadn’t taken them seriously. As exes, the two of them remained close, and Alex simply wrote off Wren’s advances as her way of dealing with her recent break up with Sienna. Wren’s behavior since that break up had been erratic. Before Sienna left New Orleans, Wren never really dated fellow dancers. She’d certainly not taken her act outside of the club. But after the break up, Wren started sleeping with her dance partners and bringing them into The Ruby after her shifts for after work dance parties. The owner of the bar, Sandy, didn’t raise a fuss because their antics brought in new customers and helped ensure some of the regular patrons stuck around later, spending more money on drinks as they waited for Wren and her partner to show up and put on a free show.

  As she thought back to Wren’s behavior, Alex realized that her response to Wren had changed during that time, too. Not only did she find the show Wren put on tantalizing, but she also realized that she hadn’t even suggested to Wren that she stop it. Wren had picked up on Alex’s rekindled lust for her, and she’d made advances. Alex didn’t more forcefully reject Wren, she now realized, because she wanted Wren to want her again. More importantly, she’d stopped thinking about how her actions would hurt Liz.

  She crawled into bed and threw the covers over her head. It was too overwhelming to her to figure out now; she couldn’t tell whether she truly had wanted Wren’s attention or if she was drawn to her because of some vampiric mesmerism. Either way, she’d failed Liz and now she would probably never get a chance to apologize.

  Chapter Six

  “It’s important that you feed regularly, even if it is just a little at a time.” Lucy was in the carriage house, rolling up her sleeve and readying to make the cut.

  The initial shock and the compliance that came with it were starting to wear off for Alex. “Does it really have to be such a physical thing, Lucy? Can’t you just bring me raw meat or something? Maybe knock over a blood bank?” She was only partially joking.

  Lucy shook her head. “It’s important for now that you get good quality human blood. The part about Renfield going bonkers from eating spiders and mice is real. Especially now that you are only newly turned and because you are getting so little at each feeding, it would be too risky for you to feed on blood from a dead animal or that has been stored.”

  Lucy offered her wrist, and for the first time since she woke, Alex resisted. “If we keep the hunger at bay, you won’t get desperate. Trust me, it’s fortunate I found you so soon after you were turned. Had you woken up unattended and starving, you would have killed someone.”

  Alex shook her head. “I’m not a killer.”

  Lucy chuckled a little. “Let’s keep it that way. Despite what you believe, your survival instinct is stronger than your rationality. Why do you think you fed in the morgue in the first place?”

  Alex thought back to that moment and realized that Lucy was right. Her reptile brain kicked in; she didn’t questioned what she was doing or why. She’d had no choice but to feed.

  “Wren wasn’t a killer either, until she was turned and left untrained. I’ve been careful with you, Alex, to ensure that you learn the safest way to feed so that no one is harmed. Olivia likely wanted Wren to always be on the edge of satiety. It’s easier to control her that way.”

  The cut on Lucy’s arm was disappearing, and before it closed completely, Alex sighed and pressed her lips there and fed.

  Lucy left Alex a copy of the Times Picayune and went back to her own kitchen. She wasn’t surprised a few minutes later when Alex walked in the kitchen door, unannounced and without knocking. She’d seen her obituary.

  “We have to find some way for me to attend.” Alex blurted the words out as she stormed in the door. Lucy laughed. “That’s a bit Huck Finn of you, don’t you think? According to your wishes, your remains were cremated, but that doesn’t mean that your girlfriend and family won’t notice if you happen to show up.”

  Alex nodded. “We’ll just have to make sure I don’t look like myself. I’ve already made a list of what I need.” She handed Lucy the list. “I’ll sit in the back of the church. I promise to behave. You have to let me go, and you have to come with me.”

  Lucy looked over the list. They had a good week to make her over, as the service was on October 26th. Lucy finally shrugged and agreed to try the idea. “If we are approached, leave the talking to me, though. And, if I say we need to make tracks, you don’t get to argue with me about it.” Alex agreed.

  Lucy pocketed the list and sat down on the sofa. “I also need to talk to you about your needs. You were nearly killed by Wren. I suspect that at some point in the process you must have ingested some of her blood; either she meant to turn you or in the melee perhaps you bit her lip or something and that is how you were turned.” She paused, wondering if Alex had any memory of an exchange. She didn’t seem to, so Lucy continued. “Unless you had contact with another vampire before the attack. If you were already turned prior to the attack that would mean Wren didn’t turn you.”

  Alex frowned. “Do you think Olivia turned me without my knowing?”

  Lucy shook her head. “No, I don’t think that’s the case; if it were, she would have claimed you before any police showed up. More than likely the two of you would have taken Wren out. That would have been far easier than letting Wren go down for your murder. For now, I think we should assume Wren turned you--at least until we know differently.” She stubbed out her cigarette. “But, because you were so drained, to gain your full strength and to make the kind of progress you should make so you can get on with your life, you need more than I can give you. Probably even more than donors can give you, Alex.” She paused and watched Alex’s face.

  As it dawned on Alex what Lucy was suggesting, Alex frowned and shook her head. “I don’t think I can, Lucy. Feeding on you has been odd enough. I’m not even sure how to go about picking someone who is unaware.”

  Lucy nodded. “I know you’re in new territory here, Alex. But as you gain strength, you will find it impossible to resist the urge to hunt, just as you found it impossible to resist feeding from me in the morgue. I just want you to be prepared and to know that I will not judge you.” She paused. “I also need to warn you so you’ll be mindful of this and not take out a donor--me or someone else--in a moment of frenzy. When you are ready, I know who can serve as a mentor for you--a teacher. I didn’t want to move things too quickly for you, but I can’t teach you all you need to know.”

  Alex sighed in relief. “I would appreciate the help. But, let’s get past my memorial service first, if we can. I want to focus on just getting through that first, and then you can turn me over to someone else.”

  The plan Alex devised for her disguise was to go in drag. On her list, she had requested hair clippers, hair dye, and a suit. She and Lucy sat down together and ordered what they needed for the transformation. Being able to buy everything online certainly made things easier.

  By the day of the memorial service, Alex was transformed. She’d shorn her shoulder length brunette hair close to the back of her he
ad, leaving just enough length at the top and sides to keep it from being a crew cut. She left bangs that she could sweep to one side. Lucy helped her bleach it. They’d decided to go blonde in part because it was a stark contrast and in part because it would not seem odd that Alex didn’t have five-o’clock shadow or any sign of facial hair if her hair were platinum.

  She’d learned almost immediately that the idea that vampires couldn’t see themselves in mirrors was nothing more than a myth. Once she’d cut and bleached her hair, though, she didn’t see herself in her reflection. While she was relieved because she knew the disguise would be successful, she felt a pang of sadness at having lost herself. It was one thing to make a change in your identity because you needed to for yourself; it was quite another to have to become someone else because of a choice you weren’t given.

  “I obviously can’t use my name anymore. I have to decide who I am, Lucy. That’s part of what this has been about; I don’t like that this choice was made for me. I didn’t want to meet a teacher until I had a new identity I could claim as my own.” Alex sat down and took a swig off the beer that Lucy had opened for her to toast her new look. “A haircut and dye job is one thing, but I have to be able to move about in the world.”

  Lucy nodded. “I can only imagine how you feel. For me, the choice was mine; I felt as if becoming a donor was a natural progression--something I was fated for. So, I’ve never felt the need to change my name or take a new one, other than shortening it to something more contemporary and American sounding.” She thought for a moment. “You know, there is a nickname for Alexander that is gender neutral. What about ‘Sasha’?”

  Alex smiled. She liked it. “Sasha. What about Sasha West? Is that too familiar to take your name? You did, after all, find me.”

  Lucy gave her blessing and Sasha West was born.

  Chapter Seven

  “So, you don’t think Olivia knows about her?” Lucy had stopped by Zofia’s house after picking up the supplies on Alex’s list for her transformation.

  Zofia shook her head. “If she knew, you wouldn’t have had anyone to take to the morgue.”

  “That’s what I figured, as well. I don’t think that Wren realized she turned her either. Such a mess. I’ve never seen someone quite so disfigured as Alex was when we picked her up.” Lucy swallowed hard, trying to lose the image of Alex’s bloody body as they’d zipped it up in the body bag. Wren had nearly torn out her throat, or at least it certainly looked like it when they’d arrived on the scene. The damage was lucky on one hand; it left no doubt in the minds of those who found her that she was dead. It was also gruesome to the point that there would be no worries that her family would want to see her corpse again, which made the swap effective.

  “If it weren’t for the energy she put off I wouldn’t have checked her later.”

  “And you’re sure you felt Olivia there?” Zofia wanted to be sure.

  “Yes. I haven’t figured out all of the connections yet. Alex hasn’t either. She and Wren were friends and former girlfriends, but I’m not sure why Olivia didn’t get to Alex first if that’s who she was after. Why Wren?”

  “Good question. What would she stand to gain by Wren and Alex being together?”

  Lucy thought for a moment. “What if it’s Liz and not Alex that Olivia was after? Wren would be a way to separate Liz and Alex. If Alex cheated on Liz or Liz thought she had, it could break up the relationship, leaving Liz alone.”

  Zofia nodded. “And vulnerable. So, our next step needs to be to find out if Liz is the one she’s after.”

  Lucy hesitated to tell her about Alex’s plans to attend the memorial, but knew it was important. “The memorial is soon; I’m going with Alex.” She waited for Zofia’s reaction, expecting her to tell her that she couldn’t go.

  Zofia simply smiled. “I suspected she might want to attend; as you know, everyone grieves their old life in their own way. If she is as powerful as you claim she is, I am not surprised she wants to use the memorial as her new starting point.”

  “She’s ready to train once the memorial is over. I’ve planned a sort of awakening party for her. She is reluctant to feed, but I think once she gets past the memorial and meets some other donors she’ll be more comfortable.”

  They made arrangements for Zofia’s first meeting with Alex and Lucy headed home.

  Chapter Eight

  The memorial service attracted a lot of curious onlookers, so Alex and Lucy were easily able to attend undetected. As they approached Our Lady of Guadalupe on North Rampart, they could see a group of people filing into the church. Even though they had arrived early, they still were lucky to get a seat.

  “I don’t know most of these people. I guess all you have to do to have a big service is be brutally murdered by an ex-girlfriend.” Alex kept her sunglasses on, even in the church. She felt safer behind the tinted lenses. She’d chosen a well-made black suit for the occasion. Lucy had told her not to worry about the expense. Alex found a suit online and it arrived quickly, but Lucy decided it could be improved. She took Alex to a tailor she knew who was also a donor. He was only too happy to make adjustments to the suit so that it looked custom made for Alex. She had never been curvy, and now she was leaner than ever due to her new metabolism.

  Getting dressed the morning of the memorial, Alex had had to pause and grip the counter in front of her before putting on the tie Lucy picked out to go with the suit. She and Liz often joked that she would dress like this for their wedding. Anger washed over her at the thought of the wedding she’d never have now. The anger and despair hit her hard and almost made her change her mind about going to the service. She wasn’t sure she could control herself.

  Lucy broke her out of it, showing up in a breathtaking low cut but tasteful black lace dress. She tied Alex’s tie for her. The pair of them looked like a young couple in mourning only because Lucy insisted on wearing a hat with a black veil. Otherwise, they could have been going to the symphony. Lucy left the VW van at home, opting instead to have a car service pick them up and take them to the ceremony. She wanted to be able to leave the ceremony and call the service to pick them up if needed rather than having to park the van and make their way back to it. This was the first time that she would be with Alex in a crowd of people she knew from her previous life and she worried that it would be too much for her.

  They sat toward the back; it was obvious that everyone else had decided to show up early, as well. The crowd, already quite large, was still growing. Alex craned her neck enough to see the first two rows in front left open for family. She wanted to move up, to sit next to Liz and her father, but she knew she had to stay put.

  Looking around, she recognized a few regulars from Oz, the bar where she worked, as well as a few regulars from The Ruby where Liz worked. Everyone was subdued, whispering condolences back and forth and hugging tearfully. She took great care not to look too long, lest someone meet her gaze. She didn’t want to chance anyone recognizing her.

  The buzz of voices stopped, and she followed everyone’s gaze to the front pews. And then she saw Liz. She looked frail and pale in black as she walked in, flanked by Alex’s dad, Robert James, on one side, and Liz’s, Eliot Camp, on the other. Kirby and Mike walked behind them, and Alex’s stepmother Lila brought up the rear, looking irritated that Robert was not with her. Alex choked back a sob, swallowing hard, as Robert hugged Liz close to him. Alex was his only child. When she and Liz first became a couple, he had welcomed Liz into the family. Alex was glad that he and Liz loved each other; at least he would have her in his life. He kissed her on the cheek and made his way down to the end of the pew where his wife, Lila, already sat. Lila stared straight ahead and barely acknowledged Liz. Alex knew she was irritated by having to be in the presence of the family Alex had made for herself.

  Alex was a little surprised that she’d actually shown for the service, as things had never been great between them. Lila resented the child of her husband’s first wife from the beginning. When she found
Alex making out with her first girlfriend, things got even worse. She’d told her priest who tried to talk Alex into repenting. After that, Alex made sure she and Lila had minimal contact. Robert, even after Lila revealed his only daughter was a lesbian, had loved her and Liz unconditionally and had been a good father. He’d noticeably aged; grief ages so quickly. Her biological mother was dead, as was Liz’s. That was one of the many things they had in common.

  Now they had nothing in common, Alex thought.

  Eliot Camp, was not only a good father to Liz, but he‘d also been a mentor to Alex as she pursued a master’s in English. He was tenured at the University of Southern Mississippi, and he’d been trying to convince her to come there for her PhD once her master’s work was complete. Liz didn’t want to move back, but Alex considered it a long range goal; she’d looked forward to spending time in the town where Liz grew up and assured her that they would move wherever she wanted once her coursework was finished. She thought now that things would be so different if she had agreed to go to USM for her Master’s and they had gotten out of New Orleans before all of this happened.

  Now it was too late.

  Eliot hugged Liz, too, as did Kirby and Mike. They all sat down, Liz flanked by Eliot and Kirby, protected. At least there was some comfort in knowing that Liz was loved and not alone. Alex felt selfish for the pang of alienation she felt and the grief she felt for herself. She also felt angry that she couldn’t turn to her family and friends for help.

  In addition to guilt, love, and sorrow, Alex also felt desire for Liz--desire so sharp that it took her breath away. The moment she’d seen her, Alex felt her heart jump. She was even beautiful in grief. Alex also felt guilty for allowing Wren to pull her into this. How could she have been so stupid as to let Wren get close enough to her to kiss her, let alone for what happened? She held onto the back of the pew in front of her, white knuckled. She knew that if she’d been standing, her knees would have given way. She couldn’t explain it, but the desire and pull toward Liz were stronger than ever. She tried to tell herself it was only because she never got to say goodbye, never got to kiss her one more time. She felt tears sliding down her cheeks. Lucy patted her on the knee. Alex did her best to pull herself together.