Nydia and I exchanged glances.
“Um, yeah,” I said, trying to keep my lips from sticking together.
“Well, you know when they tell you if you’re ever confronted with an angry tiger you mustn’t ever show it you’re afraid? That the moment it knows you’re scared it’ll just rip you to shreds?” She finished glossing my lips.
“Um, yes?” Nydia answered.
“Well, being friends with Jade and Menakshi is a bit like being confronted with an angry tiger. You never know when they’re going to sense your insecurities and turn on you. Anyway, I could never talk to them the way I talk to you two.” She smiled at us. “So, yes, I know it will be weird and everyone will think I’m a nutter, but I will still be talking to you when we go back to school—if you’re still talking to me, that is. What Jade and Menakshi will do—who knows. I don’t care anymore.”
She grinned at us and I realized that not only was Anne-Marie actually nice, she was also really brave. It was much easier to stay on the right side of the tigers than it was just to be yourself.
“Just be yourself,” Nydia told me as I stood by the front door. My mum hovered in the kitchen trying really hard not to interfere. “If you’re yourself, he can’t help but love you.”
I widened my eyes and nodded back toward the direction of the kitchen, shaking my head. “Don’t be silly, Nydia. I’m only meeting him for work. It isn’t a date or anything!” I said loudly for Mum’s benefit. “And, anyway,” I added, lowering my voice, “I’ve been myself for the last seven years and he barely even knows who I am.”
“He’ll notice you today,” Anne-Marie said, clapping a hand on my shoulder. “You look great!”
Finally Mum came out of the kitchen.
“You look nice, Ruby,” she said. I waited for her to complain about the glitter gel, but she didn’t. She just stood there looking at me like I was some stranger who had replaced her daughter. “Are you sure you don’t want me to give you a lift there?” she asked.
I really didn’t.
“It’s OK, Mum, we’re only going to the Italian place down the road. I can walk it in five minutes.”
She furrowed her brow, and I knew she was thinking of things to be worried about.
“Don’t worry, Mum,” I told her. “It’s only Justin from work. It’s no big deal.”
Mum nodded. “OK, well. You’re going to see your dad afterward, aren’t you?”
I hesitated. Dad had phoned me last night and asked me round to his new place. It felt strange and wrong, but I had agreed to go anyway because at least he was trying.
“Yeah,” I said, dropping my chin a little.
“Ruby, be nice to him, OK?” I nodded. “And call me when you’ve finished lunch, and call me when you get to your dad’s, and call me when you’re on your way home.” I rolled my eyes and opened the door. “Mum, you really worry too much.”
“Only because I love you,” Mum said, and she watched Nydia, Anne-Marie, and me walk down the garden path.
“Well, good luck, old chap,” Nydia said in her mock posh voice. She held out her hand and shook mine firmly, as if I were off to battle.
“Yes, jolly good luck,” Anne-Marie said, joining in the game. She gave me a little salute.
“Thanks awfully,” I said. “Well, time to go.” I smiled at them, gave another little wave over my shoulder. Then we were walking in opposite directions.
They headed to Nydia’s for lunch and I went to meet my destiny.
“Hi, Ruby!” Cassie smiled at me as I walked into the restaurant. “You look nice today. Are your mum and dad on the way in?”
I shook my head nervously. “No, I’m meeting Justin de Souza here.” Cassie looked blank. “From the show? He plays Caspian.” Cassie seemed a bit nonplussed, and I realized that she probably hardly ever saw the show, since she was almost always working whenever it was on.
“Ohhh, is he famous, then?” she asked.
“A bit,” I said with a smile. “So if you could put us somewhere out of the way, that would be great. He really values his privacy.”
“So is this a date?” Cassie teased me.
“Oh, no,” I said quickly. “We just have some scenes coming up that we want to talk over.” Cassie looked like she didn’t believe a word of it. She seated me in a booth against the far wall of the restaurant. I looked around; it was early—and there weren’t many people in yet. Justin had said I should meet him at twelve, but I didn’t mind that he was late. It gave me a chance to practice how my face would look when I saw him. I practiced a calm, sophisticated hello as I waited.
After twenty minutes or so, I was really good at it. I looked at my watch.
“Do you want a Coke?” Cassie asked me as she passed.
I shook my head. “No, I’ll wait,” I said. I’d had visions of us sharing a chilled bottle of champagne, even though I knew that Cassie would never serve us alcohol in a million years. (And, anyway, I’d tried champagne once at an after-show party and it made me gag). But, even so, I didn’t want to start without him.
And so I waited for another thirty minutes. Then I pulled out my mobile phone and looked at it. I hadn’t had any missed calls. I didn’t have Justin’s number and I realized he probably didn’t have mine either. He’d never asked me for it on Friday when we’d settled on the time—twelve—and this restaurant. Maybe he said one, I thought. Maybe he’ll come at one. So I waited.
But by twenty past one, he still hadn’t arrived.
Even though I’ve been quite a lucky person, I’m not an optimistic one. I always think things are going to go wrong, so that when they don’t it’s a nice surprise. But all I’d been worried about today was having the right look on my face when Justin arrived. It never occurred to me that he wasn’t going to arrive at all. It never occurred to me that, on my very first date, I’d get stood up—even if it wasn’t, strictly speaking, a date.
It was a quarter till two when I fully realized what had happened. He wasn’t coming. He wasn’t delayed, he hadn’t said another time, he didn’t mean another day or even another place. He just wasn’t coming.
I didn’t know what to do. I hadn’t prepared a face for being stood up. I stared at the tabletop, feeling frozen to the spot. The restaurant was busier now, and if I walked past all these people on my own, then they’d know I’d been stood up.
But then Cassie appeared with a huge smile on her face and I knew that he’d arrived. Justin had actually arrived!
“I hope he’s worth the wait!” she said, and she stepped aside to reveal …
Danny.
“Danny!” I exclaimed. Just for a second I was disappointed, and then I realized I’d never been so glad to see anyone in my life. I could have flung my arms around his neck and kissed him—if only I’d known how to kiss a boy, that is. He sat down opposite me, his cheeks glowing.
“What are you doing here?” I looked around. The booth was completely secluded. There was no way he could have seen me from the street. He shifted a little in his seat. “You look really …nice,” he said. “Um, anyway, Justin just called me. He said he’d …” Danny looked at me. “He said something really important had come up and he didn’t have your number, so he asked me to come by and apologize for him. He knew I lived nearby.” Danny dropped his gaze to the cutlery on the table. “He said he’s really sorry, so …”
I beamed at him. Not only had he saved me from walking out of here on my own, but he’d brought me the news I’d wanted to hear: that Justin hadn’t forgotten about me, but that he just couldn’t come because of something really, really important. And he’d worried about me so much that he’d gone to the trouble of calling Danny and asking him to come and tell me in person. He really cared. I felt all glowy inside. Maybe he was chucking his stupid girlfriend right now.
I looked at my watch. “Oh, well, thanks for letting me know, Danny,” I said. “I’m not supposed to be at my dad’s until three. I suppose I could go back home …” I thought about my mum and all her q
uestions. Even if I knew that Justin technically hadn’t stood me up, other people might not see it in quite the same way. I’d have to tell Nydia and Anne-Marie later, I supposed. They would be dying to know how it went. They’d be so disappointed that it was only Danny who’d turned up. Strangely, I wasn’t that disappointed.
“Have you eaten?” Danny asked me tentatively. My stomach growled.
“Oh, God, no—I’m starving!” I laughed, and he smiled back at me.
“We could share a pizza if you like.” He dug into his pocket and clattered a five-pound note and some change onto the table. “I think I’ve got enough for half a pizza.”
I grinned at him.
“OK,” I said. “Why not?”
If I’ve learned one thing over the last few days it’s that people aren’t always how they seem. After talking to Anne-Marie, I realized she thought I was a vain cow who loved herself for being on the telly. Me! And all this time I’d thought she was a vain cow who loved herself for being thin and pretty. Her! And she didn’t know that Nydia was a lovely, funny girl with a huge heart and the best imagination for ridiculous plans whom anyone could ever hope to meet. And until I really talked to Anne-Marie—and then Danny—I thought that everyone’s parents were like Nydia’s: two good friends who loved each other and would always be together. I didn’t realize that Nydia’s parents are actually really, really unusual.
Danny told me all about his parents’ divorce and his two bedrooms in two houses, and the every-otherweekend he spends with his dad and his dad’s new family.
“Isn’t it weird though?” I asked him. “Isn’t it horrible?” Danny shrugged and looked up at me through his thick, brown lashes. I’d never noticed them before. My tummy fluttered. It must have been the pizza giving me indigestion. I’d been so hungry that I’d eaten too quickly.
“Oh, well, yes, of course it was weird at first,” Danny told me. He had a nice voice, I noticed—sort of gentle and quiet. “But my little stepbrother is quite cool. We have a laugh. And Dad is different now. He used to be angry all the time. Now he’s just …well, he’s just Dad.”
I thought about the strain and tension that had stretched over our house for a long time now. Even with all the pain and change that had come with Dad leaving, at least the tension between him and Mum was gone. I thought I understood what Danny meant.
Danny gave me one of his sweet half-smiles. “It will be all right,” he said.
“Yes.” I sighed. “That’s what everyone keeps saying.”
“That’s because everyone is right,” he said. And when he said it, I believed it might be true.
We piled all our cash onto the table and even left Cassie a thirty-four–pence tip. And without me asking him to, Danny walked me to my dad’s flat. I looked up at the second-floor window where Dad was waiting for me.
“It’s funny,” I said to Danny. “I’ve walked past this place hundreds of times and I’ve never even looked at it. And now this is where my dad lives. This is where I’ll be coming to see him. I’m going to get to know this place really well.”
I looked up at Danny, who was standing quite close to me. “But I guess it will be all right,” I said, remembering what he told me.
“It will,” he said. And just then, when he looked at me, I thought he was going to kiss me. I panicked, took a quick step back, and looked around as I felt my cheeks begin to burn.
“Um …so …anyway, thanks for coming!” I said. “To tell me about Justin, I mean,” I added quickly. “Um, so, I’d better go in now.”
Danny’s face blazed with color. I couldn’t decide if I’d imagined that moment or not. I didn’t really have any experience with that kind of moment—at least not in real life.
“No problem,” he said miserably, looking at the pavement. “Ruby …?”
I backed away from him another couple of steps and looked at the door. My heart was racing.
“Yes?” I asked with a brittle smile. Danny looked up at me and then shook his head.
“Oh, nothing. It doesn’t matter. I’ll see you on the set.” He turned and, shoving his hands deep into his pockets, quickly walked away.
I stood outside the front door and waited for a long time until my heart slowed down and I could breathe again. I didn’t understand the heart-thundering, fizzy dizziness. It couldn’t have been Danny who made me feel like that. It must have been nerves about seeing Dad in his new place. And indigestion. Nerves and indigestion, that was it.
I looked down the street and saw Danny disappear around the corner. It couldn’t be because of Danny since it was Justin who I was in love with, after all.
At last I rang the doorbell to Dad’s flat, and, after a few seconds, I went in. I walked into the place where he now lived without me.
It was all right at Dad’s place in the end. For the first few minutes none of it seemed real. And, anyway, half of me was still standing on the pavement outside, wondering if Danny really had been about to kiss me—and wondering what would have happened if I hadn’t taken that quick step back.
Dad sat me down on a worn-out beige sofa and went into the small kitchen that led off the living room.
“Fancy a juice?” he called out to me.
“Yeah, OK,” I said. I looked around. It was a small room with a big bay window wreathed in gray, decaying net curtains that made the room seem darker than it was. It was strange to see Dad’s jacket laid across the back of an unfamiliar chair and his shoes kicked under someone else’s fold-down table.
“So what do you think?” Dad asked, gesturing around the room.
I looked up at him.
“I don’t know,” I said honestly. “I suppose it will be OK once you’ve cleaned it and taken down those curtains.”
Dad sat down next to me and looked at me closely.
“It’s OK, Dad,” I told him. “I’m not going to cry or anything.”
He sort of smiled and handed me a glass of weak orange squash. I looked at it; I hadn’t drunk orange squash since I was about eight years old. But I suppose it was never Dad who got me drinks; it was always Mum. Why would he even know? At least now he’d start to learn more things about me—small things he never knew before, like the fact that I only drink fresh juice.
“I’ve missed you,” Dad said.
“Have you?” I replied quickly. “I thought you would have been too busy with your girlfriend.” I didn’t mean to be cruel; it just came out before I could stop it.
Dad sighed. “She’s not my girlfriend, Ruby. Sally’s just …a friend.”
I shrugged and chewed my lip. It was weird to be in a strange room, not knowing what to say to my own dad.
“How’s Everest?” Dad asked me. “Still eating us out of house and home?” I smiled because only that morning Everest had jumped on the kitchen counter and taken two slices of toast straight out of the toaster. He must be the only cat in the world who loves to hunt bread. That’s probably because he’s lazy and can’t be bothered to chase anything that might actually move.
“Yeah, he is,” I said without elaborating. After all, it wasn’t “us” Everest was eating out of house and home. It was just me and Mum now.
There was another long moment of silence.
“I heard this great joke this morning. Shall I tell it to you?” Dad asked me hopefully. I looked at him.
“No,” I said. His face fell. “No, Dad, it’s not that I don’t want to hear it, but it’s just that …well, don’t you think it’s pointless pretending that all this is fine and normal? It’s going to take a long time for me to get my head around this. I think I’m beginning to realize that it will be OK in the end, that one day all this will make sense to me and be normal. But it won’t happen just like that. I won’t just feel better over a glass of orange squash and some bad jokes. There are all these things going through my head, around and around in circles. If we pretend everything’s all right, it never will be. We need to talk about it, Dad.”
Dad leaned his forehead against mine and
put his arm around my shoulder. “You’re right, Ruby,” he said.
“I’m not sure when it was you got so wise, but you’re right.”
He hugged me close to him and, for the first time since the night he told me he was going, he felt like my dad again.
“And, Dad?” I told him. “I’ve missed you too.”
Ruby Parker
Dear Naomi,
I’m so sorry it’s taken me this long to write back to you. When I first got your letter it felt a bit strange because you were right—I do know what you’re going through, but not because of what’s happened to Angel on the show. It’s because my mum and dad are splitting up too.
It hurts, doesn’t it? I know it has hurt me very much. But even though I still wish I could make things go back to the way they were before, I know that I can’t. I’m still sad about it—and scared and angry—but at least now I know how things are going to be.
It must be very difficult for you. It sounds like your mum and dad are really angry at each other and they’re putting you in the middle of it. I don’t think that either one of them really knows how muchthis is affecting you or your brother. If they did, I’m sure they would stop and try to work things out. It sounds like they don’t really think this is happening to you too. You could try to talk to them and explain how you feel, but if they are too angry and too hurt to listen, then find another adult to talk to—someone who will speak to them for you. But most of all, remember that everything that is happening is happening to you, not because of you. It will be all right one day, Naomi. I don’t know when, but I know that it will be.
Please write to me again and let me know how you are.
Ruby x
Chapter Nineteen
Claire was finishing off my hair by running a pair of straighteners through it.
“Nervous?” she asked my reflection in the mirror. I thought about it. In about twenty minutes, my lips—Ruby Parker’s—would be meeting the lips of Justin de Souza.
“No,” I said, and strangely it was true.
Claire smiled and shook her head as if she didn’t believe me. “They really think a lot of you here, you know. Don’t be nervous: If you can survive Brett, you can survive a kiss scene, believe me.”
Ruby Parker Hits the Small Time Page 12