by Eden Butler
“You want me to touch you, Lil?” He cupped her breast and slipped his fingers past the wet waistband of her thin, cotton underwear. “Here?”
She couldn’t answer. Lily couldn’t do more than shake in his arms, aware of the labored breath she made and the tremble that moved over her so fiercely she had to hold onto Keilen to stay up right.
Lily didn’t protest when he touched her, pulling her free from the bra and panties just to touch her, separate her from anything that hid her. She let him lead, gave him control, because it felt good. Because all the lovers she ever had before were not Keilen Rivers. Because only he could make her weak, make her needy and she’d never feel pathetic for that weakness.
“Say the word, makamae, and I’ll make you feel so good.” He leaned lower, mouth next to her ear, his voice low, sure, mesmerizing. “I’ll make you feel good everywhere. I promise.”
“Yes,” she panted, her mind hazed by lust, by fear and all the emotions she never let herself feel. Keilen moved his fingers deeper, between her lips, rubbing, circling so that Lily could only ride against him, hips moving, arm reaching behind her, to grab his neck as they rocked together.
“Lil...you’re on fire. You like that, don’t you? You like to feel me inside you? Just a little taste of what I want to do to you.” He moved his hand, getting his palm to her center, rolling her clit fast, until that grip on Keilen’s neck shifted as she rested against his shoulder, hips still moving, fingers twisting in his hair. “You do, don’t you, nani?”
“I…I do like it. I want…Keilen…” She lost hold of her senses, shaking at the twist of his fingers, the slip of another one inside her and Lily let go, arching, pulling down on his neck so that Keilen leaned forward, hand steadily moving and he took her mouth, swallowing each loud cry she made as she climaxed, tensing, squeezing against his fingers.
There was no time for a reprieve. Keilen was greedy, anxious and pulled himself free from Lily’s body only to turn her and tug her close. “I can’t be slow, not with you. I can’t wait. I…”
She understood, felt the same, and silenced Keilen with a kiss, snaking around his body without asking, unconcerned by what would happen tomorrow, by what would change between them. Right now, there was this moment and nothing else in the world. Nothing but the dream made real.
“Take me then,” she told him, lifted against him by those strong, sure arms. She fit around him perfectly—her legs on his waist, his hands holding her against him. “Take everything you want.”
He didn’t prepare her, that had already been done. Keilen simply kissed and touched; tongue inside her mouth, moving like a dance, fingers in her hair, guiding as he walked them from the hot space of the living room and into the cool, constant breeze on his patio.
There was a shift in the temperatures, but sweat still glistened on their bodies, against their warm skin. Keilen didn’t seem to notice. His attention was focused on Lily and how she pulled him down with her on the patio sofa when she stepped away from him.
It was like a dance, the two of them—action and reaction, coming together like it was natural, as though it wasn’t the culmination of decades waiting to fall away. And then, he slipped inside her.
She flexed her fingers against his skin as she adjusted, needing a moment to get used to him. It had been a long time, nearly a year, and Keilen was larger than she had expected. “Wait,” she told him, palm flat against his chest when he thrust deep. “Just a second.”
“Am I hurting you? Do…you want me to stop?” His voice was a little panicked, but Lily thought it wasn’t from disappointment.
“No. It’s fine. Just…go slow.”
“I’ll…I’ll do my best,” he murmured, arms straining as he moved. Keilen lifted to rest his right hand on the armrest. The other went to her hip, his fingers tightening in her soft skin.
“Lily…my Lily,” he breathed, panting hard, each sweet syllable of her name from his mouth like a melody, breathless and weak, but strong enough to affect her. “Hold me tight,” he told her, and she knew he didn’t mean for her to hug him. “That’s it. Just there.”
They went on that way for a long while, shifting, moving to accommodate his thick thighs and long legs on the furniture. Lily felt like flying, her body electrified by how deeply Keilen thrust inside her, how tight she felt around him, how he shifted her on top of him, then shifted until he was over her. She was sure her heart would shoot from her chest. She was certain he could not kiss her so sweetly and keep her wanting more, needing more; the desperate ache inside her only intensifying the stronger he moved.
“Keilen,” she whispered when she thought she might pass out. The air was thick now, the humidity thicker than it had been since the breeze had gone still. “Get on your back, please.”
He obliged and as Lily shifted, slipped on top of him, her breathing cleared. It was better this way, deeper, and Lily rode Keilen hard, reaching that deep, sweet space inside herself with every tight thrust she made on top of him.
“Lil,” he cried, guiding her hips, arching his neck as she sped, her hair brushing against his chest, her movements controlled but desperate; sweet but ravenous and then Keilen sat up, switching to the back of the sofa, Lily still connected and his mouth circling her nipple.
She struggled for a moment, the intensity of it all overwhelming, made her punch drunk, but Lily rode the wave, pressing against him, squeezing and tightening around him until they both cried out, shouts moving onto the still breeze, echoing across the property until they could not manage another thrust.
He would not let her go; head on her shoulder, cheek against one breast as his breath calmed, as he smiled against her skin.
Keilen held her as her heartbeat slowed, his hands against her back, his mouth at her temple until her breath settled to normal.
“Lil,” he tried, likely thinking she had fallen asleep as he held her. Maybe he thought she couldn’t hear him. Maybe he knew she could and didn’t care, but Keilen smoothed back the sweaty hair from her forehead as he kissed her temple, mouth warm, soft.
“Na'u `oe,” he told her, inhaling her scent, likely not expecting a response or a reaction.
She gave him one anyway.
“I am,” she told him, hugging him back. “I really am.”
Chapter Seventeen
They’d stayed on the patio another half hour after they’d made love the night before, bodies sticky, the air heavy with the weight of a pending storm. Lily had loved the feel of Keilen inside her, how he both controlled and willingly allowed himself to be used. It was the push and pull he gave her, the perfect reaction to her touch, to her need, that had Lily making plans she didn’t want to change.
“You can stay here. As long as you like,” he’d told her when she mentioned having a shower and then returning to the guest room at her niece’s home. “I’d like the company, Lil. I want you to stay.”
It hadn’t taken much for Lily to agree and after a shower, which she didn’t manage alone, Keilen brought her to his bed and settled her against his chest. They lay there in the silence, getting to know the size and fit of their bodies, testing how they moved together with small grazes of fingers on shoulders, of silent conversations they made with touches and tightened embraces.
“I like the way you feel against me,” he told her when she thought he might have fallen to sleep. “I think I might like it too much.”
“Is that possible?” she asked, moving her arm around his waist.
“It is when you might leave and not come back.”
“Keilen…”
“Let’s not talk about it.” He ran his fingers down her spine, to rest his hand against her lower back, but even the soft, sweet touch of Keilen’s palm against her naked flesh didn’t take away the guilt she felt.
“It’s not that I don’t want to stay…” she couldn’t help but offer, ignoring the long exhale Keilen released. “I mean, I’ll come back. Especially with Zee getting married. It probably won’t be long before she fini
shes her residency and then there will be babies and family things she’ll want me here for. It…it won’t be all that bad and I…”
He stopped her with a roll of his body, pushing her legs apart with his knee. Keilen was inside her, already hard, already deep before she could finish her thought. He lifted her chin, rising to rest his weight on one palm. “I said I didn’t want to talk about it.”
And they didn’t. Not for at least a half hour.
Later, their bodies spent, Lily was on the verge of sleep, Keilen next to her, the smell of his skin against her, and she let a sleepy smile move over her mouth, loving the contentment she found. Loving that reality had been so much better than the fantasy.
“You have someone back in New Orleans?” he asked, the question waking her up completely.
“Excuse me?” Lily came to her elbow, glaring at him. “You think I’m with someone at home and what? Fuck around when I’m on vacation?”
“No. I don’t think that.” His voice was calm, but it always was. Keilen had a way of maintaining patience, reacting with no expression at all. Lily thought that was likely a trait of his profession—you could not cry when you delivered a death sentence to a patient or their family. Concern, compassion, impassivity, all things Zee related as part of their training.
But Lily was not a patient with a weak heart. She was someone Keilen had just made love to and only now was inquiring about her love life back at home.
“Lil…”
“Do you think I’m heartless, Keilen? Do you think I could treat someone I cared about that cruelly?”
“You, Lil? No.” He sat up when she scrambled toward the edge of the bed, pulling her down and rolling on top of her before she could stop him. “You didn’t let me finish.” She glared at him and Keilen got to his knees, hands up in surrender. “I haven’t seen you in a long time, and Zinnia keeps your business out of her mouth. Trust me, I’ve asked. She’s never been clear about that.”
“Why ask me now?” Lily rested against the headboard, pulling her knees to her chest.
Keilen rubbed his neck, grunting out a breath as though he’d only just realized his misstep. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I should have asked before…” he waved between them and crawled back to her, holding her face between his large palms. “I gotta be honest, Lil, I don’t think I much care. Maybe that’s why I didn’t ask. I didn’t want to know. I wanted…you. I wanted you with me.”
“Is that why you didn’t want to talk about me leaving?”
He moved his head to the side, and a surprised expression moved his features until the smile on his face was bittersweet. “No. I didn’t want to talk about you leaving because it breaks my heart to think about it.” He kissed her, soft, gentle and rested his forehead against hers. “It’s hard for me, to meet people and trust them. You’d be surprised how many women only see dollar signs when they meet me. And despite what they may say, they expect me to not be with them, really with them. They expect me to cheat. They expect me to only want one thing from them. So, there’s always something missing. They don’t trust me, and I can’t trust them.”
“Keilen…”
“Then there’s you. You who knew me so long ago. You who wanted me when I wore braces and broke my nose junior year and went around scaring everyone with that busted up face. You were the only one who still smiled at me. You were the only one who still smiles at me the same way you did when you were a kid.”
“I’m not the same girl,” she told him, unable to keep her hands from his face, figuring he should know the truth. “I’m not remotely the same girl.”
“No, and I’m not the same boy, but Lil, you trust me, don’t you? You aren’t scared what I want is all illusions. You aren’t scared I’ll turn out to be a bastard because you know who I am.”
“I…I think I do.” She exhaled when he kissed her, let him hold her tight. “You’re the only one I’ve been with in a year, Keilen.”
“Good,” he said, pulling her down on the bed.
“I trust you and I want you to trust me. I promise.” She took his kiss when it came and moved her hips, adjusted to welcome him again into her body. He slipped inside, hissing from the sensation, smiling against her lips. “That…I don’t think that changes whether I stay or go. I have a lot of…”
“I know, nani makamae. I know what it means and right now, it’s enough.”
Chapter Eighteen
It was the knocking that woke her. That constant tap and the vibration of whoever wanted to annoy her at ten the next morning felt like a hammer laying waste to her head. The morning light was bright and Lily still felt the long hours of love making in her limbs and on her skin. The morning had come too quickly; too damn quickly for the noise hammering against the door.
“Go the fuck away,” she heard Keilen say, the entire bed rustling as he turned over. The knocking got harder and Lily sat up, ready to leave the warmth of Keilen’s body and the thick duvet cover. “No,” he told her, pressing a large palm against her stomach when she tried leaving the bed. He exhaled, hovering over her to place a quick, but thorough kiss on her mouth. “I’ll take care of it. Don’t move.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it.”
Through the sliver of a half-opened eyelid, Lily caught sight of Keilen as he left the bed, completely naked, body taut and supremely perfect as he bent over, pulling on a pair of running shorts from the chair next to his dresser.
He turned, scrubbing a finger through his hair as he stretched, large arms over his head until he caught her staring. “Your eyes are telling stories, nani.”
“Are they?” she asked, pretending to be ignorant of what he meant.
“Umhmm.” He leaned down, kissing her once, the touch lingering, then teasing when he slipped his tongue inside. “And I like that story. It’s my favorite. We’ll have to finish it in a second.” The beating on the door sounded again, and Keilen grunted, standing before he disappeared through the door.
Lincoln stood in Keilen’s living room, a decided sneer on his face that reminded Lily of an old man. She wondered if it was the half-finished, half-demolished state of the house that brought out his disapproval. The place was a bit of a mess—construction clutter littered the floor; stacks of new and half-empty paint cans lined the north wall of the living room and blue tarps, plastic sawhorses were pushed away from the make-shift dining table in the center of the room that connected the kitchen and living room.
It was a mess, but the appliances were new and most of the sheetrock was hung and drying. Lincoln flared his nostrils and moved his mouth in a curve, giving him a haughty, disgusted look that she’d only ever seen on Landry and a few of his old golf buddies after they’d had a bad game.
“Why do you keep showing up?” she asked him, coming into the room wearing a jersey Keilen had given her when he returned to the bedroom to get her. It was blue with a cartoon devil on the front and fell to her mid-thigh.
“It’s half past ten,” Lincoln answered, seeming bored already of their conversation. “You missed the call with Ellis.”
“I texted him.” She hadn’t but found Lincoln’s wide-eye stare the height of funny. She didn’t elaborate but did make mental note of his reaction.
“You couldn’t have,” he said, following her as she moved into the kitchen to pour a mug of coffee from the pot that had just finished dripping.
“I did.” Cream and sugar added, Lily took a sip, humming as the sweet, hot liquid went down her throat. “Coffee?”
“This is not remotely funny, Campbell.” Lincoln ignored the mug she offered him and came into the kitchen, standing closer than he should. Lily wondered if the proximity and deepening glare he gave her was meant to be scary.
“Are you trying to intimidate me, Lincoln?”
“What? Of course not, I just…”
“Then back up.” She stood up from the counter, motioning with her fingers. “You’re in my space.”
“Actually,” Keilen said, coming into the room dressed in his
black slacks and a gray button up, “he’s in my space.”
Lincoln brushed his fingers through his hair, a frustrated movement Lily thought was telling of his attitude. She didn’t comment on it but did smile at his intensifying sneer when Keilen came into the kitchen and kissed her, stealing a sip from her mug.
“Can I make you something to eat?” she asked him, ignoring the low, irritated sigh she heard from the living room. She walked to the fridge and opened it, head shaking when she saw only three Blue Moons and a wedge of cheese on the bottom shelf. “Keilen. Really.”
“I’ll go to the store tonight. I’d have shopped if I knew I’d have…” he smiled at her, waggling his eyebrows, “company.”
“Don’t bother,” she told him, shutting the door. “I’ll go wake up Zee and make her bring me to the store. My treat.”
“No one is there,” Lincoln offered, fiddling with his phone as Lily stood next to Keilen. “I knocked on the door for a good ten minutes and got no answer.”
“What?” Lily looked out of the kitchen window, angling her head to the side to see her niece’s driveway. It was empty except for Ano’s old work truck and their bikes. “Weird. She’s off today.”
“With those two, no telling,” Keilen said, leaning down to kiss Lily again. He shot a look out of the window, frowning a little but then seemed to pass off any concern in the same thought. “I’ve got to get to the hospital. Heart cath at noon today, and then I’m off by six. I’ll call you when I get a break.” He looked over his shoulder, nostrils flaring at Lincoln before he stared back at Lily. “You okay with this guy here?” He glanced again at the unwelcomed guest, frowning.
Lincoln had adjusted his stance, straightening his posture and stood with his legs apart the second Keilen entered the room, as though he was marking territory.
“Some men go around living, acting as if they are wolves. They aren’t. They’re just puppies who haven’t realized it yet.” He looked back at Lily, nodding toward the living room. “That asshole is all puppy breath, but I still don’t like leaving you alone with him…”