Shimmers & Shrouds (Abstruse)

by Brukett, Scarlett

  I was still standing in front of her door and thinking why the hell I was here. I didn't want her to spoil her mood because of me. My grandma wanted me to marry someone else. Was I here to ask her to forget me? No.. I immediately dismissed that thought. That certainly couldn't be happening. I couldn't just consider that for myself; telling her to move on would be the worst pathetic thing I'll be saying. I was here to see her face. The face that shone like a thousand moons, and yet had the charm to outran them. The face that could bring smile on someone's face even if they had their deadliest days. I was here to see the smile that never faded.

  I rang the door and waited..

  Seven seconds..... ten seconds.... twelve seconds passed but nobody opened the door. She told me she wouldn't go anywhere today since it was my birthday. I took the other set of keys that she brought for me some ten―twelve days ago and unlocked the door. The entire room was decorated with colourful birthday banners and beautiful drawings of the journey of our love, the pictures were very simple, designed on papers that were meant for her assignments, to be true. All the pictures were stuck on the wall facing opposite the kitchen's door. The picture right on top was of two figures shaking hands, our first meeting. The next picture was a little too funny. The small figure with long hair is about to pound on the other figure with a rod. I snickered and shook my head. She was so adorable, even with that iron rod right above her head. The third one was of a house boat, I removed my coat, cap and shades to keep them on the recliner so I could admire the sweet heart she was being by giving me such a wonderful surprise. The fourth picture was of our first kiss. Though this picture was conveying an emotion that I was able to intercept, the meaning of that night was far deeper than she actually depicted. I was able to discover a world that possibly never existed before her arrival. She was a connector, she was my heaven.

  I was taking a look at the other pictures when I felt something move behind my back, I had an intruder??

  "Booyah!" A hoarse voice filled the room, and before I could react, I felt a push on my back, hard enough to make me fall on the bed. I immediately turned to look who the intruder was.

  "Sheesh! You're UNPREDICTABLE!" My heartbeat returned to its normal pace. It was her.

  "You were frozen to death." She giggled.

  "Yes, I was." I got up, resting my body on my elbows now, smiling helplessly.

  "Come, give me your hand. I'll bring you some―" Before she could help me out, she tumbled and landed right on me. Her hands fell on my chest and her face was just a few inches from mine. Her long hair were all over me. I could feel her heartbeat increasing rapidly. I tucked one of the lock of hair behind her left ear. She breathed in heavily; her eyes got caught up with mine as she leaned in more and more until I could feel her breath on my mouth. She was unavoidably close. I could have ended up in kissing her if I were to move even half an inch. Her eyes scrutinized me.

  "You okay?" I managed to speak, just to distract the thought of kissing her. She shifted her eyes down to my lips and back again. She simply nodded.

  By then I knew why I was actually here. I wanted to lose myself with her. I wanted to cry my eyes out. I wanted to bury my head in her arms and forget about everything. I wanted to be with her. I was finally home.

  I tilted my head, in accordance with her face and leaned in. a shock ran through my entire body when my lips brushed against hers. Yes. This was what I wanted. Us, together.

  As I tried to deepen the kiss a flashback of series of events that took place earlier struck me like a thunderbolt. I pushed her away instantly, gently placing her on her feet. No, this was wrong. I was betraying her.

  I got up and, with a confused and apologetic look, excused myself. I headed for the kitchen. She’d be broken if she knew about grandma’s plans.

  I felt like wailing aloud at my helplessness. I could have kissed her― I could have hugged her. But I couldn’t.

  “The love mania is over for you, Mr. Albert? It’s been just five days and you’re done?” Her mean words ignited me from within. What the hell was she talking?

  “Shut up Pearl. Are you out of your mind or something?”

  “I am. You just used me for my body, right? And now―” she effectively closed the distance between us. “When you’re through with it, you’re avoiding me, aren’t you?”

  I stared at her blankly, regulating my temper and the shallow breaths. This can’t be true. I loved her. She can’t be thinking of me like this. Wake up Orpheus, wake up!

  “And I loved you Orpheus, I loved you like the heaven and earth colliding. I really did.” She scowled and looked away. “I know you never meant it when you said that you wanted to marry me; why would you? Do you think I am that blind to ignore that you’re still a player? Whatever it is Mr. Orpheus Albert, even if you didn’t mean the proposal or all the gestures you worked on for me, you still mean a lot more to me than you’ll ever know.”

  That was it.

  I held her by the forearm and swirled her around to face me. With all the courage I could muster, I started off.

  “What the fuck do you think of yourself? Just because I call you Einstein, do you think you are one? You wanna know why I don’t want to touch you anymore?”

  I ground my teeth in an attempt to hold back the tears. I was doing this so she could be happy. She must be happy. This was going to cause her pain for a few days, but I had faith that in time, she will learn to live happily.

  “I’ll tell you what’s wrong. I’ll tell you the reasons why I don’t want you now. Listen carefully, coz you’re the first bitch I am explaining the reasons to. It’s not because you’re special or I’d started falling for you or something. No. Don’t get the wrong idea. It’s because you really ARE different from the other multi millionaire sassy chicks that I’ve fucked so far. I think you are different because you are thoroughly disgusted.

  What do you think you are? If you tell me that the monthly expenditure of your house is a thousand pounds, I’ll be impressed? What the fuck! I was ashamed of my low class choice. I regretted coming here. I’ll tell you another thing; I didn’t fell from the couch, it was an excuse because―” I took a deep breath. It was HAARD to say this. “I wanted to fuck you. I’d been trying to drop the hints that I wanted to fuck you since day one.”

  She looked at me as if she were shot by a gun. I left her hand. She dumped herself on the couch, completely traumatized with the venom in my voice. My insides were felt like they would burst. My chest had started to rip apart, but I held myself together and pulled her up.

  “I am not done saying, so stand up.”

  She looked through me with her big wide horror struck eyes, and I couldn’t even tell her that it was all a lie. I wanted her to hate me down to her bones. I wanted her to hate me so much that she would hate to even look at my pictures anymore.

  “I acted sweet, shared stories, faked stories about me, lied to you a million times and you, like a bitchy fool that you are, believed everything. I couldn’t believe that you were so dumb.”

  That wasn’t enough, was it?

  I remembered I had put the keys of the houseboat in my pocket the other day while cleaning because she’d carelessly put them away. That was the last bomb I still had to drop.

  “Did you really buy that story of me buying you that house boat? Seriously?”

  I scoffed loudly. “Whoa! How could you even think that I’d be spending money over a cheapskate bitchy shit like you? I fucked my friend’s girlfriend there yesterday. If you think I am lying, then go search the entire motherfucking house. You won’t find the keys anywhere.”

  I left her and ran my fingers through the hair, covering my mouth so she wouldn’t see the quivering lips. I dug my fingers into her shoulder and faked a smug smile. “I. DON’T. LOVE. YOU, YOU FILTHY WHORE, I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS FUCKING SHIT.”

  With that, I collected my coat, cap and sunglasses― ignoring her statue like figure. She sunk to the floor as I headed for the door.

  “I wa
s not living a lie.” I heard her broken voice. That stopped me where I was. I hated to see her tears and I couldn’t bring myself to the fact that it was me who made her cry. “Tell me― I’ll forget everything you’ve just said.” She stammered, sobbing. “I’ll― forgive― you, It’s not― difficult. I’ll― forget― everything ―that has― happened today. But― if― you’ll leave― now, even if― all this is a lie― I won’t― forgive you. I― seriously― won’t. Don’t― go― Orpheus. Stay.”

  Tears had started to flow now. I wanted this to happen, didn’t I? And yet it hurt me like hell. I stormed out of the apartment, not caring cover myself appropriately.

  I sobbed heavily while driving back to the river Cherwell, the river where the houseboat floated. I ran all the way to the river, exhausting myself and crying my eyes out. At least no one could see here. I went near a tree and started beating my hands against it. These hands had touched her so rashly that it was no right for them to be soft anymore. I carried on like that until they started to bleed from every possible corner. Weary as I already was, I stomped off towards the houseboat and raided it. I destroyed everything in it. The bedcovers, the chairs, even the steering wheel in the cabin. Just then something dawned on me.

  I was afraid of deep water.

  I took my tie out from the pocket and tied it around my neck. If this life was not meant to live with her, I might as well die then.

  With my hurt hands, I tightened the knot and strangled myself. The darkness started to cover my senses. That was when I jumped right in the middle of the river, never to rise up again.

  I opened my eyes to a familiar place. The scene in front of my eyes was blurred at first, but gradually, it cleared, and the pain in my head made me wince.

  “Mr. Albert, sir.”

  “Mr. Sunross, is that you?” my eyes searched for him but he was nowhere near me. Was I dreaming his voice up?

  “Sir, Mrs. Llewellyn is on her way to meet you. I am glad you’re fine.”

  I sobbed at the realization that my plan didn’t work out the way I wanted it to. “I didn’t die, right?”

  “No, you didn’t.” Grandma’s cruel, furious voice surprised both Mr. Sunross and me.

  I didn’t want to open my eyes and see her. She was the person for whom I had torn my Pearl apart. I hated her now.

  “What the hell do you think you were doing?” she yelled at me.

  I remained silent.

  “You crazy brat! How could you― how could you do such thing you crazy fool. How can you…” she dumped herself on the bed.

  I sat upright and supported her. My hands were paining from the bruises on it.

  “You are going to snatch yourself away from me? Are you going to the same thing that your mother did to me?”

  “No gran, I am not doing that.”

  “Do you how long you were sedated? It’s been three days today.” She wept. “Were you planning to break me now? Are you that merciless?”

  I wiped her tears and leaned on her shoulder. This was the first time I’d seen her so concerned over me. “I am sorry; I won’t do it again, okay?”

  “Promise?”

  “Promise.” I smiled and hugged her.

  Mr. Sunross informed me that while I was off, the news of my engagement with Diane was duly announced on the day of my suicide attempt.

  On asking him how they found me, he told that dad told gran about my location, and when they reached there, they saw some people nursing me. Those guys owned the nearby farm house and had come there for fishing. He told me that grandma settled the matter for some four hundred thousand pounds so they wouldn’t report to either the police or the media. That was quiet an amount

  “It’s not the money that matters, sir; I know why you did it.”

  I looked at him, surprised.

  “Breaking up this way will only create misunderstandings, sir. This will leave both of you devastated. Please meet her just once, sir, and tell her everything. She is going to understand you.”

  He was right. She might forgive me, she wasn’t heartless.

  He sat next to me and cleaned my wounds. I looked at my hands. The cuts were pretty deep, and the sterilizing liquid stung me everywhere. I closed my eyes and concentrated on happy moments that I’d spent with pearl so I wouldn’t feel the pain.

  A scene came gushing in like a typhoon. On telling her that I tend to ruin myself, she admitted that we matched.

  In my anger and outburst, I’d forgotten that she was really like me. The warning that she gave thundered in my ears. ‘If I left, she would never forgive me….’

  The door to her apartment was locked and the keys were under the eaves. I sighed well heartedly. She was alive, she was safe― what more could I ask for?

  I resolved to wait for her. I wanted to apologize for all the crap I’d said that day. I called on her number several times but she didn’t pick up, nor did she call back.

  The tension and stress clouded up again when she did not return at her usual time.

  I returned back to her apartment and made sure that I wasn’t dreaming about it being locked. I called on her cell once again, and this time, I heard the ringtone from inside. What the fuck! I collected the key and unlocked the door.

  A foul smell invited me when I entered the apartment. My legs started to shiver at the sight of the house.

  The television set lay broken on the floor, so did all the cds. The posters that she’d made for my birthday were torn and ripped into shreds. The curtains were pulled down. In the kitchen, the food she made was just the way that I’d seen them the last time. That was why the house smelled of rotten rats. That poor soul didn’t have her food at all. I turned away from the kitchen but something caught my attention. I was sure I’d seen a bottle of pills on the platform. I strode towards it and examined the bottle. It had sleeping pills and it was empty. My dreadful fears started taking shape. I pushed aside the unpleasant thoughts but a considerable amount of blood in the sink strengthened it more. I fished my phone and called Ken, Sam, and Daniel to check all the hospitals and nursing homes of Kensington and Headington to see whether they had her admitted.

  I found a pair of scissors along with her clothes lying on the floor of the closet room. What did she do? Where did she vanish? I had destroyed her.

  On the bed was the phone. The blot of blood on the bed sheet was right next to it.

  I cleaned the entire house, and washed all the dishes after throwing away the stale food. I spread a new bed sheet and filled the garbage bag with the blotted bed sheet and the shredded clothes. After throwing away all the things, I switched the light off and waited for her to come home. Daniel had called me to inform that he’d seen her coming out of a beauty salon with Summer. That meant she was okay. I could wait; it was just the matter of few minutes.

  I heard a faint sound of her singing a common song. I tried to concentrate on the lyrics. My eyes flew open. I’d been sleeping all this time while I waited for her to come.

  She was home. I checked my watch and the radium clock showed quarter past three in the morning..

  Oh shit.

  Her speech was slurred. Could it be that she had alcohol?

  NO WAY. She boycotted its consumption at every single opportunity.

  She removed her cluttering heels and broke something. May be the vase. Without switching on the lights she limped towards the bathroom, got in and closed the door. I heard the sound of shower.

  I rubbed my eyes and got up. It felt like her job was to mess things up and mine was to fix them.

  I cleaned up the glass pieces when the stench smell filled my nostrils. It was RYE. She was drunk?

  I switched the lights on, ready to confront her, but the sight of bloodied footprints chilled me to the bones. That was why she limped all the way to the bathroom.

  I pushed the door open and found her passed out under the shower. I turned the knob off and scooped her in my arms. My hands pained and bled but the mental pain that I’d inflicted on her was worse
than any physical pain.

  I dried her hair and took her clothes off. While dressing her up in more comfy clothes, I noticed the cut on her wrist. Tearfully I draped her with the blanket and left the place, promising myself to never show up in front of him.

  Shroud of joy

  "I want your help Theo."

  I couldn't find any other option to take care of her, virtually. I was sure that Theo was the right person for this job, but he never used to hide anything from Diane

  "Anything, Orpheus."

  I liked the way he talked; he had honey melted and fused with his voice. He was a guy who had never let anyone down, and I was glad to finally use this to my advantage. It was for the girl we both were in love with, and somehow, I knew he wouldn't really mind doing it for me. It was a noble task after all.

  "I want you to take care of a girl. you know her very well." I swallowed. Would he really not mind?

  "I hope she’s not one of your exes. Ha ha."

  Oh shit.

  "Oceana." There goes my heart beat.

  I could do nothing about my impatience and it felt to me that he was testing it by being quiet.

  "H... how do you know her?" He stuttered. Thank god he was alive.

  "Oh, She's my friend's sister, Ashton Viera." I lied; I couldn't believe I just invented a fake brother to fix my plot inside his head. My idea of being involved seemed much valid now. "And I have heard that she drinks a lot." I quickly changed the subject.

  "So?"

  "She's avoiding him for I don't know what reasons. And so he has asked me to help him out. I thought you could do it and Diane has told me that you love her."

  "She did? That's embarrassing."

  I barked a laugh at his audacity to admit the embarrassment in front of me.