The Wicked Dead (The Tome of Bill Book 7)

by Rick Gualtieri

  “That is all I can ask for,” Sheila replied, her voice remaining pleasant. “Everything is under control here. Please take the faithful upstairs and keep guard. I’ll join you shortly.”

  Bernadette hesitated, throwing me and Christy the stink eye.

  “Worry not, Sister,” Sheila continued. “I have nothing to fear. You know the damned cannot enthrall me.”

  * * *

  Sheila shut the thick door once her asshole buddies had passed beyond. Though it would keep them from eavesdropping, it still wasn’t enough to stop me from hearing them muttering as they walked away.

  “She says she isn’t enthralled, but...”

  “Have faith, brother; the Lord’s will shall prevail in the end.”

  Their voices faded away to several cries of hallelujah as they reached the stairs. Fucking Bible thumpers.

  “Damned, eh?” I asked, an eyebrow raised.

  “Sorry. Sister Bernadette would only believe so much of what I tried telling her. I had to walk a fine line to get them to come along. Things almost got ugly as they were.”

  “I have a feeling ugly’s a concept she’s quite intimate with.” The glares from the two ladies, both of them nuclear bombs to my firecracker, caused me to cease with the insults – true though they might be. “Why are they here?”

  “I was kind of hoping they’d turn you down,” Christy said, causing my head to snap toward her.

  “What the hell do you mean by that?”

  “You know we need them,” Sheila replied, ignoring my outburst.

  I stepped between them and held up my hands. “Okay, red light! Let’s back up just a step here. What the fuck are the Templar doing in this safe house and,” I turned toward Christy, “why do you know about this?”

  “You do realize that while you’ve been off doing whatever it is you do, the rest of us have been planning, right?”

  I spun toward Sheila, meeting her silver eyes with my own. “I mean, I figured you guys were talking about it, but...”

  “But without you to lead the discussion, we’d just flounder about like fish out of water?”

  “Well, not exactly.” Her eyes blared white for a moment, and I added, “Okay, maybe a little.”

  “Seriously?” She threw up her hands and paced across the room. “Your entire plan was to march us up to Boston and attack them ... with just the six of us?”

  “I...” Fuck! She had me there. “Fine. I’m more of an adjust-on-the-fly type of guy anyway.” I turned around and pointed a finger at Christy. “And you knew?”

  “I live there too. Now you know.”

  “And none of you said anything because...?”

  “A couple of reasons,” Sheila said.

  “Oh? Care to enlighten me?”

  “For starters, we weren’t sure any of it would work. The Templar and I didn’t exactly part ways on the best of terms. An entire chapter was wiped out in Westchester, and then you had to go and punch Bernadette in the face while we were standing together.”

  Ah yes, quite the pleasant memory. “Okay, and...”

  “That was on me,” Christy said. “After you told me your plan, I thought it best to keep you in the dark on this. I didn’t think the extra stress would help while you were preparing yourself.”

  “Oh, and waking up to a bunch of crosses about to be shoved up my ass wasn’t stressful?”

  “Sorry about that,” Sheila said. “Bad timing. Took longer to gather them together than I thought. Believe it or not, they’ve been doing a lot of good in the city – fighting off monsters and protecting people where they can. A lot of them were out on the street when I made it to their sanctuary.”

  “Took you long enough.”

  “I also stopped by my old place for a few changes of clothes,” she admitted with a guilty grin.

  “Fine. What’s done is done. I don’t like them much, but I won’t lie and say they won’t be useful. Lord knows – and yes, I will refrain from saying such things around them – but we could use the help.” That thought caused me to look around the room and remember the distinct lack of Dave. I quickly scanned the floor, looking for signs of dust. “Where is...”

  “That one’s my bad too. I didn’t realize you were bringing other vampires. Apparently, I’m not the only one who’s been keeping secrets.”

  “In all fairness, I wasn’t originally planning on bringing them along. It just sort of worked out that way.”

  “Whatever the case, we found two strange vampires upstairs with your roommates and then a third standing over you both, holding an IV of blood that was attached to your arm.”

  “You didn’t hurt them, did you?”

  “It was close. The two upstairs started pointing at me and yelling stuff about holy avenging something or other.”

  “Your sword. I told them it was a plus five Holy Avenger.”

  “Uh, yeah. Well, either way, they got real lucky. I saw they were covered in blood and was...” She averted her gaze from mine. “I was afraid for the worst. But then they threw up their hands and surrendered.”

  “You don’t fuck with a high level paladin,” I commented.

  “Anyway, I have some more Templar upstairs guarding them all.”

  I let out a sigh of relief. Things had already gone bad with Carl. I didn’t need shit escalating with the rest.

  “Thank you. They’re friends ... weird though they might be.”

  “And the blood?”

  Thankfully, Christy was there to bail me out on that one. “A necessary evil. We wouldn’t have made it here without their help.” A bit of an exaggeration, but it sounded a whole lot better than what really happened.

  That was all Sheila apparently needed, because she nodded somberly. “I have a feeling there’s going to be a lot of that in the days ahead.” She smiled and turned back to me. “Sorry I wasn’t here to help, but I assume you went ahead with things anyway, even without precautions?”

  I explained to her Dave’s presence with the bag of Ed’s blood. She nodded, a look of admiration upon her face. “Not bad. But more importantly, did it work?”

  I opened my mouth, not entirely sure what I was going to say. I mean, I thought it worked. However, pointing out that we would have known for sure had she made her grand entrance just a few moments later didn’t seem particularly wise.

  Thankfully, one of the Templar popped his head back in the door and spared me from having to sputter something about learning to sing Kumbaya with my inner self.

  “Blessed one, come quick. A figure approaches from the night. She has the form of a harlot, but moves with the grace of one of them.”

  His inflection toward me carried with it enough venom to down a rhino, but I didn’t care. The description he’d given was the important part and it pointed to only one person.

  Sally was finally back.

  Like Oil in Holy Water

  I pushed my way past the Templar minion and headed upstairs. The last thing I needed was for Sally’s return to be interrupted by a bunch of asshats trying to turn her into a fried Twinkie with their crosses.

  Sheila hurried to keep up. I wondered why she was suddenly so interested in Sally, but then when I reached the main floor, I realized it wasn’t Sally so much as me.

  She’d done her part in spades. The group of Templar I’d met upon my rude awakening was just the tip of the iceberg. She’d gone all out. The place was packed with them, albeit it was hard to tell how many due to the multiple rooms that made up the main floor.

  The one thing they all had in common, though, was an adverse reaction to me – like I was a walking vine of poison ivy. Each group immediately reached for their weapons when they saw me. Guess they were still a bit steamed over what happened to their buddies up in Westchester. Either that or they were just of the kill first, ask questions later mindset when it came to vampire filth.

  Sheila was probably the only reason I made it upstairs both unharmed and without
having to bust some heads on the way – that latter prospect something I found myself oddly okay with. Go figure, beating up on righteous assholes – a victimless crime if ever there was one.

  Regardless, her presence served to remind them that they weren’t here on a search-and-destroy mission.

  As I neared the door, I overheard a loud argument off in one of the side rooms.

  “For the last time, I’m not a goddamned thrall!”

  It was Ed.

  “Take not the Lord’s name in vain, thrall. Your lies fall upon deaf ears, for why else would a righteous man cavort with one of Lucifer’s fell demons?”

  Cavort?

  “Because he pays his share of the fucking rent, that’s why.”

  “Sorry,” Sheila said with an exasperated sigh. “Let me go take care of that.”

  I chuckled and kept walking. “Nah, leave them. Sounds like he’s fine.”

  * * *

  “Get out of the way,” I snarled as I reached the door.

  The two Templar guarding it glared at me, but stepped aside nevertheless.

  “You know, you might catch more flies with honey than vinegar,” Sheila said from behind me.

  “I’m pretty sure that myth was busted.”

  “You know what I mean.”

  An irrational surge of anger flooded through me. Tell her to go fuck herself!

  What the hell? I told my inner problem-child to chill out and then took a deep breath, waiting to see if Dr. Death reared his head again. When he didn’t, I replied, “I know and I’m sorry. It’s just that I’m stressed and these guys are all staring at me as if I’m gonna pull a baby out of my backpack and start eating it in front of them.”

  “I’ll have another word with them.”

  “Thanks.”

  Approaching footsteps from outside reached my ears. Judging from the clicking on the pavement, sensible shoes weren’t a part of the equation. Oh well, there was only one person I knew with the audacity to face the apocalypse while wearing five-inch heels.

  I flung the door open only for the business end of a massive handgun to greet me. Damn, the barrel looked wide from this angle.

  “Hey, Sally,” I squeaked, hoping there was no pee leaking out of me.

  The gun lowered, and my partner’s blonde visage stared back at me. She was wearing a trench coat, no doubt meant to conceal the hand cannon she stuffed back inside of a pocket. Across her shoulder was slung a heavy-looking duffel bag.

  “Sorry,” she said. “I found your note.”

  “Then what’s with the fifty-caliber greeting?”

  “Because someone else could have found it too. Your genius cipher left a lot to be desired.”

  “Cryptography isn’t one of my specialties.”

  “No shit.” She stepped past me. “So, any reason for the sudden upheav...”

  I didn’t need to ask to know Sally had just noticed the red-robed figures standing inside the doorway.

  “Well, this is nice.” Her voice betrayed no hint of panic as she glanced over her shoulder. “Is this your great plan for beating Vehron? Enthralling an army of cosplayers?”

  “They’re with me,” Sheila said from a few steps further in.

  “Oh. Those Templar jokers you were telling us about.”

  “You knew too?” I asked.

  “Of course,” she replied dismissively.

  I secured the door and left our Templar guards to resume their duty as I walked after the two wayward members of our group. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Christy had likewise caught up – albeit looking pretty winded. Whether it was from the stairs or from the trip inside my noggin, I wasn’t sure. Probably a bit of both. That the eastern sky was just now starting to get light wasn’t helping matters. She hadn’t gotten any rest all night.

  Sally glanced around, taking in the hostile glares the assembled Templar were giving her. She stepped fearlessly up to one and ran a finger over his red robe. “Not the most inconspicuous bunch I’ve ever seen.”

  Judging from the Templar’s face, you’d have thought she was a leper rather than a beautiful woman. Oh well, maybe I could point Adam in this one’s direction.

  “You’ve met them before, you know,” Sheila said with a wry smile.

  “Oh? Well, they obviously didn’t make all that big of an impression.”

  Amazingly enough, I found myself stepping in to put a stop to that. “They’re here to help us.” I sensed multiple sets of eyeballs boring into me, so I quickly amended, “I mean, they’re here to help the Blessed One on her holy crusade for justice, of which we – the evil shit stains of the world – are joining in our attempts to repent our wicked ways.”

  I couldn’t have spread more sarcasm over that had I tried, yet it seemed to mollify them nevertheless. Oh yeah, this was gonna be a fun bunch to travel with.

  * * *

  Sheila spent the next fifteen minutes or so sorting things out with the Templar. Ed had really been the only one inconvenienced by the whole ordeal, looking kinda pissed when they finally let him out of the room they were holding him in.

  Meanwhile, Tom, Adam, and Mike were busy playing cards off in a corner as if they hadn’t noticed the holy rollers milling about.

  Dave had set up some of his equipment in one room and was busy scribbling notes on a pad. If he was bothered by having been dragged away from babysitting me, it didn’t show.

  In the end, the Templar had no problem honoring a truce with their fellow humans, something Ed really wasn’t, but nobody seemed willing to volunteer that information. No matter what Sheila said, though, it was obvious they weren’t going to let the rest of us go about our business without keeping an eye on us. Oh well, they’d just best hope I didn’t need to take a shit anytime soon.

  A fragile peace thus established, I suggested to my friends we take some time and get each other caught up – on everything this time. They’d been planning without me, and I’d been guilty of doing the same. The time for secrets needed to end. It sure as shit wasn’t Christmas, so I had a feeling more surprises wouldn’t be to our advantage.

  Tom waved us off, obviously caught up with his game. Judging from the stack of bills in front of him, they were playing for cash and he was winning. That was fine. He most certainly wasn’t the Rommel to our war council.

  The only downside was Sister Bernadette. Despite Sheila’s assurances, she was unwilling for her men to be kept in the dark. Quite the amusing concept for a group that looked like they had stopped keeping up with fashion sometime around the fifteenth century. I wouldn’t have been surprised to learn they all thought the world was flat and considered women to be property.

  I really didn’t care to call for an entire assembly. I’d done more than enough speaking in front of hostile crowds lately. This meeting was for the generals only. As such, we agreed to let Bernadette be their emissary. I wasn’t big on taking her into my confidence, and I’m sure she wasn’t either, but fuck it. What was the worst that could happen? I mean, it’s not like this entire operation wasn’t about to blow up in our faces as it was.

  I led the group to a conference room deep inside the building, hoping that this conclave proved slightly more successful than the last time I’d been here.

  We straightened up a bit, locked the doors, and sat.

  “Time to lay all the cards on the table,” I began. “It’s safe to say we’ve all had enough surprises as of late to make us wonder where the big fat guy in the red suit and sleigh is.”

  “Christmas is the time to celebrate the birth of our...”

  “Oh please shut up,” Sheila snapped at Bernadette. “Can we focus here and save the vitriol for later?”

  Judging from the look on Bernadette’s face, you’d have thought she’d been branded with a pentagram instead of told to keep her ample pie-hole closed. I could have hugged Sheila for doing that, but I had a feeling that wouldn’t do much to cement the fragile alliance we had going with th
e Templar.

  We don’t need them!

  Dr. Death had gotten awfully chatty ever since our little soiree. I found myself wondering when he was going to get reabsorbed back into my subconscious. Couldn’t be soon enough.

  I heard that.

  Fuck!

  Okay, enough of this crap. I turned to the rest and got us started, telling the assembled of how I went to visit Dave and my reasons for doing so.

  “Wait a second,” Sally interrupted. “You’ve been letting someone experiment on your blood? You do know that is particularly frowned upon, right?”

  Yeah, that. I nodded. “I know how it fucked François up the ass.” She probably didn’t remember him, so I moved on. “Yes, I know the consequences, but I don’t care. We need any edge we can get.”

  To my surprise, she actually smiled. “Maybe you own a set after all.”

  “Not if I get caught. Regardless, he could come in useful. I’ve asked him to take a look at Ed’s blood as well. See if he has any clue what’s wrong with him.” My roommate glared at me, to which I added, “Well, more wrong than usual.”

  “Do you think he can really help?” Sheila asked, her tone dubious.

  I decided to leave out the results, or lack thereof, of Dave’s experiments so far. “He’s a smart guy.”

  “What is wrong with his blood that this vampire need examine it?” Bernadette asked.

  Oh crap. I really should watch what I say around certain company. It wouldn’t behoove our cause for the Templar to know my roommate had been reclassified from “human” to “who fucking knows?”

  “Um, Ed’s feeling a bit under the weather,” I replied lamely. “I want to make sure he’s healthy for the trip.” I kicked my roommate under the table, at which point he caught the hint and let out an unconvincing cough.

  The Templar headmistress narrowed her eyes, but before she could question me further, Sheila steered us back on track. “Can we trust your friend to be … discreet?”

  “Dave’s a recent convert. He got turned by Vehron and hasn’t been exposed to the greater vampire world, so he’s not contaminated by their dogma. He’s got one other thing going for him in that regard. He’s a self-absorbed asshole. There’s no way he’s going to share his research with someone else, at least not before he can make a fortune off of it.”