‘Why not?’
I swallowed hard. On one hand, I wanted him to keep my secret. I didn’t want to embarrass Stephen, or worse yet, have him stop trusting me. On the other hand, I wanted to tell him to fuck off. And somewhere in the middle was the fact that I wanted to do it. I wanted his eyes on me. I wanted that rush.
I pushed my panties down and toed them into the pile of my clothes. Then I popped my bra clasp and let it fall too. I put my arms up, turned a little and said, ‘Happy now?’
‘I’d be happier with my balls buried deep in you while I pulled your hair. But it’s a start.’
My mouth had gone dry and other parts of me had gone wet.
‘Now can I put it on?’
‘Sure. I’ll tell you, when I took my lunch break I wasn’t expecting this.’ He shoved his hands deep into his pockets and watched me.
I felt like I was moving in slow motion. The air around me licking my skin and raising goose bumps along my thighs.
I slid my legs into the dress pants and fastened the internal button and then the outer button. A small slide of moisture appeared between my legs and I blushed wondering if I’d leave a mark on his pants. When I picked up the jacket and shook it out he held up his hands.
‘Wait.’
Coop rustled through his closet and came out with a plain white dress shirt and a blue and grey tie. ‘Try these.’
My arms shook when I slid them into the sleeves. A fine tremble I thought I had imagined, until I saw the fabric vibrating softly against my skin. Coop grunted, batted my hands out of the way when I fumbled and proceeded to button all the tiny pearlescent buttons for me. His skin giving off heat, teasing my skin though he never ever touched me. He left the top three buttons undone.
‘Now the tie,’ he whispered. His breath warm on my face, his energy banging and scraping against mine so it was everything in me not to shove my hands in that sandy hair and kiss him until he fucked me.
But I would not do that. I needed to think. Or run. One of those.
He looped the tie around my neck, tucked it under the collar. He loosely tied it in a Windsor knot, his knuckles grazing the skin between my breasts as he smoothed it.
‘There,’ he said.
I could barely breathe and I knew that if I looked at my chest I would see the visible thump of my heart. ‘There,’ I echoed. ‘How do I look?’
I wasn’t sure why I even asked, the way his eyes had gone fierce and hooded spoke volumes. Coop tugged the tie none to gently and kissed me, my hair swirling around my face and tickling my jaw. I felt weird in his clothes, like a kid playing dress up but in her dad’s clothes.
Cooper licked my lower lip before curling his tongue over mine and kissing me with more need. Another slide of fluid escaped me and I made a soft sound.
His thumbs swept over my nipples and even through all that insane fabric, they stiffened instantly. ‘Coop –’ I started.
He pulled back. There was a sudden flash of anger on his handsome face but then it was gone – phantom and fleeting.
‘Don’t worry,’ he said, brushing his fingertips over the very obvious thick hump in his work pants. ‘I won’t touch you.’ His fingers swept back over it, fast and soft, almost like he was adjusting himself.
I licked my lips. ‘Do it,’ I said.
He cocked an eyebrow at me. Almost smiled. Waited.
‘You do it,’ he said, indicating the suit.
‘I will if you will.’
‘And I won’t touch you.’
‘You can’t,’ I breathed. I was already worked up from watching Stephen and his lover. ‘I need time.’
He nodded once, like we’d just sealed a business deal, and his zipper sounded like a buzz saw in the silent room. He freed his cock, hard and impressive, flushed a lovely shade of crimson, and gave it one rough stroke.
Just seeing that fractured something in me. Unhinged something that was stuck and rusty. I loved to see a man handle himself. The possessive nature of hand on cock as he stroked himself just as he liked it, just how he needed it, to get him just where he needed to be.
I undid the tie he’d just done and slowly stripped it free of my body. I wiggled the loose knot down the line of the tail until it came free and then I slid it from my collar like I had all the time in the world. His hand was rougher on his hard on, skin hissing against skin. I put my finger out and touched the tip of him, smearing that small shiny drop of fluid at the tip across the head.
‘I never said I couldn’t touch you,’ I whispered. ‘Just for a second.’
I put the finger in my mouth and licked it clean. Cooper growled and shut his eyes.
Pleasure and power speared right down the centre of me. When his gaze found me again, I started on those tiny, fancy buttons, undoing them one at a time until the swell of my breasts was revealed, but my breasts were still curtained by fabric. My nipples, hard and insolent, pushed against the white cloth.
I watched his rhythm grow more chaotic and I sighed, feeling such a tumble of arousal in my gut it was almost unbearable.
He moved a step closer to me but kept his hands to himself. His tattoos dancing and flexing with his movements. I touched one and then the other and he said, ‘Careful poking the bear, Feral.’
I smiled and shrugged the suit coat off. Every shrug that inched it down my arms made my breasts shimmy and the fabric of his white dress shirt sway. But it was big enough to keep me covered as I made a huge deal out of the jacket.
I tossed it on the bed and popped the outer trouser button. ‘How do I look in your clothes?’
His voice had become guttural and the small hairs along my spine tingled when he spoke. ‘Almost as good as you’re about to look out of them.’
‘Ah …’ I undid the inner button and then pulled down the fly, letting the pants gape open so he could see the top of my shaved mound. ‘You think I’ll look good?’
‘That’s what we call in these parts, a no brainer,’ he grunted. His hand was ridiculously rough on his cock and he squeezed at the tip to the point where I held my breath before he thrust into his own waiting fist. Seeing him that way, both in control and vulnerable, made me feel like I might turn inside out, or simply drop dead. A war of emotions pounded in my chest and I dropped the trousers so they puddled at my feet. A ring of inky black fabric that I stepped free of. Bare now but for his white gentleman’s shirt.
‘Take that off,’ he managed.
He was so close. So very close. I could tell by the set of his jaw and the cadence of his breath, the way his eyes flashed surreal and almost angry in my direction.
I pushed the shirt back and open – filleting the front of it so the button holes hung down one side and the buttons on the other. My breasts exposed and flushed from my own arousal, I took another step toward him so that less than a ruler’s length separated us. ‘I like it on. But how do I look, tell me. In your clothes? In your room?’
For a second he looked like he wanted to hit me, but I thought it was more that he wanted to fuck me and that I was toying with him. The two emotions are barely indecipherable in the heat of the moment with a man like Coop.
‘Come here,’ he growled, and I took one more step towards him, bringing us almost belly to belly and yet we didn’t touch. I could see every nuance of his hand working his dick – every flushed bit of skin, every vein, and every nick on his hands from working. Everything.
Without considering it, I leaned in and kissed him on the jaw. Then softly on the mouth. ‘Come for me,’ I said.
And Cooper came. A hot arc of semen graced my belly. Instantly heating my cool flesh with its presence. He painted me with each jet of cum and when he was done, panting and chuckling softly like we’d just shared the best joke ever, he grabbed my hair and yanked me in.
There was a lot in that kiss. Promise, aggression, need, and warning. I’d better decide on him or stop fucking with him. At least that’s what I felt when he kissed me.
‘Who knew lunch could rush by so fast? I have to go, Farrell.
’
‘Ah, my real name,’ I said.
He ignored me and tugged the tail of the white dress shirt. ‘You might want to wash that before tomorrow.’
He was half out the door when I remembered. ‘Oh, Coop?’
He turned, smiled. ‘Yeah? Change your mind? Want me to ravish you?’
Yes … but no.
‘Why were you spying on Stephen?’
He looked like he might not tell me. Like he might tell me to mind my own beeswax. Instead he shrugged nonchalantly. ‘It’s been a while since he was with a guy. He went through a lot of bullshit in high school and beyond. It wasn’t just his family that didn’t want anything to do with their son the fag. Lots of folks around here fucked with him …’
I thought he was done so I started to get dressed. Then I realised he was still standing there.
I looked at him.
‘He asked me to watch because he was worried maybe it was someone setting him up. Playing a joke, or worse. You know?’
I blinked, feeling tears prick my eyes. I didn’t know. Not really.
‘He wanted to make sure he was safe is all,’ Coop muttered and then walked down the hall. He yelled, ‘Lock the door behind you!’ from the first floor and then I heard the door slam.
Cooper had been looking out for Stephen.
Jesus. They were a confusing bunch.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Music. This was impossible. I knew the other dancers were going to be dancing to traditional burlesque fare for their numbers, but I was neither burlesque nor traditional. I ripped open box after box of CDs in my house. Finally I found the one I wanted. All the hair metal bands and retro new wave shit that was so unheard of back in the day. Cheap Trick, The Kinks, The Cult, Dio, Ratt, Poison … I snorted.
‘You are a goobertronic,’ I told myself.
Brutus was going insane. He kept jumping up to sniff the suit and jumping down to sniff me.
‘Hey, I know that I’ve had two encounters with the nastiest little pig today, you don’t need to remind me of it by sniffing me like a tree.’
He stopped, wagged his tail and then ran in vigorous circles.
‘Okay, so it’s easy to please you, then,’ I laughed.
I pulled out a few CDs and found my player. I tucked Cheap Trick in the player and cranked up ‘I Want You to Want Me’.
‘Nah.’ After a moment of trying to picture myself dancing provocatively to that, I gave it a pass. I swapped it out for The Kinks.
‘“You Really Got Me” isn’t going to work, either,’ I sighed.
Nine Inch Nails seemed plausible so I shoved ‘Pretty Hate Machine’ in and hit play. I’m drunk … and right now I’m so …
I cut off Trent Reznor. ‘Nope,’ I sighed to the dog who seemed very confused as to all the random voices and beats emanating from my magical box.
I pushed in the final CD from the pile I was holding.
And there it came, the rush of music that made my skin prickle and pucker and my stomach dip. My nipples spiked and I laughed at my own silly but visceral reaction to Ian Astbury’s voice. My hips started to move on their own and I found a natural rhythm that would work for me.
I threw my head back and danced around singing with him. ‘The fire in your eyes … keeps me alive!’
The dog started barking and I was laughing and I dropped to the sofa and kicked my feet up while the song played.
‘Maybe this will be good for me. Maybe this will help me stop worrying about who I’m not and help me be who I am. Because let’s face it,’ I told my grinning, panting companion. ‘If I get “nekkid”, or at least down to my skivvies, in front of a bunch of town folks, I shouldn’t really fear anything after that.’
I resigned myself to a quiet evening. No dates. No banging any of the three little pigs. No watching or being watched, or masturbating or – just a quiet evening.
I had dropped onto my sofa, trying not to obsess over how the following day might play out, or the myriad of ways I could fuck it up, when the doorbell rang.
‘If it is Deke, send him home. Coop … home. Stephen, especially home, or you’ll never ever be able to fucking look at him and –’
It was Keith. The mailman. The freckled, normal, nice, kind and unaware mailman. Or maybe not unaware.
‘So none of the home team is over here sniffing around your door tonight?’
I shrugged. ‘Nope. Want a beer?’
‘Sure.’ He wandered in, kicked his boots off – which meant his mamma taught him well – and followed me into the kitchen.
‘Word is you’re going through with tomorrow,’ he laughed, taking the beer I offered and twisting the top off.
‘There is sure a lot of word here in this little town.’ I grabbed a beer for myself and we chinked bottles.
‘I’m having heated-up, store-bought, shameful-to-my-family-name beef stew. Want some?’
He eyed the pot and then grinned. ‘Sure. I’m up-to-date on my shots.’
I ladled the remaining soup into a bowl and sat him at a tiny second-hand kitchenette set I’d found tucked in the corner of the basement. I’d damn near broken my neck wrestling it upstairs, but now that it was in the kitchen it completed it.
‘What brings you here?’
‘Don’t know. I just saw your street and decided to stop in. I know you’re … dating. I was wondering if you saw any future for us dating.’
I looked down. Truth be told, I’d thought very little of Keith since our date. I didn’t dream about him and he didn’t seem to be under my skin, which, right or wrong, was my current gauge for attraction.
‘I’m just … I’m confused,’ I started. ‘I have a whole new life and I’m –’
He chuckled and ate a bite of soup. ‘Wow,’ Keith said. ‘This is utter shit.’
Soup almost came out my nose, but I managed to swallow instead of snort. The laughter stopped me in my tracks and I rested my forehead on the table laughing so hard, tears sprang to my eyes. ‘I know,’ I wheezed.
‘You are a really brave woman just for attempting to eat that. Let me take you out for pizza.’
‘I can’t. Like I was saying –’
‘Platonic,’ he interjected. ‘Not even kisses.’ Keith waggled an eyebrow at me playfully. ‘I wanted to talk to you about something.’
‘Then it’s a deal,’ I said. ‘Because this soup is abysmal.’
‘Agreed.’
‘Let me grab my bag.’ I pulled on some boots, a warm jacket, and found my purse. ‘Feed me, pronto,’ I laughed. ‘I’m starving.’
* * *
Dante’s Pizza was tucked behind a small cluster of cottages. Very much the neighbourhood pizzeria. When I walked in and the smell of warm dough, basil, tomatoes and rich Italian cheeses hit me, I was in love.
‘My God. It would have taken me months to find this place.’
We took a table by the window and I admired the small tables that were laminated with old newspapers. Two glass bottles graced the small tabletop. A shaker of Parmesan cheese and a shaker of red pepper flakes. ‘Awesome,’ I breathed.
Keith laughed. ‘I’m glad our little outing made you so happy.’
Our waitress’s name was Anne, and Keith told her we’d have two colas and a large standard.
‘Standard?’ I asked, watching her hurry off. The joint was jumping.
‘Large cheese pizza. Trust me, once you taste it you won’t need any fancy toppings.’
He was right. The first bite was heaven and the second was whatever lies beyond heaven.
‘So why the pity meal? Just couldn’t stand me sitting in my home, shunning all my neighbours and eating the human equivalent of dog food?’
He chuckled. The rest of his slice disappeared in three neat bites and Keith sat back, wiping his hands. ‘Yes and no. I figure if I had a shot with you, I’d have gotten it.’
I swallowed hard. ‘What?’
‘We live in a town the size of a postage stamp. Word travels. I know you’re dating
all three of them. I know things have … advanced. If it was going to with me it would have, don’t you think?’
I stared at him. He smiled and then outright laughed when I said, ‘Is this a slut talk? Or are you going to offer me salvation or …’
He let his head drop back and groaned. ‘God, no. I am terrible at this shit. Please don’t think that’s what I meant.’
Keith dropped his head into his hands and ran them through his unruly hair. ‘I am an asshole.’
‘Well keep talking before I agree or disagree.’
He eyed me with those bright, kind eyes of his and said, ‘What I meant was, if there was a spark between us, I think we’d know. And I think we’re more suited to …’
He shrugged.
‘Being friends?’ I said.
Relief flooded my chest. This wasn’t a judgment or meanness. This was something else.
‘And I was wondering if it would bother you if I asked Joy out, and just declared us friends.’
‘Oh!’ I clapped, and several people turned to stare at me so I stifled my erratic joy. ‘Oh my God. Of course. Great! I agree.’
He laughed and snagged another slice of pizza off the pan. ‘I just didn’t want you to think I didn’t think you were … great. I guess, somehow, taking you on a date, opened me up to find my … um, cajones, and ask Joy out.’
‘Trust me,’ I said, ‘Joy could use a man like you. Me, I like to play it safe. Nothing that could get serious.’
Something flickered across his face and I said, ‘What?’
‘What, what?’
‘What was that look?’
‘What look?’
‘Come on, Keith! This isn’t an Abbott and Costello routine. What was that look?’
‘I just heard that all three of them were starting to feel pretty serious about you – hence the infighting.’
My first flickering thought was that Deke was feeling serious about me. And then a plunging rush of both excitement and terror. I ignored it.
‘Oh, I’ m sure that’s wrong.’
‘You keep telling yourself that, kid.’ He grinned and the light played over his smattering of freckles. He really was nice and kind and adorable. If I had any sense at all, I’d go for him. Instead, I floundered in a sticky web of men that I should never have taken up with in the first place.
Boys Next Door Page 18