“We’re going to be up all night, aren’t we?” Rebecca asked, and Callie had to remind herself that she wasn’t talking about the same ideas that were on her own mind.
“I think so.”
“Dina! How do you like Rome so far? Buona sera,” Sergio greeted them. “Would you mind if I sat for a bit?”
Before either Rebecca or Callie had a chance to answer or even figure out why he was here, Dina jumped to her feet, her smile telling. “Why don’t we go over there?” she said, pointing at the fountain at the bottom of the stairs. “I’ll be right back, Mom.”
“Dina, wait a second…”
“We’ll just go over there,” Dina called over her shoulder, and true to her word, she and the boy they’d met yesterday at the airport, sat down on the bottom stair.
“What is this all about?” Rebecca asked, rhetorically, since all of them were clueless about what was going on. “I’m having a déja-vu here.”
“She’ll be fine. Months are an eternity when you’re that age, but she knows Tomaso is waiting for her.”
“Yes. Her ‘friend’.”
Callie studied the body language of the two teenagers for a moment, finding nothing to worry about. They had talked at length during the flight. Perhaps Dina had told him about Tomaso by now, and if she hadn’t--the first crush wasn’t always the true love. She had time ahead of her.
“I can’t blame her for having romantic feelings,” Rebecca admitted. “It’s beautiful here, great food…”
“--and ice cream,” Maggie chimed in.
“Yeah, ice cream, and the company.”
Rebecca smiled at that, a lot more relaxed than she had been in the past weeks. Callie thought once again that these few extra days had been a good idea. A few feet away from them, Dina and Sergio said goodbye, and he kissed her on the cheek, a chaste gesture.
“Uh-oh,” Maggie said, and that was probably appropriate, given the blush to Dina’s cheeks when she returned to the table.
“What?” she said when noticing the looks on her. “We were just talking. Sergio wanted to say hi while we’re still here, and tomorrow, we’re going to see museums all day. He thinks my Italian is pretty good, by the way. In fact, does anyone want dessert?”
She couldn’t have asked a better question to divert the attention from the subject matter at hand.
* * * *
The girls had probably not napped at all in the afternoon, because they were fast asleep now. Callie had been drifting off moments ago.
A little after midnight, Rebecca was far from sleep. The early morning would be tough. Tomorrow, they’d see more places she had only ever seen in movies, never imagining she’d walk in these places one day. The Sistine Chapel. St. Peter.
The summer here felt so different from the last one in Autumn Leaves that had been rainy, too cold for the time of year. The sun had returned later, beautiful days in September and October, when Callie had moved into her aunt’s house.
You gave me everything I didn’t even know I was missing. The jet-lag might keep her awake for longer, but she appreciated the calm, the one on the inside, not so much in the city outside. It was more than the absence of fear or guilt—it was knowing, without a doubt, where she belonged, now that there were no more lies and diversions between her and David, her parents, her friends or anyone. The summer of my life, she thought with a smile, still wide awake, but comforted by her thoughts, and Callie sleeping next to her.
The next day, she half expected Dina to ask to skip the museum in order to see Sergio once more, but to her relief, that didn’t happen. Dina frowned a bit at having to wear sleeves and a skirt that covered the knees for the Vatican visit, but she changed her first choice of outfit without protest.
Callie had bought their tickets online, so they wouldn’t have to wait for hours in line in the morning sun. They’d spent the morning seeing as much as they could in a few hours. As much as Rebecca knew her daughters to be smart and interested, there was a limit to how long museums could hold kids’ attention. Nevertheless, both of them were stunned by the sheer size of the premises, and the variety of exhibitions. Callie’s look was serene as she walked past ceiling to floor paintings.
It was almost impossible to be confronted with all those riches and gold, and not wonder if it wasn’t far off from a message of love and forgiveness—or how that message had gotten lost for some, like Father Reynolds who preached in front of a dozen people rather than have a lesbian couple in his congregation. He had made a choice to believe Andy’s lies over the truth.
Rebecca didn’t have a doubt that the ones who had created the beauty, not always those who had commissioned it, had believed in a message other than damning people. They had love, passion, and a purpose in their lives, and the results were beyond stunning. Maybe she’d been naïve at times, but in her life, faith had never been anything but a positive force. Father Reynolds’ decision to ban her and her family from the small church in Autumn Leaves, which had been a refuge for so many years, couldn’t change that. He should be held accountable in some way. Not just for her comfort, but because he had conspired with the woman who had targeted Maggie.
What he and Andy had done, and continued to do, was harmful not only to her own family, but also to many others. Rebecca had spoken up once, but maybe that was not enough. To her surprise, the thought didn’t scare her anymore.
* * * *
“Hey, Mom, do we have time to see those catacombs today? I’m sure it’s way cool.”
Dina’s suggestion startled Rebecca out of deep thoughts. She had gotten a bit teary-eyed too, something Callie could easily relate to. No matter how rightfully critical you were of church as an institution, and its representatives, it was hard not to be overwhelmed by the surroundings, sculptures, stained glass, gold, mosaics, too much for the eye and the soul. It was hard to determine where to look first, or what picture to take that would well represent the moment. She assumed that Rebecca was also thinking about the situation back home.
No place like this, to confront those questions.
“Catacombs and getting your hand bitten off if you don’t tell the truth, yes, why not,” Rebecca said dryly. They had decided on the visit to Santa Maria in Cosmedin after all.
“Cool, thanks!” Dina said, only to leave them standing to go investigate another corner with Maggie.
Callie lifted her shoulders. “I have no idea where that came from, but I’m glad they’re enjoying themselves so far. You are too?”
“Oh yes, thank you so much!” Rebecca smiled ruefully, and Callie realized that she’d been about to hug her, right here in the middle of St. Peter. Chances were, no one would have even noticed or suspected anything, but she understood Rebecca’s hesitation.
“Good. Now I wonder what’s up with those catacombs. Claustrophobic haunted places. Not sure I like that, but we’ll see.”
“Ghosts aren’t real.” Maggie had appeared at their side. “You don’t have to be afraid.”
Callie crouched down to lay an arm around her shoulders. “I’m fortunate that I’m surrounded by brave girls. We’ll have to take a bus to go there though, so we should get something for lunch. Now where’s Dina?”
Over the meal, checking the guide once more, Dina suggested that they’d go see the catacombs first, because the bus trip would take them outside the walls, and besides, the church would be opened longer.
“I didn’t know you wanted to go there,” Callie said. “It’s fine, but how did you come up with the idea?”
“Sergio showed me pictures,” Dina answered without hesitation. “Looks pretty cool.”
Rebecca winced. “Those are graves.”
“Well, yeah, but we’ve been looking at crucifixion paintings all morning. History is full of violence,” Dina argued. “Like telling kids they get their hands bitten off if they tell a lie. Makes you wish it would really work—on some adults.”
“I guess you’re right.” Rebecca sighed. “How about going shopping tomorrow, after
all the heavy subjects?”
Everyone agreed with that solution.
* * * *
Callie had never been particularly claustrophobic, or phobic in any way, for that matter. She’d eaten, stayed out of the blazing sun, drank enough water…there was no reason for her stomach doing flip-flops as they walked down the narrow stairs into even narrower tunnels. There was even some sunlight coming in. Go in, look at some paintings and coffins, get the hell out.
The girls didn’t have any problems of the kind, chatting excitedly. Rebecca, sensing that something was off, cast her a worried glance. “Are you okay?”
“Yes. I will be. This is just not my idea of fun.” She was all right with being a little overwhelmed by the beauty of art, high vaulted ceilings, sunlight breaking in stunning stained glass sceneries, but these surroundings were testing her.
No one had locked her up anywhere. The confines of this underground structure were in no way reminiscent of her ordeal, or the draining relationship with Nicole.
“We can go back up,” Rebecca offered. “I think we got the picture anyway. Dina? Wow, what is it with her today?”
“She went with the group,” Maggie said. “They are already outside. Callie, are you going to be sick?”
God, I hope not. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. It’s not your fault.” Rebecca laid a hand on the small of her back, the warmth of her touch orienting Callie some, and slowly, she turned back.
“Don’t worry, Maggie. No one’s going to be sick.” She shook her head. “I don’t know what’s up with Dina. Why did she wander off again?”
“Sergio’s mom is the tour guide,” Maggie piped up.
“Now that’s interesting,” was all Rebecca said to that, her hold on Callie still reassuringly firm. Finally, they were back out in the open. Fresh air and sunlight had never been so welcome. “Sit.” Rebecca squeezed her shoulder gently, holding out a bottle of water to her. The spell was gone pretty quickly, with a few sips of water and a change of setting, but Callie wasn’t fooling herself as to what it meant. Even after the barn in the woods had been torn down, even if Tim Beckett never set foot into Autumn Leaves ever again, she couldn’t just walk away and pretend nothing had ever happened. Maybe once they got back home, she should call the counselor. Possibly, she could check if she could see her when they were in New York for Asha and Gracie’s wedding. Figure out options about where to go from there.
“I don’t believe this.”
It took Callie a few seconds to realize that Rebecca wasn’t talking about Callie nearly throwing up on ancient ground, but her daughter in a passionate kiss with the boy she’d met a couple of days ago. Sergio’s mother, the tour guide, was explaining something to the group, unaware of the scene unfolding.
Callie felt both a bit guilty and relieved about the impromptu distraction from her own issues. She didn’t envy Dina for being fifteen and for the first time being confronted with the fact that the first person you fell in love with might not the one true love, but Dina was smart and strong-willed. She’d figure it out.
“What?” Dina said when she returned. “I didn’t run away. We just said goodbye, and didn’t I mention that Sergio’s mom is a tour guide here?”
* * * *
Maggie wasn’t nearly as disturbed by the Boccia della Verita as they had worried she could be, but of course, she wasn’t that little anymore.
“Come on, Mom. It’s just a story.”
Of course, Rebecca thought, given the event of the past few months, no one could blame her for feeling a little overprotective. She wanted all of them to be safe, Maggie, Dina, and Callie who had gone through traumatic events of her own.
Dina hadn’t offered any explanation for the kiss, but she appeared subdued and absent-minded for the rest of the day. They returned to the hotel after an early dinner, and still, Rebecca hadn’t found a way to approach the subject. Father Langdon might have had a point when he suggested she took more of her share in responsibility, but this was her daughter. It was for her they had planned the trip in the first place, and now that they were about to leave Rome in a couple of days, she didn’t seem all that happy. While Rebecca had been looking forward to the beauty of Tuscany in general, and the delights of Chianti in particular, she didn’t want Dina to be miserable. Nevertheless, she couldn’t help feel a little for the boy who had, from the looks of it, waited eagerly to see her again.
“Is there anything you want to talk about?”
Callie looked up and returned to her notebook. Maggie was looking at pictures they had taken, unaware.
“No, why?” The fact that Dina didn’t even look at her convinced Rebecca that they should have this conversation before their departure.
“I don’t know, you tell me. What’s going on with you and Sergio?”
“Nothing.”
“It didn’t look like nothing. I’m sorry, but I just want to make sure you still want us to meet Tomaso’s parents.” She hadn’t meant for her words to sound judgmental, on the contrary, but maybe they had come across that way anyway. Callie laid her notebook aside and sat next to Maggie, obviously sensing an argument about to come. Dina turned away.
“Please, don’t get me wrong. We’ll do the trip as planned, I just don’t want it to be awkward—”
“Why not? You must be used to that now.”
Rebecca was taken aback for a moment, sending an imploring look to Callie who fortunately got the meaning.
“Hey, why don’t we get some water from the kiosk downstairs?” she suggested to Maggie. “Would you come with me? We can look at some postcards too.” The exchange had lasted about a couple of minutes. When the door closed, Rebecca was startled to see tears in Dina’s eyes.
“Hey. What’s wrong?” she asked softly.
Dina, however, was not in the mood for a hug, drawing back in an almost angry gesture. “There is no problem, right? It’s what everyone in this family does, cheating. Why should I be any different?”
Maybe Rebecca’s problem was this—she took responsibility so often because it gave her the illusion of having power. She’d been unable to stop Maggie from buying into Andy’s fabrications. She had even believed David’s move could have a reason other than his career. Apparently, Rebecca didn’t have any better luck getting a few facts straight with her older daughter. She wanted to tell Dina that she got it all wrong, but no words were coming out. Eventually, it was Dina who realized she’d been crossing a line.
“I’m sorry,” she said, sounding sincerely distressed. “I didn’t mean it, okay?”
No, that’s not true. You did.
“Mom, please. That was a shi—crappy thing to say. I’m…I didn’t expect this to happen. For months I couldn’t wait to come here and see Tomaso, and now…I don’t know anymore. I wasn’t just talking about you either. I’m not mad at you or Dad anymore. I’m okay with Callie—could you please talk to me?”
“Do you still want to see him?”
In a heartbeat, Rebecca decided that she didn’t want to open every one of those doors, the phone call that Dina had overheard and told Callie about, a conversation between David and Susan while he’d still been married to Rebecca. That had happened a while before Callie was in the picture. This wasn’t about her, or David, or where they had gone wrong along the way. For sure, it wasn’t right to compare that situation to Dina’s.
“Yes. I think so.” Dina sighed. “How do I know I’m doing the right thing? Maybe this is it, and I’m missing my chance by staying with Tomaso. I mean, he’s great and all, but still.”
“You want the sad, adult truth?” Rebecca congratulated herself on her lighter tone. She’d need a bit longer to stop feeling winded from the accusation made in the heat of the moment, one that had held a bit of an uncomfortable truth. Those weren’t subjects to discuss in depth at this moment, with her daughter who was asking her for advice.
“You might be right.”
Dina’s eyes widened.
“Then again, I
have no clue. You’re right that people sometimes stay in relationships because they like and respect each other, and if both have the same expectations, it can work. It’s never a terrible waste of time when you love someone. You know when it feels right.”
Rebecca wasn’t sure if the resulting silence meant that Dina was pondering her words, or that she wasn’t making any sense at all.
“How do you know?” Dina asked, sounding slightly frustrated. “I mean how could you even tell Callie was interested? This could have gone so wrong.”
No kidding, but this was not the moment to discuss this particular fact or the time when she felt like teetering on the edge of a catastrophe, trapped. No, definitely not the moment.
“You know, because the questions stop.” It was, however, a good moment for Callie to come back and save her. “Which is not the case for you right now, I understand that. So how about we go to Siena and see how that works out?”
“I guess I have no choice. I feel horrible about that kiss now too. I really wanted to see Tomaso again.”
“Give yourself some time,” Callie advised. “Rebecca, would you like to sit on the balcony for a bit?”
Rebecca hesitated, but Dina picked up her laptop and flopped onto the bed. “Go ahead. I’ll check if Tomaso’s there.”
Once the door was closed behind them, Rebecca took a deep breath. “Wow. I’m glad you’re back. That conversation was something just short of a minefield.”
“I figured,” Callie said, holding up the bag she’d taken with her earlier. “We got postcards, water and this.”
Rebecca gave the half liter bottle of red wine a longing glance. “I’m not sure that’s the answer to everything, but for today, I’ll take it.”
“We’re on vacation,” Callie reminded her. “It’s okay to end that conversation there. You can’t compare your situation to Dina’s. She’ll probably fall in love many more times.”
“Yeah. I wish I could be of more help, but I didn’t fall in love all that often. Maybe this is the first time after all.”
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