Box of Hearts (The Connor's Series Book 1)

by Nikki Ashton

  “What?” I held my breath as I looked up at him through my lashes. “Jesse?”

  “She wasn’t the love of my life, Armalita. If she was, I wouldn’t love you as damn much as I do. I couldn’t rest without you near me when I was in Booker. Every day it was like being stuck in this damn pond,” he gave a quiet laugh and looked down at the water. “I was trying to move and not getting anywhere, because you weren’t there. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep, all I could do was think about you and how I wasn’t complete without you. I realized that what I had with Melody was different than what I had with you, and while I was grieving for her passing, I was also grieving for the life that I thought we were going to have. You know something though?”

  “What?” I asked on a sniffle, as his words tugged at my heart again.

  “I loved her, I did, but my greatest loss was the idea of what I thought she had been. She wasn’t the woman that was up here,” he said, tapping at the side of his head. “She wasn’t the Melody who I loved at seventeen, who loved me to distraction because I was the basketball captain and Prom King who loved her back. She was a different woman.”

  “She still loved you, though,” I stated. “And you still loved her, despite her being different.”

  “Yeah, I did. But, you see, all Melody ever wanted was someone who doted on her, someone who worshipped her from sunrise through to sunset. And I did, until Addy came along, which for Melody meant I didn’t love her enough. I can see now that my sharing my heart between her and Addy wasn’t enough for Melody.”

  I chewed on my bottom lip and looked at him warily. His words backed up what Garratt and Bonnie had said, but it wasn’t for me to agree with him. I didn’t even know Melody, but what I knew of her she didn’t cherish her family enough.

  “I guess being so busy, trying to build a life for us, I never realized until now. Now, I can look back and see what our life, our love, should’ve been like. Addy should’ve been her first priority, and she wasn’t, and because of Addy, she couldn’t love me like I loved her. But you,” he said with a sigh. “You love me like that, Armalita. You love me unconditionally, even when I’ve been an idiot and you’re screaming at me, it’s because you love me. And I do know you love me, even after I’ve hurt you so damn much.”

  Jesse gazed at me, and his lips turned up into a soft smile as he brushed my hair from my face. I smiled back and let my tears track down my cheeks and drop off the end of my chin.

  “You know what the best part of all this is, though? It’s that you love Addy like that, too. You put her first, always, even though she’s not your child. You didn’t want me to leave her on the night you got lost, in case she needed me. That was the first time I’d admitted how I felt about you, yet you put her before your wants and needs. You’ve risked your own feelings where I’m concerned by putting me straight on her, and how she needed me. You didn’t care whether I never spoke to you again, as long as I treated Addy right. And, these last few days, I know you’ve been avoiding me and maybe that was to save your own heart, but I’m damn sure it’s because you don’t want Addy upset. You love her like her mother should’ve and you love me the same way. That, Armalita Braithwaite,” he said on a shaky exhale, “is why I fucking love you with all my heart, and why I’m not letting you go.”

  Without thinking of anything else except for how much I loved him, I pushed myself into Jesse’s embrace, winding my arms around his neck and kissing him. My momentum took me forward and released my feet. Jesse yelled and clung to me as he fell backwards, taking us both into the water.

  “Shit,” he cried. “That’s fucking freezing.”

  “I’m sorry,” I spluttered as I lay on top of him. “At least I’m not stuck anymore.”

  He wrapped his arms around me and craned his neck up to kiss me. “No, sweetness, you’re not stuck anymore.” He kissed me hard and one hand went to my bum, giving it a squeeze. “Fuck, I love you.”

  “I know,” I gasped, breathlessly.

  “Hey, I’m guessing you don’t need the ropes.”

  I looked up and Jesse tilted his head back, to see Ted standing on the grass, a thick rope wrapped around his shoulder.

  “Daddy, you’re kissing,” Addy cried. “So, do you love Millie yet?”

  Jesse looked at me and nodded. “Yeah, baby, I do.”

  I wouldn’t have any brain cells left at this rate.

  Jesse

  Millie and I were in my cabin, having spent the night there, the third night we had since we’d finally sorted things out and I’d told her I loved her. Okay, it hadn’t been the most romantic of settings, in a stinking pond, but the sentiment was there.

  Mom and Dad had been great about us getting together, and every couple of nights listened out for Addy while we stayed in the cabin. It wasn’t going to be a long term thing, and I’d said no at first, Addy was my priority, but they’d insisted. Mom said she understood me not wanting Addy to find us in bed together just yet, but Millie and I should have some time together, alone. The nights we didn’t sleep in the cabin, I stayed in Millie’s bed for a couple of hours, setting an alarm to make sure I didn’t fall asleep in there all night. We also had Addy’s old baby monitor set up, that way if she did wake I could get to her before she found us. It wasn’t ideal, because I wanted Millie with me all night, but we agreed we needed to do this carefully to make sure Addy didn’t get upset or hurt, any more than I already had. Something that still filled me with guilt.

  As Millie shifted next to me in the bed, I tightened my arm around her, not wanting her to move even an inch away from me. I’d taken my time vocalizing how I was feeling, but now I had, I was beyond pussy whipped. She made me feel seventeen again, the knot of excitement in my belly every time I saw her, and feeling of anxiousness when she wasn’t around. Yep, it had taken me a while to get to the party, but now that I was, I wasn’t fucking leaving any time soon; I was going to be the last one on that damn dancefloor.

  “Hmm, morning,” Millie moaned in a sexy rasp laced with sleep.

  She yawned and stretched, her beautiful tits popping out from the comforter. Not one to miss a chance, I leaned over and took her nipple in my mouth.

  “Hey,” she said on a giggle. “No boob action until you promise me something.”

  “Really, baby, you sure?” I groaned, giving her nipple one last lick.

  I knew what she wanted me to promise, because it was the last thing we’d talked about the night before. Just before I’d fucked her so hard, twice, that she’d fallen asleep, pretty much straight after her last orgasm.

  “I promise I’ll speak to him today,” I groaned, making a grab for her.

  Millie rolled away and pushed a pillow between us to create a barrier. “No, you need to say the words; ‘I promise to talk to Brandon today about me and Millie being a couple’.”

  I groaned again and sat up, my back against the headboard. “Okay, for you.” I coughed to clear my throat. “I promise to talk to Brandon today about me and Millie being a couple, and me loving her so hard I can’t damn breathe when she’s not around.”

  Millie whimpered and the next minute straddled me and rode me like an experienced cowgirl.

  Millie

  I was in Ted’s study, replying to emails from Javi and some ex-colleagues while listening to a music streaming service, when the door creaked open. I knew it wasn’t Addy as she had gone to the library and then for ice cream with Bonnie and Ruby, while Ted had gone into Knightingale with Garratt for his final interview at the bank for the Management program. I knew, therefore, it had to be Jesse, so the grin I sported was huge.

  As the first notes of the piano on Des’ree’s ‘I’m Kissing You’ started, the door clicked shut and I felt his presence behind me. Without saying anything, he reached around me and turned up the volume on Ted’s computer. I turned my head up to look at him, and was greeted with the most intense gaze; one that told me, without words, exactly how he felt. My own emotions bared to Jesse, I gave him a shy smile and s
wallowed.

  As Des’ree started to sing, Jesse dropped his head and started to kiss along my shoulder. They were open mouthed kisses with the tip of his tongue seductively tickling my skin, moving up to my neck and back down to my shoulder. While his lips trailed a hot path, he pushed my t-shirt off my shoulder, and let his hand dip inside it, and into my lace bra to gently caress my breast. His fingertips were at my shoulder, digging into my skin, as his kiss moved to the top of my spine. The intensity of the moment took my breath away, and created a fire in the pit of my belly.

  “Jesse,” I whispered.

  Jesse remained silent as he licked up my neck until he reached my earlobe and nipped it with his teeth. With one hand still playing with my breast and the other squeezing my shoulder, Jesse’s mouth moved back to my neck where he dropped butterfly kisses. The hand on my breast moved to grab my ponytail, with Jesse giving it a gentle pull to give him access to the other side of my neck. The kisses became more intense, his lips putting more pressure on my electrified skin as his arm dropped to wrap around me, just under my breast, his thumb skimming over my nipple. Stretching my body up, I moved my head around, desperately searching for his mouth. As I pulled on his lip, my fingertips feathered over his jaw and Jesse’s breathe hitched, his grip on my hair, while still tender, tightening. He moved his mouth from mine and kissed along my jaw, turning my head away from him. He pulled the band out of my hair, letting it fall down my back, before lacing his fingers through it, pulling it aside to suck on my neck. The marking of my skin caused a heavenly mix of pleasure and pain, and I couldn’t help but gasp out Jesse’s name.

  I had never felt so desired in all my life, as heat pooled between my legs. Arching my back to try and ease the ache that the fire within me was causing, I licked my lips and moaned. Jesse reached around and, taking my chin in his thumb and forefinger, pulled my mouth back to his and kissed me. He took me captive, his kiss a perfect balance of soft and hard, before sucking on my bottom lip. While the music played on, he went back to kissing me, and his arm moved to wrap around my shoulder and across my chest, his hand over my heart, feeling every beat, before dropping and fondling my breast over my t-shirt. He kissed along my jaw, back to my neck, and the hand that had held my chin gathered up my hair, allowing him access to the back of my neck. My head dropped forward and I bit down on my bottom lip as Jesse accompanied each kiss with a squeeze of my breast. His teeth nipped at my skin and each bite was soothed with a tender kiss as his breathing got heavier. The hand at my chest slipped inside my t-shirt and his thumb rubbed a rhythm across the swell of my breast. Jesse’s tongue swirled over my skin, and his fingers worshiped me with their reverent touch, as my body yielded to him. His hand moved from my chin, closing lightly around my neck, maneuvering my face up to his so he could kiss me, hard and deep. Then he was holding my shoulder, his grip strong as he kissed between my shoulder blades, the touch of his lips making me shudder with desire. As the song built to its climax, the music getting louder and the piano faster, Jesse’s kisses got more intense and his arm around me got tighter, and he wound my hair around his hand. Then, following the journey of the music, his kisses became feather light and his hand lifted from my breast to cup my face. As Des’ree’s voice got softer, nearing the end of the song, Jesse turned my mouth to his again and went to kiss me, before pulling away with a grin. As I reached up, desperate for his mouth, he dropped a sweet kiss on my lips, giving me a beautiful smile. He leaned forward, took my hair band from the desk where he’d placed it, pulled my hair into a pony tail, and secured it.

  As the song finished, he reached forward and I felt his breath at my ear and tried to calm myself. It was no use; I was too close to the precipice to regain my balance.

  “I love you,” he whispered, before leaving the room and closing the door quietly behind him.

  Jesse

  As we walked into Rowdy’s, I felt ten feet tall. Millie looked beautiful and sexy as all hell. She was dressed in skin tight leather pants and a skimpy little blouse that it was impossible to be wearing a bra with; not exactly the usual attire for the women of Bridge Vale, but she wore it damn well. Her blouse was bright red, with tiny straps and the back was real low; so low in fact, that if she wasn’t wearing pants I’d probably be able to see the top of that perfect ass of hers, but don’t get me started on the ass. Her pants were so tight, I was hard just wondering whether she was wearing any underwear at all.

  Then there was that beautiful raven hair that she’d styled in loose curls; it almost touched her ass when it was straight, and I loved it. Loved wrapping it around my hand when she was beneath me. Loved everything about her to be truthful, so no wonder my jeans were uncomfortable; I’d turned into a walking hard on since she’d become mine.

  That thought – her being mine – was the best feeling ever, but it kinda worried me, too. It meant that I had to talk to Brandon. He’d only done one day on the ranch since he’d come back from Chicago, as he’d been trying to sort his folk’s place out. That meant we’d been able to keep our relationship on the down low, but I’d have to tell him sooner rather than later. He may be my best buddy, and I didn’t want to hurt him, but I wouldn’t tolerate him asking Millie out on any more damn dates.

  “Jess,” Garratt called over his shoulder. “What do you want to drink?”

  We’d given Garratt a lift into town as he was meeting up with some buddies and going to a house party later. He’d thought he’d been funny and sat in the front seat of the truck, so that Millie had to sit in the back. I’d soon put him straight and practically dragged him out by his ear. He’d been laughing so much I think he nearly wet his pants. It was good to see him laugh; shit it was good to laugh with him because we hadn’t done much of that for a while. The little fucker got payback though, when I’d subjected him to a show earlier, while waiting at a stop light when coming into town. I’d leaned across to kiss Millie, making sure it was long and hard and had plenty of tongue. Garratt said he was going to barf, but I knew how happy he was for us really.

  “Get me a Coors Light,” I said, and then turned to Millie. “What about you, sweetness?”

  “I’ll have a beer, too,” she replied with a gorgeous bright smile. “It’s kind of growing on me.”

  “Beer for Millie, Garr. So, what do you drink back home?” I asked, ignoring the sick feeling when I thought of her ‘back home’.

  “Prosecco.”

  “We have that here, if you’d prefer it.” I moved to tap Garratt’s shoulder, but Millie pulled me back.

  “No, seriously, beer is good. I really quite like it and it makes me feel like a local.”

  She grinned at me and gave a little wink, sending my heart in a tailspin.

  “You like being a local, then?” I asked, taking one of her curls in my fingers and pulling on it.

  “Yeah,” she said with a hint of surprise, pulling her shoulders back and tilting her head. “I do.”

  “Well, that’s good, but I have to say, you’re too fucking sexy to be a local.” My breath stalled as I raked my gaze over her. “Shit, Armalita, you’re going to kill me.”

  “I am. Why?” she pouted.

  “Because,” I replied, moving my mouth close to her ear. “I’m not sure that it’s healthy having every drop of blood rushing to my dick all the time.”

  “Jesse!” She pushed at my shoulder, a huge grin on her face.

  Taking hold of her hand, I pulled her to me and dropped a kiss on her smiling lips.

  “You look beautiful,” I said, my hand moving down to her ass.

  Then, without any warning, she pulled away from me and took two steps back. Her eyes were wide and her gaze was somewhere over my shoulder.

  “Baby?” I turned to see where she was looking. “Fuck, Brandon,” I cursed under my breath.

  “Jesse, what do we do?” Millie hissed. “I told you we should have told him.”

  “Well, he’s going to find out now,” I muttered.

  Millie shook her head. “No way, h
e’s not finding out like this.”

  “Well what else do you suggest I do?” I looked towards Brandon, who was talking to Bobby Sloane, the owner of the department store.

  Millie looked at Garratt, who was still at the bar, and then back to me. “We don’t say anything, except that we’ve all come out together. I’ll go and stand with Garratt.”

  “Nuh uh,” I grunted. “You’re not standing six feet away from me all night. Let’s just tell him.”

  “Jesse, no. That’s not fair on him. I don’t think for one minute he’ll be too upset, but even so, he’s made it clear he likes me.”

  I let out a long breath and looked down at the floor, my hands fisted at my hips. She was right, it wasn’t fair to tell him like this. Brandon was my oldest friend, and I owed him more respect than to just let it out by kissing her senseless in front of him. Anyone else, I wouldn’t give a shit, she was mine and everyone needed to know that, but Brandon deserved to be told in private. Hopefully, Millie was right and he wouldn’t be too upset. They’d only been on one date, for fuck’s sake – the double date with me and Addy at the fair didn’t count – so maybe he’d take it okay. But, looking at the beautiful, sexy woman who was now staring me down, I think I’d be pissed as all hell if I was in his shoes.

  “Okay,” I breathed out. “But if he so much as touches you in a way I don’t like, I’m telling him. Agreed?”

  Millie looked over my shoulder and was suddenly panic stricken. “Okay, agreed. He’s coming over.”

  She scooted over to Garratt who was on his way back with our drinks. Garratt stopped in his tracks and stared at her. Millie rolled up on her tiptoes and whispered into Garratt’s ear. He looked over and burst out laughing. I still had no idea what that little fucker’s problem was with Brandon. Three years of hating each other over a game of damn cards was just stupid.

  Brandon appeared at my side at exactly the same time as Garratt and Millie. Brandon slapped me on the shoulder, Garratt practically growled at him, and Millie begged me with her eyes not to say anything. Me, well, I grabbed my beer from Garratt and took a long swig.