by Cronk, LN
I did start working out though and one day I timed myself in the events I’d competed in during high school and college. I was mortified by my times . . . they were abysmal.
“You haven’t trained in over three years,” Laci said when I complained to her. “What’d you expect?”
I hadn’t expected to feel so old when I was only in my mid-twenties.
“Just keep working out this summer,” Laci told me, “and then join the YMCA in the fall.”
But I didn’t want to join the YMCA in the fall . . . I didn’t want to even be here in the fall . . . I wanted to be back in Mexico.
I couldn’t believe I actually felt that way, but I did. I knew that was why I hadn’t put our house on the market yet. And I knew that was why we hadn’t gotten our own place in Cavendish . . . why we were still living in Jessica’s basement.
~ ~ ~
“KELLY’S SIGNING UP for Lamaze classes,” Laci told me one day and I sighed.
“Don’t worry,” she went on. “You don’t have to go.”
Good.
“I’m going though,” she said. “I’m going to be her Lamaze coach.”
Of course you are.
“She wants both of us to be there when the baby’s born. You’ll see, David. This is going to be good. It’s going to make all the difference when we actually see him for the first time.”
I hoped she was right.
In the meantime, Starr set up a meeting with the baby’s father. His name was Wade and it was obvious that he didn’t want to have anything to do with us or with the baby. I wasn’t sure how Kelly had even talked him into coming to the meeting.
“Are you going to want any visitation with the child?” Starr asked him.
“No.”
“Would you like to receive letters, photos, things of that nature as the child grows?”
“No.”
“Would you be willing to sign all necessary documentation terminating your parental rights?”
“I’ll sign ’em right now,” he said.
“We can’t do that until the baby is actually born,” Starr told him.
“Okay.”
“He’s not that bad,” Kelly told us when we were alone. “He just doesn’t want to be a father right now. He’s supposed to go to college this fall . . . a baby’s not what he wants right now.”
Maybe he should have thought of that a few months ago.
~ ~ ~
KELLY WAS CHANGING. Every time Laci visited with her, she would report back to me something Kelly had said or done or asked.
We knew that God was working in her life and drawing her closer to Him, and I knew that Laci was playing a big part in that. No one could have shown God’s love to Kelly the way Laci was doing.
But finally I realized that God was trying to draw me closer to Him too. There’d been times when I’d thought I was “there” – at a place in my life where I was sure I was doing everything that God wanted me to do and that I couldn’t get any closer to Him.
Now I was discovering that no matter who you are . . . no matter how close to God you think you might be . . . there’s always further to go.
More than once I thought I’d completely forgiven Kyle. The first time was when I’d gone to visit him in prison. That had been a big step. But then Kyle had asked me about Greg and I hadn’t been able to talk with him about it. If I’d truly forgiven Kyle, then that wouldn’t have been a problem.
Later, once I’d been able to share with Kyle all about Greg, I thought I’d really forgiven him . . . and after that I’d even attended his execution. I hadn’t gone because I wanted to see him die . . . I went because I wanted him to know that I loved him.
That was it, right? Wasn’t that the ultimate in forgiveness?
But now I understood that if I’d truly forgiven Kyle I wouldn’t have any hesitation about adopting his nephew. I would have let Stephen have the middle name Paul or even David (which was another one I’d nixed). I would have loved him already and I would have felt truly thankful to God for bringing him and Kelly into our lives.
I asked myself how I would feel if God would only forgive me as much as I’d been able to forgive Kyle.
And I knew the answer.
I wouldn’t feel very good at all.
~ ~ ~
JESSICA INVITED KELLY over for dinner. I told Jessica to find a sitter for the kids.
“Why?”
“Because, I don’t think we need Cassidy patting her tummy and learning that her new little cousin’s in there and then having Kelly change her mind. Cassidy’s already lost one cousin.”
“Kelly’s not going to do that,” said Laci, who was listening.
“Cassidy’s not meeting Kelly until the baby’s born and the paperwork’s signed,” I insisted.
Jessica went ahead and got a sitter.
The night Kelly came over for dinner I made an effort to be extra friendly to her. I kept thinking that this was the first of many “family” meals we’d all be sharing together. I knew that for every birthday party Stephen had, for every Christmas, for every mother’s day, Kelly was going to be there. I think I was having as hard of a time with that as I was with the fact that Stephen was Kyle’s nephew.
I was trying – really trying – to have a good attitude about all of it.
After dinner we went into the living room. Jessica had made chocolate chip cookies and we were eating them. I went back into the kitchen to grab seconds and to get some milk when I heard a commotion from the living room. I stepped into the doorway to see what was going on.
Jessica and Laci were both sitting one either side of Kelly, their hands pressed against her belly.
“There he goes again!” Jessica said. “Did you feel it?”
“Yeah,” Laci said, smiling. She looked up and saw me standing in the doorway.
“Come here and feel this, David!”
I shook my head at her.
“It’s okay if you want to,” Kelly said quietly and I felt like if I didn’t I was going to hurt her feelings so I walked over there and put my hand on her belly. I think it was the first time I’d ever touched her.
It seemed to take forever for him to move again. Jessica got up off the couch so I could sit down next to Kelly.
Finally I felt him move – nothing big – just a little jab with his fist or foot. I remembered all the times I’d felt Gabby do the same thing.
Hey there Gabby! Hey little girl! What are you doing in there? Are you going to be perfect like your daddy?
“Did you feel that?” Laci asked me. She still had her hand on Kelly’s belly too.
I nodded and Laci smiled at me. Then he kicked again and for the first time I pictured him as the innocent little baby that he was.
After that, things got . . . better. Not great, but better. Kelly still acted like a dog who was about to get beat whenever I was around and Laci and I still wanted to go back to Mexico and adopt from our orphanage, but God was beginning to bring us a real peace about everything.
There’s no way that I loved Stephen like I’d loved Gabby . . .
But it wasn’t totally out of the question that one day I might.
~ ~ ~
MRS. WHITE WANTED us to come over for dinner and bring Kelly too. As hard as Laci tried though, she couldn’t convince Kelly to come . . . so Laci and I went by ourselves. I figured that if Kelly wanted her baby to be a part of our family then she’d better start getting used to being around Mrs. White and Charlotte.
“No lasagna?” I asked when I saw that the grill was going on the back deck.
“Sorry,” Mrs. White told me. “I don’t heat up the oven a lot during the summer . . . I guess I should have remembered. I could give Laci the recipe.”
“Yeah, right!” I scoffed.
“What?!” Laci asked.
“I’m not even sure if she can cook,” I whispered to Mrs. White.
“I can cook!” Laci argued.
“Well,” I said, “I wouldn’t know. I’v
e been either eating at the orphanage or in Jessica’s kitchen ever since we got married.”
“I help Jessica all the time!” Laci protested.
“Yeah,” I said. “Cassidy ‘helps’ her all the time too and I know for a fact that Jessica gets a lot more done when Cassidy’s watching TV.”
Laci swatted me.
“I’ll give you the recipe and you can prove him wrong, okay?” Mrs. White told her, laughing.
“I wouldn’t make him lasagna if he dropped down on his knees and begged me,” Laci said, sticking her chin in the air.
“Give me the recipe,” I said. “I’ll make it myself.”
“Oh! I’m sure that would turn out great,” Laci scoffed.
“You two should have a contest!” Charlotte suggested, carrying a pan of marinating steaks to the deck.
“I’m game if you are,” Laci told me.
“What do I get if I win?” I asked, pulling her toward me.
“You’ve already got me,” she said, wrapping an arm around my waist. “What else could you possibly want?”
“Nothing,” I replied, kissing her.
“Good answer,” Mrs. White said and Laci smiled at me.
She smiled more and more now. They weren’t the big, broad smiles that I used to see all the time, but I’d take what I could get.
“Ready for tenth grade?” Laci asked Charlotte over dinner.
“I can’t wait!”
“What math are you taking?” I wanted to know.
“Honors Algebra Two.”
“That’s my girl,” I said. Maybe if she and Jordan did wind up getting married one day their kids would at least have one parent who could help them do their math.
Charlotte and Laci offered to do the dishes after dinner so Mrs. White and I went out onto the deck.
“How much longer before Stephen’s due? About six more weeks?” she asked.
“Uh-huh,” I nodded.
“You two have everything that you need?”
“Pretty much.”
She paused. Then she spoke quietly.
“How hard is it?”
“Pretty hard,” I admitted. “It’s getting better, but it’s been hard.”
“I don’t know if I could do it,” she said, shaking her head.
“Yes, you could,” I smiled. She’d always been about five steps ahead of me when it came to obeying God.
“Maybe,” she smiled back. “Is there anything I can do for you?”
“Just pray,” I said. “I really want to love him without any reservations and I know that’s not going to happen until I’ve completely forgiven Kyle. Just pray for me . . . and for Laci too.”
“I already have been.”
“I know.”
~ ~ ~
WE DECIDED TO have our lasagna bake-off the next week. Since we’d be making so much lasagna we invited Laci’s mom and dad, my mom and dad, Mrs. White, and Charlotte.
I’d invited Mike and Tanner too, but Mike was taking summer classes and couldn’t make it home from school. Tanner wasn’t able to come either because the high school football team was attending a week-long training camp at State. Laci invited Natalie and Ashlyn. Natalie couldn’t make it all the way from Denver just for some lasagna, but Ashlyn said that she and Brent would definitely be there.
We dubbed it the “First Annual Lasagna Bake–Off” and I was okay with that. I figured that if Kelly did change her mind and we moved back to Mexico that it would be a good excuse for us to come back to Cavendish every August.
I may have cheated a little because I called Greg’s grandmother down in Florida and got her recipe. That probably would have worked out really well for me if I’d known how to actually boil noodles or how to brown ground beef, but I didn’t and Laci’s lasagna won hands down.
Secretly I was relieved that one of us knew how to cook. We were going to have to move out of Jessica’s pretty soon and had started looking for a place of our own.
Just to rent though. A place of our own to rent.
I wasn’t quite ready to buy.
~ ~ ~
MIKE CALLED ME one morning the week after our lasagna bake-off . . . about four weeks before Stephen was due. He was in town and he wanted to see us that night.
“He said he has a surprise,” I told Laci.
“A surprise?”
“Uh-huh.”
“I wonder what it is?”
“I bet it’s a girl,” I said. “I bet he’s engaged or something.”
“Really?”
“Yup.”
“Why do you think that?”
“He wants to meet us at Chez Condrez,” I said.
“So?” she said.
“So,” I said, trying to act serious. “It’s a very romantic place.”
“I wouldn’t know,” she said dryly. “I’ve never been there.”
“I have!” I said, grinning.
“Don’t remind me.”
“I was there with the wrong girl though,” I said, pulling her to me. “I’d rather go with you.”
She smiled at me.
“Jessica was no fun,” I told her.
“Jessica?”
“Yeah . . . our parents took us there for her sixteenth birthday. Why? Who’d you think I was talking about?”
She raised an eyebrow at me.
“Oh, yeah! Sam! I’d almost forgotten all about her! Okay, now Sam was fun!”
Laci glared at me.
“I’d still rather take you though,” I smiled and then I added, “I figure I’ll probably get a whole lot further with you tonight than I did with her.”
“Don’t count on it,” Laci said.
When we arrived at the restaurant the hostess told us that the rest of our party had already been seated so we followed her through the restaurant as she weaved toward a back table.
I’d been right. Mike was sitting there with a young woman. He grinned (and I think blushed) when he saw us and they both stood up to meet us.
“Hi, Mike,” Laci said, hugging him.
“Hi, Laci,” he said, hugging her back for a long moment. While they were hugging I looked at the woman. No, actually I looked at the woman’s hands. I was trying to spot evidence of a typical engagement.
At first I was disappointed because around her ring finger was a silver band with writing on it. It was definitely not an engagement ring. Then I felt my own ring and I realized I was looking at her wrong hand. On her left hand I saw the diamond ring.
I knew it.
By now Mike was finished hugging Laci and he saw me checking out his fiancé’s hand. He had a very impish look on his face as we shook hands and pounded each other on the back.
“Hi, Dave.”
“Hi, Mike,” I said, trying not to laugh at him. “So what’s new?”
“I want you to meet someone,” he said. “Laci, David . . . this is Danica.”
“Hi, Danica,” Laci said, shaking her hand. I did the same.
“Hi,” I said. “It’s nice to meet you.”
“You too,” she said to us. “Mike has told me so much about both of you.”
“Gee, that’s funny,” I said, glancing at Mike, “he hasn’t told us anything about you . . .”
He was definitely blushing now.
“So, Mike,” I said. “I’ve been very excited about your surprise. What is it? I just can’t imagine . . .”
Laci elbowed me.
“Danica and I are getting married,” he said, taking her hand and holding it up so that we could see the ring. Laci squealed.
Why do they always do that?
There was another round of hugs and this time Danica was included.
“So what do you do?” Laci asked her after we’d sat down.
“I’m doing my residency in psychiatry,” she said.
“You’re going to be a psychiatrist?” I asked her and she nodded. “That’s good. It’ll come in handy if you’re going to marry Mike.”
He smirked at me and Danica laughed.
“See, Danica,” he said, “didn’t I tell you that David was just great?”
She laughed again.
While we were eating our salads I watched Danica and I watched how she and Mike interacted with each other. Before the main course arrived she and Laci went to the ladies’ room. By then I’d already made up my mind about her.
“Well?” Mike asked as soon as they were gone.
“I can’t believe you were able to talk someone into marrying you . . . much less her.”
“Come on,” he said. “Seriously. Whatdya think?”
“I think she’s great.”
“Really?”
“Yeah,” I said, nodding. “Really. I think she’s perfect for you. Laci likes her too . . . I can tell.”
He smiled and looked relieved.
“Did you guys have classes together or something?”
“No,” he said. “She’s three years ahead of me . . .”
“How’d you meet?”
“Well,” he said, glancing down for a moment. “Remember when you kept calling me about Laci and asking me about her medicines and stuff?”
I nodded.
“Well, every time you had a question I’d go and ask Dr. Jacobs about it in the psychiatry department. Danica was working in his research lab and I saw her almost every time I went down there.”
“I don’t remember asking you that many questions.”
“Well,” he said, grinning, “I wanted to be thorough . . .”
“Especially after you met her I suppose?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Glad I could help,” I said, smiling back.