Two blasts of steam erupted from the vents on either side of the mechanical man's head, and its eyes glowed a fiery red.
“Don't get your hopes up,” Billy said to the brother and sister as he approached the robot.
“Careful, sir,” Archebold warned, grabbing his arm.
“It's all right,” Billy answered. “I know who it is.”
There was a whirring of gears as the robot's head flipped backward to reveal Halifax. “I would've been here sooner but I had a hard time getting the Death-Bot 180 through the front door.”
“So this is the 180 model, eh?” Billy asked, admiring the robotic suit.
“It's not as cool as the 390, but it'll do in a pinch,” Halifax said. “Now if you'll excuse me, I have some trash to pick up.”
And with those words the three-fingered, clawlike hands of the robot suit released the cage, sending it crashing to the floor. There was a soft pinging sound as a green light on top of the cage began to flash, and the barred door slid up.
“Quickly, we must escape to the shadow paths,” Sireena slurred, managing to get to her feet but lurching to the side as one of her high heels flew off.
Sigmund just rolled around on the ground like a bloated slug.
Halifax walked the robot body over to the Sassafrasses and picked them up, one in each clawed hand. They kicked and screamed as they were being hauled to the open cage and unceremoniously dropped inside.
“Mark my words, Owlboy,” Sireena scowled as the door slid down. “We will find a way to destroy you.”
“What she said,” Sigmund echoed haughtily as he peered through the metal bars.
“You guys might be outta luck on that one,” Billy said, turning to his friends. “If what I suspect is waiting for me back home, there won't be much of me left to destroy.”
Halifax clumped over to the transport cage and picked it up as if it weighed nothing. “Next stop, Monstros City police headquarters,” he announced.
“Do you think we'll end up in Beelzebub Prison, Sister?” Billy heard Sigmund ask.
“Most likely,” Sireena replied with venom.
“Oh, good. Do you think Mother will be glad to see us?” he asked with sincerity.
“She'll be thrilled, brother dear,” Sireena answered. “Absolutely thrilled.”
And then they were gone, the sound of the Death-Bot 180's heavy metal footsteps swallowed by the darkness.
Billy turned to Archebold. “So I guess I'll see ya later then.”
The goblin was climbing back onto his scooter. “Maybe it won't be so bad.”
Billy shrugged. “Guess I won't know till I get back.”
“Guess not,” Archebold agreed.
“Nice knowing you,” Billy said, putting out a gloved hand.
“Same here,” Archebold said, pumping Billy's hand up and down.
Billy turned, slowly walking back toward the stone steps that would bring him up to the surface as if he were heading for his execution.
They've probably figured out by now that it was all real, Billy thought, pedaling Victoria's Big Wheel back to school. In his mind he conjured up images of the police and maybe even the United States Army all parked in front of the school, ready to defend the people of Bradbury against any more monster threats.
He imagined the citizens of Bradbury running around with flaming torches in search of monsters like the villagers always did in the old Frankenstein movies.
Not good, not good at all.
And to make matters worse, he was going to have to explain himself to his parents.
“Mom, Dad, it's true—I am a superhero.” And of course his mother would start crying, and Dad would drop to his knees, shaking his fists at the heavens.
“Why, why has my only son been burdened with this great responsibility? Why him, why?”
Billy glanced at the watch beneath his left glove. He hadn't been gone all that long. The whole Monstros time thing again. He was getting closer now, and his stomach felt like it was tied in knots—not just a couple of knots, about a few hundred of them.
At first he wasn't sure, but then he was certain. Billy could hear the low buzzing of voices all talking together, the sound that you got when a good-sized crowd had gathered.
Driving past the high hedges that surrounded the outskirts of the school, he reached the driveway and brought the Big Wheel to a stop.
“Oh. My. God,” Billy said, staring through his Owlboy goggles to the end of the driveway and to the front of the school. They were all still here, every one of the families and all their kids.
And he could just imagine what they were saying.
“Those were real monsters, I tell you! Somebody better call the police … and maybe even the army!”
“It was that Hooten kid for sure … my son always said there was something wrong with him!”
“Our Halloween costume extravaganza was ruined. I say we cancel Halloween … and maybe even Christmas!”
Billy couldn't allow them to cancel Christmas. He pedaled up the driveway to face the angry mob. Maybe there was something he could say to convince them things weren't so bad, that things might have gotten a little messy, but he had handled it.
Owlboy had handled it just fine.
“Yeah, that's gonna fly,” he muttered, bringing the Big Wheel to a stop at the curb. The first members of the angry mob noticed him.
“Hey, it's the kid in the superhero suit!” said somebody from the crowd.
“He's gonna get it for sure,” said another.
Billy felt his world start to crumble. He was gonna get it for sure; truer words were never spoken.
“Hey, everybody,” he said, waving to the crowd. He was trying to be upbeat, and hoped that maybe this would translate to the crowd. “Nothing to worry about here. Everything is fine. I handled it.”
“You handled it, all right,” somebody yelled, and then the crowd started to laugh.
Laugh? Shouldn't they be lighting torches and screaming for my blood? Billy thought.
Mr. and Mrs. Hooten pushed through the crowd toward him and Billy prepared for what was sure to be a bloody onslaught.
“I can explain everything,” he began, certain that he had used the exact phrasing at least a hundred times before when he felt as though he was about to be in really big trouble.
“Don't worry about it,” his mom said with a wave of her hand. “I thought what you did with the cow suit was very imaginative.”
“Cow suit?” Billy questioned. “But that's not what I…”
Dad spoke up next, looking really excited. “Yeah, the whole monster cow thing was cool, but when you came out as the superhero guy, that was classic.”
“Yeah… wasn't it?” Billy said, and giggled nervously.
The crowd had moved toward him, full of smiles.
“That was the best Halloween pageant I ever saw,” said Michelle O'Neil's father. “They're usually way more boring than that.”
“When those two monsters with the guns came in, I just about jumped out of my seat!” said Mrs. Gablonsky, a baby sound asleep on her shoulder. “Who would have thought you kids could put on such a show?”
Mrs. Hooten bent down and gave Billy a big hug, embarrassing the crap out of him. “I can't believe you were able to keep all this secret. You and your little friends are so creative.”
The crowd parted, allowing Mrs. McKinney, holding onto the shoulders of Randy and Mitchell, to come through. “I just wish they had cleared some of these things with me first,” she said sternly, but Billy could see a smile forming at the corners of her wrinkled mouth. “However, for something so thoroughly entertaining, I suppose I'll let it slide this time.”
The crowd was laughing and clapping again as Billy locked eyes with his mortal enemies. Randy was wearing the top half of the elaborate monster suit, his ugly face sticking out from the beast's now permanently open maw. Mitchell was still wearing the lower half, his normally weasely upper body morphing into the bottom of some hideous monstrosity.
&nbs
p; They both looked as though they were in shock, and in their gaze Billy could see that they were looking for answers from him. Answers that he wasn't about to give.
“Yeah, I thought we'd do things a little differently this year,” Billy said, laying it on thick. “Give everybody a little more bang for their buck.”
Randy and Mitchell just stared.
Over to the side Billy caught a glimpse of his costumed pals and gave them a wink.
“Gotta hand it to you, Hooten,” Dwight the Grim Reaper yelled. “You really pulled this one off big-time.”
“You are the Halloween costume extravaganza master!” Kathy B, in her witch costume, yelled, giving him the thumbs-up. “Good job, Billy!”
“Yeah, good job,” Danny said, flapping his cilia arms in what Billy thought might've been some sort of paramecium salute.
Reggie waved a handful of paper towel and toilet paper rolls that had come off his Transmogrifier costume, as even more of the colored tubes fell to the ground. “Who did you get to play the two monsters, Bill?” he asked. “They were great.”
Billy was momentarily stumped. He wasn't about to tell them that they were real monsters that were out to erase him from the blackboard of existence, but he had to say something.
“Oh, they were just a couple guys I met in acting class… yeah, that's it,” he said, amazed that he could come up with such a great fib. He had actually attended acting classes last year over summer vacation, and had made some new friends there. He hadn't talked to any of them since classes ended in July, but what his school pals didn't know wouldn't hurt them. “They had to get going, but wanted me to tell you guys how much fun they had.”
Again the crowd began to clap. How much crazier did it have to be in Bradbury before people actually took notice?
A dog's steady bark filled the air and Billy saw that Mrs. McKinney had found Cole and his guide dog, Claudius, and was herding them to the front of the crowd. “Mr. Cole has something to say.”
Cole cleared his throat loudly, a signal for the crowd to quiet down so he could speak. Claudius helped with a booming bark and then sat down at his master's feet, looking up at him lovingly.
“First of all, I'd like to thank everybody for inviting me to be a judge at your special function this evening.” The large man smiled, looking around at everybody, his eyes grotesquely huge behind the lenses of his thick glasses. “At first I thought it was going to be pretty boring, and I expected to fall asleep after the fiftieth astronaut or the seventy-seventh fairy princess.”
He paused for effect.
“Boy, was I wrong! And even though this was the first Halloween pageant I was ever invited to attend, I can't imagine a more exciting one.”
The crowd broke into applause, and once again Billy wondered if this was all some kind of crazy dream. He reached down and gave his leg a little pinch through the heavy material of his Owlboy costume. It hurt like heck, and he didn't wake up. And that just proved that no matter how bizarre this all seemed, it was real.
Cole went on.
“I was supposed to pick a single winner for the costume contest,” he said, reaching into the front pocket of his fancy Hawaiian shirt. This one was adorned with big-headed tiki statues and flaming torches. “A single winner to get this.” He showed the crowd the hundred-dollar gift certificate to his store.
Billy gasped at the sight of it.
“But after such a show, I realize that I can't give this to just one person.” Again with the dramatic pause. “So I've decided to give each of you—Billy, Randy and Mitchell—a one-hundred-dollar gift certificate to the Hero's Hovel. And superspecial discounts to all the students at Connery Elementary, since you all did such a fantastic job.”
The crowd whooped and cheered. Ghosts, ghouls, witches, robots and even parameciums clapped enthusiastically.
And if by some strange chance this was actually a dream, please, please, please make it so I never wake up, Billy thought excitedly as he accepted his prize.
Randy and Mitchell still wore the same stunned expressions on their faces as they took their prizes.
A guy with a camera approached them. “I'm from the Bradbury Daily Journal and was wondering if I could get a picture.”
Billy approached his mortal enemies, not wanting to get too close. Cole loomed above them, smiling for the picture.
“Hold up your prizes, kids,” the man from the newspaper said as he raised his camera.
Billy did as he was told, as did the others, and just as the camera flashed, freezing their moment of victory, Randy spoke, saying the first words to him since their dealings with the Sassafras Siblings up on stage.
“Those were real monsters, weren't they, Hooten?” Randy said, his head slowly turning to look at him intensely.
The photographer wanted another shot. Billy put on his biggest smile.
“What're you, crazy, Randy?” he said as the flash went off, temporarily blinding them in an explosion of white.
“There's no such thing as monsters.”
* * *
It's been a long night, a really long night, Billy thought as his parents' car finally pulled into the driveway of his house. He was looking forward to getting out of his costume and hopping right into bed. It was tiring work being a superhero, and a Halloween costume extravaganza winner.
Billy got out of the car and remembered that he still had something to do. Trudging his tired body around to the back of the car, he pulled Victoria's Big Wheel from the trunk and set it down on the driveway.
“That was very nice of Victoria to let you borrow her bike for your show,” his mother said, following his father up onto the porch.
“Yeah,” he said. “She's quite a gal, that Victoria is.” Images of demolished sections of Monstros City filled his head. “Quite a gal.”
“Are you coming up?” his mother asked.
“I just want to put this back in the McDevitts' yard and I'll be in,” he said.
His mother was going into the house when she stopped and turned in the doorway. “Hey, Billy,” she called as he was starting to pedal the pink three-wheeled bike across the yard.
“Yeah, Mom?”
“Good job tonight,” she said. “It was really something special.”
Billy smiled. If only she knew the half of it. If he had failed, the Sassafrasses would likely have taken over all of Bradbury by now.
“Thanks,” he said, pleased that she'd had a good time—and that he was able to thwart the insidious plans of the evil siblings.
She gave him another one of her proud smiles, the kind that always made him feel that he was something more than just a weird little kid, and went into the house, closing the door behind her.
He was trying to be extra quiet as he left his driveway and started across the thick patch of grass that separated the two properties. His plan was to leave the Big Wheel in the McDevitts' yard and then dash right back to his own house.
Nobody would know he'd even been there.
A window on the second floor of the McDevitt house came open.
“You better not have busted it,” Victoria's voice called out.
Nabbed.
“It's fine,” Billy said in a whisper.
“Where are the Sassafras Siblings?” she asked. “Did you take them home?”
“Yeah, Archebold and Halifax are making sure they get back to their mommy.”
“That's good,” the little girl said. “I came right back here when you left so my mommy wouldn't worry.”
“Did she know you were out?”
“Nope,” the little girl said proudly. “I'm Ninja Girl, don't you remember?”
Billy nodded. “Of course you are. How could I forget?”
The cold night wind started to blow, carrying with it the smoky smell of autumn, and swarms of leaves skittered and crackled across the ground like some kind of weird Halloween bugs.
Billy suddenly realized how tired he was.
Man, I don't even know how I'm still standing.<
br />
“Okay, put a fork in me, I'm done,” he said to the little girl in the window. “Time to go to bed. See ya later.”
He had started across the grass divider when Victoria called out to him.
“Hey, Billy.”
“Yeah,” he answered from his driveway. “I don't want to be Ninja Girl no more,” she told him.
“Okay,” he answered, too exhausted to ask why she wanted to give up the title.
“I want to be Owlgirl,” she said. Billy froze halfway up his porch steps.
“Can I be Owlgirl, Billy?”
He didn't have the strength to deal with this right then. “Why don't we talk about it tomorrow?” he said, buying himself some time.
“Okeydoke, see ya tomorrow, Owlboy!” Victoria said, closing the window.
Opening the back door, Billy hoped that by the time tomorrow rolled around, she would have forgotten all about wanting to be his sidekick.
And maybe he'd be six feet tall when he woke up, and it would be Christmas, and his parents would have bought him his very own Komodo dragon.
“Yeah, right,” he said aloud, closing the door and leaving the night outside.
He couldn't be so lucky.
Acknowledgments
As always, many thanks to my loving wife, LeeAnne, and Mulder the Wonderdog, for allowing me to live in their house.
Special thanks to Stephanie Lane for understanding what the heck I was talking about; to Liesa Abrams for backing me up; and to Eric Powell for really bringing Billy and the world of Monstros to life.
Thanks also to Christopher Golden, Mike & Christine Mignola, Dave “Shiny” Kraus, John & Jana, Darth Harry & Grand Moff Hugo, Don Kramer, Greg Skopis, James “the Pump” Mignogna, Mom & Dad Sniegoski, David Carroll, Ken Curtis, Mom & Dad Fogg, Lisa Clancy, Zach Howard, Kim & Abby, Jon & Flo, Pat & Bob, Pete Donaldson, Jay Sanders, Timothy Cole, and they who walk in shadows down at Cole's Comics in Lynn, Massachusetts.
The adventure continues.
THOMAS E. SNIEGOSKI is a novelist and comic book scripter who has worked for every major company in the comics industry.
As a comic book writer, his work includes Stupid, Stupid Rat Tails, a miniseries prequel to the international hit Bone. He has also written tales featuring such characters as Hellboy, Batman, Daredevil, Wolverine, and the Punisher.
The Girl with the Destructo Touch Page 14