Fall

by Eden Butler

  Girls in high school had wanted Keilen, Lily wasn’t alone in that arena, but Keilen had never been obvious or arrogant when he wanted someone in return. He didn’t have to be. That smile, the way it slid over his face, was like a sunset, slow, steady, but bright and warm. He’d been good at it then; he was a master now.

  Lily suddenly found herself treated to that smile, but it was restrained, like he wanted her remembering what he could do with that one expression; like he wanted her to know he meant it only for her. Keilen exhaled, something that seemed like an afterthought, cool and unhurried, and before she realized he’d moved at all, he slipped his fingers down her shoulder, teasing her skin with a touch that was its own slow seduction.

  “You still scare me, Lily but damn, that fear tastes sweet.”

  He didn’t ask her to dance when the music slowed again. He showed no shyness, no awkward movements that leveled up her own nervousness. Keilen had a way of moving, casting a smile, narrowing his eyes that spoke louder than the drunken crowd. He moved, she followed, and somehow, she found herself on the dance floor, off to a corner where the visible moonlight through the open partition dipped into the blue, still water.

  Half a step, then two more and there was the weight of Keilen’s large hand on the center of her back, guiding, directing her until she came to rest against his barrel chest, until those massive arms cradled her and the hot fan of his breath slipped down her neck.

  The feel of him, the angle of his body, how it moved against hers, how they seemed to fit, to match, to be part of some puzzle she’d never known needed solving was fantasy made real—a hundred stupid wishes her teenage-self had spoken into the ether finally realized; breath sweet and intoxicating against her skin. He didn’t dance like her classmates in New Haven. They’d all been a bundle of jerks and gyrations, clumsy sways with the solitary agenda of insinuating an act they so eagerly tried to move Lily toward. They moved like boys—anxious, unpracticed. Keilen moved like a man—commanding, sure, and Lily wanted to stay with him like that, to see how far removed reality would be to the dreams and decadent fantasy she’d invented about him.

  “You feel good…” He paused, moving a hand to her back, another turn and the smallest dip that had Lily looking up at him. “You feel good everywhere.”

  Then the moment came. The one she’d imagined when she was daydreaming at fifteen, when Malini Wilson pulled Keilen to the corner of the lockers the last day of Lily’s sophomore year and took the kiss she had always wanted for herself. Back then, as Malini pressed herself against Keilen, as he returned that kiss, but not the desperate, needy gropes she worked over his body, Lily’s imagination recast Malini, replacing herself in the lead so that she tasted his tongue and the airy breath that fanned from his mouth.

  Now there was no Malini Wilson. Now there wasn’t anyone at all—no noise, no crowd, no Kiki pouting on a barstool, shooting glares of contempt at Lily because she was fifty bucks light in her vacation fund.

  Now there was only Keilen and the feel of his hands cupping Lily’s face. Now there were the small movements he made as he leaned closer. That large body moved her back, just a step that stopped their dance and Lily held her breath, watched how careful he was, how sure, watched in disbelief as that beautiful man inched closer and finally settled his lips against hers.

  She had kissed boys before; sweet kisses that had lingered, slow brushes of lips and tongues that were divine. None of them lasted long in her memory. None of them had the taste and power and everlasting promise that Keilen gave her then. None shot splendid shivers down her spine or tightened the muscles in her stomach. Keilen’s did. Ten-fold. Twenty.

  “You taste better, Lil. Much better than I imagined…” he said against her mouth, the only finish to that sentence was the low exhale that moved the hair from her forehead. He still held her face, watched her with a patient expression that didn’t match the wild, eager flicker that shot in his eyes or had his bottom lip pulsing. “You’re delicious.” And then there came a look in those maniac eyes, like there was something Keilen needed to say but couldn’t manage the words he wanted to get out.

  He stopped dancing altogether when Lily touched his cheek, a careful movement that she delivered slowly. It was a question decades in the making: what did his dark, beautiful skin feel like? Was it as rich as it looked? How many brown freckles ran over his nose and along his cheeks? She touched them, fingering each mark with the tips of her nails. Her movements seemed to mesmerize Keilen. The breath in Lily’s lungs stilled.

  “My daydreams, the ones where I kissed you, were nothing like the real thing.” She wasn’t even sure he’d heard her. She wasn’t sure she wanted him to hear everything she said.

  “Is that bad?” Keilen grinned, seeming to like the attention Lily gave him and she guessed what she thought was carved into her features, every internal roar of glee splintered across her open expression.

  “Not even a little.”

  Then he took her mouth again, stealing her breath, controlling her body like he’d worked some sort of spell on her, moving, shifting until they were against the patio railing, so far from the crowd that the music was a low thump and not the blaring rumble it had been all night.

  Behind Keilen, Lily spotted Kiki, laughing at something Kai said, twirling her hair between her fingers like a high schooler angling for a homecoming date. Lily knew her friend in her element. She’d be fine with Kai, working her game.

  “We could dance some more,” Keilen said, voice quiet, forced with a restraint that didn’t seem to match the eager way he pulled on her waist. “Whatever you want…”

  What she wanted would likely shock him. Thoughts became a flash of colors; body parts and filthy acts that both shamed and thrilled her. But it would be no use. Following him away from this bar, being alone with him would only lead to an awkward phone call to her brother and a walk of shame the entire town would hear about in the morning.

  She couldn’t do what she wanted, but God was it tempting.

  “Or…” he went on, curling his fingers into the waist of her shorts, smirking again as he kissed her neck. “We could disappear.”

  “Hmmm…” It was the only thing that would leave her mouth. The way Keilen held her, the sharp, warm nuzzle of his mouth, his teeth along her neck left her momentarily mute.

  “I’ve been wanting to touch you, hold you, kiss you since that night at the McKinley rugby match.” His voice was awed now, the tone deep. “You remember that night?”

  Of course Lily remembered. She’d only recalled the rescue he’d given her a million times. She’d replayed his touch, the strength of it with every waking moment since it’d happened. He’d been a year ahead of her. It had been the last time their paths crossed.

  “You…you pulled me out of the way when Ricky Moore went for a try and nearly toppled me.” That kiss on her neck moved up, and Keilen pressed her earlobe between his lips as he hummed something that sounded like agreement. “Ah…God, you…” she tried, trembling at the attention he worked over her skin. “You saved my life and I wouldn’t…I wouldn’t…”

  He laughed then and pulled back, fingering the loose hair that fell across her face with a breeze moved along the patio. “You wouldn’t let go of me.” Keilen’s gaze slipped over her face, across her forehead, then down to her lips, following the path of his touch as he moved his fingers. “I wanted to keep you calm. I wanted that scared frown gone from your face.” He licked his lips, making a decision and Lily held her breath. “I wanted to kiss you so bad then. I wanted to kiss you a hundred different ways.”

  “I…can’t believe that.” Lily shook her head, stunned, distrustful of the confession and Keilen seemed to know her doubt.

  He moved quick, pressing his forehead to hers, holding her neck, keeping her still, chest to chest, thighs to thighs as he spoke. “I could dance with you all night out here. I could kiss you in moonlight like a haole and tell you shit you’d never believe…if that’s what you want to hear.”
r />   “I…I don’t think I do.”

  He blinked, frowning as though something heavy kept him rooted to his spot, as though there was a warning blaring in his head and he couldn’t tell her where it came from. “What do you want?”

  Lily thought of all the things she’d practiced saying to him over the years. She always sounded confident, smoother in those imaginings. So poised, so sure of herself that Keilen would be rendered useless and stupid. But she hadn’t anticipated him holding her so tight. She hadn’t thought what his body and warmth and touch would do to her. She hadn’t thought he’d want her too.

  “I…I want there to be just you and me.” She shuddered, moving her fingers up to tug on his collar. “I want to skip the flirting and dancing and talking like we’re following some moral protocol that tells us to date and flirt before anything remotely…interesting happens.”

  He closed his eyes, his words rushing out in a breath that had his head shaking. “I like where this is heading…”

  “Two…two hours in this bar or two hours…alone and…”

  “Naked?” She nodded and Keilen lost a little of his composure, releasing something akin to a growl. “Definitely like where this is going.”

  She was ready to leave then. She could let him take her home. Desperation and lust had her reevaluating logic. It made her recalculate her actions and the consequences she didn’t want to think about just then. She could sneak away from Keilen’s bed before the sunrise and no one would see. Liam would be dead asleep. He’d been working on his fourth beer before she and Kiki left. He couldn’t handle more than that, and Ellen would never call her out for not coming home. No one ever had to know that Lily Campbell had returned to the island a debauched bed hopper.

  “I...” Keilen stopped her with a kiss that was urgent and hot and mostly tongue. It rendered her a little dumb and she let herself get caught up in it. “I’m only here for a couple of weeks. I have to go back for finals and then…”

  “And then you’re coming back, right?” The words vibrated against her collarbone, as he moved his fingers into her hair at the back of her head. “There’s something here. I think, maybe it’s the same thing that was there the night at McKinley.” He paused, pressing his lips together, as if he wasn’t sure how much he should say. “I didn’t…it wasn’t just me, was it?”

  “No,” she said without hesitation. “It wasn’t just you.”

  “So this, now…whatever it is…it won’t be a one-time thing. Not with this…whatever the hell it is between us.” He picked Lily up, settling her on the railing as he stood between her thighs. “Not when there’s a whole two weeks. School for me doesn’t start back up till January. I’ve got time. Two weeks, hell Lily, a lot can happen in two weeks…”

  “Well…”

  She was just thinking of how to get Kiki home. Lily even glanced at the bar, smile widening as Kiki pulled Kai near, lips dangerously close together. Her friend would be fine; of that, Lily had no doubt. She returned her attention to Keilen and his hands pressing against her, his mouth as it lit fire over her skin.

  “Not just tonight.” He earned a nod from her with another kiss. When she didn’t answer, Keilen laughed, sounding a little delirious. “Am I gonna have to angle a promise from you?” He lowered his voice, hand held against her cheek. “I think I might be desperate enough for that.”

  At the moment, she would have promised him the world. She’d happily hand over her firstborn and the title to her first luxury car when she got it. If only Keilen would keep touching her, keep holding her the way he was.

  “Promise,” she said in a rush, the decision made for her as she returned his kiss, her body electric, ready for more of him…for all of him. Lily moved off the railing, stopping for only a minute with Keilen pressed against her as she approached Kiki, getting a guarantee from Kai that her friend would get a ride home safely.

  They left the crowd, stopping again when Keilen whispered something in Kona’s ear and the big guy glanced down at her, smile inching over his face when he winked at her. Five seconds, it seemed to take to ignore the lingering eyes as they moved, fingers locked together as Keilen navigated the crowd.

  “We’re…doing this,” he said, smile wide as they moved across the beach toward the parking lot. “Seriously?”

  “Yeah…seriously.” Lily ignored how breathless she sounded, how eager and giddy she must have looked to him when they finally found his car and Keilen pressed her against the passenger door.

  “And that promise?”

  “I’ll keep it.” She tugged him close, grabbing his face between her hands to kiss him deep, ignoring the rush of her pulse and the drum of her heart. “I promise there will be more than tonight.”

  “Good,” he said, moving them away from the black Impala to open the door. “There’s a lot of catching up to do, and I can’t—”

  The screech of tires broke into whatever Keilen wanted to say. Liam’s neighbor, Randell called out to Lily as he stopped in the middle of the street. He hung out of the driver’s side, eyes wide, expression panicked. One look at him and all thoughts of promises and debauched potential behavior Lily might have wanted for herself and Keilen vanished.

  It was the pale color of Randell’s face. It was the mad dash from the street to the parking lot he made, how he ignored the blaring horns behind him in his hurried jog toward Lily that let something loose inside her stomach; a heavy thing that made it impossible for her to move.

  “Ku‘uipo you’ve got to come with me. It’s Liam.” Something twisted in her throat, something heavy that strangled her. Randell’s expression was terrified, his dark skin pale as he rushed his trembling fingers through his dark hair. “It’s…Liam and Ellen. Lil. It’s…it’s bad. It’s real bad.”

  She didn’t listen as Keilen called after her. Lily didn’t think beyond the fear that ran through her veins like a virus and the grip of Randell’s fingers on her arm as she darted toward his car.

  She forgot everything because the fear choked her. Because the impossible, desperate things that her imagination worked up in her mind were too painful, too horrible to believe. Even as Randell explained about the fire, about Zee not being there, about Liam and Ellen…she forgot.

  The promises she made that night weren’t important. There were others, new ones spoken to the ether, flitting through hospital walls, across places and moments she could not see that she’d known were more important to keep. The ones she made that night, to the boy she’d watched from a distance, the same boy who’d saved her, who’d seemed eager to let her know he’d wanted her to. That promise would be left behind. It stayed in the parking lot with Keilen. It stayed behind because there was more she’d be made to stomach. Something thicker. Something that tasted nothing at all like the saltwater in the breeze or the promise of Keilen’s sweet kiss.

  Chapter Two

  Early Fall, The Present

  At two o’clock on a Friday afternoon, the Ace Hotel bar was empty. There were stragglers, people milling around the front desk, likely ready to leave the city, or get belly deep in it. Lily paid hardly any attention to anything or anyone except the sweating glass in her fingers, and how it left a wet ring on her skirt, and the traffic thickening around Carondelet Street as she looked out of the window.

  She’d been asked to leave her job. Not forever. Not so that some other eager attorney could worm his way into the hallowed law offices of Landry and Simoneaux. No. It wasn’t that simple and just the recall of why her supervisor had explained Mr. Landry’s insistence that she take a few weeks off, made her feel sick.

  She took another long shot of her bourbon. The heavy burn of the whiskey landed hard in her stomach but soon warmed her insides, made the shock of her life, the stupid, blinding unfairness of it all, seem like some wicked nightmare she’d wake up from just as soon as her glass emptied.

  Another swig, and the ice clanked around the bottom of the glass.

  “Nope,” she muttered to herself. “Still wide awake.�
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  There was a young bartender behind that long white oak counter and he smiled at Lily, hurrying to replace her empty glass with more bourbon when she nodded him over. He even winked at her when he handed her the glass, adding a methodical appraisal of her body that Lily pretended not to notice.

  “Thanks, sugar.” She wasn’t flirting. She was sure the kid knew that. It was New Orleans, Lily’s home for the past five years, and in that time, she’d gotten accustomed to the culture. Endearments were marks of kindness and flirting was practiced with the same casualness other cities gave to general politeness—common courtesy with a wink, something babies and grannies all did. Lily didn’t want to sleep with the kid manning the bar, though, after a quick glance at his pretty tawny skin, wide shoulders and tiny waist, Lily couldn’t find a single reason why she’d kick that one out of her bed if he’d somehow landed there.

  Oh. Right. Her career was in shambles. That was reason enough to not go home with a strange bartender no matter how cute he was.

  Or maybe that was reason enough to do it.

  Lily’s cell chimed, and she fished it out of her purse, adjusting in her chair just in front of the window and she spotted the fourth text Lincoln had sent her in the past hour.

  I fought for you.

  Lily was sure he had. Lincoln Wells had her back, or at least he pretended he did. But then, Lily was convinced he only championed her because he wanted her in his bed, and he was nowhere as cute as the bartender throwing smiles her way.

  You always do. I appreciate that. She paused, wondering if that response was too familiar, if it opened her up for interpretation that might give Lincoln the wrong idea. He’d never quite gotten used to the idea that she didn’t want him. Mr. Wells didn’t do well with rejection, and one date with him had been one too many. She erased the message and retyped it. I know you did. I appreciate the back-up, buddy. There. That shouldn’t give him the wrong idea. She stuffed her cell inside her small bag and went back to sipping on her bourbon.