Choosing to SEE

by Mary Beth Chapman

  “Call 911, and get the girls out of the house!” Steven yelled.

  He rushed down the stairs to see just where the fire was. I tore up the stairs to Shaoey’s room, pulled her out of bed, and woke her up enough to follow me to Maria and Stevey Joy’s room. Somehow I managed to get both little girls scooped up into my arms. I ran down the stairs and out the back door in record time, holding a little one under each arm, with Shaoey right behind me.

  I put all three girls in our Jeep. I told them that the fire department was on the way, that they were not to get out of the car, and that they could watch how Mom and Dad put out a fire . . . kind of like a field trip . . . and then they could watch the firemen once the professionals arrived.

  By then, Steven had taken a rake from the garage and pulled the wooden trash bin away from the side of the house. The side of the house had caught on fire from some tiny live ember in the fireworks trash. The windows were already breaking out of my office that held the family computer, files, and legal stuff. I flew into the house to try to save at least the girls’ adoption files, but when I felt my office door, it was too hot to even think about going in.

  I grabbed two fire extinguishers from the kitchen and came out of the garage spraying white foam on the fire for all I was worth. Once the extinguishers were empty I ran for the garden hose.

  Meanwhile, Steven was breaking up the fire, stomping and stamping on embers . . . in his sleepwear, which consisted of a little pair of tightie whiteys. I dragged the hose to my firefighting superhero and turned it on full blast.

  Then, in the distance, we could hear the wail of fire engines approaching. And there was Steven Curtis Chapman out in the driveway, hose in hand, wearing nothing but a pair of undies. All he needed was a “junior firefighter” hat.

  At the sound of the sirens, Steven looked down, realized he was in his underwear, and was prompted to take action.

  “Here,” he said to me. “Can you take the hose? I’ve got to run inside and get some clothes on before that fire truck drives up the driveway!”

  “Of course, go!” I said.

  I took the green hose and started spraying down the side of the house. My nightgown was all wet from the hose, but since it was July I wasn’t cold. As the fire engines came roaring around the back of the house, I looked over at the girls to make sure they weren’t scared of the sirens. They were just staring at me. Not moving a muscle. Then the engine stopped and Franklin, Tennessee’s finest firemen and paramedics hopped out.

  I was so glad to see somebody who could take over. I was quite certain they would be impressed with the firefighting that Steven and I had done.

  About that time, Steven came out of the house with more than underwear on. He looked at me with an odd face that made me realize I needed to look down. As I did, I realized that thanks to the hose, my thin cotton nightgown was absolutely sopping wet . . . and I didn’t have anything on underneath it. I looked like a disheveled participant in a wet T-shirt contest.

  “Uh, hi!” I called weakly to the firemen. Then I handed the hose off to Steven and backed myself into the garage, arms crossed in front of me, trying to disappear into the diminishing smoke.

  21

  February 20th

  In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence

  of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.

  Luke 15:10

  In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it

  were not so, I would have told you. I am

  going there to prepare a place for you.

  John 14:2

  It was like any other weekday morning in the Chapman house.

  The alarm went off at 6:00 a.m., the snooze button got pushed until 6:20, and then we were all running late.

  When Steven is in town, he usually drives the girls to school. That day, as usual, Shaoey needed to be taken first for her 8:00 start, then he’d come back and get Stevey Joy and Maria for preschool at 9:00.

  After prayers and kisses with Shaoey, I sent her on her way with Steven. Now it was time for round two.

  I came into Maria and Stevey Joy’s room, and there was Maria, sitting on the floor, pajamas wadded in a pile beside her. If I didn’t get to her before she attempted to get dressed, it was almost a guarantee that she would have on her favorite bright pink, fuzzy snowman outfit, and so that was today’s attire. She was grunting and groaning, trying to pull on her socks. Whenever Maria concentrated really hard, she drooled. So here she was on the floor, drips on her chin and drool running down her neck.

  “Maria,” I laughed, “would you like for me to help you?”

  Out of the blue, she said, “Mom, is it true that God has a big, big house?”

  “Yes,” I said. “It’s true! God does have a big, big house.”

  “Does it have lots and lots of rooms?” Maria asked.

  “Yep, it has lots and lots of rooms,” I responded.

  “Is there lots and lots of food?” she asked. Just the thought of food made Maria smile. She loved any part of meal time, snack time, ice cream time, anything food-related time!

  Trying not to laugh, and knowing where this conversation was going since she was reciting lyrics from a familiar Audio Adrenaline song, I said, “Yes, tons and tons of food! The best food ever! And you’ll never run out!

  “And you know what else?” I added. “God also has a big, big yard where you can play football!”

  Maria gasped, and said with complete amazement, “Mom! How did you know?”

  I said, “Maria, are you learning a song at school about God’s big, big house?”

  She started belly laughing, her eyes completely disappearing, her mouth a big Cheshire cat grin. “Yes, we are! How did you know?”

  I laughed with her.

  “Mom,” she said, “I wanna know more about God’s big, big house! I wanna go to God’s big, big house! How do you get there? Can I go there?”

  Oh, my goodness! I thought. Here she is, four years old, and she’sasking how you get to go to heaven!

  When it comes to the spiritual stuff in our family, I’m always afraid that I’ll mess something up or leave out some important part. Not wanting to screw up this key prayer with little Maria, I did what the rest of the world would do: I went to find Steven Curtis Chapman!

  “Come on,” I said. “Let’s go find Dad so we can both help you understand how you get to live in that big, big house forever!”

  I scooped her up, giggling with her, and took her down to the kitchen where I set her on the counter. Steven, just back from taking Shaoey to school, came in and did his best to explain the gospel in four-year-old terms. He told her how wonderful it was that she wanted to go live with God forever because that’s what all of us are created for . . . to know God and to be with Him. He talked about how Jesus made it possible for us to go to that place when we leave this earth, and how if we ask Him to, He will come and live in our hearts. He tried to explain sin and the cross and resurrection and forgiveness.

  Then he asked, “Maria, would you like to talk to God about this?”

  “Yes,” she said. Then she prayed in her own words, asking Jesus to come live in her heart and to take her to God’s big, big house when it was time.

  It was so simple, so sweet, so real – one of the best memories that I will carry for the rest of my life.

  Steven and I were both crying as we raised our heads, and then Stevey Joy, who’d been watching from the sofa, jumped up and yelled, “Well, if she’s going to God’s big, big house, I wanna go there too!”

  So we put Stevey Joy up on the counter and she prayed a similar, sincere prayer. These two small sisters, sitting side by side on the kitchen counter, were now new sisters in Christ!

  We celebrated with maple syrup kisses and hugs as coats were zipped and Dad took them out the back door on that morning of February 20, 2008. Maria could hardly wait to get to school, find her teacher Miss Megan, throw her arms around her, and tell her she was going to God’s big, big house. />
  Later, of course, what transpired in the kitchen that day would give us specific, sweet comfort because of Maria’s big decision. But at the time it was just a normal Wednesday, a crazy Chapman morning, running late and getting ready for school.

  Soon, though, a day was coming when I wouldn’t have any more “normal.”On the floor with her mom

  “February 20th”

  Words and music by Steven Curtis Chapman

  Putting her shoes on

  Getting ready for another day

  February 20th

  She says, “Mom, is it true?”

  “Does God really have a big, big house?”

  “Does it really have a lot of rooms?”

  And she said,

  “I really, really want to go there.”

  And I said,

  “So why don’t we just talk to Him?”

  That’s what we did

  On February 20th

  February 20th

  I did my best to explain

  How it is that we all will be with God

  How it was the Savior came

  February 20th

  If it’s true what He said

  Then God Himself sang along

  With the beautiful song of rejoicing in Heaven

  As she prayed, “Jesus, please come and live in my heart.”

  “And someday can I come live with You?”

  And we could never have imagined

  She’d be going there so soon

  22

  May 21, 2008

  DEAR MOM AND DAD

  I love you. I will always be with you. Bye. Kiss.

  LOVE MARIA

  Note Maria dictated to her preschool teacher in spring 2008

  It was a beautiful, warm spring day. The evening before, I’d gone shopping with Emily for her wedding dress. I couldn’t believe it: my firstborn girl was getting married! We had prayed since she was little that God would bring her the right man at the right time. Since Emily had struggled with self-esteem issues, the fact that she was marrying a wonderful godly gentleman like Tanner had overwhelmed us all with a sense of God’s goodness and faithfulness.

  Tanner’s mom, Janie; his sister, Tabby; Caleb’s then-girlfriend (now wife), Julia; Anna-Ruth, Emily’s best friend since first grade; and Karen, Julia’s mom and one of my best friends, all crowded into The Bride Room, a boutique outside of Nashville.

  I held my breath as the consultant collected several dresses in styles Emily had described. I had spent many shopping outings with Emily while she cried her eyes out in disappointment because the latest, greatest styles just didn’t fit her body shape. Today I prayed that my daughter would put on a gown, look in the mirror, and not only know that this was the dress in which she would marry Tanner, but that she would see herself as the beautiful woman God created her to be – a daughter of the King!

  Emily tried three dresses on for us, and everyone was polite, but you could sense the self-image “liar” beginning to make his way into Emily’s head and heart. She went back into the dressing room, shoulders drooping in disappointment, and my heart ached for her.

  Then Anna-Ruth, who had been in the dressing room with Emily, pulled back the curtain, and Emily walked out in a simple but elegant dress with an empire waist, beadwork at the top, and lace and netting at the bottom.

  Emily walked to the platform in front of a long line of mirrors. Keeping her eyes down, she stepped up and waited while the wedding consultant straightened the dress and fluffed the train.

  Emily slowly looked up into the mirrors . . . and tears started streaming down her face. The rest of us followed suit. It was one big blubber-fest. Even the consultant started crying. The gown fit Emily perfectly, as if it had been custom-made for her. It was a Cinderella moment.

  She could not wait to call her daddy. She was so excited, but she wanted his approval. She would not take the dress off, and she continued to cry off and on for 45 minutes until Steven could get there to see it on her.

  My prayer changed from spiritual to practical. Emily was so thrilled with that dress . . . and I hadn’t even seen the price tag yet.

  The look on Emily’s face was priceless; I just hoped the dress wasn’t!

  All of us had just about finished sniffling when Steven arrived. We made him sit on the couch with his eyes closed as Emily waited in the dressing room. Then Emily stepped up on the platform, the gown was fluffed and arranged, and Steven opened his eyes on the count of three.

  For just a split second, I saw a familiar look in his eyes. Kind of like the day he saw me in my wedding dress. Then there were more tears, a big group hug, and the dress was a “yes”!

  I made my way over to the consultant. To my surprise and delight the dress was reasonably priced for a wedding gown. As Emily came out of the dressing room, the consultant said that since the dress was in pretty good shape and fit her so well, we could buy the floor sample if we wanted to. This would mean a reasonable discount. Other than a little dirt around the hem, the dress looked like new.

  But I wanted to buy her a new one.

  “Mom,” my practical Emily said. “I’m getting married outside at home, in the grass! It doesn’t matter. Let’s just get this one and save some money!”

  So we did. I was happy about the discount, and Emily left the dress shop floating on a cloud, grateful that the big moment of choosing her gown had gone so well and that her closest girlfriends and family had experienced it with her.

  Steven and I grabbed an early dinner with some friends and then headed home. I took the bagged dress out of the trunk of the car and headed upstairs to hang it in my closet. Shaoey, Stevey Joy, and Maria came running in. They couldn’t believe that we actually had Emily’s wedding dress. I unzipped the bag and pulled out the lacy, flowing gown.

  Maria, being the youngest and most unrestrained, laughed and wrapped the lace around herself. She was excited that Emily had asked her to be a flower girl, and you could see her little mind churning, pretending it was her own wedding day.

  Now, the next morning it was warm and sunny, a flawless spring day. Steven headed off, coffee in hand, to take Shaoey to school. Stevey and Maria had graduated from preschool six days earlier, and they were excited about getting to stay home and play.

  My friend – Steven’s assistant, “Amazing” Grace – came over. She was helping me choose colors for a bedroom I wanted to paint. As Grace and I walked up the stairs, Maria was just ahead of us, giggling as I pinched her tiny butt all the way up the steps. When we got to the landing, she was already there, sitting on a bench next to an almost life-size Chinese doll, frozen in place, pretending to be a Chinese doll.

  “Where’d Maria go?” I asked Grace. “I don’t see Maria, just this doll sitting here.”

  Maria jumped up and flew into my arms. “I’m right here, Mama!”

  A little bit later our babysitter Melissa arrived. Since Maria and Stevey Joy were both bouncing around the house while Steven and I were trying to work on wedding lists and final plans for Caleb’s graduation party that weekend, Melissa and another friend, Wendy, had asked if they could take the girls to a playground that had just opened, the Monkey Tree House.

  Melissa and the girls were gone for a few hours. When they came back, they’d had a wild time at the Monkey Tree House and lunch at McDonalds. Around three o’clock, I told Melissa that it was such a beautiful day and she’d been working so many hours, why didn’t she just head home? So she kissed the girls and went on her way.

  By now Shaoey was home from school, and the girls were running in and out of the house, having a big time. They loved to hang out on the playground pretending that they were the Chapman Sisters, and that they were going to an after-show party with the Jonas Brothers.

  At one point, Maria came and asked me to help her get her Cinderella Barbie’s little white gloves on. She stood for as long as that busy little body could wait while I worked and wiggled to try to get those tiny white gloves onto Barbie. Then she tore off to do so
mething else.

  I never knew until later that she had changed into a maroon and pink ballet tutu . . . this was her dress for the Jonas Brothers after-show party.

  Finally I managed to pull the tiny gloves onto the doll. “Maria,” I called, “I got Cinderella Barbie’s gloves on her!”

  No answer. She and her sisters were outside in the sunshine, playing on their playground in the backyard, which was a good thirty yards into the grass away from the driveway. Maria wanted to hang from the monkey bars, but she couldn’t get up to the bar by herself. Shaoey tried to lift her up, but she wasn’t quite strong enough.

  Steven and I were still at the dining room table, talking about wedding plans. His cell phone rang; it was Jim Houser, his manager. Steven left the table and went outside to our wraparound front porch where he’d get better reception.

  While he was talking to Jim on the phone, he saw Will turning into our driveway. He didn’t think much of it, though later he would remember that he noticed Will was driving slowly and wasn’t talking on his cell phone.

  “Yes!” Shaoey said to Maria as she heard Will’s old Land Cruiser on the gravel part of the driveway near our front gate. “Here comes Will! He’ll help you get up on the monkey bars!”

  Will rounded the corner, heading toward the garage.

  “Will!” Maria yelled, running toward the car.

  “Maria!” Shaoey screamed. “Stop!”

  Maria was a hard-headed little girl. If she got something on her mind, she was going to do it. And by golly, she was going to get her brother Will to help her get up on those monkey bars!

  “Will!” Maria called again, waving her arms and running, though she was so little that Will couldn’t see her.

  In the dining room, I was writing a list, thinking about all the wedding details. Suddenly I heard confusing noises. Not the normal commotion of the girls at play. Screaming. But not the kind of screaming where you wait to hear if it’s a false alarm. This was different.

  I jumped up and tore through the kitchen, heading toward the hall to the back door, just as Shaoey ran in from the back driveway.