“I love you, too, Itai. I’m glad that you came to meet me.”
He scooped her up in his arms, kissing her cheek. “I’ll not leave your side, not anymore,” he said, carrying her to the cart and taking a seat beside her.
“Itai, may I ask you something?”
“You can ask me anything, always.”
“Can—can you kiss me?”
“I’ve kissed you, many times. Do you desire another?” he said, leaning down to kiss her cheek again.
“No, Itai. Not like that. I want to feel your lips against mine.”
“What? But when I…you never wanted...I wouldn’t know…I mean—I—”
“I’ve always wanted it, but it wasn’t proper for me to say so. After everything that’s happened, I don’t want to waste another moment with you. I want to experience this part of your love as well.”
Itai swallowed hard. After taking a deep breath, he leaned closer, gently touching her lips with his. Brahanu only smiled, pulling him back down to her. The heat of their connection nearly made her lightheaded as she parted her lips, easing her tongue inside.
When Itai jerked away, she drew him down again. “This is what I want to feel, Itai. Don’t fear expressing your love for me.”
He kissed her again, longer and more passionately than before. She heard his breathing grow heavy as he moaned against her lips. After many long moments, his eyes widened, moving away.
Brahanu was perplexed until she noticed the significant evidence of his arousal. She slid closer, easing a hand over his thigh.
“Brahanu, what are you doing?” Itai said, jumping down from the cart.
“I’m only expressing how I feel, and letting you know that I’m ready. A season ago, I would’ve been like you, but no longer. We’re supposed to be aroused by each other, Itai. Our love is emotional, but it’s beyond that. It’s physical, and enduring, and passionate, too. I feel it now, and I’m not ashamed. I’ve always felt it. I love you, and I want to become your wife.”
“You’re going to honor our promise?”
“I’ve always honored it.”
“But you asked for another year to work with the lakaar . You don’t want to continue?”
“I want you , Itai. Being lost and…and not knowing if I’d ever see you again,” she sighed. “I’ve realized what’s truly important. I love working with Lakaar Briac, but I love you more. I’ve been selfish, and I won’t cause you to wait any longer. Will you marry me, Itai?”
Itai shouted, jumping back into the cart. He held her out at arm’s length before drawing her into a kiss. This time, he didn’t care about his arousal.
“I love you more with each sunrise, Brahanu. You’ve made me the happiest man in all the lands.”
“You’ve done the same for me. But there’s much that I need to tell you before we reach Cazaal.”
“There’s nothing in all the lands that could dampen my mood.” Itai kissed her again and then released the break, guiding the horse onto the road.
“It’s good to be home with you again,” she whispered, hugging his arm. “I’ve prayed for this day.”
“As did I, my love.”
Ambivalence
“Your brother seems kind,” Zeta said, drying another dish.
“I told you not to worry.”
“Yes, milord. I think that I frightened him when he arrived. He asked a lot of questions.”
“That would be normal finding a strange woman in your home, no matter how lovely. Besides, Pentanimir has much on his mind of late that he’s not ready to share. I hope he has a change of mind soon.”
Drying her hands on her skirt, she took a seat across from him.
“I couldn’t help but to hear raised voices. Did I anger Sir Benoist?”
“Please, call us by name, Zeta. Pentanimir isn’t angry with you, he’s angered at his situation. He’s obligated to wed the Zaxson’s daughter, and that isn’t a prospect that he finds desirable.”
“Danimore, may I speak plainly?”
“You needn’t guard your words with me, but don’t attempt the same with anyone else.”
“I can understand his feelings. In all my time at the citadel, I’ve never seen Lady Denotra be kind. Most of her family seemed the same.” Her head lowered. “Especially her father.”
“You aren’t wrong. My dealings with the Vereux aren’t like that of my brother, and I’m grateful for that. I know that they detest humans, but what I witnessed reaches far beyond that. I don’t mingle with the Zaxson, Cha, or those who hold themselves in high regard. Pentanimir has the honor of such associations.”
“You speak about the honor of association, yet you seem relieved not to have the responsibility.”
“There’s not much that I could hide from you.” He smiled. “I’m grateful not to hold such responsibility. As the elder brother, and First Chosen, they’re his alone. However, I regret that Pentanimir must suffer this. He didn’t ask for this position, but he’ll honor it. Marrying Lady Denotra is one obligation that he must keep.”
“Does she truly love him?”
“Love, desire, lust, it’s uncertain. Even if her attraction is merely physical, that’s more than is required.”
“It seems sad to me,” Zeta said.
“Sad?”
She nodded. “It appears that love isn’t important. If you hold the correct station or wealth, this seems to be how a marriage is formed. Well, at least to most highborns. It’s about sustaining or combining power, not love.”
“This is the way of things. Howbeit, in many cases, these matches do end in love. That was true with my parents. They were very happy.”
“My father selected my husband as well, but Radich and I already cared for each other. He was a striker for my father before becoming his apprentice. My uncle would tease him about the attention he’d always show me. It didn’t matter. He picked a flower every day and left it for me to find. In truth, both my uncle and father were happy for us. We merely awaited my sixteenth name day before we could wed. Now, it can never be.”
Zeta stood, turning her back to him. He listened to her sniffles as she pretended to stoke the fire. He didn’t know what to do, but he wanted to do something to comfort her. When she felt his touch, she flinched, whipping around to face him. Danimore shook his head, drawing her into his chest. He held her there, allowing her to cry in his arms.
“Zeta, you can still be with your promised. I’ll find a way to return you to Noraa if you want. I promise.”
“I don’t deserve your kindness.”
“You deserve many things, Zeta, many good things.”
When the door opened, Zeta pulled away, rushing down the corridor.
“Dani, is there something you need to tell me?” Pentanimir asked.
“What do you mean?”
“I can’t dismiss what I’ve just seen. Does uncle worry with reason?”
“No. Zeta needed our help. We haven’t done anything more than what you’ve seen. I comforted her as she mourned the loss of her promised, nothing more.”
“Her promised? Does she carry his child?”
Danimore shook his head, collapsing on the divan. “Zeta was maiden before she was taken. She doesn’t know her child’s sire. It’s one of the many animals who abused her on the ship and in the citadel.”
“Many? Why haven’t you mentioned this before?”
“None of it can be undone. After she healed, Draizeyn kept her for himself. Once he tired of her, he sent her to the Cha and even had some dark slave abuse her. Daracus laughed at the pain she suffered from the abuse. But that wasn’t enough for them. Her treatment worsened after they learned of her pregnancy. When first I saw her, she was laid out on the floor, beaten. She’s pregnant, Pentanimir, and they treated her worse than an animal.
“That’s why I chose her. I refused to leave her there. I—I wouldn’t. Uncle is right: I’m not strong enough to be a Chosen. The guards stood there and did nothing. I—I can’t. I won’t.”
“No Dani, your heart is exactly as a Chosen’s should be. Empathy isn’t a weakness; it makes you stronger.”
Pentanimir stood just as the rear door closed. He gazed down the corridor, hearing water splashing on the floor.
“Zeta?” Danimore said, rushing down the hall. “I’ve told you not to fetch the water. The pails are too heavy for you.”
When they entered the kitchen, Pentanimir looked at her with new eyes. Why he hadn’t noticed before, he couldn’t fathom. Against her wan complexion, the old bruising, burns, and scars were evident. Pentanimir grimaced, noting what appeared to be faint rope markings around her neck. Indeed, you’ve suffered, he thought. Such cruelty at the hands of those I’m to join. Gods, help me.
“How do you feel, Zeta?” Pentanimir asked.
“I’m fine, milord, and stronger than I look. I—I can complete my duties. Sir Danimore is kind, but I’ll do my work.”
“Don’t worry, Zeta. I’m not vexed, I’m concerned as is my brother.”
His eyes lowered, watching her caress her womb. He couldn’t help but picture Brahanu at that moment and their growing son.
“May I?” he asked, reaching out his hand.
Zeta staggered back a step, glancing from one to the other. She stared into their eyes, with the fear plainly in hers. When Danimore stepped forward, her breathing calmed, as did her thoughts. Slowly, she took up Pentanimir’s hand, resting it on her stomach.
“Oh!” she said. “Did you feel that? It jumped. Oh! There it is again.”
Pentanimir chuckled. “It moves at my touch. Brother, you must feel it.”
Danimore joined in his mirth as the babe continued to move.
“It’s a miracle,” Pentanimir said. “I’ve never experienced anything like it.” He backed away, sitting at the table. “Shouldn’t we have someone to tend you?”
“Hushar was caring for her at the citadel. If the Zaxson would allow the visit, I could retrieve her. I know they don’t care about the babe, but they might permit Hushar’s leave if our attendant needs care.”
“I’ll ask of it upon my visit. I know much about healing wounds and setting bones, but of babes, I know little and less.”
“Hushar’s always been kind to me,” Zeta said.
“Then, I’ll offer my gratitude to her as well. We don’t have a Nazilian healer that would treat you. Draizeyn should realize this truth and acquiesce to my request.”
“Thank you, milord.”
“It’s the least we can do, Zeta, you’re a part of this family now,” Pentanimir said. “Speaking of, are you well enough to visit the market?”
“Yes, sir, P—Pentanimir. Danimore took great care of me when I first arrived.”
“We need some grains, spices, meats, and a new cloak for you. There are other items that you’d know better than either of us. Feel free to purchase whatever is needed. Tell them that you’re on errand from House Benoist. This will ensure your treatment.”
“Brother, I can accompany Zeta to the market.”
“I need you to remain, Dani. I’ll be meeting with the Zaxson on the morrow, but I’d like to discuss the details with you first.”
“As you wish.”
“Zeta, I’ll hitch the cart and pull it around for you. You should ready yourself to leave.”
“Yes, milord,” she said, going to retrieve her cloak.
“Are you afraid to travel alone?” Danimore asked.
“I’ve gone to the market with Hushar, Micah, and Jahno before. We’re usually dealt with well. They know we’re on errands for our masters.”
“I’m not your master.”
“I know.” She smiled. “But my features and scars show me for what I am.”
“What you are is dear to me. The last time you were at the market, were you this large?”
“No. Does that make such a difference?”
“It could. Many might find your condition and insult. Children with a blended heritage are looked upon with less regard than humans. Just please, take care and keep your cloak around you.”
“I will.”
He nodded, leaning down to adjust her cloak. When he looked up, meeting her emerald-colored eyes, his face was but a kiss away from hers. Her eyes spoke more than any words could come close to conveying. He moistened his lips, slowly inching closer. That heat…that allure trickled over every part of his body. As she closed her eyes, leaning forward, he swallowed hard, regaining himself.
After a steadying breath, he cleared his throat, standing upright. “There, it—it’s well hidden now.”
She’s quite beautiful , he thought, and then wondered why his mind was taking him in this direction. He shook his head, moving off toward the kitchen.
“The cart is ready,” Pentanimir said. “The market is just straight up the main road. You can see the temple from here. Are you certain that you’re well enough?”
“You and your brother worry too much for me. In Noraa, I took care of both my father and uncle. The washing, cooking, market, cleaning, and even chopping wood sometimes fell to me. I did the same for the Nohek who gave me my lessons,” she said, smiling. “I’m used to hard work. It’s part of who I am.”
“If you’re certain, I’ll walk you out, but please do as I asked,” Danimore said, adjusting her cloak again.
“I’ll be careful. When I return, I’ll begin the evening meal. It’ll be something special, I promise.”
Danimore helped her into the cart, standing and watching her move away. He didn’t come back inside until Pentanimir called for him.
“Dani, she’ll be fine. The market is safe and in full view of the temple.”
“Yes, but there are those in the temple that would harm her, too.”
“Dani,” he sighed. “It’s obvious that you care for Zeta. Mayhaps you care more than you’re willing to admit.”
“No…I…I don’t know. She’s right, I think of her as frail. When I think of what they did to her, I get angry. She’s such a sweet and loving young girl,” Danimore said, meeting his eyes. “Do you know what she said when I asked if she wanted to return home?”
“No.”
“She said that she’d rather her father think her dead than know that she was a captive in Nazil. Are we seen as such monsters to the humans?”
Pentanimir listened, pouring some honey mead in their cups. He thought about the first he’d met Brahanu and her reaction to him.
“Dani, I’ve traveled the lands and met many different peoples. The humans are wise to fear us. The first time that I had a similar experience, I felt much as you. Now, I must accept it for what it is. We are Nazilian: ghosts in the darkness. We take what we choose no matter the cost. We violate what or who we choose, no matter who they are or were. We make them what we want them to be, not because we have the right to do so, but because we have the power to do so. It isn’t what we choose, Brother, it’s what we are.”
“It’s not what I am. I’m no monster.”
“Dani, sit. This is about Zeta, is it not?”
“Yes, and no. She might’ve opened my eyes, but no. It’s just seeing what I saw, Pentanimir. She’s pregnant. Not because she chose it, but because it was forced upon her in the most sadistic way. Even some dark slave was forced to do the same because of his—his enormous member. Draizeyn and Daracus enjoyed watching her suffer as he violated her. You’ve seen Zeta. Her build is that of a child. Even though she’s reached womanhood, her body barely shows sign of it. How could anyone claiming honor take such innocence?
“When I first saw her, she could barely move. I had to carry her to Hushar for treatment after begging Daracus for permission.” He paused, regaining his composure.
“I’m not weak, Pentanimir. I couldn’t just stand there and do nothing. Draizeyn and Daracus spoke of her as filth and a whore. They planned the slaughter of her babe right there in front of me. How did we turn into such monsters? This isn’t the Nazil of our father.”
“Dani, you’re not weak, and what happened to Z
eta isn’t honorable. I honestly believe that you both might care for each other more than you realize. I see how you look at each other. Mayhaps you suppress your feelings due to her ill treatment. But you’re not them. Your heart isn’t weak; it’s strong. Those you keep within it are blessed by that strength. I only need to look at you to know that she’s won your heart.”
“I care for her, yes, but not like that. Zeta loves what I’ve done for her. She misses her promised and wants to be with him. My arms comfort her when thoughts of him overwhelm. She’s only beginning to trust me, Brother. I won’t sabotage her healing by complicating it with such thoughts.”
“Your arms might soothe her now, but soon that may not be enough. She might miss her promised, but she cares for you.”
Danimore sighed. “She’s come to my bed before.”
“You told me that you didn’t lay with her.”
“No, we’ve never been intimate, but we’ve lain together.”
“And did nothing?”
“She thought that it was payment for her clothing and service. That isn’t love. However, we shared my bed that night. If not for your return, we’d still sleep together. It’s a comfort for her…and me as well.”
“My return? Why should that stop you?”
“I won’t dishonor you, Brother.”
“Dani, I’m not Uncle. If this is your desire, let no one keep you from it. But soon, mere comfort might lead to passion. It’s possible that Zeta would want more from you. Is that something that you even want to consider?”
Danimore leaned back, running his fingers through his hair. “I don’t know. I can’t, I don’t want to think about it, truly. I’ve never…I don’t know, Pentanimir. It’s not right to do so, and I’d prefer to save my seed for my wife. I’ll not use Zeta or any woman in this fashion. I can wait.”
“And you will, Dani. This is but one reason why you’re the stronger brother. Father saw that strength in you and admired it as I do.”
“We admire each other.”
When the front door opened, they turned, seeing Zeta entering with a large sack.
“Zeta, you shouldn’t be carrying that,” Danimore said. “When will you heed my words? Is there much more in the cart?”
The Rise of Nazil- Complete Epic Fantasy Trilogy Page 18