by Mignon Mykel
One more time.
I wanted one last memory of this man.
A good memory.
And then I was leaving.
I held her a while longer in the humidity of the bathroom, but eventually she began shivering.
How, when I was sweating, I wasn’t sure, but standing here in a towel wasn’t going to do her much good. Her catching a cold wouldn’t help matters, either.
“Let’s get you in some clothes, beautiful,” I murmured into her hair. I pressed a kiss there after, letting my lips linger against her wet hair and breathing her in. God, I loved her.
She pushed back and reluctantly, I let her. She held the towel to her chest with one hand, her eyes still locked on my chest.
Why wouldn’t she look at me? Why wouldn’t she give me her eyes? I needed her eyes…
As if she heard my thoughts, she lifted her chin and my heart cracked in two, at the brokenness there. I reached out and ran my hand down her temple. “Talk to me, Ash.”
When she bit her lip, I brought my thumb to it, prying it from her teeth gently. “It wasn’t your fault, Asher, beautiful.”
The police called the house after they received a 911 call. After all was said and done, they still didn’t have answers.
James, Asher’s former foster father, never regained consciousness after he was shot. Avery didn’t have much to say about the ordeal; she just knew that he’d been Asher’s foster father.
And Asher?
Asher just shut down.
Myke and Ryan had a falling out, but Ryan had been able to give some insight to the ordeal. His father was being charged for raping his stepdaughter. Ryan had come to Beloit, looking for Asher. Thanks to goddamn social media and fucking bunnies who posted pictures, he had come across Asher’s picture on a forum. Ryan said he came to try and convince Asher to testify.
But testify to what?
Against James’s character?
Ryan wouldn’t say, just saying that Asher had something to offer the testimony.
So, Ryan came, looking for Asher. Found Myke. I was pissed that he’d used Myke to get to Asher, but the two of them could deal with the fall out.
Ryan brought James to us. He swore it wasn’t his intention; his father wasn’t supposed to leave Tennessee.
The most the cops could come up with, the last they spoke to the family, was that James wanted to silence Asher, from whatever she could bring to the testimony.
I could feel my blood starting to boil, to race, at the realization that Asher once lived with that man. I knew her last home wasn’t great, but this event, this moment in time…
If I could clear the internet of anything with Asher’s face, if I could erase any mention of her name, I would do it in a heartbeat.
My name brought her past to her.
My family’s celebrity brought her nightmare back to her.
The ghosts were back in her eyes and I wasn’t entirely sure I could find a way to ward them away again.
She was so closed off…
“Love me,” she whispered into the room, her eyes locked on mine.
“Always,” I promised, reaching out to cup her face with my hands.
She shook her head and I could see her pulse pounding in her neck. Her arm dropped from the towel and the white cotton fell to the floor. “Erase it.” Her body shook and her eyes pooled with tears, but she kept her eyes firmly on mine.
“Asher…”
She didn’t need sex right now. No, she needed to be held and loved, to know that I wasn’t going anywhere. I’d be here as long as she needed me. If that meant taking the season off, fuck it, I would.
I wasn’t leaving her.
Nothing could tear me away from her.
Her hands were on my jeans, her fingers working at my button. Her eyes still hadn’t left mine, but the pools were getting deeper.
“Shit, Ash,” I said, moving a hand to cover hers, stilling her fingers.
She didn’t blink, but her eyes were too full.
Heavy tears fell down her cheeks.
I placed a hand on her cheek and, closing my eyes, leaned into her and kissed away her tears. “Asher.”
“Please, Porter.”
I led him to the bed. I could feel his eyes on my back, but I kept moving. This was my last time to take something I wanted with my entire being.
I was going to take it.
I pulled back the covers and crawled into the middle. Porter stood beside the bed, the war raging in his head clear on his face.
“I need you,” I brokenly whispered. And I did. More than anything.
I didn’t think he was going to do it. The longer he stood there, staring at my naked body, the more I was convinced he wasn’t going to give me what I needed.
God, I just needed him one more time.
One last time to feel the body of someone who swore he loved me.
Before he realized he couldn’t ever love someone like me.
He isn’t going to do it. He isn’t going to give me what I needed.
With a hitch in my breath, I gave him a sad smile and shook my head. “Okay.” I dropped my eyes from his, unable to look at him any longer. He was so fucking noble.
I reached for the covers and lay down on my side, my back to him and the covers to my chin. I wouldn’t cry.
I couldn’t cry.
I folded in on myself and could feel the bed dip behind me. Of course, he would decide to hold me.
But it wasn’t what I needed.
I pinched my lips together, fighting the need to cry.
I felt as his big body curled around me from behind and then his hand was under my cheek, pressing my face to the side and up toward him. I tried not to look at him, but his green eyes called to mine.
The green orbs stared at me before he lowered his mouth to mine.
The kiss was gentle.
Soft.
Loving.
It made me want to cry.
With slow precision, his lips moved over mine, his lips sucking and his tongue brushing, but every time I opened to pull his tongue into my mouth, he pulled back with a gentle suck on my lower lip.
He wasn’t pressing deeper.
I rolled to my back, reaching for him, my hands on his face, holding him to me. I swept my tongue over the seam of his lips and finally, finally, he opened his mouth and welcomed me.
I needed him above me. I needed to feel him surrounding me.
I slipped my hands over his cheeks, to the back of his head, moving further to wind my arms around his neck, trying to pull him to me, but still he held off, holding himself to my side.
Rolling into him, I pushed at the covers with one arm so I could wrap my leg over his hip. I nuzzled closer to him. I needed to feel him.
“Asher,” he mumbled into my mouth.
“Love me, Porter,” I demanded, angling my hips into his jean-clad ones. I could feel him through the denim. He was hard.
He pulled his face from mine. “You’re not ready.” His voice was stern, but his eyes…they held a world of concern in them.
He didn’t even know what I did, and he didn’t want me. The world crumbled around me and I swallowed past the disappointment. My last memory of hands on me, would be hands that disgusted me. I was forever tainted. “Then leave,” I managed to spit out, my voice shaking as I unwound myself from him.
His hand caught my leg, bringing it back to his hip and holding me to him.
“I am not leaving you.”
“I don’t want you.”
“Asher.”
“Leave me alone.” I pushed against him, trying to roll away, but his hold only tightened.
“Just let me hold you, Asher. I just want to hold you.”
“And I just want you to erase his fucking hands from me!” I slapped at his chest, trying again to push away from him.
Porter stilled. His hand growing lax on my thigh.
The silence was thick, the tension in the room suffocating.
“So,
he did touch you.” Porter’s words were quiet but laced with anger and hurt.
“Just leave me alone.” My fingers tightened into his shirt though.
“Did. He. Touch. You.” His eyes were unwavering on mine, his pupils dilating and constricting as if he was trying to control his emotions.
My own eyes filled with tears again and I could no longer see him. “Yes. Is that what you want to hear? And yes, Porter. Yes. I touched him.”
“Fuck, Asher.”
I pushed away from him now, successfully, and rolled away, giving him my back. I moved from the bed and toward the dresser, needing to find something to cover myself with. I pulled out a shirt and hastily dragged it over my head, removing my wet hair from the collar.
I pulled open another drawer, digging for bike shorts, but my hands stilled when I felt Porter’s body behind me, pressing into me hard.
Possessively.
His hands were on my bare hips, having pushed up the shirt enough to make purchase with skin.
His lips were on my neck.
“Let me erase his hands. God, Asher, let me…”
I didn’t know where the fuck to begin.
How did I fix this? How did I help her?
I fucking felt like I was using her, but if this was what she needed…
Shit, I’d do it again and again.
I battled with myself, the fact that I was hard and wanting her, even though she was clearly shattered in front of me. I was ten kinds of bastard, but I couldn’t tell her no.
He fucking touched her.
If he wasn’t dead, I’d go after the motherfucker myself.
I lifted Asher and brought her back to the bed, discarding the shirt from her and tossing it back to the floor. I laid her down gently. I knew she wouldn’t stay on her back, but I wanted to give her complete pleasure first before I did the dick move, and took my own from her.
“He took it out,” she whispered above me as I kneeled at the end of the bed.
He took… Asher spread her legs for me and I looked down, realization striking me.
Her piercing. He took it out.
Okay. Alright. That wasn’t huge.
It didn’t do much for the knowledge that his hands were on her, but…I could deal. It was just a piercing.
“Do you want to replace it?” I rested one hand on her thigh and with my other, I trailed my finger down the middle of her. Her pupils dilated and I watched as her nose flared with desire. She bit her lip but shook her head.
“No.” Her answer was incredibly soft, and the word cracked. I could see as she battled words in her head. There was something there, but I wouldn’t press.
Not right now.
I reached back for her ankles, pushing so her knees went into the air, her thighs on either side of my head as I leaned down. I turned my head into one of her legs, pressing my lips there. “Okay,” I said against her skin.
I trailed kisses down the inside of her leg, rearranging my body the lower my lips went. I fit my shoulders against her, and she willingly draped her legs over me. I reached my hands up her sides, and one of hers met with mine.
I gripped her hand hard and looked up her body at her. She was watching me intently.
“I love you, Asher,” I promised her. She just nodded.
I clenched my jaw, wishing she’d give me back the words. Not once since she’d been back, had she given them to me.
Why? Why did she hold them back?
“Porter,” she whispered and I refocused on the now. I pressed my lips to her other inner thigh before bringing my mouth to the core of her.
I’d erase the memory of him.
I’d put my girl back together.
Because I didn’t know what I would do if I failed.
My body shattered under his mouth and my legs fell off his shoulders after my body settled back into the bed.
Porter pushed up from between my legs and moved to crawl beside me, but no.
I needed him.
Over me.
Around me.
Surrounding me.
I sat up and reached for his shirt. This time, he let me undress him. My fingers worked at his jeans and he helped push them down, stepping off the bed to take them off fully. Soon, he was back to my side but I reached for him. He had easily seventy pounds on me, but I used all of my strength to try and get him over me.
“Asher. No. Not…” He shook his head. “Just no.”
I guess I had one too many panic attacks under him, but I wasn’t taking no for an answer. “Yes, Porter. It’s you. I know it’s you,” I swore to him.
And I did. I knew it was him. I was absolutely aware of whose body was taking mine, when he succumbed to me and his hard body pressed mine into the bed, his thick cock pushing into me.
I let myself feel.
I let myself feel his hips clenching between my thighs. I let myself feel his hamstrings bunching under my feet as I pressed my heels into him. I let myself feel his back rippling as my fingers brushed over the ridges of his muscles.
And I also let myself feel every repressed emotion I had over the years.
My body pinned to the bed. His rounded belly pressing against mine. His stale breath filling my nostrils, his hard grunts filling my ears.
“Asher. Fuck, Asher,” Porter’s words were soft, his grunts fighting with the ones in my head.
“I love you. I love you so much, Ash,” his voice said.
“Such a pretty, fucking tight cunt. So fucking pretty. Squeeze me, Genna. Make me come.”
“I’ll never get enough of you,” Porter’s words fought to be heard.
“You’re my favorite.”
My body shattered under Porter’s, just as the memories of my body shaking under his overcame me.
I fought with reality and memory, trying hard to feel Porter in me as he thrust again and again, but I was surrounded by memories. It didn’t matter that his thick length was sliding beautifully through me; my mind was stuck on a time that it hurt, that it was dry and unnatural, and was painful.
Soon, Porter’s body stilled over mine and I could feel as his hot cum filled me. “I love you,” he whispered into my ear as his body blanketed mine.
I love you, too.
But those weren’t the words that left my mouth.
No, the words I said weren’t nearly as pretty.
“You can go now.”
She dismissed me.
Stunned, I pulled myself away from her. “Asher.”
“Leave.”
Frowning, I reached a hand out to touch her shoulder, but she visibly folded away from me. “Asher,” I tried again.
She moved and pulled the comforter up to her chin, squeezing her eyes shut. “Go, Porter.” Her voice cracked and I could see her shoulders shaking.
I got off the bed, but moved around so I could sit in front of her. I put my hand on her face and it killed me, fucking tore me up inside, when her closed-off features tightened.
“Just go. Please.”
I ran my thumb under her eye. I couldn’t leave her. Not like this. “Asher, talk to me,” I pleaded quietly.
“Go!” she yelled, her eyes opening and locking on mine. “Just leave me alone.”
I opened my mouth, only to close it again. She didn’t mean it. She just needed a little space. She would be fine.
“I’ll…” I looked around. “I’m going to check on Caine,” I finally managed.
She just needs time, I tried telling myself. I’d give her the time and space she wanted, but I wasn’t going far. I leaned down to press my lips to her temple, trying not to take it personally when she pulled away.
Thankfully, no one was up at the house. Even Avery and CJ’s car was gone. Caine was sleeping on the couch, something he wouldn’t get away with at our house, but he quickly got off and came outside with me. He did his business and we headed back to the guesthouse. The fifteen minutes I was gone, should have been enough, right? Asher would want to see Caine.
But when I
got back to the guesthouse, she was gone.
And on the nightstand was her engagement ring.
The bottom of my world dropped out.
I pulled my phone from my pocket, pulling up her number. Holding my phone to my ear, I listened for the call to connect as I reached for her ring.
She didn’t take it off, take it off, I tried convincing myself. I folded the ring in my palm.
She wouldn’t do that. She must have just taken it off for…
I couldn’t come up with a reason.
Finally, the call connected and the ringing started in my ear.
And in the room.
“Fuck!” I pulled the phone from my ear as my eyes landed on hers, on the dresser tucked away in the back. Where the hell could she have gone?
I picked up her phone after pocketing mine. I typed in her phone code, unlocking it and pulled open her texts, hoping to find an answer.
The latest text was from Carter, but it was from the day before the girls were found. She had been called away on a mission and her message was filled with regret and hope that Asher was okay.
I pulled open her call log next. If she didn’t text anyone…
Ten minutes ago, she called Avery.
I pressed redial.
“She’s okay.” The phone hardly rang one time before Avery answered.
“Where is she? Where are you?”
“Porter, she’s…” Avery paused and I could hear her moving. They couldn’t be far from here. With Asher’s phone to my ear, I hurried toward the front of the guesthouse. Where were they?
“CJ and I have her.”
Where were they taking her? Surely not to Avery’s. Avery’s apartment was a good thirty minutes away and when CJ wasn’t with her, he stayed with his parents but they, too, were at least twenty minutes away. They wouldn’t have made it to either house in this time.
“Where are you?” I asked again, pushing out of the house and heading to my car.
“Porter, she needs time.”
I slammed my hand against the roof of my car. “She needs me!”
“I’m taking her somewhere and I can’t tell you where. She made me promise.”
“She’s my fiancée. Fuck, she’s supposed to be my wife!” I reached for the door handle, throwing myself in the car that was my pride and joy at all of sixteen years old.