by K. Ryan
“I know,” Finn cut in with a grin. “Underneath the sink. Three scoops a day. Got it, Em.”
“And his pain meds are—”
“In the cabinet above the sink,” he finished for me. “Did you forget I helped you bring him home yesterday or what?”
“No,” I laughed nervously and played with my purse strap for lack of anything better to do. “I didn’t. I’m just trying not to freak out here.”
“It’s gonna be okay, Em,” he reassured me, squeezing my shoulders to really drive the point home. “Your sister-in-law and the baby are gonna be okay, too.”
Instinct and reflex took control and I leaned forward to kiss Finn in front of his family and friends. Both his hands closed around my cheeks and he kissed me deeply, putting just enough pressure against my lips to tell me one more time everything I needed to know, everything we weren’t quite ready to say.
When I opened my eyes again and he pulled me into his chest for one last quick hug, I didn’t even care that all eyes, at least where his friends were concerned, seemed to be on us. In fact, two of Finn’s friends, Tyler and Ethan, were openly gaping at Finn like their eyes were about to roll right out of their heads.
“Don’t mind them,” Finn whispered in my ear. “It’s been awhile, you know?”
“Yeah,” I nodded into his chest. “I know.”
I pulled away gingerly, eager to get on the road, but decidedly less eager to leave Finn and Oliver behind. So, in an effort to deflect the whirlwind of emotions whipping through me, I turned to his group of friends with the most apologetic smile I could manage.
“I’m really sorry, but I have to go. My brother and his wife are having a baby and I have to get to the hospital—it’s a three-hour drive, so…”
“So what are you still doing here?” I heard Max call out to me from behind Finn. “Get going!”
“Call me when you get there and whenever else you need to, Em,” Finn’s voice was in my ear again. “Stop at your apartment before you leave, grab whatever you need, leave your key under your mat, and drive safe, okay?”
“Okay.”
That was really all there was left to say. I trusted Finn to take care of everything else.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
When that “Welcome to Hickory” sign came into view, panic seized hold of my throat. Up until that moment, I’d been able to push it away—out of sight, out of mind, you know? Now that the sign literally passed me by, no amount of denial could hide the truth: I was back in my hometown.
I swallowed hard, but the panic wouldn’t subside. In fact, it multiplied the deeper I drove into Hickory, the town of my nightmares. I’d even had to pull over to dry-heave on the side of the road about 40 minutes into my drive. It was like my body physically rejected the prospect of stepping foot in this town again.
This was exactly what I’d always feared and exactly what I’d always tried to avoid. On the outside, the town felt ageless. Like it was stuck in some sort of time warp where time never actually moved forward. Everything looked exactly the same. Everything remained exactly where I’d left it. But my mind couldn’t trick itself into believing that I’d been the one to move forward, that I’d changed for the better since leaving this town in my dust.
If anything, I’d only regressed more.
Then the visions started. Little bright images of my past life flashed before my eyes—shopping at Mike’s Market, the smallest, sparest grocery store I’ve ever seen, going to movies at the only drive-in theatre left in Northern Wisconsin, meeting my friends at Jessie’s Coffee Shop for scones and lattes or Luigi’s for some of the most savory Italian pasta I’ve ever had in my life, family dinners at Noah and Cristina’s—the normal life I used to know...I squeezed my eyes shut before those visions turned into something more insidious.
It wasn’t like I could exactly turn my car around and head back to Milwaukee. Come hell or high water, I was getting my ass to that hospital, even though my mind screamed every obscenity in the book every step of the way. My mind knew this was a terrible idea, knew this wouldn’t be doing myself any favors, but this was also not a time for selfishness.
My brother and sister-in-law were having a baby, goddammit.
Even when I pulled into the hospital’s parking lot, I’d almost convinced myself everything was going to be okay. I’d almost forced myself to focus solely on Noah, Cristina, and the baby—they were why I was even in this goddamn town anyway.
My hands shook as I walked through the hospital’s sliding doors and even now, at a hospital of all places, that old familiar paranoia stifled any hope that I’d be able to move around here unnoticed and undisturbed. It crept down my spine, slid over my arms, and all but suffocated me. I could barely tell the nurse at the front desk who I was looking for. All my normal body functions were lost to me—my mind, my voice, my limbs, nothing seemed to work properly.
“Emma?” The nurse asked impatiently. “You’re here for Noah and Cristina, right?”
That snapped me out of it momentarily and I shook off as much craziness as I could. “I’m sorry...I’m Noah’s sister and—”
“Yes, I know who you are,” the nurse informed me curtly and pointed down the hallway. “They’re in room 1311. Second to last on the right.”
My heart sunk deep into my stomach as the nurse promptly returned to the paperwork in front of her, choosing to ignore my presence rather than assist me any further. I sort of wanted to crawl into a hole and stay there forever and this was really only the beginning.
Be strong. Be normal. Don’t yell at this nurse. She doesn’t know you.
Easier said than done.
As if on cue, my brother materialized in the hallway, stepping out of room 1311 to check his phone.
I cupped my hands around my mouth to call out, “Noah!”
His head snapped up at the sound of my voice and his face broke out in a brilliant, mega-watt smile. With his arms spread out wide, he waved me down the hall towards him where he met me halfway. His clothes were rumpled and a little off-center, his dirty blonde scruff reflected that 5 o’clock shadow I knew so well, his cropped hair looked mussed, like he’d spent the last few hours tearing his hands through it and he probably had, and his green and blue eyes—the mirror image of my own—were somehow exhausted and elated all at the same time. That was my brother, though...hard and soft, tired and refreshed, violent and gentle...a bundle of opposites just like me.
As soon as I was within arms’ reach, Noah pulled me into a tight bear-hug and kissed the side of my head.
“I’m so glad you’re finally here, Em,” he told me. “I’ve been going a little crazy without ya.”
“I drove as fast as I could,” I laughed and leaned into him.
It had been a few months since I’d actually seen this guy in person and it wasn’t until I finally saw him up close that I realized just how much I’d missed my big brother, the one person who’d always stuck by me like glue. Distance helped me push him away, but now, I couldn’t deny that I’d made a mistake in systematically shutting Noah, as well as Cristina, out of my life.
“Well, I’m glad you made it here in one piece. Now...I have someone I’d like you to meet. Are you ready for this?”
I bit down on my bottom lip, my eyes already burning with tears. “Ready as I’ll ever be, I think.”
“Come on,” he chuckled and rested both hands on my shoulders to steer me into room 1311.
Noah pushed open the door and it was like an unveiling—angels were singing somewhere above me, airy clouds carried me through the room, and a spotlight shone down on the figure lying on the hospital bed just feet away. Cristina, although understandably worn, slightly disheveled, and a little puffy, beamed at me from the bed. That fresh maternal glow seemed to just radiate from her and that blissful, gorgeous smile beckoned me closer to the bed so I could finally see that little pink bundle snuggled protectively in her arms.
“Hola, Tia Emmie,” Cris whispered to me as I stepped over to her, my
eyes already stinging with fresh tears.
I covered my mouth with my hand and leaned down just enough to see the baby Cris lifted up in her arms. There she was. My niece. Her skin was flushed an odd crimson and lavender hue, her dark eyes were a little cloudy, her patchy black hair was matted, sticking up around her forehead, and she was perfect. Absolutely perfect.
Love at first sight. Once again, I’d been knocked sideways by a pair of eyes.
“Tia Emmie,” Cristina cooed breathily. “This is Maria.”
“She’s so beautiful,” I murmured, wiping a tear from my cheek. “Oh...she looks just like you, Cris.”
“Yeah, she does, doesn’t she?” Cristina laughed as she shifted the baby to gingerly place her into my waiting arms.
Once my niece was nestled in my arms, I felt Noah hovering over me, his hand on my shoulder, and Cristina’s fingertips brushing the arm that held her baby, but all I could see was Maria.
“Maria,” I sang softly to her. “I just met a girl named Maria...and suddenly that name will never be the same to me...Maria.”
“I knew you’d throw a West Side Story reference in there,” Noah grumbled behind me.
“Can’t help it,” I smiled down at my niece, not bothering to give her dad a glance. “It was just too perfect...just like you, Maria.”
“Oh boy.”
“You shut it,” Cristina laughed and swatted at her husband. “Don’t ruin this moment for us, Noah. I’ll kill you.”
“Wow, already threatening violence in the presence of our child. Very nice.”
I just shook my head—this was nothing out of the ordinary for the two of them, especially since I didn’t even have to look up to know that Noah was beaming down at his wife with all the love, devotion, and admiration I knew he felt for her. Instead, my attention remained rooted right where it needed to be: on my gorgeous new niece.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t get here sooner,” I shot Cristina a quick, apologetic glance. “I had to stop at my apartment for my overnight bag and drop off my key for my neighbor,” I ignored the way Cristina’s eyes flashed at the word neighbor, “I think I got here about a half hour sooner because I was driving so fast though.”
Noah squeezed my shoulder. “Well, it’s good to know you’re willing to break traffic laws when push comes to shove, Em.”
“Absolutely,” I laughed. “Anything for you guys.”
. . .
After Noah made a mad dash for some food and a nurse swooped in to check on my niece, Cris patted the space next to her on the mattress and I dutifully crawled into the bed as she laid her head on my shoulder.
“I’m so glad you’re here, Em,” she whispered. “It’s been too long since I’ve actually seen you, you know?”
I pushed out a deep breath and rested my cheek on the top of her head. “I know. I’m sorry.”
“Stop apologizing, chica, seriously. You’re here now and that’s all that matters.”
“I suppose...I hope you know you’re my hero,” I told her. “It’s amazing—everything you did, pushing that baby out...you’re so strong. So goddamn brave. So much stronger and braver than I’ll ever be. I can’t even imagine…”
“It’s pretty crazy, isn’t it? What our bodies can do? I mean, this just gives me a whole other perspective on my body. I don’t care what it looks like, bumps, rolls, stretch marks, whatever—every time I look at Maria now, I’m gonna be like—my freaking awesome body did that.”
And that was why I loved my sister-in-law. Always the eternal optimist.
“It is pretty awesome,” I agreed wholeheartedly. “So, what happened? Tell me everything.”
Cris just laughed. “Well, it was pretty quick. As soon as my water broke, it was just like…” she swept a hand down the length of her stomach, “whoosh! She just sorta popped right out and I know how lucky I am for that, even though Noah was freaking out that we weren’t gonna make it to the hospital in time. Oh...and all I have to say is: epidural. That’s it. Epidural. I didn’t feel a damn thing once they stuck me with that monstrous needle and it. Was. Beautiful.”
“Oh God...and Noah? Did he make it through the whole thing or did he pass out?”
“Surprisingly enough,” Cris shrugged, “he made it. There were a few moments where it was a little touch and go, but he pulled it out.”
“What a guy.”
“Oh yeah...and he’s gonna be a great daddy, too. Did you see the way he looks at her?” Cris put a hand over her heart. “I melt a little every time I see it and it’s only been a few hours.”
I smiled as the memory of the proud papa washed over me. The way Noah’s eyes glittered when he saw her, the unconditional love radiating from him...the dude was already a goner.
“And, um, your mom was here before,” Cris told me softly, her voice lowering carefully. “Noah told her you were coming and she left about an hour ago. I’m sorry—”
“No,” I shook my head to cut her off. “Don’t be sorry, Cris. It’s probably for the best that we just avoid each other anyway. This is supposed to be a happy day and nobody needs that shit up in here, you know?”
Especially since I had no interest in being in the same room as my mother if I could help it.
Cris smiled wistfully and her fingers squeezed my hand as if she could read my thoughts. “I love you, you know.”
“I know,” I whispered. “I love you, too.”
“So,” Cris wiped her eyes quickly and shook off the emotion that had just taken over the room. “Tell me about this neighbor...is this the same one you had over for pizza? And you left him the key for your apartment?”
I winced. I should’ve known the Puerto Rican Inquisition wouldn’t rest just because she pooped out a kid. “Ah...we don’t need to talk about that. It’s not a big deal. Besides, I want to hear more about the epidural and that monstrous needle.”
“Oh no,” she laughed. “You don’t get to change the subject. Tell me and tell me now.”
“Ugh. Really, Cris?” I did my best impression of puppy dog eyes, but she just blinked back at me. “He’s just keeping an eye on Oliver for me while I’m gone.”
Cris’s eyebrows lifted suggestively. “That’s awfully neighborly of him. Sounds like a nice guy. So...are you dating him? Seeing him? Screwing him?”
All I could do was squeeze my eyes shut and shake my head. “Come on, Cris.”
“What? I just gave birth, okay? My lady parts ain’t seeing any action for awhile, so I’m gonna have to live vicariously through you, which, let’s face it, is really depressing. Please tell me something good. Please, please, pretty please.”
“Oh my God,” I rolled my eyes up to the ceiling. “We’ve gone on a few dates, I guess.”
Cris’s mouth dropped open in faux-shock. “You guess? What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“I don’t know,” I shrugged. “We’re...taking it slow.”
My sister-in-law eyed me carefully, studying me with well-practiced scrutiny. “Okay. So, you’re taking it slow. That sounds like a good plan. Does that mean you’re not screwing him?”
“Yes, that’s what that means, but,” I threw in before I could stop myself, “I am kissing him if that makes you feel any better.”
“Oh!” Cristina squealed and hugged me to her a little too tightly, shaking and squeezing the breath out of me. “I bet he’s a good kisser. Oh...I don’t even know what he looks like. Do you have a picture? Can we meet him? Can we visit? Oh, Em, I’m so, so happy for you!”
“Whoa,” Noah called out from the doorway with two bags of take-out in his hands. “What’s goin’ on in here?”
“Emma likes a boy,” Cristina informed him in a syrupy sweet sing-song voice.
My eyes must’ve practically breathed fire because she burst into laughter.
“Thanks a lot, Brett,” I muttered under my breath.
“What did you just call me?” she cocked an eyebrow at me.
“Nothing,” I waved a hand at her. “Inside joke.”
Her mouth quirked up in amusement. “Oh, I see.”
Noah, unfortunately, had frozen mid-step with the bags still in his hand. His eyes sparked warily, darting uneasily from me to his wife and back to me again. “Emma likes a boy? Since when?”
“God,” I grumbled. “What am I—in middle school or something? Come on. Get a grip, guys. This isn’t a big deal.”
Noah’s eyes narrowed as he set the bags down on the table next to the bed. “Bullshit it’s not a big deal. Who’s the guy, Em?”
I shifted uncomfortably on the bed and Cristina winced at me sheepishly.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered in my ear. “It’s the hormones. They’re all over the place. I can’t control them.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“Em?” Noah’s tense voice cut through the room. “The guy? Who is he?”
My brother’s predictable reaction was only indicative of my past—he worried about me, he cared about me, he wanted to see me happy, and most importantly, he didn’t want to see me hurt again. But that also didn’t mean I was ready for the interrogation just yet.
“Em?”
“He’s my neighbor,” I finally relented and gave Noah what he wanted. “He’s actually, um, taking care of Oliver while I’m gone.”
Noah’s eyebrows rose dangerously and he hitched both hands on his hips. Uh oh. I’d seen this before. This macho, alpha-male peacocking act would’ve been hilarious if it also didn’t make me fear for Finn’s life, too.
“And,” Cris chimed in cheerfully beside me. “Emma gave him a key while she’s gone. They’ve been kissing.”
“Cris!” I shrieked and swatted her shoulder. “How could you tell him that? What the hell is wrong with you?”
Seriously, did she want Noah to jump in his car, drive three hours to Milwaukee, break down the door, and pummel Finn into oblivion? It’s not like it would be the first time…
“Sorry, sorry,” Cris held up both hands with a grimace. “Hormones.”
Against my better judgment, my eyes skidded to Noah, whose lips had curled back into a snarl. Clearly, he was unamused. And lethal. Luckily, I was saved by the buzz. I dug through my purse for my phone, ignoring the other two people in the room, and praising sweet baby Jesus for the distraction. Swiping across my screen, the only knee-jerk reaction my body allowed was a smile because staring up at me was a picture of Oliver, in all his grumpy, cone of shame-wearing glory, propped up against Finn’s chest on my couch.