“No, no mistake. She’s pregnant, just a little over four weeks along.”
Coop let out a long breath, feeling tension begin to build at the bridge of his nose. “Doc, I don’t understand. How did this happen?”
“Well, it happened in the usual way,” Mannie said with a snort. “But why it happened, that’s a little trickier.”
“Why did it happen?” he demanded.
“I’ve been reviewing Kelsey’s file, reading the records from two years ago, after the first pregnancy. I’ve also faxed copies to Gary Marks, the obstetrician she’ll be seeing.” He paused. “Considering everything, I’d have to say I would agree with the diagnosis that was made at the time. The damage she sustained during the delivery was severe. It wouldn’t have seemed likely conception could occur given the circumstances. And reports from the six month postpartum check seemed to bear that ouL Scar tissue in the Fallopian tubes was extensive. Of course, none of that ruled out pregnancy. It just made the probability unlikely—very unlikely.”
Coop squeezed his eyes closed tight. “Then what happened?”
“Who knows?” he said. “Maybe the scar tissue wasn’t as extensive as it was first thought. Maybe there has been some kind of reversal or regeneration. Maybe it was just meant to happen. And I can tell you, I never underestimate a woman’s determination when it comes to getting what she wants—especially a woman like Kelsey. She wanted to conceive a child, and by God, she did it.”
“But what about her recovery?”
“Physically she’s in great shape. The memory loss...” He stopped, thinking of the conversation he’d had with her in his office. “She tells me she’s remembering, and I believe her. And who knows, maybe now with her attention focused on a baby, it’ll free up her subconscious to remember more.”
“And the baby? What about the baby? Is there a chance what happened last time could happen again?”
“The baby was too early last time, too small to survive. There’s a history of premature labor, and we’re going to want to take extra precautions this time to make sure that doesn’t happen. Still, there’s no reason to think she won’t carry this child to term, no physical obstacles that would prevent her from doing so. You know, if there’s one thing I’ve learned in this business it’s that life always manages to find a way, despite what we experts say. Sometimes you just have to accept it.”
“So where do I go from here, Doc?” Coop asked in a weary voice. He was too tired, too drained of emotion for anger or frustration. He just needed help, needed direction, needed to know what to do. “Do I tell her everything now, or what? I mean, what will the shock do to the baby? Will it put Kelsey at risk? Should I wait?”
“Well, of course the risk of miscarriage lessens the further the pregnancy advances, so in that sense, yes, waiting would be preferable.”
“And if she remembers on her own?”
“Then I’d say nature took its course.”
Coop sighed heavily. “This isn’t helping me much.”
“I know.” The doctor sighed. “But let me ask you something, Coop. What is it you want?”
“What do you mean?” he asked irritably. He wasn’t in the mood for word games. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“Maybe nothing, maybe a lot. Just indulge me a little. What do you want?”
He ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “I want my wife, Doc, and my child.”
“Then go to your wife, Coop. You love her, and she loves you. All the rest is just details. Congratulations, you’re going to be a father.”
“Ex-wife,” Coop muttered as he hung up the phone. He heard the water in the bathroom stop and the shower door open.
They weren’t married. Mannie Cohen had a way of forgetting that. Coop only wished he could. Because no matter how he felt, despite their living arrangements and the love he felt in his heart, they weren’t husband and wife. And yet now, with the baby, they were a family.
Chapter 13
Kelsey snuggled into the crook of Coop’s arm, pulling the covers over them. The room was dark, making the lights of the city below shine even brighter.
“I thought it might be better if we waited,” she said. “You know, before we tell anyone—my dad, the family.”
Coop thought of Mo Chandler and sighed heavily. How was he going to explain this to his former father-in-law? “Yeah, that might be better.”
“Just for a little while, until we’re sure everything’s going to be all right.”
“Okay.”
“It’s going to be hard, though, to keep quiet.” She laughed,..“I feel like I’m going to burst—like I want to tell everyone.”
“Yeah.”
Kelsey turned her head and looked up at him. “You all right?”
“Sure, why?”
“I don’t know. You seem a little quiet.”
“Do I?” He made a show of reaching down, of rubbing a hand over his stomach and groaning, hoping to divert her attention from anything serious. “Must be all that bread. I finished a loaf all by myself. I’m stuffed.”
“No, that’s not it,” she said, turning in his arms. It was too dark to see his face clearly, but his shadowy silhouette was outlined against the pillow. “Is something bothering you?”
He had to smile at the irony—a sad, solemn smile that almost hurt. There was so much bothering him, he wouldn’t even know where to start, things like truth and lies, and how he was going to hold everything together long enough to keep both her and their baby out of danger.
“Not really,” he lied, reaching out in the blackness and finding a long strand of her hair. “I’m just a little tired, that’s all.”
“Tired?” She leaned close, searching his face in the shadows. “Are you sure that’s all?”
His hand stroked the length of her hair. Even in the darkness he could see that tiny line across her brow deepen. “Of course it is,” he said, tapping his finger on her forehead. “Don’t look so worried.”
“But I am worried. I want you to be happy about the baby.”
“Oh, sweetheart,” he said, pulling her close. “I am happy—very happy. Don’t doubt that—don’t ever doubt that.”
“Then what is it? What’s got you so quiet tonight? Talk to me.”
Selfishly he wished they could talk, that he could unburden himself once and for all, get everything out in the open. If only he could explain everything rationally, make her understand and not get upset and put herself and their baby at risk. It wasn’t that he’d been quiet tonight. He’d just been too stunned to say much, too shocked by the day and its events, too afraid that if he opened his mouth, he’d say too much and lose everything.
“There’s nothing to talk about,” he insisted. “Not really.”
“No?” she asked skeptically.
“No,” he said, but the word held no conviction even to his own ears. He gave his head a shake. “Look, I’m just...just a little concerned, that’s all.”
“Concerned?” She pulled back. “About what?”
“About what? Kelsey, you’re going to have a baby.”
“And that concerns you?” She sat up. Her voice was loud in the darkness, loud and full of fear. “Now I am worried. Are you having second thoughts about the baby?”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” he said, sitting up, too. He rested a hand on her arm. “Kelsey, I almost lost you a few months ago—you almost died. And now this.” He reached out and settled a hand on her abdomen. “A baby,” he murmured, kneading her stomach lovingly. “There could be complications—for you, and for the baby, for... for us.” He stopped, emotion tightening his throat and making it difficult to speak. “I just love you so much—if you only knew. I love you, and the baby.” His voice cracked, and he cleared his throat. “I—I don’t want to lose you, not ever, not again.”
“Oh, Coop,” she said, moving close and wrapping her arms around his neck. “Coop. Nothing’s going to happen this time—you’ll see. I’m going to be fine, and the bab
y’s going to be fine—we all are. I promise.” She brushed a kiss long his lips. “I promise.”
Coop surrendered to her embrace and to her soft, wet kisses. He allowed her long, silky body to move over his, let her slow movements and loving gestures stroke and soothe his tense muscles and weary nerves. He wanted to lose himself in her lovemaking, wanted only to feel and respond, and not to think.
She was so sure, so hopeful. If only he could feel hopeful, too. If only he could block out the truth and believe it could be that simple—that they would be careful, that the doctors would take special precautions, that Kelsey would deliver a strong, healthy baby. It was what he wanted, what he dreamed of having—his wife, his child, his family.
Only the road ahead was a mine field, seeded with one disaster after another, any one of which could blow up in his face and destroy the dream forever.
She had to know the truth. It was no longer merely a matter of her recovery, no longer a question of whether she would retrieve what the amnesia took from her. There was a baby on the way—a new life they would share in for the rest of their lives. He had to find a way to tell her without risking her and the baby.
. The lies nagged at him, plaguing his conscience, tormenting his soul. However, the soft, delicate stroking of her hands, the smooth, even motions of her body against him were like an oasis in the desert. Soon needs rose up in him, urgent and compelling. He wanted her, wanted to escape into the passion and let it take away the hurt, and pain and the fear—for just a while. Just long enough for him to catch his breath. Just long enough for him to dream the dream one more time.
“I love you,” he whispered, bringing their bodies together and pressing deep. He reveled in the warmth of her, in the feel and the scent and the taste of her. “I love us together—like this.”
“Coop,” she murmured, her voice thick and raspy with need and desire. “Be happy, Coop. Don’t be afraid. I love you, that’s all that matters. Don’t be afraid.”
Afraid. He could hardly imagine a life without fear, a life without guilt or remorse or regret. They had become a way of life for him in the past two and a half months. Except now. Now she was in his arms, now she belonged to him. She was his safe haven, his refuge where he could find peace. She was everything to him—his love, his life, the center of his universe.
But the respite and peace could only last so long. Soon desire burned out of control. His body exploded, and the world shattered.
It was a long time before he floated back, before his breathing became normal and the world took shape again. Unfortunately, along with the world, the rest of it—the lies, the guilt and the fear—came back, too.
“Everything’s going to be all right,” she whispered sleepily, snuggling close. “You’ll see. I know it. We’re all going to be all right—you, me, the baby. It’s going to be great. I know it. Trust me.”
Coop tightened his arms around her, holding her late into the night. He did trust her—he always had. The problem was, once he told her everything, she was never going to trust him again.
“Here, let me help you with that.”
Kelsey glanced up from the armload of groceries she was struggling with, surprised to see her neighbor from across the street. She let Jonathan’s mother relieve her of one of the heavy bags.
“Thanks,” she said, giving the young woman a grateful smile. “I was trying to make it in one trip.”
“I can understand that,” the woman said, following her across the yard and up the walk. “I sometimes feel I put in a couple hundred miles a day—in and out of the house, the kids, the dog, shopping, preschool, doctor, dentist. If there was any real justice in life, I’d weigh ninety pounds after all that exercise.”
At the door Kelsey stopped and slipped the key into the lock. “If there was any real justice in life, men would know the joys of PMS and chocolate would make you thin.”
“Isn’t that the truth.” She laughed, following Kelsey into the house. She set the bag on the kitchen counter, then turned. “I’ve been meaning to come over and introduce myself.” She held out a hand. “I’m Holly Harding from across the street.”
“Hi, Holly,” Kelsey said, taking her hand and shaking it. “I’m Kelsey.”
“I think you already know Jonathan.”
“Oh, yes.” Kelsey laughed. “What a sweetheart he is.
Holly smiled proudly. “He’s a character, all right.”
“You also have a little girl?”
Holly nodded. “Sarah. She’s two.”
“That’s a busy age.”
“Oh, don’t I know it—they don’t call them the terrible twos for nothing.”
Kelsey hesitated. She’d been reluctant to socialize much since the accident. With the gaps in her memory, she’d been afraid she would say or do something that would make it awkward and embarrassing for everyone. Only Holly Harding hadn’t known her before, not really. Coop had told her that himself.
“Would you like to stay for a little while, have some tea? I was just going to make myself a cup.”
Holly peered through the window toward her house. “Well, the place still looks reasonably peaceful. At least Christian—my husband—hasn’t come stomping out of the front door screaming yet or anything—which is what usually happens when I leave him alone with the kids.” She turned to Kelsey. “I’d love to.”
Kelsey filled the kettle and placed it on the burner. How long had it been since she’d stood chatting in her kitchen with a neighbor? How long had it been since she’d shared a little girl talk with a friend? Surely she’d done things like this before the accident, even if she couldn’t remember.
She turned and opened the pantry doors, taking the groceries Holly handed her out of the bags and storing them on the shelves. She liked the comfortable feeling, liked the easy conversation and the relaxed atmosphere. It made her feel like a real person again, like a wife and a mother. Normal.
“Oh, my, do I ever remember these guys,” Holly said dryly, pulling an oversize carton of soda crackers out of a bag.
“The crackers?” Kelsey took the carton from her and slipped it on the shelf, thinking of the nausea and morning sickness that usually started sometime around noon and lasted well into the night.
“Yeah, I think I’ve eaten about a million of them,” Holly said, folding the paper sacks and stacking them neatly on the counter. “I practically survived on them when I was pregnant with Jonathan.”
The kettle whistled, and Kelsey switched off the burner. “Morning sickness?”
“More like all-day sickness. I was green from the time I got up in the morning to the time I went to bed at night.”
“Ugh.” Kelsey groaned, suddenly feeling grateful for the few good hours she had during the day. “That couldn’t have been too much fun.”
“Believe me, it wasn’t.”
“Same way with your daughter?”
“Actually, no. It wasn’t nearly as bad. My doctor said my body probably was used to having been pregnant before and didn’t rebel so much the second time around.”
“So, how long did it last—the second time, I mean?” Kelsey asked, reaching into the cupboard and pulling down two porcelain teacups.
“I guess I actually started feeling human around my fourth month,” Holly said, leaning against the counter. “I know it doesn’t seem very long now, but at the time, I didn’t think I was ever going to feel good again.”
Kelsey dropped teabags into the cups and filled them with the bubbling water. “I hope herbal is all right. That’s all I keep in the house.”
“Herbal’s perfect,” Holly said, reaching for one of the cups. She followed Kelsey into the breakfast nook and sat down. “Tea was another taste I developed when I was pregnant. It used to help settle the crackers in my stomach.”
“Tea and crackers,” Kelsey mumbled, thinking that had pretty much been her diet.
“Tea and crackers,” Holly repeated with a small laugh, taking a sip of her tea. “All the advances in medicine,
and we’re still eating tea and crackers like our mothers did.”
Kelsey laughed, too. She liked Holly, liked her easy, friendly nature and her genuine humor. Why hadn’t they become friends before? Had it only been because she’d been working before the accident, because she hadn’t been home as much and had no free time for making friends?
She sipped her tea, listening as Holly talked about Sarah and Jonathan and the other neighbors on the block.
“You know, every time Jonathan sees a helicopter in the sky, he’s convinced it’s Coop,” Holly was saying. “No matter where we are—the grocery store, the library, even visiting my mother in Oaji. We have to stop and everyone has to wave.” Holly mimicked her son, waving frantically. “Hi, Coop—hi!”
Kelsey laughed, creating a picture in her head. “Well, I suppose when you’re four years old, helicopters would be pretty interesting.”
“Don’t I know it,” Holly agreed. “Poor Christian, he keeps trying to tell Jonathan about his job and what he does at work, but I’m afraid it’s a little tough to get excited about authorized tax shelters and KEOUGH accounts.”
“Well, maybe when he’s a little older,” Kelsey said, smiling. Suddenly, from somewhere out in left field, her stomach rolled uneasily, causing her mouth to go dry and head to spin, “Uh, maybe when...” She swallowed hard. “When he’s a little...”
“Kelsey?” Holly rose from her chair and rushed around the table to kneel in front of her. “Is everything all right? You don’t look too good.”
“No, it’s nothing,” Kelsey insisted, reaching for her tea, but another debilitating wave of nausea came. “I’m just a little...it’s just...”
“Oh, no,” Holly said. She rose quickly to her feet, ran to the pantry and reached for the carton of soda crackers. She ripped open the box and pulled out a long, waxedpaper container of crackers. “I recognize that look.” She dashed into the breakfast nook and shoved several small soda squares into Kelsey’s hand. “Quick, get a few of these down. It’ll help.”
Mind Over Marriage Page 18