by Eden Butler
Table of Contents
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Fall
Copyright © 2017 Eden Butler
All rights reserved as permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior permission of the Author. For information regarding subsidiary rights, please contact the Author Publisher.
Edited by Kay Springsteen
Cover Design by Anna Crosswell, Cover Couture
Format by Tee Tate
Copy Edit by Judy Lovely
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental.
The author acknowledges the copyrighted or trademarked status and trademark owners of any and all word-marks and references mentioned in this work of fiction.
“I loved this book! The hero is a tatted up Irish rugby player who has traveled to the states to play for college. Like the heroine he has a tragic past and when Autumn and Declan meet sparks fly! Nice to read a book that is anything but predictable.” —Kele Moon, author of the Battered Hearts series
“This book explores emotional heartache, but on different levels. It’s not just about romantic love, but about the love of family (and “family” takes on a whole new meaning. It encompasses friends, too). From disconnect to possible re-connect. From old scars that refuse to heal, to potential emotional mending. You’ll feel it, deep.” —Maryse Black, Maryse’s Book Blog
“When I read the first book, Chasing Serenity, I had a bone deep knowing that Eden Butler was a special author. Her ability to pull you into her stories - the world that she creates, the characters that she molds, and her ability to immerse you into the emotions of those characters – is nothing short of spectacular.”
—Mean Girls Luv Books
“There is a bold mission when [Butler] puts pen to paper to grab our attention, open our hearts, and engage our imagination. Butler didn’t hold back with crafting these characters from different cultures, tossing in some major adversity, and challenging them to dig deep for inner strength. At the end of the day, Thin Love is hearty blend for the soul.” —Michelle Monkou, USA Today
“Read [Thin Love] in one sitting! Without a doubt, my favorite dynamic of bad boy meets feisty good girl. Superb writing!” —Penelope Douglas New York Times bestselling author of Bully and Until You
“We LOVED this book [Thick Love] and would recommend it in a heartbeat!” —Totally Booked Blog
“Eden Butler has the gift to immerse her readers into plot [of Thick & Thin] that, albeit fairly light on steam, is heavy on heart. We fall for the characters, their culture, and their love story. I sincerely look forward to what's next in store with Eden Butler.” —Allison, The Reading Escapade Book Blog
“Eden is continually proving herself in the ranks of every genre of romance, no matter the plot, type or setting, she will pull you in. Prepare yourself.” —Trish Leger, best-selling author of the Amber Druids series
“A wonderful standalone that will entrance you and captivate you from start to finish. I cannot stress how much I enjoyed reading this. #oneclicknow” —Kawehi, Kawehi’s Book Blog
“Eden Butler’s writing is fantastic, poetic, and heartfelt. The type of books you remember. Love her!” —Penelope Douglas New York Times bestselling author
“Beautifully written, skillfully interwoven, a wonder of a tale. It's not often that I am truly impressed, but Eden Butler has blown me away.” New York Times and USA Today Bestselling author Amy Harmon
“Infinite Us is a gripping story of the roots that define us, the hardships that test us, and the healing power of love and acceptance. It's a testament to how far we've come and how very far we have to go.” J.A. DeRouen, Bestselling Author of Low Over High
“Eden is a masterful storyteller who takes mere words and turns them into magic. She takes you on an intoxicating journey that refuses to let go. Infinite Us is an unforgettable story that'll leave you breathless.” Cassie Graham, Bestselling Author of Who Needs Air
“Simultaneously commercial and literary, a thinking person’s romance.” Christopher Ledbetter, author of Drawn from Evernight
SERIES
Chasing Serenity, (The Serenity Series Book 1)
Behind the Pitch, (A Serenity Series Novella)
Finding Serenity, (The Serenity Series Book 2)
Claiming Serenity, (The Serenity Series Book 3)
Catching Serenity, (The Serenity Series Book 4)
Thin Love, (Thin Love Book 1)
My Beloved, (A Thin Love Novella)
Thick Love, (Thin Love Book 2)
Thick & Thin, (Thin Love Book 3)
My Always, (A Thin Love Novella)
Swimming in Shadows, (A Shadows Series Novella)
Shadows and Lies, (The Shadows Series Book #1)
STANDALONE NOVELS
Crimson Cove
Platform Four—A Legacy Falls Romance
I’ve Seen You Naked and Didn’t Laugh: A Geeky Love Story
Infinite Us
T a b l e o f C o n t e n t s
Bend & Break
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Acknowledgements
About the Author
Because some memories are still sweet.
“The future for me is already a thing of the past—
You were my first love and you will be my last”
― Bob Dylan
Bend & Break
Lightning filled my stomach. It rent apart my insides, reminded me of what I’d had to ingest. There were bits of home—things that both warmed and filled me, but also hurt to remember. Like the grains of sand that moved between my toes and stuck to the tops of my feet. Or the waves slicking the surface of my skin, coating my ankles like paint I’d never get dry from my feet. There were slices of fruit and berries, the fragrant, rich taste of raw pineapple on my tongue, reminding me of the island and the life, the family that made me laugh. The memories all congregated, collided with the hours of lectures, the years of filing and fussing and freeing myself from the island girl I was, to the student I became, to the associate trying harder, working longer to prove herself. But it also freed me from the laughter that never went silent in the ocean’s current.
There was also warmth in
the pit of my stomach; the memories I didn’t mind reliving. Like the sensation of my mother’s touch, the warm, sweet scent of her perfume and the faint kiss she left on my forehead every night. There was my brother too, and the baby he and Ellen brought home, that pink bundle with no worry yet—a beautiful girl with eyes bright and gray like my mother’s and the same wide nose my brother swore wasn’t all that big.
And another piece, this one nearly as precious—a laugh I heard when he didn’t know I listened. It was like a song, something sweet, something I wanted to hear always and those thick, full lips I’d always wanted to taste.
That storm coalesced, went deep inside me. It lived there—the island, my heart, and the rush of memory and regret I’d left behind me years ago.
There it stayed, like a hum, whispering low; my quiet song reminding me I could go home.
Reminding me it had not all disappeared.
Not just yet.
Chapter One
Thanksgiving 2002
There were rainbows on the wind. It was what Lily Campbell’s mother always called the night sky in Kaimuki when the sunset drew waves of light in all hues across the ocean. “A riot of rainbows,” she’d say. “Too many colors to count.” It struck Lily, just then, despite the noise of the crowd and the lingering humidity which made her skin damp and her brown hair frizz, that no matter how long she lived on the mainland, the sunset at home and the ocean breeze that cooled her skin as it moved, would always hold a riot of rainbows.
She’d missed her mom since the cancer had taken her. Lily had only been sixteen then, a sophomore in high school, but her memory, the sweet things her mom spoke about their island had frozen in her mind. Lily determined nothing of her mother would leave her thoughts. Looking over that sunset and all those colors, Lily realized she’d missed the island almost as much as she missed her mom.
“What about him?” Kiki’s voice was high, loud, and pulled Lily from her thoughts, right into the hustle of the crowd as Kiki shouted over it. She moved on her tiptoes and bounced when she spoke, something that reminded Lily of some sort of dwarf dance right out of a Lord of the Rings film. Kiki’s voice boomed, contrasting her short legs and squat frame.
The bar was too crowded, the band’s speakers keyed up with too much reverb, but Kiki still tried, insisted for the third time in two hours that Lily keep their undergrad bet going. Kiki had never lost and claimed that Lily’s inability to embarrass herself bordered on the pathetic.
“No. Not him,” Lily told her dorm mate, hoping that the slow shake of her head and the bustle of particularly easy marks in the crowd would distract Kiki.
“Why not?” No such luck.
Lily pulled a long swig on her lukewarm beer, wishing the group of mainlanders would clear away from the bar. She wanted a fresh bottle but not bad enough that she’d fight a bunch of eighteen-year-olds who looked for all the world like they’d just broken from their leashes.
Kiki’s elbow slipped easily into Lily’s side, but she was able to keep from flinching. Kaimuki was her hometown. There were eyes on her, desperate gossips waiting to see what New Haven had done to her. All of them, Lily guessed, wanted to know if she’d forgotten where she’d come from. She stretched one long leg, leaning against the bar, and Lily moved a shoulder, a slow, small gesture that told Kiki to be patient.
“Invalid. I wouldn’t stand a chance,” she finally answered, holding the bottle a little in front of her mouth, guarding her words in case any of those gossips had super-sensitive hearing. “These local boys know me. They’d never believe the shit I’d have to say to win.”
“You’ve been away for four years. The mainland is a long way away.” Kiki came close, preventing herself from the exhausting need to yell. Her referring to Connecticut as the mainland seemed odd, out of place with Kiki’s Tennessee accent. “Maybe Yale has changed you.”
“No amount of courses in Modern Apocalyptic Narratives and The History of Political Theory would change me that much.”
“You sure?”
The boy in question nodded at Lily, throwing out a “howzit, Lils?” before he charged in the center of those eighteen-year-olds still angling for drinks from the flustered bartender.
“Told you.”
Liam, her brother, had made the day before an epic return. Barbeque, music, and too much liquor. He’d welcomed Lily and Kiki to the island with as much fanfare as he could muster and nearly half the boys in the bar tonight had made an appearance. It had felt as though he wanted to remind her that his house—the house that had been her home since their mother’s death— was still waiting for her.
Lily moved around, catching the eye of a Kai, the bartender. She’d done grade school and pee-wee volleyball with him. Now he manned Tiki Tommy’s bar. The place was small, not like those Honolulu tourist traps. Lily had outgrown it by the time she was eighteen, but the beer was cold and cheap and Tommy’s was right on the beach, the windows opened, the patio expansive enough that the ocean breeze flew around the crowd. It offered a small reprieve to the humid air and the crowded club. Lily could almost taste the salt water on her tongue between quick sips she took from the now half-empty bottle.
Besides, it was comfortable and the only real place in Kaimuki her and her friends could drink for free. Like most people in their small town, when Lily was home, she went to Tommy’s.
Kai smiled at Lily, flashing his perfect white teeth and deep-set dimples, moving up his eyebrows as if to ask a silent question.
Lily tilted her warm beer at him, then threw up two fingers.
Kiki sighed, looking a little annoyed—the small tilt of her head as she scanned the crowd and the slight dip of her mouth told Lily she was getting bored. She’d spent her entire undergrad career at Yale with her dorm mate. Lily knew when Kiki’s mind wandered because she’d gone too long without stirring up drama.
“You keep looking, though,” she told Kiki, putting her cash into her back pocket when Kai scooted two cold bottles of Blue Moon toward her then waved off her money. He hazarded a long look at Kiki, which she completely missed, and Lily smiled behind her bottle. Kai was beautiful—dark skin, big brown eyes, and a trim frame. He wasn’t big, but he was cut, and that was exactly the kind of guy that always caught Kiki’s attention. Usually.
Lily took another sip of her beer. Moisture was dripping on the orange slices and small flecks of ice floated inside the bottle. “I’m not going to back out.”
The tiny dip pulling down the corners of Kiki’s mouth deepened, and two faint lines creased against her lips in a show of obvious disbelief. “You said that last week when we drove into New York.” She took the Blue Moon when Lily handed it to her, not missing a beat between drinking and bitching. “Didn’t stop you from chickening out of the bet at The Rum House. That guy was a big dumb football player. You could have won that fifty easy.”
“He smelled like a frat house.”
“Then you called him a little man boy overcompensating for obvious short comings.”
“He got handsy.” Lily shrugged, nostrils flaring as she recalled the guy. Maybe the insult had been a little over the top. Lily had always been too quick with her insults, too little with her thoughts. Her loose, thoughtless words had gotten her into trouble more than once. But the little man boy been sloppy drunk and not nearly as cute up close as he had been twenty feet across the bar. “Besides, you know I’m not into jocks.”
“Who cares?” Kiki nabbed a barstool when one of the eighteen-year-old haoles shot out of the seat and onto the dance floor. Her friend wiggled on the stool, straightening her back as though to add height so she could be level with Lily. “It’s just a game. And you promised…”
“Fine,” Lily said, hiding her low exhale behind the rim of her Blue Moon. “Let me finish off this bottle, and I’ll…I’ll let you pick the victim. I just need a little liquid courage.”
I’m off the island in two weeks anyway. She closed her eyes as she poured the cold beer down her throat. Who cares what an ass
I make of myself with a little shock-flirting?
“No backing out?” Kiki’s voice was higher-pitched now, showing her excitement as she turned toward Lily. It was a little sad, actually, but Lily guessed she owed it to her friend. Lily had been the one to polish off three containers of hummus and two pints of Rocky Road ice cream inside of a week when she’d first arrived in New Haven. She’d been homesick for the island, for her niece Zinnia, and all the funny eleven-year-old things she liked to do. Kiki had never complained.
Liam was sixteen years older than Lily. He’d been the only father she’d known since hers had never been part of their lives. And when he married a pretty redhead from Georgia named Ellen, and they’d had Zinnia, Lily had been fascinated, utterly in love with the little girl. Enough that she didn’t mind how goofy her brother was. Zinnia even made the pain of losing her mom sting a little less. Lily and Zinnia were more like sisters and it was her and, yeah, okay, even goofy Liam whom she’d missed most when she got to New Haven to start at Yale.
“You’ve worked so hard, Lil,” Liam had said four years ago, trying his best to convince her that leaving Kaimuki was something their mother would have wanted for her. “And remember, it’s not forever.” Liam had carried her bag all the way to the terminal, looking up at the lights, to the TSA agents, anywhere but at Lily’s face. “Besides, I’ve got big plans for your room.” Her brother had rubbed his stomach, smirking at her in the way that always reminded Lily just how full of shit he was. “Gonna turn it into a gym. Work on my abs.” He emphasized his point by pushing out the small paunch around his middle.
Lily hadn’t believed him. She hadn’t believed the forced smile Liam had given her as she walked away from her gate. She knew her brother. He’d missed her, and he’d said so reluctantly the day before when he picked her up from the airport with Kiki at her side.