Past Heaven

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by Laura Ward


  “I love you,” she whispered. I kissed her again, my tongue tangling with hers, as I rubbed her other breast. My hand drifted down under her gown, where, sweet mercy, she wasn’t wearing panties. I dipped my fingers in between her legs, and she rained kisses down my neck, gasping with pleasure.

  “I love you, too.” I stroked her warmth, over and over, slower, and then faster and harder until she shuddered under me. When her moans became louder, I kissed her, swallowing her sounds as she came. Her body went lax, and she kissed me tenderly before bringing her hand down to me. She slipped her hand inside my shorts and released me.

  Oh, shit. Closing my eyes, she stroked me, her grip firm and controlled.

  “I love to feel you in my hands.” She watched me as she spoke, her eyes half-lidded and her chest heaving as her hand moved just a bit faster. “Do you know that? Do you know how good you feel?” I wanted to close my eyes. The feeling was too intense. I hadn’t had a hand job since I was fifteen-years old, but I couldn’t stop her when her small, warm hand pumped me up and down.

  “Elizabeth. Liz. Baby.” I came as quietly as I could, my body jerking in her arms. Then we lay, softly kissing until I dragged myself away from the love of my life.

  “I MISSED YOU like crazy.” Cindy shoved an éclair in her mouth and smiled, custard oozing out the side of her mouth.

  “Blech.” I stuck out my tongue at her. “You eat like you were raised in a barn. What I want to know is where those calories go? You weigh a buck ten. How can you eat like that?”

  “Bitching burns more calories than CrossFit. Look it up.” Cindy laughed as I threw my wadded napkin at her face.

  “I don’t want to be back home. The beach was great. The boys had a ball, and I really relaxed. Reynolds came and he…he was…he just...”

  “Shut it. Seriously. It’s so hard to listen to all your fresh sex stories. I’ve been having the same sex for fourteen years. Ugh. I mean he’s good and all. I’ll give credit where credit is due, but c’mon. Simmer down.” Cindy threw the same napkin back at me, and I burst out laughing.

  “Okay, I hear you. If it makes you feel better, the jerk wouldn’t have sex with me.” Cindy’s eyebrows raised in shock. “Not until we’re open about being together, which can’t happen until the movie is released. He did make one big, wonderful, and amazing as hell, exception for my birthday.” I bit my lip and turned away from Cindy who laughed loudly.

  “Well it was the big four-O, right? A girl needs a good O when she turns forty.” Cindy snickered and I nodded, solemnly. Truer words were never spoken.

  “He insisted that we have to wait until we talk to the boys. Why, oh why, does he have to be the only Hollywood mega-star with morals?” This time we both laughed. “Now I’m off in search of school supplies and counting the minutes until I fly to L.A. This movie premiere can’t get here fast enough.”

  Reynolds had flown his stylist to Baltimore to help me choose a dress for the premiere. I picked a short, black halter. It made me feel confident in an area where I was anything but. I was absolutely terrified to be out in front of the public with Reynolds.

  “I can’t wait for my swag.” Cindy was attending the premiere with me. She claimed it was so Reynolds and I wouldn’t maul each other at the hotel, wrecking the months of work we had put into hiding our relationship. But I knew she wanted a chance to meet the stars. I didn’t care what her rationale was, I needed her moral support.

  The movie was named: Life Changing: The Jack Atwater Story. It was getting rave reviews from critics. Buzz was circulating that many of the actors would be nominated for awards. Reynolds had told me I would be blown away by Michael Doogan’s acting. He thought Michael could possibly be up for an Oscar for Best Supporting Actor. This was ground breaking, and everyone was excited to be a part of it. People felt Jack’s mission and wanted to share in the message that would hopefully be communicated across the country.

  It was the last gift I was able to give to Jack, and it was all because of Reynolds.

  Cindy giggle snorted for the third time.

  “Why do you get pedicures if you’re so ticklish?” I tried to hold in my laughter, but she was too comical, shifting in her spa chair like she was being tortured.

  “It’s one of the most important lessons I’ve taught my girls.” Cindy spoke through gritted teeth, water splashing out of the sides of her foot bath from her flailing movements. The woman attempting to give Cindy her pedicure at the trendy L.A. spa, glared at her for the umpteenth time.

  “Fashion first.” Cindy’s nostrils flared as she inhaled and exhaled through her nose. “What did you-know-who say when he called? Distract me, woman.”

  “Okay, but I don’t think a naked hunk carrying a tray of chocolate éclairs could distract you right now.” I teased, and Cindy huffed. “He told me he had a meeting with Bradley this morning, where Bradley explicitly reminded him that we couldn’t have contact until tomorrow.” I gave Cindy a bitter smile. “The press is hot on his trail right now, digging up any dirt they can find.” I shrugged and Cindy reached over to rub my arm.

  “The film has so much buzz. It’s good, but it would make it too risky for you to see him. Bradley is right.” Cindy spoke haltingly, her face contorted as she held back laughter.

  “That’s it!” she screamed, yanking her foot away from her tormenter. “I give in. I’ll keep my effing callouses. Just slap on the polish and leave me the hell alone!”

  At least I could count on Cindy to distract me.

  The next morning, I had left Tim with Cindy, assuring him I was taking a quick power run around the safe and ritzy neighborhood. He had been reluctant, but I had insisted. Back in Baltimore, he’d follow me in his car, but on the crowded city streets, that would be impossible. Plus, no one in L.A. knew who the hell I was. Actual famous people were living all around us.

  Tightening my iPhone armband, I adjusted my earbuds, stretched, and took off. My nerves were ramped up for tonight, and I needed the release that only running brought me. About a mile into the run, the click of adrenaline coursed through me. As I rounded the next corner, I skidded to a stop to avoid a crowd of people. Moving aside to let them through, I was blinded by flashes. Then the shouting began.

  “She’s here!”

  “It’s her!”

  “Liz! Liz Atwater, are you ready for tonight?”

  “Do you have a date?”

  “Are you in a relationship yet?”

  The questions came at me fast. I wasn’t sure which way to turn. I moved in a circle, confused and unsure of my next step. When I wouldn’t cooperate, the paparazzi became more agitated. Hands were on me, arms pulling to get my attention. I opened my mouth to scream, but no sound came out. Then in an instant, I felt his presence, and my world calmed down.

  “Get. Your. Fucking. Hands. Off. Her.” His tone was deadly, and I was released. Reynolds wore his baseball cap pulled low and sunglasses covered his eyes. He wore running attire, and could have been any runner, trying to help a frightened woman. At least, that’s what I prayed the paparazzi thought. He took a strong hold of my elbow and pulled me backward and then across the street. We zig-zagged between buildings and through side streets, until we were sure we were no longer being followed.

  He darted into an alley and pulled me along with him. Yanking off his sunglasses, his eyes blazed with fury. “Are you okay?” He seethed, shaking his head and pacing before me.

  “Yes, I mean I was scared but not hurt. How the hell did you find me?” I couldn’t have been more perplexed. I hadn’t seen him since our time in Corolla, and although I was thrilled that he was here, I was also terrified that Bradley or the press would find out.

  “I know you too well. I figured you’d go running before your hair appointment. I thought I’d surprise you, and we’d run together. I figured we’d be safe since you’d be with Tim. So where the hell is he?” Reynolds stood in front of me scowling, his head slightly cocked to the side, arms crossed.

  I wrinkled my nose
and shrugged. “I told him not to come. I thought I would be okay. I’m sorry.” Walking closer to him I placed my hands on his arms and pulled them apart. I wrapped my arms around his waist and rested my head on his chest.

  “You can’t do that to me again. You can’t put yourself at risk like that. Nothing can happen to you, Liz.” He kissed the top of my head, and I squeezed him tighter.

  “What about you, buddy? I thought we agreed to follow Brad’s directive? You don’t think it was a bit dangerous to join me on the streets of L.A.?” I narrowed my eyes and tried to look as fierce as possible.

  Reynolds lifted me so we were face to face. “It was complete torture not to see you last night, knowing you were here, in my town, without me. I wanted to scream. So yeah I chanced it, and I’d do it again in a heartbeat. I’d do anything to be with you.”

  He walked forward until the brick wall was behind me. Ah, fuck it. I picked up his hat and turned it backward. Wrapping my legs around his waist, I grabbed his face. “Then let’s make it worth your while.” I sealed my lips against his, sighing when his lips opened, and his tongue caressed mine. Reynolds’ hands gripped my ass, and he pressed himself against me, causing me to groan into his mouth. My core tightened as I felt him, wanting me like I wanted him. We kissed feverishly until we had to pull away for air. Our lips were swollen, and faces flushed with desire.

  “That was most definitely worth my while.” Reynolds set me on my feet before turning his hat forward again and putting his sunglasses on. He brushed his thumb over my lip tenderly. “Almost there, Elizabeth. We’re almost there.”

  Nodding I held his hand until we reached the busy street. I walked alone, in front of him, back to the hotel. We had made it this far, no use getting busted at the last minute.

  The knowledge that he had followed me, protecting me even when I didn’t know he was there wasn’t lost on me. He would always be there for me—even when I couldn’t see him.

  Cindy and I spent the rest of the day at the salon. Our hair was styled and makeup—lots of makeup—was applied. We looked freaking great. We rode in a limo with Jack’s parents and Reynolds’ parents to the premiere. Reynolds would be arriving in his own limo. We exited our limo onto an actual red carpet. Walking the long path to the theatre, photographers and journalists called out questions and took our pictures. I shook from head to toe. Cindy held my hand and looked at me with concern.

  “Are you okay?” She stood on tip-toes, looking around for Reynolds.

  I hadn’t experienced anything like this since the funeral. A familiar feeling descended on me. All eyes were on me, watching me, waiting for me to fall or break. I could hear the amplified sound of flashes from cameras and questions, some horrible, being thrown at me.

  “Liz, do you hope to profit from your husband’s death?”

  “Do you feel like a sellout?”

  “Are you dating yet? You look hot. You must be dating someone.”

  I wrapped my arm around my stomach as I swayed from the enormity of the emotions. A large hand clasped mine and a powerful arm wrapped around my back, supporting me. I looked up, startled, into the face of my Reynolds. He looked infuriated as he led me, almost carrying me, toward the theatre.

  “Reyn, let go. Bradley…the press…” I couldn’t get out a coherent sentence.

  “I’m not letting go of you. You’re scared and shaking. You were my friend first, and I’ll stand with my friend always. We don’t need to hide our friendship, Elizabeth.”

  Friendship my ass. Reynolds was a world-famous actor, but not even he could pull that off. I looked behind me and saw the press frantically taking pictures of our clasped hands. Bradley was going to lose his mind. Shit. Shit. Shit.

  THE MOVIE WAS everything I had hoped it would be. Bradley Goldman’s company, the pain in the ass that they were, was top notch. I was proud. Liz had cried many times throughout the movie as did Cindy and Jack’s parents. Everyone was pleased with my portrayal of Jack. For me, assuming this role was the honor of a lifetime. Researching and writing about Jack Atwater let me get to know him, but acting his role? I had to become him, and it brought my respect to a new level. He was a truly courageous man. I was inspired, bringing him back to life—even if just for a movie. I fell in love with Liz and his sons through his eyes as well. Now I had an even stronger connection to the boys because I had a part of their dad inside me.

  My parents approached me with hugs and congratulations. “You did it, son.” My Dad slapped my back and smiled. “You broke away from the fake Hollywood tradition and told an honest story that will open people’s minds. It’s your masterpiece, your legacy.”

  Mom wiped tears from her eyes. “Reyn, this is a movie you’ll be remembered for. We couldn’t be prouder.” My parents hugged Liz and whispered in her ear. She smiled, nodded, and wiped her eyes. She headed to the restroom as I walked my parents to their limo. Most of the cast and guests were attending an after-party at a local restaurant, but my parents and Jack’s parents were too tired and too drained. I sent them in the first limo and waited for Cindy and Liz.

  Paparazzi began shouting questions to me as I waited.

  “Reynolds, are you hooking up with Liz?”

  “She’s a little older than your typical taste, isn’t she man? But she is a hot little number.”

  I ignored their questions as Liz and Cindy came to the limo. We headed to the restaurant and tried to regroup. After switching seats with Cindy, I held Liz. “Are you okay? How do you feel?”

  “I’m okay. Don’t worry about me. Just lots of emotions.” I nodded, and she reached up to hold my face in her hands. “Listen to me, Reynolds Carter. That was the best movie I’ve ever seen. You’re such a talented writer and actor. I couldn’t be more proud. You honored Jack in a way I never even imagined was possible.”

  I kissed Liz, feeling comfortably secluded from the driver with the tinted divider up. Cindy groaned and looked out the window.

  “Please, you two. I’m right here. Keep it together, you’ve almost made it. A couple more days, and then you can have at it like animals. God, my life is so fucking boring.”

  Liz laughed against my lips, and I nodded, squeezing her ass one more time for Cindy’s sake. “Wait and see, Cindy. It’ll be excessive around here pretty soon.” I kissed Liz again and then switched seats with Cindy.

  Liz looked over as Cindy was wildly typing on her phone. “What are you doing?”

  Cindy looked up and winked at me. “Updating my Facebook status and Twitter feed. This is a big day for me too. I have to keep my people informed.”

  Liz groaned and rolled her eyes at me. “And what are you informing them of?” She grabbed Cindy’s phone and read aloud to me: Sitting in a limo with the studly Reynolds Carter. He so wants me. He just doesn’t know it yet. Too bad I’m a kept woman.

  We all enjoyed the emotional release from a hearty laugh, compliments of Cindy.

  “You guys stay as long as you want at this party. I can’t be too close to you, or it’ll be all over the rags. I’ll walk you to a table and then mingle,” I said, as Liz reached over, straightening my tie and nodding.

  Moments later, we arrived at the trendy new fusion restaurant where the party was being held. “I love you, text you later,” I whispered before the door was opened by the driver.

  Liz waved and exited the car. The two women entered the party arm in arm, and I closed my eyes in silent prayer. I hoped the press would be gentle on us tomorrow. She had no idea how cruel they could be.

  THE AFTER PARTY was a true Hollywood glamour-fest. Fabulous food, flowing drinks, and high-end décor. Cindy and I reveled in people watching and meeting some of the other actors in the movie. Watching people fling themselves at Reynolds and knowing I couldn’t be with him was hard. Young models were openly hanging on him. Madeline was just as bad. She hung on his arm and rubbed his back during the interviews. Her actions were manipulative and gross.

  “Hey, isn’t that the bitch?” Cindy elbowed me. We looked at
the entrance to the restaurant.

  “Sure is, and it appears she came with an entourage.” As we stared, Kylie spotted Reynolds and went right to him, like she had a purpose.

  “Want me to go accidentally on purpose spill my watermelon martini on her head?” Cindy asked when Kylie kissed him on the cheek.

  Reynolds’ body stiffened, but I knew he was in full-on PR mode. Cindy and I watched Kylie give interviews as well, as if she had a part in the movie. Kylie made me actually like Madeline.

  “Hello, Liz.” If it were possible to feel the temperature of words, those two would be ice cold. Madeline’s greeting matched her demeanor. Part of me had hoped Reynolds hadn’t told her how upset I had been by our last meeting, but then again the new me didn’t really give a shit.

  I extended my hand to her, politeness overtaking contempt. “Congratulations on the movie, Madeline. I enjoyed it very much.” There. I said it. I was nice, but I didn’t tell her she did a good job playing me. I couldn’t muster up that amount of fakeness.

  After her curt nod in farewell, Cindy and I decided to take off. I didn’t try to find Reynolds. He deserved to have his time in the spotlight. He had worked hard and done a magnificent job. I was proud of him and moved that Jack’s story was touching people. I was walking on air.

 

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