“You’re dead, Sir Neufmarche,” he declared in a penetratingly deep tone. “Loss is death. Never relax your guard, not even with me.”
Wosen’s eyes widened, straining to keep his throat free from the not-so-dull blade. The sting of a small cut from the honed edge had him sucking in his breath. They usually used blunted practice swords to spar. This lesson, truly, he’d never forget.
Before he could respond, a knock claimed Symeon’s attention. Wosen almost sighed with relief, but Symeon edged the blade closer, never relinquishing his hold or his stare.
“Enter!”
“Afternoon, Sir Yego. Fáelán is—” Beilzen stopped, noticing their position. He glanced from one to the other, pushing Fáelán slightly behind him.
“I—I didn’t mean to interrupt your practice. Shall we return later?” he asked nervously, uncertain how to interpret the seemingly dire scene.
“No.” Symeon retracted his dagger from Wosen’s throat. Wosen reached up, wiping the blood oozing from the wound. He took a step back, exhaling as if it was the first breath he’d taken in many long moments. Indeed, it might’ve been.
“Sir Neufmarche, replace your swords and return to your duty. Be ready on the morrow. I’ll also use two swords.”
Wosen bowed, following his instructions. “Thank you, First Chosen, I look forward to our next session,” he said, leaving the practice chamber.
“Young lord de Braose, do you think to best me this day?” Symeon asked.
Fáelán came forward, drawing his wooden sword. “I’ve been practicin’, Sir Yego.” He smiled. “Dada couldn’t stand against me.”
Beilzen shrugged. “Indeed. Fáelán is becoming quite formidable.”
“Of this, I know. However, we need to work more on his agility. Young Fáelán is a fine warrior and will do Nazil proud.”
“As always, your words are much appreciated, Sir Yego,” Beilzen said. “I’ll leave you now to your training.”
After inclining his head, Beilzen exited the practice chamber, noticing Wosen leaning against the opposite wall. As he began to approach, Wosen turned, hurrying away.
“Sir Neufmarche?” Beilzen called out. “May I have a word?”
“I’ll be late for my duty, Beilzen. What do you want?”
Beilzen cleared his throat, contemplating not only what to say, but how to say it. “May I accompany you to the guard’s tower as we talk?”
“Come,” Wosen said reluctantly, continuing down the corridor.
“Yes, well,” Beilzen began, struggling to keep up. “I wanted to apologize and thank you for your counsel.”
“My counsel?”
“Yes. When you brought Fáelán to the gardens. I was explaining my…my past and deficiencies to Dalia, but I appreciate your concern. She’s a remarkable woman, and I truly love her.”
“That feeling is mutual, I’ve heard,” Wosen said, glancing at him from the corner of his eye.
“You’ve heard true. The Guardians are good, Sir Neufmarche.”
“Guardians?” he asked, halting.
“Yes. Dalia and Fáelán are but two of the blessings they’ve bestowed upon me.”
Wosen eyed Beilzen warily, and then continued. His pace was slower now, considering his awkward gait. Wosen recalled what Hushar had spoken to him about the Guardians. It was through her influence that he’d called out to them during his escape, and sought out the Protectors. That time seemed so long ago.
“Their forgiveness is endless,” Wosen said. “As are their blessings.”
“What about your forgiveness?”
“What?”
“Of me, Sir Neufmarche.” Beilzen upraised a hand, stifling any forthcoming retort. “I realized that such forgiveness isn’t easy. Some would find no room for forgiveness for such transgressions, but I hope you will in time. It may mean little, but I never despised you or Hushar. That person, no, that creature wasn’t who I was or am. I’ve always been considered as less, and tried desperately to alter such perspectives. There was no right of it, and I’m ashamed at what I’ve done…what I caused.
“I allowed the Cha’s teachings and promises of status to turn me from what I’d always knew. I thought in order to acquire what I desired, I needed to become what others wanted me to be. Who I am is incongruous with who I attempted to become. It was madness, Sir Neufmarche, and I pray in time that you can forgive me. If you can’t do so for me, do so for yourself and for Fáelán.”
When Wosen met his eyes, Beilzen nodded.
“Fáelán loves you. When no one else cared for my son, you did. He told me about your first meeting. When you had nearly nothing, you gave to my son. Not only the food from your mouth, but the honest love from your heart. He cherishes you and the name you’ve bestowed upon him. Forever I’ll be grateful for what you’ve done for both him and me.”
Wosen stood silent, vividly recalling every aspect of his capture. He’d also committed vile acts of which he was ashamed. So vile were some that he’d nearly killed his father. Even after such offenses, Hosdaq, Hibret and the Bandarians forgave him. As he looked down at the liveries he wore, he had to admit, if only to himself, that Brahanu and Julaybeim forgave him, too. He didn’t deserve it, but he was humbled and grateful each time he thought about it.
Wosen, no one knows what causes us to act in ways contrary to our nature. My mother would say such things only occur during the Guardians’ merge. For it’s at that time their eyes aren’t fixed on the lands, he muttered, just as Hushar had spoken to him as he lay healing in their cell.
“Pardons, Sir Neufmarche,” Beilzen said.
“It’s nothing. We all commit acts that are antithetical to our true nature. I shouldn’t judge so harshly when I’m guilty of the same.”
That put Beilzen back a step. “I intended to apologize for my wrongs, not remind you of your own past mistakes. Forgive me. I’d like for you to remain a part of our lives. Fáelán loves you, and you’ll forever mean much to him.”
“I feel the same. Hibret and I were going to keep him as our own,” Wosen said, casting a look his way. “When Draizeyn forced me to lead him through the Dessalonian Woods, Fáelán was the only one who offered me kindness. I searched for him after the war, and knew that he’d always have a place in my life. Even if he’s not my son, I’m gladdened that he’s happy, and you’ve given him a family to love.”
“Your words are most kind, Sir Neufmarche, as is your affection for my son. For him to have all of us now is a remarkable blessing.”
“Wosen.”
“Pardons?”
“My name is Wosen. There’s no need for you to continue addressing me as Sir. You are a lord, and an important man to the Zaxson and Nazil alike.”
“Sir Neufmarche, I wouldn’t cause offense by addressing you in the familiar. You are a Chosen of Nazil, as was your honorable father, and I’ll offer the proper respect for such a position.”
Wosen halted. “And you are a Chancellor of Treasury and Fáelán’s father. As such, I’d like to consider you a friend. It’ll take time, but that’s my desire. Not only for myself, but for Fáelán most of all.”
Before Beilzen could respond, Wosen shook his head.
“No further words are necessary. If you’d excuse me, I need to see Hushar and then I must begin my duty. ”
Rediscovered Path
Aizen smiled as Droxahn gripped his hand, walking down the corridor. With the recent revelations and possible difficulties they’d soon face, he enjoyed the serenity she’d brought to him. Gazing down at her from the corner of his eye, his smile broadened, considering some aspects of his future that he hadn’t in the past.
“Would you like to ride today?” he asked, breaking the silence. “Ahni and Ameya are going to the lake after noon meal.”
“Not today,” Droxahn said. “I need to visit Ahvixx. He’s been distant for a few full moons, and I’m worried about him.”
“Has Sahma been able to visit?” Aizen asked.
“No. She’s tried,
but Ahvixx hasn’t been himself. Only Olam and Nohek Asmaa see him now.”
“Mayhaps he’d like to join us on the morrow. We can ride to the Raphar and fish before the cold takes hold. He’s enjoyed doing so in the past, and it’s been some time since we’ve gone.” He paused, taking both of her hands. “It’s been too long since he and I have just sat and talked. Soon, he’ll truly be my brother.”
“And I’ll be your wife,” Droxahn said. “I’d hoped that Ahvixx had found the same happiness with Sahma.”
“As did I. They are truly a complement to each other. Speak with him, and help him reclaim his life,” he said, kissing her cheek. “Can you meet me in the practice yard once you’ve finished?”
“I will,” Droxahn said. After watching him depart, she continued to Ahvixx’s chamber, hoping he’d be willing to see her. Since his return from Nazil, he’d become distant, ofttimes not even allowing her visits.
Droxahn took a deep breath, knocking on his door. When he didn’t respond, she leaned in, hearing movement inside. She knocked harder, calling out his name. After a few moments, she tested the handle, pushing inside the room.
She gasped, seeing Ahvixx kneeling on the floor, prostrating himself while mumbling partial prayers. He’d cropped his hair, and it hung in tangled patches just beneath his shoulders. A long-bound bundle of hair lay on the small table beside an old dagger: its blade tarnished and jagged from neglect.
“Ahvixx?” she said, helping him from the floor. When he met her eyes, his were streaked with red lines with puffy bags beneath. “Ahvixx?”
He nodded absently, sitting on the stool next to his table. Turning toward the mirror, he lifted the brush, passing it over his knotted hair.
“Allow me, Brother,” she said, reaching for the brush. He defensively rotated his shoulder, keeping it from her grasp.
“Thank you, no. I can manage.”
“Ahvixx, what happened to your hair?” she asked, picking up the bound locks from the table.
“I cut it. It tangles far too easily, you know.”
Droxahn searched his face, and then glanced around his chamber, noting two large satchels on the bed. There was nothing else in the room, save the furnishings.
“Are you going back to Nazil?” she asked.
“No.”
“Then why have you packed your belongings? Even your scrolls and books aren’t in your chamber. Are you returning to Bandari?”
“No. I’m going to meet with Nohek Asmaa.”
“The Nohek? But why, and why are you wearing that cassock?”
“I’m petitioning to rejoin the temple. My wont has always been that of a priest. It’s time for me to focus on my studies again.”
“What?”
The movement of the brush stopped as he turned to face her. “Wasn’t I supposed to become a priest?”
“That was long ago, Ahvixx. You have more options now, and I thought that you were happy. You don’t have to join the Nohek.”
“I’ve prayed fervently about my path. The Guardians blessed me with these visions. They wouldn’t have done so if I wasn’t supposed to serve them as a priest.”
She shook her head, not only in disbelief, but in disagreement as well. “No, Ahvixx. This isn’t where your heart truly leans. On this, I know you better than you know yourself. You can serve the Guardians without joining the Nohek. Olam was a conduit for the Guardians, too, and he has a beautiful wife and children. I thought that you wanted the same.”
“I can’t, Droxahn, I’m not Olam. I need the solitude and discipline that the temple provides. When left to my own will, I become weak and distrait. I’ve turned from my true purpose with thoughts of fleshly desires. This isn’t of the Guardians, nor is it who I want to be.”
“No, you’ve always served the Guardians. It isn’t the desires of the flesh, Ahvixx, it’s the desire of your heart. Love, Brother. Are you doing this because of Sahma? Is this why you’re trying to hide in the temple instead of telling her of your heart?”
“What do you know about my heart?” he said, more harshly than he’d intended.
“I know just as you do that you’re in love with Sahma,” she said, removing the brush from his grasp.
He stared at his reflection for many long moments before he could respond. “I do love Sahma, just as she loves me. We’re friends, and I respect that friendship enough to know when it’s time to remove myself from her life. Sahma has Lord Swayne now, and has no need of dearest friends.”
“No, Sahma has attempted to see you, and you won’t allow it. She doesn’t understand what’s happened. She misses you, Ahvixx, not only your company, but the completeness of your love.”
“Sahma has Lord Swayne to soothe her now. Our closeness was merely temporary until she found that which she truly wanted.”
“How can you say that? Sahma has always loved you. Always.”
“As a friend,” he shouted, standing from the stool. “As her dearest friend and nothing more. No matter what intimacies we shared, it was nothing more. Do you not understand? I’ve tried, and still she won’t have me. Now, she has Jarin Swayne, a high lord, and son of a Caretaker. What is Ahvixx Ahllendale compared to that?”
She wrapped him in a tight hug. “There’s no comparison. No one can love like you do or show it so profoundly. You sacrifice yourself for those you love, and for me most of all. Jarin has a title and little else. You have substance, a kind heart, and are a wonderful person, Ahvixx. If you only told her your true feelings, and the depth of your love. She feels the same, Brother, I’m certain of that. Don’t allow your misconceptions to cloud what you know in your heart. Please.”
Ahvixx returned the embrace, weakening as her arms tightened around him. How he needed that affection far more than he realized. After kissing the crown of her head, he pushed away.
“I can’t…not anymore,” he said, turning and lifting the satchels from the bed. “It’s you who doesn’t understand. Sahma and I have shared the most intimate moments, a closeness beyond anything we’d previously known. None of it was meant beyond the bounds of friendship. She sees me as a friend, Droxahn, yet I didn’t listen. I thought such intimacies were part of a greater love, a greater relationship, but they weren’t. Sahma did choose me above all others, but not for a bond. Not the kind that I sought.
“I don’t fault her. Had I the courage, I would’ve asked for a promise when I knew that I was in love with her. I—I couldn’t, and now it’s Lord Swayne who she imagines at her side.” He leaned down, kissing her cheek.
“I’m happy for you and Aizen, and I’ll be there to offer you to him for your bond. I’ll remain in Noraa if the Nohek accepts me. However, I can’t sit here and watch Sahma give her heart to another. The pain of it is too great.”
“Talk to her, Brother, please. Tell her what you just told me.”
“It would serve no purpose. I desire her happiness above even my own. If Lord Swayne can provide this for her, I’m pleased. She deserves nothing less.”
He walked to the door and then paused, looking over his shoulder. “I love you, Droxahn, and I’m proud of the woman that you’ve become. The sacrifices I made for you, I would make again. Mother and Father were no longer with us, and I needed to keep you safe. I’ve never regretted it, and I’d endure it again to protect you. I love you.”
Droxahn’s tears began anew, feeling her knees weaken. As he left the room, she lowered to his stool, lifting the brush in her hands. Her heart ached, reflecting on not only the present, but more so, the past. Ahvixx had suffered so much for her, and she couldn’t bear seeing him suffering again.
“Ahvixx!” Sahma said, rushing through the open door.
Droxahn turned, setting the brush back on the table. “He—he’s gone.”
“What? Gone where?”
“He’s petitioning to rejoin the temple.”
“What do you mean? Why didn’t he tell me?”
“There’s much that he hasn’t told you. Ahvixx feels that joining the Nohek is
the best decision for his life. The pain of remaining here was too great.”
“What pain? I thought he loved me, but he keeps pushing me away. I don’t understand any of this, Droxahn. When did he—” Her eyes widened, as she rushed over to the table, lifting the bound hair. “No…why?”
“The memory…” Droxahn stopped, seeing Sahma’s pained expression.
“When did he leave?”
“Not long ago. He didn’t want to stay here and see you with Jarin.”
“Jarin? We’re only friends. When Jarin visited Noraa, he told me about his promise and invited me to Yarah. Had Ahvixx allowed my visits, he would’ve known.”
“Ahvixx is in love with you,” Droxahn said. “He was afraid to tell you, but he confessed that love to me.”
“In love?”
“Yes. Why do you think he left? He wanted to marry you but thought that you preferred Jarin.”
“In love?” she said, recalling their numerous conversations.
“You didn’t know?”
“No. I knew that he loved me as I loved him, but I didn’t want to ask more than he was able to offer. When I realized my deeper feelings…” She paused, remembering more of their conversations. “He never asked for a promise. I told him that I was his, and that I wanted no one else, but he never asked. Why didn’t he tell me?”
“Ask him, Sahma. Do you truly love him as he does you?”
Without hesitation, she said, “Yes. Since before our time in Nazil, I knew. I asked him, but he didn’t say, not plainly. I thought—” she stopped, rushing to the door. “I need to find him.”
Ahvixx inclined his head, sitting opposite Nohek Asmaa and next to Olam. He lowered his gaze, unable to meet either of their eyes.
“Why have you come?” Asmaa asked.
“I’ve come to ask if I may resume my studies.”
Asmaa and Olam exchanged a look.
“I thought that you’d decided to leave the temple,” Asmaa said. “What’s changed?”
“I’ve never ceased my studies, Nohek. My sister and I left the temple on the Caretakers’ invitation. I didn’t ask to leave, but understood the wisdom of the decision.”
The Rise of Nazil- Complete Epic Fantasy Trilogy Page 112