by Lynsey James
‘You look beautiful,’ I said. ‘You’re rocking that headscarf for a start!’
‘Why thank you honey. Carolyn, would you mind if I had a minute alone with Ava?’
Carolyn looked from Ivy to me and nodded uncertainly.
‘I’ll just be outside,’ she said.
I sat down in her chair but felt uneasy about doing so. Ivy shot me a mysterious look and I wondered what she was about to tell me.
‘Ava honey, you’ve been so good to me these past couple of months. You’ve given me hope and Lord knows I could use some of that right now. Without you, I’d never have dreamt it was possible to find Leo or see him again. I know I might not have a lot of time left, but if I could just meet him one last time it’d mean the world to me.’
The thought of Ivy having a limited time left to live made me want to cry. When I’d first met her, she’d seemed like one of those people who would be alive forever.
‘I’ll make it happen Ivy, but you can forget about leaving us any time soon. You’re going to be fine.’
‘Thank you, child. I got this saying I use to get me through times like this: everything will be OK in the end. If it’s not OK, it’s not the end.’
I smiled and squeezed her hand, suddenly feeling extremely stupid. She was fighting for her life and still retained so much hope about her dream coming true. Just because mine hadn’t been everything I’d expected, I’d tossed it aside and shut myself down. In truth, my hopes for true love had died the day Dave had left; I’d just tried to pretend otherwise. Pushing Max away because he wasn’t my “ideal” Mr Writer had been inevitable and would’ve happened to whoever he’d turned out to be. I’d completely closed myself off to love and used some silly fantasy to kid myself that I still believed in it. I was a fool.
I couldn’t face going into work the next morning. Maddie was having a cupcake party in the afternoon to celebrate her engagement, which sounded about as much fun as drinking urine.
Instead, I dragged my laptop off to a café just down the street and decided it would be my office for the day. Gwen and I still weren’t speaking. The atmosphere between us would’ve left Elsa from Frozen feeling a bit chilly. She’d flounced out the door that morning, taking a piece of burnt toast with her and leaving a horrible smell in the kitchen.
I planned to do some journalism that day but first I had to sort my life out. This quest to find Mr Writer had ruined everything: I’d lost my two best friends, ended up alone and lost sight of my goal of reuniting Ivy and Leo. I’d probably left it too late to stand any chance of getting my article on Sleek’s Valentine’s cover but that didn’t matter. I could hopefully still fix things and make a difference to people’s lives.
Top of my list was phoning Dr Browning to arrange a meeting for Ivy and Leo. I quickly dialled his number and waited for him to answer.
‘Hello, Dr Ian Browning speaking.’
‘Hi Ian, it’s Ava Clements from Sleek magazine. I was wondering if you’d had a chance to speak to your dad about possibly meeting Ivy?’
Ian paused for a second. I had an awful feeling he had some bad news to share.
‘Dad’s actually been quite ill recently so that’s why I haven’t been in touch. We thought he might’ve had another stroke but luckily it was just a minor infection. He took a while to recover but he’s getting there now. I… I’m just not sure whether meeting Ivy’s the best thing for him. We want to keep things as normal as possible for him, what with him being ill and everything, so I’m sorry Ava, it won’t be happening.’
‘Ian, please –’
Before I could plead Ivy’s case for her, Dr Browning hung up. I let my head hit the edge of the table over and over again. So much for sorting my life out. Just as I was contemplating giving up on everything, going home and hiding under my duvet, Live Forever by Oasis began playing through the café’s tinny stereo system.
My mind was instantly transported back to Manchester University, around six years earlier. Max and I were sitting in my student flat while rain battered off the window, eating chicken stir-fry and listening to a battered old stereo. Though I hadn’t realised it at the time, it had been one of the most perfect times of my life. Just sitting with Max, having a laugh and swapping stories while Oasis played, was amazing. He made something so simple into something fun.
No more giving up, I thought. No more throwing in the towel when things get tough. I came to this café to sort my life out and that’s what I’m going to do.
I started by leaving four impassioned voicemails for Dr Browning, pleading with him to reconsider. I explained that Leo and Ivy just had to meet, that she’d been ill recently too and it would be good for the two of them to see each other. By the fourth, I’d become a bit desperate so I issued an ultimatum: get back to me before lunch or the offer was coming off the table. I felt like a character from Scandal or something. Being forceful felt good.
Feeling like I was on a roll, I decided to invite Max and Gwen down to the café so we could fix things and become friends again. I secretly hoped things with Max weren’t as ruined as I thought but I knew I had to focus on one thing at a time. If we could be friends again, that would do for a start.
They walked in just before lunchtime, both looking like they’d rather be having root canal surgery than be here. I didn’t care, I was just grateful they’d shown up.
‘Hey guys.’ I gave a little sheepish wave and motioned to them to sit down.
‘This better be good; I’ve left my design sketchbook and three episodes of Revenge on Netflix back in the office.’
I giggled under my breath. If Gwen was mad at you, she always liked you to know what she’d sacrificed to come and talk to you.
‘I just don’t know what I’m doing here,’ Max admitted. He sat back in his chair and folded his arms. I had to admit he looked delightful in his aqua T-shirt and azure hoodie.
‘I know I’ve been a massive pain in the arse recently with this whole…well you know, the secret admirer thing–’
Max visibly tensed at the mention of the words “secret admirer”. I shot him a pleading glance, silently begging him not to give the game away. The last thing I wanted was for the fragile peace between Gwen and me to be ruined.
‘You can say that again!’ Gwen interrupted.
‘Thanks chick. I just wanted to say how sorry I am. I’ve been so hell bent on making this stupid fantasy real that I’ve shut out everything else, including you guys. Can you forgive me so we can be friends again?’
When he heard the word “friends”, Max looked up at me. I didn’t dare meet his gaze.
As always, Gwen was quick to accept my apology. ‘Course we can, you daft mare!’ She reached over the table to hug me.
‘Fancy a toffee nut latte?’
‘OK, but I’m buying!’ I shoved some money into her hand before she could protest.
I turned to look at Max. ‘Do you want anything?’
He opened his mouth to say something but thought better of it. I knew it was probably some witty veiled dig at me. I didn’t mind though; I deserved it after the way I’d treated him.
‘Not for me thanks.’
Gwen trotted up to the counter to order the drinks, leaving the two of us alone at the table.
‘Max, please can we be friends again? I hate not talking to you and I’m sorry for everything that happened…’
‘Is being friends what you want? Do you want us to hang out like we used to, having a laugh and swapping stories? Because that’s not enough for me any more Ava, and if you’re honest with yourself it’s not enough for you either.’
‘Max –’
‘I can’t stop thinking about the night we slept together Ava. It plays on my mind all the time and I wish I could just forget about it, but I can’t. You felt something too, I know you did…’ He paused for a second and swallowed hard. ‘But then I’m not enough for you, am I? You made that pretty clear.’
I covered my face with my hands. It felt like someone was stabb
ing me in the heart; I hated seeing Max in so much pain and knowing I’d caused it.
‘I’m so sorry. I-I know I was a complete cow but I was shocked; I didn’t expect you to be Mr Writer, did I?!’
‘Shocked is a bit of an understatement, don’t you think? No Ava, I’d say you were more disappointed that your fairy tale didn’t have a happier conclusion; that there was no handsome prince waiting for you, just me. Well I’m sorry; if I’d known you were going to be so cut up about it, I wouldn’t have bothered!’
We both paused for breath and sat back in our chairs, the tension between us still rife. There was so much emotion and history between us that I didn’t know if things could ever return to normal.
‘Please Max, you have to believe me; I’m so, so sorry about what happened. I never should’ve reacted like that; it was way out of order. We’ve been friends since we were six and I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to give up that easily.’
He looked at me and I wanted to cry. He looked deeply wounded and it killed me inside.
‘No,’ he said. ‘Me neither.’
‘Friends?’ I extended a hand, hoping he’d agree to a truce.
‘Ava, I risked everything for you! I put my heart, my feelings, everything on the line for the chance to be with you and you shoved it back in my face! How can I be friends with you after all that?! Do you expect me to just give up on everything I’ve ever wanted?!’
I took my hand back and allowed myself to sink back into my seat. ‘I know you did Max, and I know I didn’t handle it well, but I can’t lose you. It’ll take time for us to go back to how we were and even then, I know it might not be exactly the same, but I need to have you in my life! Please. I’m sorry you’ve had to give up so much; I never meant for you to get hurt. It just spun out of control and I didn’t know how to handle it.’
I looked at him, knowing I was completely at his mercy. He could walk out of the café now and never speak to me again. That was probably what I deserved, but the thought broke my heart.
Max ran a hand down his face. ‘I don’t know if I can do this Ava. You have no idea what it was like for me, watching you go from one bad guy to the next and wishing you could just see what was right in front of you. I can’t just magic my feelings for you away; believe me, I wish I bloody could! I-I just don’t know if I can go back to watching you fall in and out of love with people who aren’t me. After everything that’s happened, I don’t think we can ever go back to how we were before. I dunno, maybe we need some time away from each other—’
‘No!’ The thought of not seeing Max made a leaden weight of sadness drop into my stomach. ‘Max, if we drift apart now, we could lose each other forever. I don’t want that and I don’t think you do either.’
He pursed his lips and sighed.
‘I’m sorry, but you’re asking me to do something that I just can’t do. I can’t go back to being friends with you, not with how I feel about you. I’ll put on a show that everythng’s fine for Gwen’s sake; I don’t want things to be awkward for her.’ He paused and looked around the room for a second, as though he’d find the right words to say written on one of the cream-coloured walls.‘But Ava, I don’t know if things will ever be fine again; we can try wiping the slate clean, but the whole Mr Writer situation will always be there and I’ll always be in love with you, whether I like it or not. That being said, I don’t want a life without you. Who knows if we can fix things, but I suppose we can try.’ He leaned forward and lightly shook my hand. I loved how warm his palm felt on top of mine.
I stiffened my shoulders to quell the feelings building inside me. It wasn’t the time to let my heart rule my head. I was on a roll and if I wasn’t careful, I’d end up ruining things again.
‘We just need to put this behind us, yeah? It happened and it was great but now we need to move on.’
A slow smile crept onto his lips. ‘Oh so it was great, was it?’
Every muscle in my body relaxed. Finally this was beginning to work…‘You weren’t bad, let’s just say!’
‘I’ve had worse reviews, I suppose!’
We smiled at each other and sat in a convivial silence until Gwen returned with two toffee nut lattes.
‘I got myself a packet of stem ginger biscuits, hope that’s OK?’
She handed me the change and I nodded. If getting back on track with Gwen meant buying some posh biscuits and a coffee, then that was fine by me.
‘I see you two are friends again!’ She smiled and took a bite out of one of her biscuits, clearly happy that it wasn’t handbags at dawn any more.
Max and I exchanged friendly smiles and his hand softly brushed against mine as I reached for a packet of sugar. As we wondered what to do next, Don’t Dream It’s Over by Crowded House began to play.
Dr Ian Browning called back at bang on lunchtime, just after Max and Gwen had left.
‘You win,’ he said. ‘Where and when?’
I arranged a meeting for Ivy and Leo for the following week, did a little happy dance and left the café. All in all, the sorting-my-life-out project had gone well. I’d made up with my two best friends and was going to give Ivy the happy-ever-after she’d always dreamed about. Of course I was still alone but for the first time in a long time, that was OK. I jumped in my car and drove to Sleek’s offices. Miranda would flay me alive if I didn’t show my face.
As soon as I got there, I regretted turning up. Miranda pulled me into her office and shut the door. Just as I was starting to become a bit scared, I noticed Maddie sitting on the chair next to what I assumed was mine.
Oh holy hell, what’s happening now?
‘Take a seat Ava,’ Miranda ordered. She plonked herself down on her black executive chair and I had to suppress a laugh when the material of her skirt made the fabric squeak. ‘Maddie, why don’t you tell us your wonderful news?’
OK, now I was really worried. What Maddie and Miranda considered to be “wonderful news” would likely be my idea of hell.
‘As you know, I’m getting married –’
‘Ooh yes, she certainly is! Are you still going to try and book Leona Lewis to be your wedding singer?’ Miranda’s eyes sparkled as though she were a proud mother-of-the-bride.
‘As I was saying, Craig and I have set the date for our engagement party: eighth of January. It’s going to be a winter wonderland theme at a stately home in Cheshire.’
‘OK, that’s… good. Why did you have to tell me that in here?’
‘Because I want you to cover the engagement party and do a special interview with us to go alongside the article on the party! It goes without saying you’ll be doing the wedding too; we’re thinking of going somewhere really exotic like the Maldives or St Lucia. How’s tomorrow for you?’
I resisted the urge to reply with a sarcastic comment, going with a simple ‘Great, that’ll be lovely!’ and leaving as soon as I could.
The rest of that day was spent writing up articles I’d put off for far too long and solving the final mystery of the Mr Writer caper – MistySparkles27. After being quite quiet on the email front, she finally got in touch again.
Dear Ava,
My friend – the one who’s been writing the love letters to you – is back from his business trip and would like to meet you. I know it’s short notice but is today around 5pm OK? I hope it is, he’s very excited!
Thanks
Lisa (MistySparkles27)
After some emailing back and forth, the stage was set. I’d be meeting this mystery man in The Dog and Duck at five p.m. He’d apparently be wearing a dark blue scarf and a cable knit jumper. So aside from him possibly looking like Captain Birdseye, I wasn’t sure what to expect.
That, along with the fact he might be a serial killer, was why I dragged Gwen along to The Dog and Duck with me.
‘Should we have another code word like last time?’ she asked as we made ourselves comfortable in our favourite booth.
‘Like what, vodka and orange?’ I laughed as I remembered
“Lapsang Souchong” and how useful it had been when I was ditching James Kelly.
‘That’s not a bad idea! Anyway, I’ll skedaddle over to the bar to keep an eye on things. If it starts to go pear-shaped, just yell vodka and orange as loud as you can and I’ll come running over. Good luck chick!’
I locked my fingers together and began twiddling my thumbs as I waited. I kept scanning the room for a young Captain Birdseye character but didn’t have any luck finding one. My stomach started churning like a tumble dryer. I already knew this wasn’t going to Mr Writer – that much was obvious – so who was it going to be? Of course, it could’ve all been a mistake on MistySparkles27’s part and this meeting could’ve been born out of her good intentions. However, I couldn’t help feeling that there was something nasty lurking in all of this. To distract myself, I cast a glance over to Gwen. She seemed to be getting on very well with the hunky barman. I smiled; it was refreshing to see her deviate from her usual type.
Just as I was thinking about joining her at the bar to tell her I wanted to leave, the door swung open and in walked an unwelcome yet very familiar figure.
Chapter 24
‘Well, well, well, look who it is.’
The voice made a shiver work its way down my spine. I knew who it belonged to and it definitely wasn’t my secret admirer, unless I’d seriously misjudged their gender.
‘What are you doing here?’ I finally got the nerve to look up and saw Maddie McQueen, the Ice Bitch herself, standing in front of me. I was shocked to see she’d been crying. I didn’t think it was possible; people like her didn’t have tear ducts, did they?
‘Are you OK?’ I asked.
‘I don’t need your sympathy!’ The crack in her voice told a different story. ‘I just came down to see whether my little experiment for my article worked; so happy to see it did!’
I nodded as the pieces fitted together in my mind. Of course Maddie had been MistySparkles27: who else could come up with a name that girly? I waited for the rush of anger to come, but it didn’t. Instead, looking at her tear-stained face, I felt sorry for her.
‘You’re probably expecting me to go mental at you, Maddie. In fact, I was until a couple of minutes ago. Well, I’m not going to. I don’t know why you hate me and I probably never will, but pulling a stunt like this just shows you for what you really are: the girl who never quite managed to leave high school behind. You always want to be Queen Bee, well guess what Maddie? You are! You win; I’m done with this. I’m sick of all the sniping between us, the competition to see who can bag the best job or give the wittiest comeback. It’s pathetic. Right now, you look like you could use someone to talk to, so I’m here if you need me.’