Zamani

by Angelic Rodgers

  As the party was hitting it’s height and the donors were well in their cups, Steph pulled Sasha to her, kissing her. Lucy was right; Sasha could not only feel the desire that Steph felt for her--it was magnified. As Steph pulled back a bit, Sasha moved her lips to the hollow of Steph’s neck, feeling the steady pulse against her mouth. “Please, let’s go inside” was all she managed to whisper. Steph took her by the hand and led her into the carriage house.

  As soon as the door closed behind them, Sasha grabbed the bottom of Steph’s t-shirt and pulled it over her head. Steph’s hands scrambled for the buckle of Sasha’s belt, unclasping it first, then unbuttoning and unzipping her jeans and sliding her hands around Sasha’s hips, loosening her shirt. As her hands slipped under the cotton, Sasha felt her skin on fire wherever Steph touched her. She helped her lift the shirt off, and they both kicked their shoes off before Sasha led Steph up the stairs to her bedroom. Sasha pushed Steph back on the bed and first pulled off Steph’s jeans and her own before sliding on top of her, her right thigh between Steph’s. She was dizzy with desire as she felt Steph wiggle beneath her. Steph chuckled and pushed Sasha over on her back, straddling her.

  “Let me drive, ok? As much as I want you, I’m afraid that you’ll be overwhelmed.” Sasha didn’t object, in part because she was already so far in the deep that she couldn’t. She surrendered herself to Steph completely.

  In the wee hours of Saturday morning, Sasha watched Steph sleep, realizing that the initial resemblance to Liz had been partially imagined. Their coloring and body shapes were similar, but the similarities ended there. Steph’s confidence and assertiveness were traits Liz never had. Sasha wondered how old Steph was; if Lucy looked so young, there was no way to know how old any of the donors were.

  Steph smiled in her sleep and Sasha leaned over her, barely touching her lips to Steph’s forehead for a second, then dipping her head lower, tasting her mouth. Steph responded, kissing her back and sliding her hands up Sasha’s back, dragging her nails across Sasha’s skin. As Sasha kissed her neck, Steph stopped her just long enough to reach to the night stand. She’d placed her necklace there, and she grabbed the pendant now and Sasha saw that it was really a small blade. Steph looked Sasha in the eye as she drew the blade across her shoulder, opening a small line where the blood beaded up. She drew the blade across her own lips and pulled Sasha’s face to her own, kissing her hard before turning her face to her ear. “Please.” Sasha teased her, her lips hovering over the wound as she slid her hand between Steph’s legs. Sliding her fingers inside, she lost herself all over again.

  Chapter Ten

  Sasha and Steph spent most of their Saturday in bed. “We really should get dressed and rejoin the world.” Steph slid her jeans on and pulled her shirt over her head. “I know you’re probably not interested in eating regular food, but I’m starving.”

  Sasha watched her run her fingers through her bed-tousled hair. She wanted to pull her back into bed, but she realized that would be incredibly selfish. “I think that Lucy stocked the kitchen. We could have breakfast.” She reluctantly slid out of the warm bed and got dressed.

  Steph went to the kitchen and after scrambling some eggs and making toast, she and Sasha ate and lingered over their plates.

  “So, this break up you mentioned last night. . . was it with a vampire or a donor?”

  “Neither, actually. She was just an ordinary girl. That was part of what I loved about her. But, as you can imagine, the life of a donor isn’t exactly easy to hide. In order to stay in such great shape, I have to allow vampires to feed on me, Emily was jealous of the close friendships I had with other donors and vampires, but I couldn’t tell her the truth.” She popped her last bite of toast in her mouth and chewed in silence for a moment. “I wasn’t going to be the one who invited her into the family. I don’t want that kind of heartache again.”

  Sasha watched her, wondering if she would explain without more prodding. She did. “A few years ago, I was involved with someone who wasn’t a donor or vampire, and she eventually had the same jealousy. So, I told her the truth. She chose to become a donor, too, and later dumped me and ran off with someone else. I know break ups happen, but I hoped she wanted immortality so she could be with me forever. So, now I don’t tell if I’m dating a regular girl.”

  Sasha put her cup down. “I don’t want to lead you on, Steph. I really like you, but I can’t make you any promises.”

  Steph laughed. “I’m not looking for any. Vampire and donor relationships are a completely different dynamic. Let’s just see where this goes, ok?”

  Before Steph left she kissed Sasha sweetly and put her number in the cell phone that had been in the basket of gifts that the donors put together for her. Sasha was overwhelmed and humbled by how they welcomed her into the family. As she thumbed through her new contacts list to find Steph’s number, she realized that Lucy, Caleb, and a few others had entered their numbers, too. She sighed in relief as she realized she wasn’t alone after all.

  The weekend with Steph was a good distraction for her; even though she knew she should feel guilty, the need for closeness with someone overpowered her sense of duty to Liz. Maybe once she’d dealt with it herself she could find some way to contact Liz and let her know she was still here, just as Sasha. She had too much to learn before she could hope to reveal herself, though, and she needed to establish relationships now in order to get to that point.

  Lucy arranged for the mentor, someone named Zofia, to come see Sasha early Sunday evening. She had written the name down for Sasha to ensure she got that it was Zofia with a Z, not Sofia. Apparently, incorrect spelling of her name was a sore spot.

  As the afternoon turned to evening, Sasha fiddled with her new laptop setting up her new email and other accounts under her new identity. The party had been a huge help in terms of building her confidence, and it felt good--it was normal. She fought the impulse to call Steph and try to convince her to come over. As tempting as that was, she was ready and anxious to start training.

  She sensed her before Zofia knocked. She felt the fine hairs on the back of her neck and on her arms stand up, as if she was chilled. She also felt butterflies in her stomach as if something she’d anticipated for a long time was finally happening. She moved toward the door and had her hand on it just as Zofia knocked. Startled, she pulled the door open quickly. “Zofia?”

  The woman on her doorstep smiled. “Sasha! I’ve heard so much about you.” She stood perfectly still, waiting for Sasha to welcome her. Sasha stepped back, opening the door wide. “Please, come in. I’m excited about working with you. I swear I knew you were here before you knocked.”

  Zofia was tiny--smaller than either Lucy or Sasha. She was probably only just five feet tall and looked like she weighed maybe 100 pounds. Her hair was cut short, which added to her youthfulness. Sasha wondered how this woman who looked like a tiny teenager would be able to help her. As she shut the door, she heard Zofia say softly, “I only look like a teenager. I have more to teach you than you can imagine.”

  Sasha turned and stared at Zofia silently, unsure if it was a lucky guess or if she’d actually read her thoughts. They hadn’t even touched; she’d gotten used to the idea that her touch allowed her to read thoughts of donors, but having her own thoughts read made her a bit uncomfortable and she felt vulnerable.

  “Let’s sit. I brought a bottle of wine to share. I know where the corkscrew and glasses are. This is an especially good bottle of Cabernet. I think you’ll like it.” She drifted out of the room and then back in, carrying two glasses and a corkscrew.

  Sasha reached for a cigarette, but Zofia shook her head. “That’s one of the first things you need to stop doing.”

  “It’s not like it’s going to kill me.” Sasha defiantly shook a cigarette from the pack and brought it to her lips. She reached for her lighter on the coffee table only to watch it leap into Zofia’s hands.

  “Don’t be a child. Smoking kills your ability to taste the wine. It dulls all
of your senses. While you’re learning, you need to be able to taste and smell. I’ve never been able to talk Lucy into quitting altogether. You can have a cigarette after you taste the wine, if you still want one, but not before.”

  Sasha wondered if all vampires could use telekinesis.

  Zofia sat the two glasses on the coffee table and poured for both of them. The wine was dark, almost black and opaque. Sasha watched as Zofia swirled it in her glass and she imitated her. She’d always enjoyed wine, but she was now mesmerized by Zofia’s movements and felt the desire to look like she knew what she was doing. As she sniffed the wine, she realized that she’d never really smelled wine carefully.

  “Let me guess, this is your first glass of wine since your awakening. Glad it is a good one. Imagine once you hone your sense of smell and taste to hunt effectively how great this will taste.”

  Sasha brought the glass to her lips and tilted it enough for the wine to touch her lips. It was cooler than her mouth, but not cold. She wasn’t sure if it was the wine or her tongue that was different; she tasted the different levels of flavor in a way she never had before.

  Zofia smiled as Sasha closed her eyes and paid attention to the wine. “I hear you had quite the birthday party the other night. So, things won’t be so bad after all, young one. You’ll find that the benefits are many.” Zofia leaned back and crossed her legs. “To start, yes, I can read your mind. One of the first things you must learn is to close yourself off. If you don’t, you’ll be a sitting duck. Besides, you don’t want the one who turned you to know about you if she doesn’t already.”

  Sasha laughed. “Oh, I’m not worried about her. She’s been arrested and isn’t likely to be listened to. Everyone thinks she’s a psychopathic murderer. She’s all over the news.”

  Zofia shook her head. “It’s not that easy. I’ve seen footage of Wren; I don’t think she is aware she turned you. She gives off the vibe of someone who is completely untrained. Once you’ve worked with me for awhile, you’ll see it, too. I don’t like the word ‘aura’ but it is as close a fit as I’ve found. You’ll be better able to see that she is a complete mess once you’re more attuned to reading people. Besides, if she was aware she turned you, she wouldn’t have been caught.”

  Sasha frowned. “Can you train me so I can go to her and kill her?”

  “No. I understand the desire to do so, but killing Wren and escaping undetected will only alert Olivia that you exist. We can deal with the Wren situation later if it is even necessary. Right now, though, it is more important that you know how to shield yourself. The longer we can keep your identity secret, the better for all of us.” Zofia freshened their glasses. “If you want me to teach you, you must listen to me and trust that I know what is best for you.” She paused. “Will you trust me?”

  Sasha nodded. Zofia began with: “The first thing you have to realize is that you can’t go to Liz and reveal you’re still alive. I know you think that’s a solution, but it’s not. Trust me; going to her right now can only cause more chaos and pain for both of you. She’s not in a psychological state where she could accept any of this. Let her grieve.”

  Sasha said nothing for a moment. “Will there be a time when that can change? For instance, once she’s grieved and I understand more about who and what I am, is there a chance?”

  Zofia shook her head. “For now, consider going to Liz off limits. Going to her will create more complications than killing Wren would, I suspect.” She poured more wine in their glasses and raised her eyes to Sasha’s.

  Before Sasha could ask, Zofia continued. “When I was turned it was similar to your situation; I was turned to be an offering to a man I knew. It wasn’t my choice, nor was it his. I resisted going to him at first. My family rejected me when they recognized what I had become. I then had to turn to others of my kind.”

  “How did you find others? Who turned you?”

  “The man realized that I was no more at fault than he was. He helped me. He trained me. As for who turned me, it was Olivia.”

  Sasha was stunned into silence. Zofia continued, shifting her attention back to Sasha’s situation and the reasons she couldn’t contact Liz.

  “I know that part of what you are feeling is guilt over your weekend with Steph, and I’m sensing guilt over Wren as well. That’s exactly why revealing yourself now will lead to a bad outcome. Not only is it difficult for one who is not turned to understand how it is even possible, but once you start the story with how Wren turned you and you indicate that this was partially your own doing because you didn’t reject her, think about how Liz would react to that. If you feel guilty, think about how crushed she would be.”

  “I do feel guilty for both instances—Wren more so than Steph.”

  “Surely you realize you had little choice. Wren, as your ex girlfriend, already had a hold on you. The additional additional attraction vampires also have for their prey meant you didn’t stand a chance. So, get over that one. I’m not saying you were completely helpless, but you’ve got to let yourself off the hook. Until someone experiences being turned, they can’t speak to how irresistible the attraction is. You surely already realize how your own attraction draws others in. It’s how Lucy sensed you were kindred and why the connection with Steph was more than either of you could resist this weekend.” She noticed Sasha blush at the mention of Steph.

  “Don’t feel guilty about that, either. I’m sure you’ve also noticed your own feelings are turned down. It’s a survival instinct. Feeding is an intimate act; in comparison to other intimacy, feeding takes priority. The normal rules of monogamy don’t tend to work among our kind.”

  “You have three choices at this stage, Sasha. You can end it all, you can be miserable, or you can move of from your life as Alex and truly embrace who you are.”

  Sasha emptied her glass. “I think I’ve already made that choice. I’m not ready to end it. I need to make sense of what’s happened and find some way to make it right with Liz. I’m apparently not into misery, so I guess that leaves only one option.”

  Zofia nodded. “Then let’s get started. First, we need to work on building some barriers. If you’re this open with your thoughts, you’re more likely to not only fall victim to those who want to hurt and manipulate you, but you’ll also be more prone to be reckless and careless in the hunt. Lucy and the other donors can help you for now, but they can’t sustain you indefinitely. It is part of your nature to hunt and feed from those who are not donors. The exchange is important as it also helps you gain strength and power.”

  Zofia stood up and motioned for Sasha to do the same. “You would agree that you physically are larger than I am and should be able to over power me, yes?” Sasha nodded.

  “Look directly into my eyes, Sasha. You may resist me, but know that you’ll only make it worse for yourself.” She slid her right hand along Sasha’s shoulder and closed it around her neck. She managed to somehow lift Sasha in the air. Sasha struggled, both of her hands clutching at Zofia’s hand, trying to pry her fingers and thumb from her neck and failing. Finally she relented and Zofia set her down gently on her feet. The place where her hand had been smarted a bit, but other than that Sasha was unharmed.

  “I am much stronger than I appear. You will need to hunt to gain strength. And to successfully hunt alone, you need to have complete control over your thoughts and emotions.”

  They worked for hours with Zofia using visualization and meditation techniques to help Sasha create walls around her thoughts. When she felt Sasha was ready and the wine was long gone, Zofia took her leave for the night, promising to return the next night for more training. Sasha noticed that daybreak was near as she fell asleep on the couch, too tired to get undressed or go up to the loft to her bed.

  For the first time since she became Sasha, she dreamt. The dream was a chaotic collage of images of her past life as Alex. She woke up sobbing, grieving for the life she couldn’t reclaim. When she slept again, she dreamt of going to Liz and revealing her new identity. In
those dreams, Liz ran from her, screaming, or even worse she came at her, screaming still and hitting her, crying out about her betrayal and her weakness for letting Wren get to her.

  Chapter Eleven

  When Zofia returned the next day, Sasha felt the same butterflies and heightened awareness that she was not alone. This time, she opened the door before Zofia even managed to knock. Zofia smiled as she entered. “Excellent. I see you’ve figured out that your awareness of me wasn’t just a coincidence yesterday.” She put her hand on Sasha’s shoulder. “You’ve been practicing since I left you. I have no idea what is on your mind right now. Well done, Sasha.”

  Zofia sat down on the sofa and Sasha joined her. “Both of these skills will help you with self-protection, but you must feed properly in order to progress. You’ll find that you learn far more quickly than before, but only if you are properly nourished. I know that Lucy taught you some things about donor relationships; you have to realize that you need to hunt and soon.”

  Sasha protested at first. “I don’t really feel the need to hunt.” Zofia recognized that she was still starry-eyed after a weekend of having Steph in her bed, and she felt confident that between Steph and Lucy that she’d be fine without feeding on non-donors. Zofia was determined to teach her how vulnerable she truly was in her untrained and undisciplined state.

  “You promised to trust me, Sasha. It’s inevitable that you’ll hunt. Trust me that it is better to do so sooner rather than later; if you are desperate--and you will become desperate if you resist the need--you are far more likely to bring harm to your prey or to yourself.”